Landlord: All Hail the Grand Llama, and the Illamanati, and all that.
If you sign here, you can rent a trailer for a week. It's just your
standard lease, along with an affidavit that you have read and
agreed to the laws of the Illamanati.
Kiera: What if I refuse to follow the laws? I am an atrociously evil
witch, after all.
Landlord: Then you'll be terminated. Not my fault, sorry.
Kiera: Why would an atrociously evil witch move into a trailer park,
you ask? Well, for one thing, it's cheap, and I need all my
money to fund my LTW, which is to become a Celebrity Chef,
which means starting my own restaurant and getting it up to
Level 5, at least. And restaurants are notoriously unprofitable.
Also, this place has a playground, and I am pregnant.
Kiera: The joint is small, but it has two bedrooms, and both of
them have closets, which gives me easy woohoo options. As a
romance sim, I want woohoo options.
Kiera: And as a witch, my own physical needs are few. I need a
bookcase, so I can study cooking, and eventually, I'll need a
chess game for logic, and an easel for creativity, both of which
objects will be good for the sproglet, eventually. This leaves a
Kiera: Just a bed and a side table for now, but that's all a
roommate needs, right?
A/N: I don't recall ever playing with a roommate, despite having
this game for years and years. Now, according to the Prima
guide, roommates live with you, and need their own bed, but
they are not controllable. Basically, they're like pets or vacation
guests, I suppose. I think it will be fun to try.
Kiera: No one can move into the neighborhood without giving
Gage a sproglet, but I believe a roommate can slip through the
cracks. They're only sub-letting, after all. Anyway, if the
Illamanati kill him, it's no skin off MY nose. And in the
meantime, he can serve as a live-in cleaner and babysitter,
right? I may have to spend influence points and stuff, but
Kiera: And since date rewards will be problematic, at best, in this
trailer park, I have to avoid dates. But I'm a romance sim, so
having a live-in lover is a must. So, a male roommate it shall be.
Kiera: And who knows? If I have a girl, maybe he'll marry his way
in, after all. But as I said, no skin off my nose, either way. I can
always get a new roommate next week, if the Illamanati
What? I'm evil. Deal with it.
Kiera: Well, here he is, Adam Fancey, a Fortune sim, who is in
serious need of a ReNuYu SensoOrb. He wants to have six
pets reach the tops of their careers. So not going to happen.
He's turned on by swimwear and make-up, and frankly, I'm not
sure we'll become lovers, at all. Well, I have rolled at least one
skilling want, so there's that. He has some sort of low-level job, I
suppose in Music, since it's open for all, and one whole skill
Kiera: He cooks for himself, and maybe someday he'll cook for the
sproglet. I don't really care that much, honestly. Good cooks
turn me off. I know, it's ironic, but whatevs. I just hope he
doesn't burn the joint down sometime while I'm out, because
there is no smoke alarm.
Hmmm, maybe I can do something about that. IF I decide to share
my magic with him, he could use the throne, and avoid the
kitchen, at least.
Kiera: Negative chemistry. Bleh. Well, if he does marry my
daughter, at least there won't be awkward jealousy. Meanwhile,
he can live in as my slave. Just not my love-slave.
I know Gage will be happy to service my needs, when I roll woohoo
wants. Other than that, I'll just have to hope for fulfillable wants
on my own, and an early LTW. When I can afford it, I'll move
into a house, so I can have dates again.
Kiera: Hooray for skilling wants. I need to learn Cooking, anyway.
Kiera: Shut up, Adam.
Adam: Dear Penthouse: When I found out I was going to live with
a witch, I had all kinds of kinky fantasies. Suffice to say, real life
did NOT match them, at all. Err, you probably won't print this
letter, since it's not a fun read. Oh, well. I have to tell someone.
Kiera is EVIL!
Kiera: What part of “shut up” do you not understand?
Kiera: That guy is lucky I'm platinum, because I really don't like
him. I think I'll get rid of him and try again, maybe with an actual
friend, instead. Talin, perhaps? I like him. Although, ideally, I'll
find a neat Virgo who can cook safely. I could always change
that turn-off with a SensoOrb of my own.
