Veil of Mysticism - Paths to enlightened Faith - Monika Petry

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Published by FROMM-Verlag
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ISBN 978-3-8416-0236-7


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Veil of Mysticism - Paths to enlightened Faith - Monika Petry

  1. 1. MONIKA PETRY VEIL OF MYSTICISM Paths to Enlightened Faith Published by FROMM-Verlag on 09th Nov. 2011 ISBN 978-3-8416-0236-7 – all Rights reserved –English Translation by Monika Petry and Lawrence Sartoriusof the German Original Book:SCHLEIER DER MYSTIK – Wege zum Erleuchteten Glauben,published on 7 July 2011 by FROMM-Verlag;ISBN: 978-3-8416-0165-0 1
  2. 2. This is a book about the evolution of my Love for God and His HumanBeings, according to the descriptions of St. Teresa of Àvila as a Mystic andDoctor of the Church. Mysticism originally means the lighting up of themystery of life, the ultimate reality we call God.A Mystic sees itself as a long-distance walker who follows the call of Godand always moves forward in order to satisfy his longing. Through theperfection of his consciousness in Truth and Love, he becomes one withGod. This experience makes him happy and satisfied with the DivineProvidence. His confidence is always accompanied by a passion for Godand the acceptance of life. It is a way out of darkness into the Light.I also was longing for this all my life and walked forward steadily. I soughtGod, He found me, and since I am a wanderer between Heaven and Earth. Iwant to infect you with my Love for Him and the people. Now the time hascome. Let us lift the veil of mysticism.Brief Biography:Monika Petry, born November 1955, formerly a Protestant, clerk,translator/ interpreter. She was an atheist for 35 years and converted toCatholicism in 2009. Since her mystical transformation she gave over herlife completely to the Divine Providence. She is a Christian Healer andconcerned with religion and spirituality. 2
  3. 3. ContentsIntroduction: St. Teresa of ÀvilaI. Absolute Trust - Basic TrustWhat does absolute Trust mean, and how do I get it?II. ProvidenceLife with Providence – a Life of Joy and DevotionProvidence rather than Wish-fulfilmentWhat is the Reaction of your Environment, if you turn to God?III. GODWho or what is God?Who or what are We?How do we find God?My God, why? – When we doubt and despairThe DoubtThe DespairIV. The Holy SpiritWho or what is the Holy Spirit?The Seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit (Charisma)The Twelve Fruits of the Holy SpiritThe Seven Consolations of the Holy Spirit 3
  4. 4. V. JesusMy Path to JesusEncouraging Words of Jesus for YouVI. MaryBlessed Mother MarySister MaryVII. Enlightened FaithThe Light of God in ManMindfulness / Awareness / EnlightenmentThoughts and FeelingsVIII. PrayerThe Types of PrayerLevels of Inner PrayerIX. Forgiveness and LiberationSin, Repentance and PenanceX. Healing through Faith and PrayerThe biggest Secret of Healing 4
  5. 5. XI. Humility“Take me as I am” or:My Path through the Needles EyeXII. From Love to EnlightenmentLoveDolorismEgoAwarenessEnlightenmentXIII. MysticismDo we need a new Mysticism?Nice Words from nice People: What is Mysticism?LiteratureAppendix: TransverberationThanks 5
  6. 6. Introduction St. Teresa of ÀvilaTeresa Sanchez de Cepeda y Ahumada was born on 28 March 1515 inÀvila (Northwest of Madrid, in Castilla, Spain), her father was a Jewconverted to Christianity. To avoid the accusation of heresy, he accepted apeerage. Teresa enjoyed a strict upbringing. For fear of marriage, shefinally came in 1535 into the Order of Carmelites in Àvila. Her healthdeteriorated steadily, until she lay in a coma a year later and was buriedalmost alive. During her three years of convalescence, she had the firstmystical vision. The more she grew in her spirituality, her conditionbecame better. Through many trials, Teresa found her way to God andperfected her worship of Him. Her friendly nature, her natural authority andher female wisdom helped her along the path to her own monastery of theDiscalced Carmelite Foundation, a more severe form of the Order. Otherconvents of monks and nuns followed, overall, it was to amount toseventeen convents.Teresas life was a ceaseless development of intellectual maturity and innerstrength, at the end revealing the mysteries of the Trinity, and sheeventually found her Soul within the mystical marriage, the perfect unionwith God, her true peace. Teresa died on 4 October 1582. She left behindnumerous works: more than 400 letters, poems, documents for theInquisition about the trials of her confessors and the monastic foundationsand the spiritual gifts of her mystical experiences. She described hermaturation process of contemplation, transformation and enlightenment inher books “Way of Perfection”, “Book of my Life” and “The InteriorCastle”. 6
  7. 7. The mystique of this woman is an expression of absolute and unconditionalLove for God and Man; humble and grateful joy. Her devotion to God wasmarked not only by this great Love, but characterized by an infinite trustand the willingness to everything, absolutely everything to accept whatGod had intended for her, always knowing that God meant well and hadtransformed her from a rough to a dazzling diamond.As had Saint John of the Cross and Saint Padre Pio, Teresa alsoexperienced the Transverberation, the transfixion of her heart. This event ispresented in the Appendix of this book. Teresa described it with greatsensuality. Her choice of words and the presentation of the transfixion ofher heart by the sculptor Lorenzo Bernini in a beautiful marble sculpture,had left the impression that it was Teresas way of expressing her eroticism.It was the finale of her Divine heart opening, which she experiencedphysically and mentally. On 4 July 1585 her coffin was opened – she wasfound to be undecayed. In 1614 followed her Beatification by the CatholicChurch, and on 12 March 1622, her Canonization. Pope Paul VI. appointedher on 27 September 1970 to Doctor of the Church. *I went over to Teresa of Àvila via Edith Stein, because on a large portrait ofEdith Stein something fascinated me that I had watched only for a shorttime upon myself, a dark dot on the forehead above the nose. It was aftermy own Catholic Confirmation in June 2009, when the Holy Spirit camewith great effect upon me. This Confirmation was a mystical experience,which I reflected on that day in a strong dazedness and the even stronger 7
  8. 8. desire for quietness. During the next three days and nights a great changehappened within me. In retrospect, since that day everything becamedifferent.In the next few days, this impression was also visible externally by twovertical red lines on my forehead. They appeared whenever I connectedwith God, through prayers for others and for myself every day. These linesbecame stronger, as well as the Holy Spirit restructured and refined Hisgrace that He had given me. I was informed by a former healing client ofthe change on my forehead. For almost two months she came every dayand therefore had the opportunity to watch my progress. “Again there arethose lines on your forehead,” she often said after her treatment. Itreminded me of the Book of Revelation: “And they shall see His face, andHis name shall be on their foreheads.” (Rev.22, 4)One afternoon I visited the St. Marys Church in Bad Bergzabern to findrest and recharge. There was a large picture of Edith Stein. I stood beforeher and spoke to her. It took not long time and she began to glow, just asthe Virgin Mary is lit, when I am talking to her. So now I had becomeacquainted with Edith Stein, and thus I was interested in this woman andher story. I read some of it, but at that time it became too difficult to pursueat this stage in my life.Edith Stein died on 9 August 1942 in Auschwitz-Birkenau. Pope John PaulII blessed her in 1987 and Canonized her in 1998. “Blessed are they whichcame out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes and made themwhite in the blood of the Lamb” (Rev. 7:14). With these words Pope JohnPaul II began his oration at the Beatification of Edith Stein in Cologne1987. 8
  9. 9. Edith Stein thus led me to her great Teacher and her role model: Teresa ofÀvila. When I read of her, I was captivated by her, and that has not changedsince. Teresa of Àvila had herself become one with God. She gave herselfentirely to be recreated by God. She was at the end to become a Being thathad refined and deified the Human condition to the highest possible level.This is a state of being that is accessible to all of us Humans on Earth. It isthe proverbial Heaven on Earth.From the worldly point of view considered, Teresa is through and through atrue woman, an enlightened woman. She was strong, intelligent, humorous,sensual, passionate and devoted. Somehow I found myself in her: Every-thing and nothing, never based on the opinion of others, but always at thetop, first and foremost, kind of involuntary, vaguely driven by my owninner strength as well as the strength of people with their Soul I amcombined; nevertheless in absolute loyalty and devotion and humilitybefore the One composing all my life: God.I was fascinated over Teresas writings! I then found the courage to liveeven today with a strong, powerful, dedicated, passionate and joyfulspirituality, and to confess to my own mysticism. Now I find that I want toserve my fellow Man with my Love for the Infinite Love of God. * “Get to make me as lovely as possible to others. I do not want to be a Saint – living with that would be so hard – but to become an old curmudgeon would instead be the crowning work of the Devil.” (Teresa of Àvila) * 9
  10. 10. I. Absolute Trust – Basic TrustWhat does absolute Trust mean, and how do I get it?The universal, irrevocable and indestructible trust is the basic confidence ofall persons, endowed by our Creator within our brain stem. It is thewillingness of a Human’s innate devotion to his Creator and to his fellowmen identified as brothers. However, we have the basic trust to be activatedin our consciousness by mental awareness – in contrast to the primalinstinct laid down in the subconscious. It is closely related to the energy oflife, the affirmation of life and sexual power. An energetic, powerful personwho enjoys life and always says yes to life, has the basic confidence. If thisbasic trust is not given, the primal energy of life and the affirmation of lifeare missing, and he must always take from the outside and others the powerto live.The activation of basic trust is according to the in-depth psychology givenduring the first year of a child. In my experience, the seed is placed for thisalready in procreation: A welcomed baby begotten in deep Love anddevotion will always be a beloved child. Within this Love there is often ayear-long yearning for a child and the boundless joy when the woman isfinally pregnant. These feelings of longing, joy and Love are the energiesthat are never dissolving, they remain stored in the hearts of the parents andare transmitted to their child; this will be able to trust and love during all itslife, because that trust and Love is dwelling in itself. Therefore, thisconfidence is irrevocable and indestructible. It may be shaken by a strongdisappointment in the short term – but it will never be extinguished!Because it is always nourished by the Love of God, and this Love of God 10
