402 a Henrich presentation

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402 a Henrich presentation

  1. 1. Helen Henrich, LCSW Sponsored by Comfort Zone Camp
  2. 2. <ul><ul><li>Group circle guided tour </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Children and grief </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Family impact </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Magical thinking </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Middle school youth </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Grief groups for children </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Primary purposes </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Attributes of group counselor </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Comfort Zone Camp </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Activities </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Getting started </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Feelings </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Coping skills </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Remembrance </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Challenges </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Closing </li></ul></ul>
  3. 3. <ul><ul><li>Children do grieve. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Children are children first and grievers second. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>If you are old enough to love, you are old enough to grieve. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Children grieve what they have lost, what they will lose, and what they never had. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Children have no awareness that what they are feeling will pass and that they will survive it. </li></ul></ul>
  4. 4. <ul><ul><li>Loss interferes with normal development. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Cognitive immaturity places children at a disadvantage as they cannot understand the loss. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Children do not have the words to describe their feelings, thoughts, and memories. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Children think literally. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Children cannot tolerate intense feelings and will grieve intermittently over long periods of time. </li></ul></ul>
  5. 5. <ul><ul><li>Parental loss presents the child with survival stress. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Children will unconsciously delay grief to emotionally and physically secure their survival needs. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Children must rely on the surviving parent to help them find relief. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Grief is compounded by parental reactions, environmental changes, and feelings of ambivalence toward the deceased. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Children will feel abandoned, insecure and afraid if not included in the family process of the loss. </li></ul></ul>
  6. 6. Developmental Stages Group Activity
  7. 7. <ul><ul><li>Development and beliefs may be marked by magical thinking. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Children have immature cognitive equipment that creates inaccurate beliefs to better understand their world and manage their fear, helplessness, and sadness. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>The child may feel powerful and therefore responsible for the death, and subsequently feel guilty. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Grief is compounded by a false belief that somehow they could have or should have prevented it. </li></ul></ul>
  8. 8. <ul><ul><li>During the initial shock, the child may believe that they are bad for not feeling anything or they did not care enough. They may “fake” feelings in order to fit in. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>The child may believe that if they stay constantly busy, they can feel powerful and gain attention and distract others from their pain. </li></ul></ul>
  9. 9. <ul><ul><li>The child may believe that his loved one is “lost” and that they may find him somewhere. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>The child may believe that if they are perfect, they will never feel bad. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>If only the good die young, then if they are bad, they won’t die young. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>I wished he was dead, so I caused it. </li></ul></ul>
  10. 10. <ul><ul><li>The child may believe that if I don’t show my feelings, then I can control my other parent’s feelings. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>The child may believe that if I replace him with someone else, then I don’t have to feel bad. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>The child may develop an idealized memory of the deceased, and that no one can or should try to take his place. </li></ul></ul>
  11. 11. <ul><ul><li>Roughly ages 10 to 14 </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Different maturity levels </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Still very dependent on the adults around them </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Afraid of looking like a baby…babies cry </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Feel guilty over past conflicts </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Reactions differ based on circumstances of death </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>How old was the child when the loss occurred? </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Was it a sudden death or a prolonged illness? </li></ul></ul></ul>
  12. 12. <ul><ul><li>They know that death happens to the young and the old, but still believe that it happens to others, not them. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Around age ten the child may have nightmares that his parents will die. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>He is also vulnerable to fearing the loss of control of his feelings and being childish and helpless. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Longing for the parent feels childish so repression is employed to push away the feelings. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Anger and irritability may not be recognized by the self or her parents as grief, and support is less forthcoming from others. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>The child will fantasize and idealize the lost parent. </li></ul></ul>
  13. 13. <ul><ul><li>The negative feelings toward the deceased parent may be expressed toward the surviving parent. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>The child may act more grown up and get bossy in order to defend her feelings of helplessness. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Teens are fascinated with death and will fantasize about their own death and their funeral. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Teens harbor romantic notions of death and who will care, who will miss them. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>The finality of death is known, but not fully realized. </li></ul></ul>
  14. 14. <ul><ul><li>Teens may want to retreat to childhood, but are compelled toward acting like an adult. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>She will yearn for the past and feels dependent and helpless to alter the present. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Adolescent development pushes her forward and longing is repressed and unresolved. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Use denial to mitigate and control feeling overwhelmed. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Teens can conceive of the future losses which cause depression. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Adolescents are resistant to adult intervention, worry what others will think of them, have limited knowledge of what is expected of them, and feel guilty over conflicts with deceased parent. </li></ul></ul>
  15. 15. <ul><ul><li>PRIMARY PURPOSES </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>You are not alone </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>You will survive </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Feelings are painful </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Feelings change </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>You have already coped </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>These ideas, activities, and relationships will help you continue to cope </li></ul></ul></ul>