HEY! I need to hire a good cook for the restaurant, eventually,
right? I could befriend the employee, and move them in,
Kiera: But, if the Illamanati decide to kill off a roommate, I won't
risk a valued employee. OK, Kiera stays for the week, and we'll
see what the Illamanati do. After all, experimentation is what
people you dislike are FOR. The worst that can happen is that
I'll have to boot the guy out myself, right?
Ooh, I hope they choose an entertaining way to terminate
unwelcome sims. Wait. No, I want an employee/roommate who
will stay. Oh, well.
Kiera: Actually, this guy might just starve himself to death. He
makes a meal, and then stares at it for at least an hour, before
he finally realizes he can eat it. And when I interrupted his food-
prep to flirt with him, he forgot there was a counter, waved about
routing failure, and then dumped the half-made food, and made
a TV dinner, instead.
Kiera: Almost maxed on the Cooking skill. Soon, it will be time to
start the restaurant.
Kiera: Another reason to re-think the whole roommate thing. Even
if he were the right man for my Sproglet, by the time the kid is
old enough to marry, Adam will be as old as the other guy,
because roommates age, unlike Townies in Townieland. Go
figure. I guess I won't move in a neat Virgo who can safely
cook for my child, after all. Pity about the free babysitting and
on-hand woohoo want fulfilling. Really, having an actual wage-
earner in the house is better than a rent-sharer, after all.
Kiera: Well, now that I have maxed my cooking skill, and am nicely
platinum, it's time to run a few errands.
Warren: Would one of those errands be visiting me at Sue's
Kiera: As a matter of fact, yes!
Kiera: But first, I have some things to make, while my aspiration is
high. This is going to take some time, but when I'm done here, I
will have re-stocked my store of magic reagents, as well as
created a good supply of lamps and chairs, and even a few
Kiera: I made it, at last, Warren. Say, you are handsome, with two
lightning bolts. And how's your cooking level?
Warren: Oh, I'm an expert chef.
Kiera: How fortunate. I'm looking for an expert chef for my
Kiera: I'm also looking for a bit more cash to start my restaurant,
and the chocolate machine is slow, but steady, and readily
available here at the Cuisine lot.
Kiera: So is Gage! Huzzah, because my aspiration is SO low. I
flirted with Warren, until I was blue in the face, but although our
daily relationship score got all the way to 100 and crush, the
lifetime score stayed at 1. Go figure. Well, Gage can roll my
wants, right? A little slow dance will perk me right up.
Kiera: Whoops. I forgot about that crush. Oh, well. I can chat
him up, now that he has a cell phone of his own. Yay, gifts! And
eventually, I'll be able to hire him, and that's all I really need, I
Kiera: Unfortunately, I lost the want to win a cooking contest. That
would have been 1000 aspiration points. Oh, well. Maybe next
Kiera: Thank Plumbob I locked in that skilling want before I left the
house. I now have maxed out all the skills from the bookshelf,
though. I think it's time.
Kiera: Hello, real estate office? I'd like to purchase The Black
Kiera: Hmmph. I'm too pregnant to go to my business and get the
ball rolling, and apparently, I'm too dizzy to see straight, either.
A/N: Oooh, let me go check my graphic settings right now.
Kiera: Well, l suppose I can work on my logic skill while I wait for
Kiera: Bad enough I have to go through labor, but I have to do it
with a stranger pushing his way into my house? Well, if I hand
you a baby because I'm having twins, you'd better not bogart it,
because I can turn you into a toad.
Niel: No, thanks. I'll just stand here and be supportive and
Kiera: Welcome, Krampus!*
* Krampus wikipedia entry, because if it's on the internet, it must be
Kiera: Hehe. No, seriously, here's the sproglet. I was actually
planning on Sproglet for the name, but when I saw the kid, I
decided to name him Krampus, instead. I like the initials better.