  11. 11. takes us through all difficulties as His consolations handle anydisappointment, allowing us to forgive and forget.An accident of parenthood will never know this deep Love, of course,even though it may also be loved, but it is another form that does notinclude those seeds of basic trust. My message to all those good “randomproducts” of parenthood: God has willed that you were conceived! He hasbrought together your parents. You are inscribed in the Book of Life ofyour mother and your father. Even if you were not planned: In theirsubconscious hidden depths, your parents knew it.If that was not quite enough to instill the basic trust, you can still learn andpractice it at any age. Perhaps you may never lose your distrust completely,but eventually it might prevent you from any stupidities.The best way to learn deep confidence is by believing in God. You can trustHim unconditionally. Then you can believe in yourself, and gradually openyourself to other faithful people. You then gain the confidence that thesepeople are serious about you and you will never be cheated by them. Ofcourse it applies to all people: They may come and go in our life. If youhave a tendency to cling to them, there is no fault if that person decides forgood reason to leave you. Trust means giving others the freedom to livetheir own life. There can be only so much overlap with another as Godintended it for you both and how you may need it to last in order to developtogether.Look confidently into the future, even if your life situation is uncertain. Dobelieve in God, then you know that this will help, you can then safely jump 11
  12. 12. into the cold water. This is life within Providence. Surrender to the powerof life and to say: – “Maybe Im at a turning point in life.” – “Maybe I should lose this job because somewhere a better one is waiting for me.” – “Maybe I should go through with this disease, in order to learn from it and grow in my life.” – “Maybe I should ask for nothing, but just let Providence make it happen!”“So you simply let yourself drift like this and not even make a decision?”,Im sometimes asked. No, I do not let myself drift. Quite the contrary; I livemindfully, attentively, aware, empathetic and gazing intensely focused oneverything I do and others do around me. I watch, open myself, admit,surrender; I trust and know its good, everything is in Divine Order. Thatsthe freedom which I mean.Once a person engages in his own life path, he is closing his great Book ofLife written by God, and opens his own where he can romp with free will,that God has also made available to him. This becomes the Book ofDetours. He may be free to undertake countless detours, no question. But itis not his life. Of course we may make decisions and draw conclusions, wecan even turn the world upside down and begin each day as if it were thefirst day of our lives. The main thing is that we remain united to God, andto know our true Book of Life. We also assume the responsibility to do soand we must therefore take it on whole-heartedly. 12
  13. 13. Imagine: God knows every hair on your head – so He already knows thenext step in your life. He knows your next Boss, your next home, your lifepartner, and He knows who your child is to be. “He looked at everythingHe had made, and behold, it was very good” (Genesis 1:31). And youknow: The Creation has never been completed. God creates in every day ofour lives. He therefore takes a second look at everything that He hascreated and He will always find everything to be good and correct.Provided we bring Him what we have received from Him, constantlypresent, so to speak, for inspection. “Look after that, does it still fit with mycurrent life or do we have to change something about it?” Let the energiesflow constantly, so that everything may adopt to your life, and never makethe mistake of being lazy and think: “Now, everything will stay the way itis.” This is a dangerous illusion. Just as every cell in our body is constantlychanging, so, too, everything around us must change and adjust. This isGod’s will and care for as long as we allow Him to work with us, becauseHe has already completed our major network of life long ago and updates itconstantly. So it is important not to rely too much on the advice of ourfriends and acquaintances or of the many professional life advisors.Ive also accompanied many people. Here I always try to make sure not todirectly alter their actions when they are seeking help. The solving andgoal-oriented support designated as coaching is ideal. Here I address my-self to your Soul. What does your Soul need, wherever does it take yourheart? This is telling me your subconscious, and I help you to perceive themessages of your Soul, to respect and implement your wishes into reality.You see it in nature: When Man intervenes, the climate goes out of balance.Or if he is deleting an animal species, that can have a huge impact on the 13
  14. 14. entire animal kingdom. The farmer spraying his fields to keep out theweeds, is killing off the wild plants that serve as food for the insects, andthen the birds stay away, and so on. Once we begin to enforce things withour own mind without being connected to God, we not only bring ourselvesout of balance, but also our environment because we are not isolatedBeings.This carries over to our immediate environment and makes more and morecircles. When deciding on a new job, you are influencing your entire fami-ly, and, so to speak, you are re-mixing the cards for your future and thefuture of your family, your friends, your colleagues and in turn their future– and so it goes on endlessly. Rely on your inner voice that comes fromGod, and be ready for everything to come. He knows your Life’s Plan, onein which not only you are involved but all other people.Providing that you are not stuck in a time warp and may repeat your lifeover and over like the actor in the movie “Groundhog Day”, experiencingevery day the same scene over and over again until he becomes, throughhis self-education a better person, and finally one morning reaches a totallynew scene, so it will depend on you how you will come back to your Bookof Life. Here it will be written that you will meet on any given day a certainperson or a new job, which will lead your life in a determined direction.These events are already waiting for you.Which particular people did God probably write into your Book of Life?Think about situations that were somehow special, where you felt: nowGod has just laid the groundwork for a major new phase of my life. Whenyou first met your life’s Partner, for example, you probably felt you werenot just waiting simply for any Human that might come along, but for this 14
  15. 15. particular person, this special Soul. You have your whole life long soughteach other unconsciously, until now you have found each other.What was your age when the most important people in your life came toyou or when your life changed? There is the well-known Rhythm of Sevenin our lives, that is, certain periods which can be divided into the SevenAges of life, where major changes will come to you. Each of those stagesof life can be coupled with a certain period: 0 – 7: Toddler 7 – 14: Child14 – 21: Puberty / education21 – 28: Study / family planning / career28 – 35: Profession / career / family35 – 42: Established profession42 – 49: Additional cultural activities49 – 56: Rearranging life to a new phase56 – 63: Reaping the seeds of life63 – 70: Retirement / Becoming wise and at easeThe rest depends on how you have imagined your life. If you were talkingconstantly of a retirement coming at the age of 65 years, it will very soonbe upon you, as you will have become used to this way of thinking. If youwere thinking: “I will die soon”, that will also soon become the case. Youwill be constantly living as if you were already dead. If on the other handyou take life in a relaxed way, you may reach a hundred years of age. In ourBook of Life the final day of our life is already written down. We candetermine through our thoughts how we achieve it, whether we feel young 15
  16. 16. or old and used, whether we stay healthy or ill. For these life stages thecourse and the cornerstones are set.Of course we can ourselves make our own choice! Providing we alwaysremember that we are composed of a combination of Body, Mind and Soul,everything is fine. Then the Mind is bringing forth nothing he has notalready discussed with the Soul. And the Soul is united with God. Ideally,you are one with Jesus Christ. Ideally, the Holy Spirit is hovering aboveyou. As long as this ideal situation has not occurred, your Soul willdemonstrate this to you through so-called tragedies, bad luck, or by disease.Then you will again be given a chance to find God and also to be found byHim. You have the chance to find Jesus and Mary – God is very resourcefulwhen it comes to sending you His helpers. Maybe Im your helper with thisbook.Now we come back to the people in your Life’s Book. After all, some ofthese are the Divine helpers. In my Book of Life, there are some importanthelpers. By a helper I mean a person who helps us in a positive way. Somealso help by simply doing nothing so that we are encouraged to rely onourselves. However, there are also people who are shaking us up, who arehurting us at first glance, what – in retrospective – has put us back on track.So they are indeed helpers, even though they are people to whom we do notlike to look back upon and whom we also have to forgive in order to getahead. These helpers are not written in our Book of Life. They are in the“auxiliary books,” which we wrote for possible detours. They neverthelessare helping us back on to track in our Book of Life. 16
  17. 17. Think about who caused harm to you very much in your life, and who hasreally hurt you. What did result from that, and how has it in effect changedyour life?Many people have one major upheaval in their lives. This is usually causedby a disease or affliction which can significantly change your life. In myown experience, after having made many consultations, this usually hap-pens between the 42nd and 49th years of age – and then it is often your lastwarning. So it was with me. I was 48 years old when I had strained thepatience of God to the point where He gave me a serious lesson. My then14 years old daughter and I lived together with our seven years old dog, acheerful and clever Border Collie named Timmi, and to this dog I owe mylife now. He sacrificed his life for me.More of this tragedy I will not enlarge upon, but it is enough to understandwhy it happened: I was not following my true Road of Life, nor did I nothave my plan of Salvation in sight. This was because at a young age I hadbanished God from my life, on the assumption that He had sent me toomany disasters in my family, too many losses through their having all diedor moved away. And the worst thing was: I somehow felt guilty for this,knowing that with my energy there was something wrong. I presumed that Iwas perhaps adversely affecting those around me by constantly giving outtoo much. Not in terms of the physical strength of my body, but an energythat you cannot easily identify, which is felt internally and constantlybubbling inside like a volcano. I just knew that I seemed to attract peoplewho had not long to live, people of all ages. 17