  16. 16. <ul><ul><li>PRIMARY PURPOSES </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>It is going to take a long time </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Be patient with yourself </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>It is OK to remember, it is OK to grieve </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>It will keep coming back, even when you don’t expect it </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Here is what to expect </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Keep trying, don’t give up </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Make good choices </li></ul></ul></ul>
  17. 17. <ul><ul><li>ATTRIBUTES OF GROUP COUNSELOR </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Listen well and often </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Kindness </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Flexibility </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Genuineness </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Honesty </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Forgiving </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Unafraid </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Accepting </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Reassuring </li></ul></ul></ul>
  18. 18. <ul><ul><li>BELIEFS OF GROUP COUNSELOR </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Children are the experts of their own grief </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Grief is an intermittent process </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>It comes in waves </li></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Anticipate and prepare for holidays, birthdays, etc. </li></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Meet the child where he is </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Don’t overwhelm him </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Children are resilient-help them move toward the pain and allow them to move away from it </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Life is a teacher </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Grief is a journey </li></ul></ul></ul>
  19. 19. <ul><ul><li>Lynne Hughes </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>You Are Not Alone </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>History </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>About Comfort Zone Camp </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>No cost </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Screening </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Types of camps </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Growth </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Current camps </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Future plans </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Volunteer Opportunities </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Healing Circle Leaders </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Big Buddies </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Junior Counselors </li></ul></ul></ul>
  20. 20. <ul><ul><li>TYPICAL WEEKEND SCHEDULE </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Theme </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Big Buddy Share </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Healing Circles </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Challenge Course </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Arts and Crafts </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Bon Fire </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Fun Activity </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Memorial Service </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Balloon Release </li></ul></ul></ul>
  21. 21. <ul><ul><li>GETTING STARTED </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Set the expectation – story telling and theme </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Have them reward each other for participation </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Challenge by choice </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Introduction ice breaker </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Tell your story </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Share photographs </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Favorite memory </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Question and answer </li></ul></ul></ul>
  22. 22. <ul><ul><li>FEELINGS </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Normalize and value feelings as internal messages that create bonds and offer lessons </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Brainstorm feelings- as a group or in a competition </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>“ Have You Ever…” game </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Feelings and colors </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Art- draw your favorite memory, fill in page with the colors that represent what they felt the most, the least, and in between </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Masks- before, at the time of the funeral, now </li></ul></ul></ul>
  23. 23. <ul><ul><li>COPING SKILLS </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Draw the theme </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Brainstorm what you wished others knew about grief… what helps and what doesn’t help (what stinks?) </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Grief is….make a poem of all their responses </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Discuss changes since the death…moves, new school, new family members, new responsibilities </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Brainstorm coping activities with the alphabet either as a group or as a competition between small groups </li></ul></ul></ul>
  24. 24. <ul><ul><li>COPING SKILLS </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Interview each other about how they handle their feelings </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Interview an adult about coping with strong feelings </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Make a list of the coping skills you might use </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Coping boxes </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Coat of arms </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>an animal that represents your spirit </li></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>a plant that represents a change you want to make in yourself </li></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>a picture of what you are afraid of </li></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>a picture that represents your relationship with your lost loved one </li></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Expert Game </li></ul></ul></ul>
  25. 25. <ul><ul><li>REMEMBRANCE </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>“ We Remember Them”-read the poem </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Create traditions to remember them at birthdays, holidays, anniversary of their death </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Music-your theme songs, songs that remind you of your loved ones </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>What I wished I had said… </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>What I wished you had said… </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>What I won’t miss… </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Yarn web </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Create a memorial service as a group </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Balloon release </li></ul></ul></ul>
  26. 26. <ul><ul><li>Tears </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Silence </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Reluctance to Attend </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Resistance to Participate </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Setting limits </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Limitations of group counseling </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Giving everyone a chance </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Co-facilitators staying focused </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Sibling loss </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Multiple secondary losses </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Processing with parents </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Referrals </li></ul></ul>
  27. 27. <ul><ul><li>Question and Answer </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Closing Activity </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Evaluation </li></ul></ul>

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