Krampus Knight. Well, maybe Sproglet can be my grandkid. It's
gender-neutral, after all.
Mind you, Krampy looks cute, right now, but something about
those eyes makes me think he's got just a touch of demon in
him. I hope I'm right.
Kiera: Thanks for rolling my wants, Krampy. I was stuck with a
bunch of landscaping wants. Now I want a bronze sales badge,
which suits me just fine, as I need to get that restaurant going.
So, as soon as the nanny gets here, I'll be off and running. Wish
Kiera: This is so basic. Literally, all I can afford, and that's with me
making my own lighting. I won't be able to hire any help for at
least three business ranks, and you know I'll be taking the cash
But someday, this is going to be THE place for evil witches to take
their victims for a “romantic dinner date.” That back room is
where I'll place “the cauldron.” Although I'm not sure I can get
one in black.
Kiera: At least I CAN say that we serve only the finest food in
town. We currently serve the only food in town that you don't
cook yourself, and I have actually only selected the higher-level
items for the menu. No mac and cheese or Santa Cookies here,
although you might be able to find Grandma's Comfort Soup.
It's a potion, right?
Kiera: With three customers, I can just about manage it, myself, if
they're reasonably patient. I even set the prices for cheap, so I
don't have to waste my time selling the menu.
With only $11 left in the bank, though, I really do hope to see some
Kiera: Oh, goody. One of my covenmates came and set up a
game of Hunt the Cockroaches. She's a wily one, too, placing
them on the dark pathway. But I'm not novice at this game. I've
been an atrociously evil witch for a long time, you know.
But leaving without buying anything? That's just plain rude!
Kiera: Bleh, this is a pain. I have low needs, and have to keep
running around like crazy, just to keep up with the customers,
and I'm still one star away from level 2. But, with that first $1000
boost, I should be able to at least hire a chef. I just need to get
him here. It's time for a little private time.
Kiera: Unlike Gage, I have the sense to pick out people who live
Kiera: Alright, Warren, I'm evil and don't even have the option to
apologize for spoiling our crush, but let's at least be friends
again, so you'll agree to work for me, OK? Your cooking is
almost as good as mine, and I'm sure you'll be an asset to the
business. With you manning the stove, I can deal with splitting
my time between hostess and serving duties, until I can afford to
hire people to fill those positions, too, and make this place fully
functional for visitors.
Kiera: I'm exhausted after that shift, so we might as well sit down
and chat, while I mood up.
Warren: What shall we chat about?
Kiera: Ever play that “If I had a million simoleons” game? Or, “If
you had three wishes?” That's a fun game, too. Let's do that
Warren: OK, so my three wishes are fairly straight-forward. Like
almost all NPCs, I wish I could get moved in and be playable,
because we hobby leaders almost never are, anyway. And my
second wish would be for some better clothes, and my third
Kiera: Clothes, huh? Hmmm, that gives me a FUN idea! Just as
soon as I make level 5 here, and get the money, I know what I'll
do for a second business!
Warren: But what about my third wish?
Kiera: Duh. I'm not a genie. I totally don't care. I just needed to
get a person person plus, so you'd agree to work for me. After
that, I don't need a relationship with you. But I'll tell you what.
I'll let you be my first customer at my next business.
Warren: You know what? I don't think I'll even throw you the
option to hire me. So there!
Kiera: Dude, you don't want to do this.
Warren: Hey, I'm a hobby leader. I know things. For instance, I
know you can't actually turn me into a toad.
Kiera: Drat! False intimidation is my most powerful tool. Now
Kiera: OK, then give me that star, or I'll tell Sandy Bruty you and
your crooked nose want into her uglacy.
Warren: Well, I do want to become a playable.
Kiera: Yeah, but do you want to marry a kid with Gage Uglacy's
cheekbones? Or Sandy's lips? Have you SEEN that second
Warren: OK, have a star! I'll take a prettacy kid, thanks.