  18. 18. Anyone who begins life with a near-death experience, finds a deep imprintof God. So it was with my birth. God showed me on a Sunday afternoon,exactly at 3 pm, at the time of St. Mary, His light and carried me back intolife which my parents and the midwife were fighting for at home and therest of my family was praying in church. This Light, which at that time Idid not consciously experience, but which is deeply imprinted in my sub-conscious, I searched for all my life and found it again at my CatholicConfirmation. The Holy Spirit enlightened me again, and it was all up withme.Perhaps this profound experience at birth was also the reason that when Iwas a young child I was considered as something as a prodigy in thematters of God and the Gospel. Mind you, as a Protestant child prodigy, asI was born into my Fathers Protestant household. It was thanks to myCatholic Mothers family, that the Angels and Saints were integrated intomy life. But where did my strength in the Bible come from? There was nota Bible passage that I did not know and could not quote, and of which eachwas cross-referenced with the Author and Chapter. As a result I put quite astress on my religious Teachers and Priests, as I also wanted to learn moreabout every reference and also to constantly discuss it.Already by that time I knew that this could not be the answer to everything,I was always aware that there had to be something more. I read and studiedand discussed, but no one spoke of the Love of God, and so no one reachedmy heart. This carried on up to my Protestant Confirmation at the age ofthirteen, – the priest handed me the Bread and the Wine – and somehow itwas over. The Holy Spirit had not ignited the great flame within me, butleft it as the small smoldering flame burning within me since birth. TheHoly Spirit preferred to wait for a later time in the knowledge that I must 18
  19. 19. meanwhile undertake my “life experiences” on my own. Self-employed,alone, yet seeming to be knowing everything and capable of everything,with a big mouth and waving too many flags through lifes path and leavingnot a few traces of devastation behind me. Not many people did stand it! * “Im just a wretched woman.” (Teresa of Àvila) *So I walked through life for further 35 years without God, full ofconfidence in myself – I always had the basic trust that I have mentioned inthe beginning. God was certainly there, but I did not overly concern myselfwith Him. I had also always been fortunate. Of course it was not just luck,it was the Providence of God, coupled with my own skills that I workedwithin major German companies – I experienced their upheavals – and inbetween I emigrated once to Paris and a second time to Brittany, but only toreturn to Germany each time after a year recognising that French peoplealso put their pants in the same way and in Germany I could always findbetter work.This further trend continued: Wherever I went, I met people and situationsthat were in a transition stage or on the verge of difficulties. God made itimpossible to just settle down somewhere comfortably. I constantly foundmyself in a transitional situation, and became the expert in crisis manage-ment in every respect. When anyone needed to know what to do next, Icame into my peak performance. 19
  20. 20. Seven years ago, time had come, my fate had struck. Before the turn achallenge happened I had never known before: I had to forgive the manwho had caused the biggest crisis of my life in killing Timmi, our dog.Gradually I succeeded. God allowed me to recognize and accept my ownresponsibility. So I could remove that resentment from my Soul. So I pre-pared the way for the people who felt my strength and lead me into theright direction. I became clear of that which is within me. I realized it wasGod, although not entirely, but I knew: Thats not me that was healingpeople, removing through prayer the curses on homes or diverting stormsand doing other seemingly inexplicable things – that was God.My first effective Lords Prayer I did alongside a woman who also hadmuch infusion of the Holy Spirit. She was often asked to help when people,animals and possessions were under a curse, as evidenced by their experi-ences of recurrent disaster. At that time I found myself close by her when atelephone call came to her from a family calling for help: their barn was onfire!She said: “Monika, come, we shall pray together”. I did not ask why anddid not hesitate, so I sat down beside her and prayed the Lords Prayer forthe first time in 35 years. Again, and then a third time, and I still rememberthat there was a great power rising within me and the attendant feeling ofcompassion – not only with this woman who had just included me, prob-ably knowing that God had brought me these seeds to germinate and whichwere about to sprout, but even with these suffering people and their animalsin mortal danger. After an hour, the situation had calmed down andresolved itself. The firefighters had done their bit, and the Fire-devil hadbeen defeated by God – we were sure! 20
  21. 21. “Thats it?” I thought at the time. “Just pray the Lords Prayer? I can! Ifthere is no more that can be done, I still can!” At that time there was nomore that could be done but to pray. Even today there is nothing morevaluable than praying. Its the same for all situations at any level, althoughfor me there has also been a great Love story with God between then andnow. * “If I had known earlier that the tiny palace of my Soul is housing such a great King, I would not have left Him alone so often.” (Teresa of Àvila) * 21
  22. 22. II. ProvidenceJohn 1:1,14 “In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with Godand the Word of God ... And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us,and we beheld His glory, glory as of the only begotten Son of God theFather, full of grace and truth.” First there was silence. Jesus Christ existedfirst as a thought of God and His Word in His providence, in His plan.When the time was ripe, the word became flesh, and Jesus came as ourSavior on Earth. Salvation means enlightenment. Through Him we can letGods Light shine through us and be a Light of God ourselves.As we ourselves also were starting in the silence of God in His Word andHis thought, so we go into the silence, and then create with our thoughtsand our words anew. We are the creator and sustainer of our health. Ourdestructive thoughts can make our body become diseased. They can lead toa destructive life. On the other hand our loving, forward-looking thoughtscan create a life of health and dignity. Love creates Love. It is entirely up toourselves, what we make of our lives. If we have not grasped the meaningof life, we will have to suffer it. The meaning of suffering is to suffer. Itcomes not from God. He has our plan within a grid placed in His hand.The core of all created existence is made up of His Light and His Love.God is joy and abundance – for all of time. We may well already enjoy inthis life His gifts, for only in this moment we are living consciously. Thepast is gone, the future is before us, only in the present exists theawareness, mindfulness, and only in the present now can we liveconsciously and responsibly. 22
  23. 23. Why has God given us this beautiful Planet Earth, if not for this life in thehere and now? So that we should use it. We have to ensure the preservationof the Earth. We must also pay attention to develop ourselves with His giftsand not to abuse them in an otherwise superficial life. We live with theBody, Mind and Soul in this life in the here and now. Just as we wish it tobe. If we are completely at one with God and are also aware of it, we canleave our thoughts and actions in turn wholly to Him, to live in certainty,according to Gods design in Love and abundance.That comes through His preeminent Grace and with the cooperation of thefree will of rational creatures, as the term Providence is described accord-ing to Wikipedia: “A higher power that influences the fate of people andthe course of world history.” – “Providence is the almighty and omniscientGod, inasmuch as He in His advanced awareness is correcting the World’sevents and saving those from their own destructive actions. This can bedone in several ways: according to the Laws of Nature, through miracles,through His preeminent Grace, through involvement with the free-will ofrational creatures, or by admitting our sins, but this excludes any of Hisdirect involvement...”It was Divine Providence that brought me to the historic town of Lim-burg/Lahn. I pursued this goal without question, just knowing that it had tobe! I had become aware in the year of 2008, that my life would continue todecline significantly. By September 2008 I felt impelled to move toLimburg on the River Lahn.In the later Chapter entitled Blessed Mother Mary, I describe how I hadfound the house in Limburg. It was so easy, I was led up to it. Two minutesafter praying to Mother Mary in the Cathedral of Limburg, I found myself 23
  24. 24. standing in front of the house in the little narrow street leading to theCathedral, and in November I moved there. I had hardly brought with meany furniture, which was good thing as I could not have fitted more intothis small and narrow 550 year old half-timbered house with its three floorsleading up from a narrow twisting stairway. I had instead brought with memy many statues of the Saints, and the house itself radiated a sacredspiritual atmosphere.This was to be the best event for me at the time, because it led me on a pathstraight to God. I soon was to visit Him in the Cathedral, even several timesa day. Not only during religious Services but also the times in between.This great Catholic temple attracted me like magic. There were momentswhen I could feel the energy pulling me up the Cathedral hill, day andnight. God pulled me there, He wanted me in His Church!In 2008 I spent a wonderful Christmas and New Years Eve involved in theceremonies of the Cathedral. In January 2009, I experienced the first Ponti-fical Mass, and within that Mass it came to me: In the liturgy I sensed amajor spiritual force, I saw with my eyes closed a deep purple, indicatingthe highest spirituality, the prayers went through and through me, and theCathedral Choir sang with an almost unbearable beauty.And then, from an unexpected source, God sent forth me a helper,Johannes, with whom I had a Platonic friendship. His life at that point hadnot gone as planned, and when he phoned me from Berlin and told me thathe was not happy, my answer was: “Come to Limburg!” The next day hewas there and was to share my new home for a considerable period. 24
