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On Handling Critical conversations

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On Handling Critical conversations

  1. 1. Hotel Karl Residency 26 Sep 2014
  2. 2. “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place” George Bernard Shaw
  3. 3.  Be Able to Define What a Critical Conversation is.  Know Your Style Under Stress  Have a Basic Understanding of the Critical Conversations process  Understand how well- handled Critical Conversations enhance personal productivity and productivity at the workplace
  4. 4.  Research has revealed that most organizations are losing between 20 and 80 percent of their potential performers because of leaders’ and employees’ inability to master critical conversations Poorly handled critical conversations have resulted in:  Sapping of organizational performance by 20 to 50 percent  Accounted for up to 90 percent of divorces.
  5. 5. Shuttle Columbia Crew
  6. 6. Opposing opinions Critical Conversations Strong Emotions Critical Conversations High Stakes
  7. 7.  Ending a relationship  Talking with a coworker who behaves offensively  Asking a friend to repay dues  Giving a boss feedback about his behaviour  Dealing with a rebellious teen  Talking to a team member who is not keeping commitments  Discussing problems related to intimacy
  8. 8.  Missed deadlines  Broken rules  Failed promises  Bad behaviours  Breach of contracts  Not walking the talk
  9. 9.  Permanent resolutions to failed promises and missed deadlines  Transform broken rules and bad behaviours into productivity and accountability  Strengthen relationships  Solve problems
  10. 10.  Avoid  Face them- handle them well  Face them- handle them poorly
  11. 11. Silently?
  12. 12.  Dropping hints?  Changing subject?  Not replying? Withdrawing from the interaction?  Just going along  Sugarcoat  Sulk
  13. 13.  Fact free planning  AWOL sponsors  Project chicken  Skirting the issue  Team failure
  14. 14. Or-- Violently?
  15. 15.  Cutting people off?  Overstating arguments?  Attack ideas?  Harsh debate tactics?  Insults and threats?  personal attacks?
  16. 16. Spot the conversations that are keeping you stuck
  17. 17.  Before- identify the right problem and take charge of your emotions  During- describe the problem, decide if it is motivation/ ability/ both make it easy and motivating, stay on track  After- decide if the problem is resolved, set action plans, follow up
  18. 18.  If the problem is small  If the problem wont happen again  If the problem does not have a significant impact  If no one else cares one way or the other
  19. 19.  If by not talking about it you will act about it  You have a pattern of going into silence  You are telling yourself you are helpless  You are struggling with your conscience  You deeply care about it
  20. 20. “Its not how you play the game- its how the game plays you”
  21. 21. Manage yourself Focus on what you really want Refuse the fools choice
  22. 22.  Look for signs when the conversation is going to turn crucial  Body language  Tone  Expressions  Style under stress
  23. 23.  Apologies  Contrast  Mutual purpose
  24. 24.  The stories we tell ourselves about others are critical We are a narrative people  Knowing our stories keeps our hearts and minds in control  Avoid fundamental attribution error  Analyse your stories  Identify your role in the problem/solution
  25. 25.  Speak persuasively not abrasively  Start with safety  Ask for facts  Avoid emotional or sensitive words  Share your story  End with a question- “what exactly happened?”
  26. 26.  Make things motivating-motivation= productive energy  Avoid use of power unless unavoidable  Clarify natural consequences  Link to a persons sense of self  Show a mirror  Connect to existing carrots and sticks  focus on long term benefits
  27. 27.  Who  What  When  Follow up( on the precise issue)
  28. 28. What about the more difficult cases??
  29. 29. “Our lives begin to end the day we are silent about things that matter” Martin Luther King Jr

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