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104 a delp presentation

  1. 1. “We Used To Share A Room…” <br />Understanding the World of a Grieving Sibling<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />Leslie Delp, MA<br />
  2. 2. Olivia’s House<br />A Grief and Loss Center for Children<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />830 South George Street  York, PA17403717-699-1133<br />
  3. 3. Nana Deitrich:<br />A Bereaved Sibling<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  4. 4. Am I Still A Sister? <br /> We are often shuttled off to friends and left out of our family. I know you do this to protect us from painful feelings, but please…let us be a part of our family! <br /> -Allie Sims<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  5. 5. Identifying and Dispelling: <br />The Myths of Grieving Siblings<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  6. 6. Myth<br />When a sibling is dying, children have no problem sitting on the sidelines of the family circle.<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  7. 7. Reality<br /> Children become jealous of situations that keep their parents occupied, a dying sibling is no different.<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  8. 8. Myth<br />Parents have no problem determining where to put their energies when their child is terminally ill.<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  9. 9. Reality<br />Most parents are torn between the dying child and their surviving children. This dilemma is one of the most difficult at the time of the illness.<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  10. 10. Myth<br />Children are lethargic and sad all the time when experiencing the illness and death of a sibling.<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  11. 11. Reality<br />Children’s grief is often expressed through energy and activity; <br />It is called, a “grief burst”.<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  12. 12. Myth<br />It is typical for a child to be a <br />“Super-Perfect Kid” during the illness of a sibling.<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  13. 13. Reality<br />Some children strive to be super heroes when the family is coming apart but most children act out negatively while expressing their grief.<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  14. 14. Myth<br />Children’s fears are often addressed during and after the death of their sibling.<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  15. 15. Reality<br />Surviving siblings can have irrational fears that they keep to themselves, as a way of protecting their grieving parents.<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  16. 16. Myth<br />Most children “move on” soon after the death of their sibling since there is not a relationship anymore.<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  17. 17. Reality<br />Children heal and process bereavement when encouraged to “redefine the relationship” with their deceased sibling.<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  18. 18. Myth<br />Most teens are oblivious to their parents and could care less if they see them smile. They live in their own world during the teen years!<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  19. 19. Reality<br />Teens are very protective of their parents and tend to assume the role of a parent while the parent mourns their loss. They feel most secure when the family returns to a routine and parents set boundaries again.<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  20. 20. Myth<br />New siblings born after the death create harmony in the family because they fill the empty void.<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  21. 21. Reality<br />No child ever fills the void of a deceased child. The sibling born after the death will create their own relationship with the deceased.<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  22. 22. Myth<br />Teens have no desire to have a social life or be involved in outside activities because they feel the need to stay close to home during and after the death of a sibling.<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  23. 23. Reality<br />The “Independence vs. Dependence” struggle is a very real part of the developmental work a teen must do as they process loss. <br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  24. 24. Myth<br />Children experience relief when their sibling finally passes and they feel very little guilt at all.<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  25. 25. Reality<br />All children feel a sense of relief when the family is no longer observing a death vigil but it brings along an enormous amount of guilt.<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  26. 26. Samantha:<br />An Unconditional Listener<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  27. 27. Ways To Help<br /><ul><li>Routine
  28. 28. Exercise and Sunshine
  29. 29. Peer Support Programs
  30. 30. Proactive bereavement – </li></ul> “A Tiny Boat at Sea”<br /><ul><li>Resources such as books, journals, rituals</li></ul>www.oliviashouse.org<br />
  31. 31. To Those Who Don’t Know<br />If you could imagine the loneliest moment of your entire life, remember exactly how your body felt in that moment, empty those feelings into an expanding pill and swallow it.<br />Then you could begin to imagine what it feels like to live through the loss of your sibling. I have one hand in happiness, the memories we made together. And one hand in isolation, the world without my brother.<br />I constantly push and pull in an attempt to firmly remember, yet triumphantly live a positive life!<br />- Scott – Written in memory of his brother Chris<br />www.oliviashouse.org<br />