  25. 25. In previous times I had taught Johannes the virtues of trusting in God. Hewas well versed in this thinking as he comes from a very Catholic familywhich included two priests. Actually, Johannes had also wanted to be apriest, and had practiced for this as a child in his sandbox busily distri-buting home baked communion wafers to the delighted neighbourhoodwomen. However, in later life he preferred the boardwalks of the world toan altar in the church. Well, that time was now over – and I reminded himwith my newly found passion for God and the Church of his own past as aCatholic. Now it was his turn to teach me something, and he did.“So you want to be Catholic?”, he laughed, “then we will practice.” Hetook out a prayer book and began teaching:. “Hail Mary, full of grace, Thouart Blessed among women ...” – “What does it mean?” I asked, “I don’tknow those words and will never be able to learn!”No, that had not inspired me, I felt I wanted something more. Johanneswent with me to worship in the Cathedral. I wanted to sit down but he folddown the foot bench, at least I did consider as such, and ordered: “Kneeldown!” I did it, oh, and it hurt. “This is too hard, I cannot,” I protested. ”Ifyou want to be Catholic, you have to kneel,” was his comment. And hepressed me down off the kneeling bench. So I knelt and murmured tomyself, “I had thought it might be different from this.”During the Mass, I was compensated. Now Johannes paid attention that Iwas behaving like a Catholic. Getting up, then sitting down, getting upagain, kneeling, singing, praying, kneeling again, a very sensual experi-ence. It was not boring: there was a lot of movement, the fragrant incense,the beautiful impressions derived from the organ music and the choir andthe priests who looked so well in their colourful and beautiful robes. I 25
  26. 26. learned that not only does one become a Catholic with one’s Body, Mindand Soul, but also with much Love in the heart!I soon found that I wanted to be truly Catholic and belong to the Church!And above all I wanted finally go to Communion. And so I made an ap-pointment in the Priests Office, had some preliminary meetings, and on 25June 2009 I had achieved my first milestone: my Communion. Johanneswas to be my religious Godfather. He still raves about how “his hair stoodon end” by the force and energy that the Holy Spirit was pouring out on usby the highly gifted Priest blessing me.When I was finally confirmed, it all really then started for me. Everychurch in the parish of “St. George” was to become my church. At a roughestimate, I visited during the following year about seven hundred churchservices, on average two times a day: the daily Morning Mass, the Mass forwomen, the Evening Masses during the week, and the Friday eveningecumenical Worship Service – this I soon gave up because of the missingpassion – even the final blessing was not strong enough. On the other handevery two weeks there was the Mass in the Latin Rite, which touched mevery deeply. “The Soul remembers,” writes the Pope. Yes, my Soul remem-bered very well, and first of all, I was so touched by this kind of celebrationthat it almost tore my insides apart. Maybe it was because of the wonderfulofficiating Priest, for his morning worship services in the Cathedral had thesame effect. As soon as he was there, Jesus was there, and this time I had avery intense period of repentance that I had left Him and the Church alonefor such a long time.On the weekends I attended the Vigil Mass on Saturday and the High Massas well as the evening Mass on Sunday. It all was adding up! In between 26
  27. 27. the Vespers and the Devotion of the Blessed Sacrament and the Rosary andStations of the Cross, and once a month, there was also the Marian Mass ina small chapel in the Westerwald, which lasted up to four hours. Here, thePriest blesses everyone with a small Monstrance – that was something veryspecial to me! (For all non-Catholics: A “Monstrance” (monstrare – “toshow”) is a precious liturgical display device with a window area in whicha consecrated wafer is exposed to reverence and worship, crafted with goldand precious stones).I could not get enough. The Catholic life captivated me, and I wonderedwhat was happening to me. I took on a complete internal transformation,with sin, repentance, atonement, penance, forgiveness, and my innermostSoul turned inside out and also inwards. Whereby I was not to forget thejoy! Likewise, my at that time still present inclinations towards the theat-rics and passion I could completely unfold. “Johannes! How nice it wasonce again! The organ, the music, the choir!” Such were my feelings whenI came home on Sunday noontimes after a Mass in the Cathedral. Some-times I became totally withdrawn into myself and even unresponsive toothers, because I was still thinking over the meaning of the sermon.I will never forget my first adoration and blessing of the Monstrance: I wascompletely dissolved in tears, sobbing, shaking, trembling, I thought mylast hour had come. When I eventually succeeded in making the short wayhome, I was not able to speak about it. It took a double brandy withJohannes to completely to calm me down and to control myself. Now Irealise that my Soul had seen God and had gone totally out of control.These conditions were repeated at every sight of the Monstrance, and onlyabated slowly with time. It was a state of ecstasy, as Saint Teresa of Àviladescribed in her book, “The Interior Castle.” However, we must be aware 27
  28. 28. that ecstasy is not always a happy state, it can also at times be the absoluteopposite.Even when the period of euphoria was over and I could think clearly again,my newly found passion for the Catholic being remained. I may have attimes criticized it and wanted to change much, even sometimes wishing togive it all up because things did not move forward fast enough, or eventhinking I may be in the wrong place! Around Pentecost 2010 I stayedcompletely away from the Church for five weeks, in order to check outwhat would last.And I realized that everything remained the same. I was also becamingaware that I was being led through the Love for the Infinite Love that wasgrowing inside me – the Church as an institution did not influence it.Nevertheless, deep down I felt I had always maintained my Love for thisgreat institution. I felt full of humility and gratitude that they had acceptedme, an outsider, with such open arms. I now firmly hold that the Church –I am speaking now of the universal Church of God, not only of the CatholicChurch, although I personally prefer the Catholic Church – was created byGod / the Holy Spirit and is still under His protection, otherwise theywould not have survived the past 2,000 years. * “If there are many Mansions in Heaven, there are also many ways to get there.” (Teresa of Àvila) * 28
  29. 29. Life with Providence - a Life of Joy and DevotionThe devotion to God makes me happy. That joy comes from my heart, it isthe joy of the faithful. Look at the true believers more precisely: We radiateinwardly. We may have as many wrinkles as everyone else, but that doesnot matter. We send out a Light, and it is the Divine Light. The greater thespirituality – by that I mean the faith lived – the greater the perceived andlived joy.Sometimes it can be almost unbearable for others to put up with, that Iadmit. However, I can also hardly bear to see the discontent around me.The shallowness of society that lives only for its fun and entertainment haslong since proven a scourge to Mankind. This shallowness of being comesover those who have no connection to God. In the not too distant future itmay all collapse and not be sustained.The Czech writer Milan Kundera wrote about the excesses of those peopleturned away from God, in a good book: “The Unbearable Lightness ofBeing”, which was also made into a film. In this novel, Tomas falls in Lovewith Teresa, who is serious in her feelings towards him, but Tomas hasnothing better to do than to escape into infidelity and other worldlydistractions. Then everything disintegrates and somehow they both die.Life in the Love of God can surely be called as ”he Lightness of Being”.Everything becomes simple, everything becomes easier. Even the toughesttrials of life and the most difficult parts of it are bearable with God on ourside and with Jesus Christ in our heart. 29
  30. 30. As long as I say no to God, I am limiting myself. In this limitation I am notgiving God the permission to give me what He wishes to give me. And aslong as I do not feel good enough within one field it is influencing allothers. This feeling of “not being good enough” is based on a lack of self-Love: “I am not enough, so I am not worthy of it all.”If I say yes to God, I then find myself in the vastness of an open space inwhich everything happens. To say yes to God, is to accept everything Heprovides. I open myself for all that He wants to give me. This is the fullnesswe may live in. However, the more I may have in material possessions, theless I need. If I do not live in sense of lack, I am happy with a few things.How glad I am not dependant on material possessions. I may depend onother Human Beings, but I never want to make anyone dependent on me.This means the opposite: the claim of ownership, the need of possession,the greed. No, I feel myself as being enough, I rest content within myself. Ihave a relationship with God. It can never be that God will give us what wedo not need. God is Love, and so He gives us Love. He gives us Joy, Hegives us Peace. We can be sure it is exactly the right moment He is caringfor us. Because – as I said above – God saw that it was good. God knowsour true path of Salvation, He has our “Book of Life”; so He becomes theStage Director, He knows how it should continue onwards. That is myconviction. * “God will not grow tired of giving and His mercies are infinite. Let us not become tired of receiving.” (Teresa of Àvila) * 30
  31. 31. Providence rather than Wish-fulfilmentThere is a new science in the great arena of Esoteric: the wish-fulfilment.The intent was certainly meant well, but what people made of it was a newkind of life of consumption: Now they are usually in a position to satisfytheir material needs. My house, my car, my boat – will now be imaginedand materialized, and new consumer goods are always being added.Everything created according to the original secrets of visualizing one’swishes! They then call it luck and success.The only mistake is that this materialization has nothing to do with ourliberation. Quite the opposite: it is counterproductive. We sought to createthe luck to find the wealth within ourselves and what was it? The newgarbage of prosperity that clogs us from outside, preventing our self-fulfilment of the Divine within.God – the Providence – has already created the wealth. When Jesus says,“Thou fool, this night thy Soul shall be required of thee: then whose shallthose things be, which thou hast provided? So is he that layeth up treasurefor himself, and is not rich toward God” (Luke 12.20-21), He meant thewealth of Love, of health, of inner peace, and it has nothing to do with allthe material possessions. Providence brings us even our income. Do notworry, God knows the needs of our daily bread, and that includes not onlythe daily Communion with the Body of Jesus, but also the cost of ourworldly life, and all that He cares for. In principle He is not interested inproviding us with the accumulation of material things, because that blocksout our essential life and keeps us away from His Love. 31
  32. 32. You do not need now to resolve to give away your collection of antiques,but its good to think about it. As long as the preservation of old values isimportant, there is certainly no objection to that. But if the collecting maniabecomes rampant, it can take on dramatic excesses, which I myself haveoften observed and it has puzzled and worried me.Let the energy flow in your life constantly. If you are blocked on one sideby a passion for collecting, you should ensure that there still remains ahealthy circulation of energy and you will not lose the joy of life.Otherwise, you bury yourself. * “Those who can not enjoy, become unbearable.” (Teresa of Àvila) * 32
  33. 33. How does your Environment react, if you turn to God?You are not taken seriously anymore – as well as that, no one can reallycomprehend. This is just a too high level for them! And your ascent to Godwas probably made too quickly for them, and in the beginning they will tryto find out how serious you are. Once they understand your commitment,they will tend to turn away from you – they become uninterested.“Honestly,” they say, “do you really want to say that you do not want tohave any part in worldly life?” No one can imagine that you do not need it.Nobody understands that you have a much greater wealth than youve everhad in money, and that God is for you your first place partner, and that anypos-sible life partner must then also qualify with a Love for God. “I cannotbe with anyone with whom I can not talk about God,” wrote Teresa ofÀvila. For me also, there is no other way.Then there are those who are acting as if they were on the same wavelength as you. They speak of God as if they had experienced anything ofsignificance in their lives. They appear to be Bible readers and accompanyyou to church, so they may have some influence with you. But you feel itsnot genuine. There are always some points they are bringing up against theChurch, they complain about the money the Church is taking in, thescandals within the Church, as if the world had none of its own.Does this concern you – you personally on your way to God, in your Lovefor God? No! You may also get an earful of offenses listed against God,listen to dumb jokes about Jesus or the like. This you quickly come to dis-like, because it hurts you personally in your Soul. You also may have theproblem of getting your required time for prayer and retreat, because yourfriends do not understand that you are no longer available every day for 33
  34. 34. hours of phone calls and you are no longer interested in the problems of the“world”. You know them, because you have still your thinking mind. Butyou know there is nothing to be gained by searching outside and nothing todo. You can only find it in your heart.Love does not mean to say “Yes and Amen” to everybody. It also needssometimes to be saying “No”. Separate yourself from people who want tosuck in your energies, consciously or unconsciously, and protect yourselffrom negative outside energies. All that belongs to it. Because God gives usobligations but also rights. And that includes the right of integrity of ourSoul and that of our loved ones.I suggest to apply once a week the method I call “The Needles Eye”, whichI describe in the later chapters. Give God everything, and wait for what Hegives you back. What you do not need any more, will not come back. Forthis you will from now on only meet those people that belong to you. Wehave all the time. But the world needs to have no more time wasted, tomake it a better place. * “There is something very great, in having a free heart and a quiet conscience.“ (Teresa of Àvila) * 34
  35. 35. III. GODWho or what is God?God is our Father in Heaven and on EarthHeaven and Earth means to us this world we live in, and the afterlife inwhich God the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, and all the Angels andSaints live. Yet Heaven and Earth, the physical and the spiritual, is in everyHuman Being. So we can say: God is in us, and He is outside of us. Heignites in us the Love and Light, and He is outside the indescribable Loveand the overwhelming Light.Teresa of Àvila wrote in her book: “The Interior Castle, 7th Apartment”:“For as He has His abode in Heaven, so He probably has a place in theSoul, where only His Majesty dwells, so to speak, a second Heaven.”Teresa was very clever. There is God in the sky above us, so theres also theequivalent in Man, in his Soul. 450 years ago Teresa risked to burn for thisdoctrine openly on the stake – today people see their God, if they have aGod, enthroned in Heaven somewhere far above. Poor world!God is transpersonalGod is in every form, the smallest atom and the Universes largest, at thesame time He is formless. We must not make any images of Him, as He isoutside of any form. Form means incarnation, God is everything outside ofeach incarnation. He is nothing of form, He is the emptiness outside theform. Since any emptiness is existing, this is all God. God is the silence,because only in this silence God is tangible and audible. Therefore, it is soimportant to make churches again to places of silence. 35
  36. 36. God is personalGod is incarnated in Jesus Christ, His Son. Jesus is the form of God, HisWord became flesh. In Jesus Christ, the Anointed One, He became apparentto the people and sent His Son for Salvation of all of us.God speaks to us through the Holy SpiritThe Holy Spirit is the Word of God and the giver of life. Originally, theWord of God was received through the Prophets and Evangelists andwritten down in the Book of Books, the Holy Bible.God is with us by His Heavenly HelpersTo the Heavenly Helpers of God we count all blessed and sanctified, theArchangels and a large hierarchy of Angels with all the dead who havefound God.Many people see Mother Mary as His principal assistant. For He made Herthe Mother of His Son Jesus, and without Mary everything is only as halfas beautiful. 36
  37. 37. Who or what are We?We are the visible evidence of the presence of God on Earth. Our primalsubstance comes from God. It is said that God created Man in His ownimage. Since God has no form, we are in Spirit formless and shapeless. Weare not our bodies, we are not our thoughts and our feelings. We are truly ofSpirit. Because we, too, have the Divine in us, in our Self, our true Self,which rises above our body and our thoughts and feelings. When we ask:“Who am I?”, we are the questioner and not the one for which we ask. Weare pure Divine consciousness. Lets call it simply Divine Soul. If ourDivine Soul unites with God, then we are One with God, and this is thegreatest of all mysteries, because this can take place here on Earth. Jesusspeaks of this mystery in His metaphors and parables, because 2000 yearsago, He was not allowed to reveal it to the people because they were stillnot ready to grasp it.Our consciousness is ripe for the veracity, the truth and clarity. The Biblespeaks the Truth, everyone must divine it by his own. There is help foranyone who seeks it, he will be led by Jesus (“I am the way and the truthand the Life: no Man cometh unto the Father but by me!”). * “Christ has no body now on earth but yours, no hands but yours, no feet but yours“ (Teresa of Àvila) * 37
  38. 38. How do we find God?By going beyond all thoughts and feelings. By letting everything pass by,the images and visions. Because these ideas are limited. Only when we arecompletely open, He is there. He shows us, not vice versa. He decideswhen the right time has come. If we still have blockages, fictions and guiltyfeelings that are a hindrance, we must remove them. He let His light shinethrough our Soul so that He can show us. God burns in every cell of ourbody, and the longing for Him does never end.This feeling is also described by people who had a near-death experience.Once come into contact with God, having even seen the Light – and life isanother. The highlight is the Unio Mystica, the mystical union, the vision ofGod, happening in absolute secrecy of the deepest Soul.When I read the first revelation of God to the people, as described inEnochs vision: “Be still, know, I am God,” I was deeply shaken. Thesewords God spoke directly to me! For a long time I could not read throughthese verses up to the end without being disturbed completely, and theytouch me still. How could I be so blind, so deaf, have been so stupid! Howcould I not have known! I cannot believe it yet, how it may be possible thatwe simply do not know: God is here! Why are we so insulated that we arenot perceiving God? We count the words of a poem and do not realize itsmeaning.Only when we are able to create within us a state of deep stillness, or betterput, if we find that space of silence within us, we are able to find God inourselves. Because only God can speak through the silence. Only throughthe silence, a tone sounds, a word can be understood. 38
  39. 39. Please be quiet, in order that God may speak to you: I speak to you. Be quiet Know I am God. I spoke to you When you were born. Be quiet Know I am God. I spoke to you With your first glance. Be quiet Know I am God. I spoke to you With your first word. Be quiet Know I am God. 39
  40. 40. I spoke to you With your first thought. Be quiet Know I am God. I spoke to you With your first love. Be quiet Know I am God. I spoke to you With your first song. Be quiet Know I am God. I speak to youThrough the grass of the meadow. Be quiet Know I am God. I speak to youThrough the trees of the forests. Be quiet Know I am God. 40
  41. 41. I speak to youThrough the valleys and hills. Be quiet Know I am God. I speak to youThrough the Holy Mountains. Be quiet Know I am God. I speak to you Through rain and snow. Be quiet Know I am God. I speak to youThrough the waves of the sea. Be quiet Know I am God. I speak to you By the dew of the morning. Be quiet Know I am God. 41
  42. 42. I speak to you By the evenings peace. Be quiet Know I am God. I speak to you By the glow of the sun. Be quiet Know I am God. I speak to you By the twinkling stars. Be quiet Know I am God. I speak to youBy the storm and the clouds Be quiet Know I am God. I speak to you By thunder and lightning. Be quiet Know I am God. 42
  43. 43. I speak to you Through the mysterious rainbow. Be quiet Know I am God. Ill speak to you If you are alone. Be quiet Know I am God. Ill speak to youThrough the wisdom of the ancients. Be quiet Know I am God. Ill speak to you At the end of time. Be quiet Know I am God. Ill speak to you When youve seen my Angel. Be quiet Know I am God. 43
  44. 44. Ill speak to you In eternity. Be quiet Know I am God. I speak to you. Be quiet Know I am God.(Source: The Gospel of the Essenes, complete edition book 1-4 The original texts from the Hebrew andAramaic, translated by Dr. Edmond Bordeaux Székely, Publisher Bruno Martin.)The Aramaic version was found in the Dead Sea Scrolls and is certainlydatable to the period between 130 BC and 68 AD. The Chronicles of Enoch(Henoch) were in the 4th Century ascribed to the Apocrypha by ChurchFather Jerome, and thus declared heretical. So Enochs vision was taken outof the Bible, but all that is good, eventually comes back – and so it waslater discovered in the Dead Sea Scrolls, thanks to God! * “God does not leave us in darkness. Only when we leave Him, We will perish“ (Teresa of Àvila) * 44
  45. 45. My God, why? – When we doubt and despairThe Doubt“Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” – “My God, my God, why hast thouforsaken me?” (Mark 15:34; cf. Mt 27:46). According to Mark andMatthew these were the last words of Jesus when He died on the Cross. Itis interpreted as a doubt. How could Jesus doubt His father if He and theFather are one? Jesus knew Gods plan for Him, He knew His mission, Heknew it already, when He as a twelve years old boy answered the teachersquestions in the Temple in Jerusalem. “Did you not know where I must be,about my Fathers house?” He asked his outraged parents.John was the only disciple of Jesus, who was present at His Crucifixion. Hedescribes Jesus last words as follows: “After this, Jesus knew thateverything was done, that the Scripture might be fulfilled, He says, Ithirst! There was a vessel full of vinegar: and they filled a sponge withvinegar and put it around a hyssop and held it to His mouth. When Jesushad received the vinegar, He said: It is finished, bowed His head and gaveup.” (John 19.28-30). Of course, Jesus did not doubt. He was a man, andHe was Gods son. Jesus came to Earth to teach us of Love in order that wemay find God! He loved with all His heart. He did not need to learn it.The question is, can we ever open our hearts so far? Yes! Anyway, we mustfirmly believe that God holds our plan of Salvation in His hands, and Henever loses neither the plan nor ourselves ever out of His sight. And just asJesus was concerned with His healings that men would not doubt, so I amalso convinced that any doubt destroys everything. It prevents healing andbrings us out of our hearts Love. It prevents our prayers from reaching for 45
  46. 46. God, for our Soul holds them back. Our Soul feels unworthy and bad whenwe doubt. Because this doubt comes from our mind. Our Soul wants tolove, and we must allow it. If you want not only to be superficially healthy,but healed of Body, Mind and Soul, think of Jesus words that He spoke tothe two lepers who returned after the healing of the ten lepers to Him tothank Him: “Your faith hath made thee whole.”Jesus said unto the sick: “Effata!” – Open up. Open yourself to Gods Lightso it can flow through you and enlighten your Soul. Its all included. Faith,hope and Love and trust, its a good thing as it is. At baptism, the priesttouches the ears and mouth of the baby and says, “Effata!” To make clearthat the baby is open to the Holy Spirit.“Effata” – It is done by breathing in deeply. We breathe the Spirit of Godand receive His Love in our hearts.This is important for our ongoing spiritual maturation. Only through agrowing faith in God can our life experiences make sense, even with all itshardships and times of alienation and tests. Even if our life is sometimespassing through a time of searching, it is never a search for the meaning oflife itself, it is only a time of drought and dryness, in which we can re-arrange and re-structure our new life and salvation. Thus we come of age.God needs mature people! * “How rare are the people who what they do, do it all.” (Teresa of Àvila) * 46
  47. 47. The DespairEven if we believe in Eternal Life, the death of a loved one strikes us badly.Each person handles the pain in his own way. Some experience a persistenttraumatic process over many years, and that takes away all the joy andlaughter in the ongoing lives of the survivors. In my opinion, the totalgiving of ourselves to God helps best when in pain.Offer up your pain to God. Whether quietly or loudly, it is good for yourSoul. Let it go into the abyss of life where you currently stand. Do notstrive against it! We can not deal with the loss, and we fear our own death,because we still have a taboo on that fact.But please do not ask God: “Why have you left me?”, rather ask him:“Please do not leave me!” That will sound better, this is a request that Helikes to fulfil. The question: “Why have you left me?” brings you intodoubt and takes you away from your Love for Him. He will never abandonus. We are the ones who turn away from Him in our pain because with ourdoubts we close our hearts and therefore can no longer feel Him.The biggest fear in connection with the death is our uncertainty about thetime following. Many do not believe in life after death, and this may tothem be an unimaginably horrible idea. Others believe in a Heaven and per-haps some sort of a Purgatory and Hell and are not sure how God willjudge them and whether they deserve either one or the other.We are also afraid to be separated from our loved ones, thus harming themand having to leave behind all that is precious to us. Perhaps it is helpful to 47
  48. 48. remind ourselves that we go when dreaming at night into a similar state ofconsciousness.People who have ever had a near-death experience do know with absolutecertainty that there is no such thing as an end to life. The majority report ofa radiant, boundless Light and a feeling of infinite, indescribable Love. Weenter into this Light and are embraced by His Love, and we experience atremendous expansion of our consciousness. We meet the people again inHeaven, those whom we loved. In this state we continue to live anddevelop our Souls.Purgatory, the punishment of God that we fear, is in fact a Life Review weundertake. Surely that might for one or another be found to be difficult. Ifwe do not in this life ease and cleans our soul and our conscience, we mustdo it in the Afterlife. Since we will find ourselves in unfamiliar territory inan unfamiliar state, it may be found to be more difficult.Maybe you doubt these thoughts: “How does she know all this?” Themystical experiences are the same as near-death experiences. I knowthrough the Love of God and through my connection with Him. I knowhow doubt feels, and I know very well the state of despair and sadness thatcan be felt. I know deep in my heart that there is life after death, and Iknow through my life and my work, that the Dead are with us.As we are communicating with the Saints via telepathy, so we can alsocommunicate with the Dead from Soul to Soul. It actually becomes mucheasier because there are no walls and no body dividing us any more. Wecan recognize these Souls simply by a particular feeling. Through speakingwith them, we do it with the knowledge that our words and our feelings are 48
  49. 49. received immediately. We simply tell them everything that had remainedunspoken. Its never too late! And remember: * “The best and most precious is this: Be silent and let God act and speak in silence Amid the silence the secret word was spoken to me.” (Teresa of Àvila) * 49
  50. 50. IV. The Holy SpiritWho or what is the Holy Spirit?Jesus said to His Apostles: “And I will pray to the Father, and He shall giveyou another Comforter, that He may abide with you for ever; Even theSpirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth Him not,neither knoweth Him: but ye know Him; for He dwelleth with you, andshall be in you. I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.” (John14.16-18).At Pentecost the Disciples of Jesus witnessed the whole spectrum of theHoly Spirit in the form of His gifts and fruits. “When the Day of Pentecosthad fully come, they were all with one accord in one place. And suddenlythere came a sound from Heaven, as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filledthe whole house where they were sitting. Then there appeared to themdivided tongues, as of fire, and One sat upon each of them. And they wereall filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak with other tongues, as theSpirit gave them utterance.” (Acts 2:1-4).This was the birth of the Church, for the Disciples were able to proclaimHis Word by their enlightenment. Jesus spoke through His Disciples, it wasnot only a narrative of His story. Without the Holy Spirit Jesus wouldprobably have remained a marginal figure in a story interesting enough totell about Him, but His work as the Son of God, as Gods physical form,would never have been promulgated. This was the Bibles Book of Books, asacred book, a book for the people of God, written by those whom Heenlightened as the Holy Spirit. 50
  51. 51. The Holy Spirit comes at baptism and in Confirmation about us. One tellsabout the baptism of Christ: “And it came to pass in those days that Jesuscame from Nazareth in Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan.And straightway coming up out of the water, He saw the Heavens openedand the Spirit like a dove descending upon Him. And a voice came downfrom Heaven, saying: Thou art my beloved Son, in Thee I am wellpleased.” (Mark 1:9-11).There are opportunities in the Catholic Church, which remind us of ourBaptism: the Holy Water is constantly present at the church entrance, withwhich we cross ourself. It is not just any water. It is consecrated withprayers and thereby obtains the power of God. During the Easter Vigil therenewal of the Baptismal liturgy in the Church happens. On Sunday afterEpiphany (6th January) is celebrated the Feast of the Baptism of the Lord,which commemorates the Baptism of Jesus by John the Baptist in theJordan. The blessing so granted with Holy Water is also much moreeffective than an ordinary blessing.The biggest impression I had of the Holy Spirit on the occasion of myConfirmation, as I outlined in the introduction to this book, is that it wasthe moment when I began my Love affair with God. Since then I know whoor what is the Holy Spirit, and His gifts, fruits and consolations were givento me more and more. I am always fully conscious of the fact that these aregifts of God which “Life” cannot give. However, in my experience, Godrequires that we first do the preliminary work and prove ourselves matureand worthy. The second requirement is that we must remain in a constantstate of development, so that these gifts can properly unfold. 51
  52. 52. At first we are given only a small amount of them, and then we have toprove whether we can accept them and use them properly, and only thenwill come the next gifts. This is always with a recall option, should weshow ourselves unworthy of the gift or to be overwhelmed by it.I have been able to recast my inner self in the two years after myConfirmation at ever and ever shorter intervals. These gifts of the HolySpirit however, are not the laurels on which we may rest upon – no, not atall. And yet I am filled with an ongoing gratitude and humility and I wouldnever want to live without these gifts again! * “Perfect Love is not given to us at once, because we do not give up everything at once.” (Teresa of Àvila) * 52
  53. 53. The seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit (Charisma)Religious ConceptIn the New Testament and former Christianity Charisma means the giftdonated by the Holy Spirit to Christians. This includes: reason, science,wisdom, counsel, piety, Godliness, fortitude, awareness, faith, prophecy,healing, miracles, distinguishing of spirits, tongues (glossolalia) andinterpretation of tongues. With particular emphasis on some of thesecharismas in the modern age emerged spiritual awakening movements suchas the Charismatic Movement or the Pentecostal Movement. CorinthiansI,12:8-11: “In all the gifts of the Spirit for the common good shew one isgiven through the Spirit the word of wisdom, to another the word ofknowledge by the same Spirit, to another faith to make gifts of healing bythe same Spirit; to another in the same Spirit to perform miracles, toanother prophecy, to another discerning of Spirits, to another divers kindsof tongues; one another the interpretation of this language; but everythingworks from the one same Spirit, dividing to every man, to whom He wills.”The conditions for these Graces are:1) Water Baptism in the name of Jesus Christ2) the Spiritual Baptism of the Holy Spirit3) the absolute belief in Father, Son and Holy Spirit4) an adapted way of life in humility and charity5) permanent Spiritual development 53
  54. 54. The gifts of the Holy Spirit had differently affected the Apostles: Thomaswas given the gift of reason, John the gift of wisdom, Philip the gift ofcounsel, James the gift of piety, Andrew the gift of the fear of God, Peterthe gift of strength, Matthew the grace of discernment.I would like to explain the various Charismas for a general understandingof them in more detail and also divided into several groups:Reason, Science, Wisdom, Counsel, AwarenessThese relate to the knowledge of the ineffable charisma (gnosis). Ignorancecreates suffering, whereas through knowledge and awareness comes Love,and Man is redeemed. It is not from our mind in the brain. It is not from theknowledge we learn. Its about the intuitive knowledge that is hidden deepin our subconscious. It evolves with wisdom and awareness. This enablesus to then give advice to other people. This advice again comes not fromour mind, not from our thoughts with which we wish to inflate our egos forto talk so wisely. No, the advice comes from God, and we are merelyexpressing it.The charisma of science means that we can rapidly merge the details ofscience into a whole. Suddenly we know – again purely intuitively – howthings are doing. The downside is: everything normal bores us, because wealready know everything or can expose a falsehood immediately. Theadvantages are: We are made aware of how we are carrying theresponsibility for everything in our world, for example in environmentalprotection. The whole spectrum of ecology stretches out before us,although we have not learnt it from books, but experiencing it from theinside out. We understand the Universe. We understand Stephen Hawking 54
  55. 55. when he talks about the Big Bang Theory with this insight: “There muststill have been something before, so there is a God!” Albert Einstein wasafraid of becoming unhinged if it was true that “God plays dice” thatnothing can be calculated in the classical linear mode. We understand thenew quantum theory of the scientists, when they realize that the former“great void” even includes energy, knowing: There is no emptiness, God isin everything. Maybe we cannot express ourselves because we lack thevocabulary. But we understand intuitively: The Laws of Nature and theSpiritual Laws reflect the same truth: God.Piety, Godliness, Faith, StrengthIts about faith from the heart, the Love of God and the deep humilitybefore Him. This Love makes us strong on the one hand, however, it givesus the necessary wish, always to satisfy Him. The Soul that has onceabandoned God and has since recognized that as being an error will nevermake that mistake again, once knowing it could have turned out sodifferently!Teresa of Àvila, The Interior Castle, 6th Flat: “Through the glories that Hetells the Soul, she realizes much more clearly the greatness of God. Itfrightened her, how she could be so presumptuous, she mourns her lowreverence, and her own folly as being so crazy, that she never maycomplain about it enough, considering that she has left such a noblemajesty due to such low reasons .”The strength also means humility. My prayers can turn the world upsidedown – but only if God wants it! I am nothing, Im small as a grain of sand!I am nothing, and everything comes from God. 55
  56. 56. Healing, Miracles, ProphecyWe obey an impulse of God. God has chosen us as His channel, and weperform these acts on His impulse: The healing of the sick by laying on ourhands and praying; miracles prove themselves in the form of spontaneoushealing as well as in the mastery of the elements; the prophecy means theproclamation of Gods Word (Greek: “One who speaks for others”). Thisalso includes the predictions of coming important events.Discernment, Tongues and their InterpretationIn my experience, the charisma of tongues (glossolalia) shows the ability todream in a foreign language or to think or understand them and speakwords and phrases, without being aware of it. The interpretation of tongues,is something Ive felt after my Confirmation: My Soul remembered, as wasdescribed by the Pope in the preface to the Latin Mass. Deep within us isburied the text in all languages, and when we hear these words, the Soulrecalls. So my Soul suddenly spoke Latin, at least enough for the HolyMass in Latin to understand its meaning and to meld with it and therebycausing me to burst into tears in the first three Masses.The discernment of Spirit we need to recognize the false prophets, andthese, as we all know very well, are numerous. Once we have received thecharisma of the Holy Spirit, we know when something is right or wrong!We are never victims of a sect. We see through them immediately. We areeven indirectly led to help to free their victims. I have already been led todo that, although I cannot of course make that known. 56
  57. 57. Pope John Paul II, who exuded all the charisma of the Holy Spirit alreadyin his appearance, has recognized these healing Charismas even in non-consecrated persons, and ordered the release of this knowledge on 25September 2000. At that time our present Pope Benedict XVI was chairmanof the Congregation. Thus, two Popes are on the side of us Healers andMystics – isnt that wonderful?Excerpted from the Congregation for the Doctrine of the FaithInstruction on Prayers for Healing by God:“As mentioned above, the end of Marks Gospel as well as the Galatians areextending the horizon and do not limit the miraculous healing on theactivities of the Apostles and some Preachers of the Gospel, which play aprominent role in the first missionary. From this point of view the evidenceof the “Healing Charismas” (cf. 1 Cor 12,9.28.30) are particularlyimportant. The meaning of the word Charisma itself is very wide; aCharisma is a “freely-given gift”, the mentioned case refers to it as “gifts,to cure diseases.” These spiritual gifts are assigned to an individual (cf. 1Cor 12:9), so they are not understood as cures, which has been gained byeach of those cured by themselves, rather as a gift granted to a person inorder to obtain the Healing Grace for others. This gift is dedicated in the“One Spirit”, whereby it cannot be closely defined, how this person doesachieve the healing. One can assume that this is done through prayer,perhaps accompanied by a symbolic gesture “.(Soure:www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/documents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_20001123_istruzione_ge.html) 57
  58. 58. The twelve Fruits of the Holy Spirit“Come Holy Spirit, open the hearts of Thy faithful, and you fill them withThy Love.” In the New Testament, Matthew the Evangelist writes: “Bytheir fruits ye shall know them.” (Mt. 7.16)The fruits are Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness,Forbearance, Gentleness, Faithfulness, Modesty, Abstinence, Chastity.This book is about Love. The charisma joy I would like to mentionparticularly. Teresa of Àvila, too, felt a great joy in her spirituality thatsprings from the inner freedom gained. The heart is free. Humility meansno weight, no burden, but a feeling of lightness and freedom. Even now Ipray the Lords Prayer as an invocation and glorification with uplifted arms.The power of the Holy Spirit flows through my body and my hands becomewarm.The Holy Spirit makes our egos die automatically. Not until then can Manfully develop the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Spontaneously an impatientperson can then become a patient person. Forbearance, gentleness –something that is completely unknown by egocentric people. Abstinenceand chastity are themselves dismissed as unrealistic by the people who arejust about to perish from their mistakes in this direction. The spiritual manchanges his sexual energy into spiritual energy – and he realizes that whathe used to call Love, rarely served the Divine Love, but rather thesatisfaction of the lack of self-Love. 58
  59. 59. How do I distinguish this Divine Love of the secular? Its simple: TheDivine Love never dies. It does not turn suddenly into hatred. You have nofear within this Love. You just Love. Even if a close person is not with youand maybe never will be – you Love that person, your two Souls are lovingeach other at a distance – voilà! After the initial turmoil, the pain resolves,and satisfaction and joy is remaining.The seven Consolations of the Holy SpiritWithin the twelve fruits of the Holy Spirit His consolations are included.Crying is of a very great comfort. But there are many people who cannot. Ican, and Im glad of it! I sometimes wished I would be able to hold back thetears, especially during a Mass in the Cathedral, when I hang completelydissolved in tears in the front row and everyone could see me. I had to gothrough this development phase bravely. Although Im sure it was notalways my own tears, which flowed. I often cried the tears of others.During the New Year Reception of the Bishop of Limburg in 2010, Iapologized to him for my many tears during his beautiful Masses. Hethanked me for my support. – With pleasure! * “Under a condition that we do not abandon our prayers, then the Lord will convert whatever we do into our advantage, even when we find anyone who is able to teach us.” (Teresa of Àvila) * 59
  60. 60. V. JesusMy Path to JesusJesus was resourceful and patient. Until I finally realized that the signs allaround me, in the sky, in the water and the earth, came from Him, it tookme many years to realize this.Three years ago I went to Plouescat, a small town situated facing theEnglish Channel in the Department of Finistère in Brittany, thewesternmost region of continental France. It had already received inRoman times the name of Finis Terrae (end of the earth), the Breton namebeing Penn ar Bed (early, peak or head of the world). I find it interestingthat the Romans called the region the End of the Earth, in contrary, therefugees and immigrants from Great Britain, who developed the Bretonlanguage of Cornish (Cornwall) and Welsh (Wales), called the region theBeginning of the World. For the Romans this country was a patch of earth,even the End of the Earth, but for the Bretons it was the Beginning of theWorld.Their use of the word world is referring to the totality, the totality of theUniverse, the Universe of Beings. This belief was passed on to thecharacter of their people and it still can be felt energetically. I learned that itwas no coincidence that the amazing mystical experiences I went throughthere as well as the powerful Light of God illuminating the area wascaptured in my photographs. The Département name of Finistèreincidentally only refers to it being an administrative area. 60
  61. 61. I very soon came to really love this place on Earth, and in those years of the1980s I came to know it better as my own real home. It meant freedom tome and comfort at the same time, Love for all things, for the people, thelanguage, the overwhelming nature, the architecture and of course the Loveof food – I was able to feed on the sea creatures – and somehow it was alsothe mysticism, which I still could not exactly explain.At that time “mysticism” was a general term for the mysterious. This aspectfor me only covered the places nature and the sense of its beauty anddrama of its scene, which changed every hour from the ocean winds andsun and which never repeated itself. I still had no access to the alleged 7777saints of Brittany – many of which are certainly not recognized by theChurch. There are also numerous mineral springs. And there is the uniqueterm the Calvary, areas belonging to the Enclos Paroissiaux, the enclosedparishes. These arose in the 16th and 17th Centuries, especially in the areaof Finistère. The Calvary tells in an impressive way of the Life and thePassion of Christ. If you have ever spent time in the Department ofFinistère outside the tourist season on a holiday or were just staying orliving there, you can understand this term Beginning of the World verywell.In 1980 I spent a year near Lorient, in the western Morbihan Department.This is located in Southern Brittany in the Gulf of Mor Bihan whichmeans small sea. In the Morbihan, originating in the Neolithic Age ofWestern Europe, arose the famous grave Mounds (tumulus), from whicharose a combination of Megalithic Standing Stones and Stone Circles.Particularly famous are the Stone Circles of Carnac. 61
  62. 62. I lived nearby in a small house directly looking on the sea. From the gardenI was able to enter the sea over the rocks which reached into the Atlantic.When there was a strong storm the water often surged into the garden and itbecame under water. Into the Doigts de Sorcière (witches fingers), a plantwhich covered the whole garden, there were caught sea-shells. Perhaps myChinese Windmill Palm is still growing, which I had just moved to there.Climatically it would be possible, because the warm Gulf Stream flows tothe Atlantic coast and provides a rough, but frost-free climate with mildwinters.When I wanted to visit this piece of land that once was my home during mylater holiday, I could not find it! The entire coastline has since beencompletely built over as a holiday resort with its own marina.On this later return I spent ten days in Plouescat almost completely alone ina mobile home within a sea-side campsite, very comfortable and very quiet,with no TV or computer and with a cell phone only for emergencies. Themere fact that I was even able to find that was pretty surprising. However,God as always, was sufficient in this case …My path has also led me from Germany directly to Mont Saint Michel, thislegendary island Monastery between Normandy and Brittany in the EnglishChannel, where there still live a handful of Benedictine monks that have toendure the daily flow of tourists. It is quiet at night in the medieval streets,and the few tourists left can enjoy a delicious meal in the many restaurantsor creperies, followed by a walk on the path along the city wall around theMonastery hill in a now quiet night within a monastic atmosphere. 62
  63. 63. What makes this island so special is the huge hight difference and surge ofthe tides. At low tide, the sea pulls back a long way out up to eleven miles,and you can then take some beautiful tideland walks. As soon as the tidereturns however, at a speed that has been termed as a fast gallop for horses,you have to hurry back to the Mount, as it is then totally surrounded by thesea except for its connecting causeway to the mainland. Cars and buses canbe driven on to this connecting causeway and to use it as a parking lot. Thebuses all leave the island by the evening, and the few cars left are parkedby overnight guests.I had not been on the Mount for over ten years, as the locals call theirmountain. (Incidentally, in the beginning it was called Mont-Tombe whichmeans mountain grave.) It was just as I had known it before: full of tour-ists, who pushed through the narrow alleys and almost ransacked the curioshops. I went to my room I had reserved a few days earlier. It was a littleoff the main street which climbs its way up to the Monastery at the top, andI had from my window a very idyllic view of an old cemetery and a greengarden filled with hydrangeas, the national flower of the Bretons, but theydo not bloom until late June. More ahead I saw the three-story conventchurch, which is accessible via stairs. Behind the garden extended the citywalls, and above the sun shone in a cloudless blue sky. It was very quiet,and I heard the sea approaching from a great distance.There was a little time left to eat, so I visited an artist who specialized inthe production of copper ornaments, and bought a beautiful necklace withpendant amulet in the shape that reminded me of the Divinity of Man. Itincorporated a small crown, which for me spoke to representing Jesus. 63
  64. 64. Back in my room, I lay down on the bed to read a book about Jesus. Then Iclosed my eyes, put the book down with my new necklace with copperpendant on top of it and to which I then lay my left hand down on to it. Iwas immediately no longer able to rest! Within a few minutes I began toglow. And I was soon glowing more and more! From head to toe, and thisglow extended to the entire bed. I slid to the side, but there it was alreadyso hot that I could not lie there. I felt a little queasy, and I knew that some-thing was not quite right. I am very aware what it feels like to have a fever,but I knew I had no fever! I was burning, everything was glowing, but itcertainly was not fever. Suddenly my eyes fell on my left hand that still layon the amulet and the book. I took it away – and the glow disappeared asquickly as it had come. That was strange! It had transmitted the energy Ihad put in reading this book via the copper amulet in my hands to mywhole body to the bed. Well, thank you Jesus, I now understood that youare able to heat one up pretty effectively!After the long-awaited dinner with a plateau de fruits de mer and half abottle of white wine I then climbed up to the Monastery Church and en-joyed the fantastic views far across the bay. The sea was raging far belowin the scary dark, and I could hear the waves breaking into a steady rhythmon the rocks. Then I went to sleep, in order to begin the next day’s journeyto some unknown destination relaxed.The next morning I woke up in the early sunshine, I had breakfast andcleaned my room. It was still pretty early and I decided to again visit thesmall Pilgrimage Church. No sooner said than done that and as I sat in themiddle of a pew and tried to pray, a group of Pilgrims entered the church,recognizable by their red kerchiefs and wooden sticks. There were French.They sat down at once and before I knew it I was sitting in the middle of 64
  65. 65. them. The accompanying Pilgrim Priest distributed slips of paper, on whicheveryone could write a wish, and of course I also received one, too. I wrotea wish on it, and I can still remember it very well. The wish had to do withthe reason for my journey, which was one of seeking a place of solitude,even though at this point I was not experiencing much of that. However, Ifelt very comfortable within these Pilgrims. The Priest then held a smallMass, which at that time I did not understand all that much since I belongedto no particular denomination and still had little experience of Catholicworship, especially not one done in French.At least I was glad to know for whom the chants and prayers were beingdedicated, because I had already myself found God, and I also felt that Hewas very present in this particular Chapel. The title Archange Michelcame up very often with whom I knew very well. Finally, the Priestcollected the notes of wishes and brought them over to the big statue thatwas located next to us. There he stood, the Archangel Michael, he who hadfirst ordered the building of Mont St. Michel, according to legend. Thewritten wishes were offered up even multilingual, and Im sure there was noone among us who doubted at that moment of the fulfilment of their desire!Shortly afterwards the Chapel emptied very quickly, and I was left aloneand was glad.It was a good start for my journey into the unknown on this day. For I hadno idea where I would go. Since I was still inspired so beautifully by theatmosphere of worship, I asked God to lead me to yet another quiet place.It should lie near to the sea, because I love the sea very much. I am not asun worshiper, which I always considered as too boring and too hot, and Idid not want to be able to determine, at my fairly advanced age, the hoursof sunshine registered on my skin. But I must always be able to see and 65

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