Warren: OK, Darren, remember our deal. Here's a payment up
front. You keep an eye out for Gage's least ugly granddaughter,
and then you give me a call when she's legal, and you'll get the
rest after the wedding. I don't want to have to wait too long, but I
figure two generations with pretty townies should be enough to
get something half-way decent.
Darren: If not, I know a guy who makes masks, but that will cost
Kiera: One way to fulfill wants – close the shop and play hostess
until you get a gold sales badge. Because I hired someone to
be hostess. She has no skills, and no talent badges, but she will
free me up to focus on cooking, until I can finally find a real cook
who will actually agree to work for me. Then, I can finally make
something of this place. Until then, I'm stuck in the kitchen, with
the odd break to meet the customers. Nope, gotta get the
Kiera: I still can't find a cook, but with a waiter, a hostess and a
barmaid, the place is fully staffed. How do you like the magical
“HD? Are you addressing me?”
Kiera: Yeah, HD! High Drama Llama.
“Shouldn't that be HDL? Or DL? Or... Nevermind. I like them!”
Lydia: Thanks for letting us have the coven meeting here, Kiera.
Magical plumbing upgrades are Sims 3. We have to do it the
Kiera: That Gage can upgrade MY plumbing, any day!
Lydia: You said it! There's just something so animally magnetic
Kiera: Maybe the fact that he looks like an animal?
Customer: So, I was going to give you a tip for good service, but it
looks like you already got one.
Kiera: I sure did! Thanks for saving my aspiration, Gage!
Kiera: Back to work, now.
Server: Ummm, don't you think you should at least wear an apron,
or something? What if you spill the soup?
Kiera: I'll spill it on you, if you don't hussle and take this lobster to
Server: Sorry, boss!
Gage: Good lovin' is thirsty work. I'll have a double sassparilla
float, with extra sass, please.
Kiera: Thanks to Gage for pushing us on to Level 4, and the cash
bonus. I now have the lot decked out like I wanted it. Well,
almost. I WANTED it to be two stories tall, shaped like an actual
cauldron, and with a lava-flowing floor. But this will have to do.
I still haven't found a cook, so I expect I'll be chained to this stove
Nine more stars, and I move on to my just-for-fun business.
Kiera: That's it! The last star I needed to prove that GageNation
can, in fact, support a sim in the Culinary career. Level 5,
another cash perk, and I can get the job of my dreams, if it ever
shows up in the newspaper.
But it might not, and besides, I have a FUN idea, so I'm going to
use the cash perks to start a new business, strictly for my own
Kiera: It was this guy who inspired me. Most people make salons
and clothing stores because they want to make their townies
look good. Me? I'm evil. I own it. And I'm going to create a
population that rock the dorkness just as much as Goopy
Gilscarbo ever did. Gold cosmetology badge? Who needs it?
Bad makeovers are the GOAL!
HEEEHEHEHEEEEEEeeeeee. :gasp: HeeheeeEEEE!
I need to stop skipping my diaphragm exercises. Whew!
Kiera: Welcome to Makeover Mania, where sims go to get the
latest fashions, as determined by me. Me and Goopy Gilscarbo.
Kiera: I have $41 left after building this place. Someday, I hope to
add a few more clothing racks, and possibly a few small items,
such as make-up cases, but basically, this is it, because there's
not much room for expansion, and still have room to walk
around easily. The hot tub is open for all (gotta have a woohoo
option!), and the karaoke machine is there just to lure the
Kiera: I hope you like your new uniform, Angie. Remember, you
are the face of Makeover Mania. It's your job to let people know
they will be In Style when they purchase their clothes.
Angie: But, I don't have a sales badge!
Kiera: Leave the sales to me. You just ring up the customers and
if you can confuse them, so that they don't notice you giving the
wrong change (in our favor, of course), you'll get a raise.
Kiera: Goopy! My inspiration! Imagine, sims all over GageNation
following in your fashion footsteps! I just have to show them
what to wear, and dazzle them with my golden badge, and
Taadaa! Goopy clones galore!
Goopy: Oooh! I like it! I like it!
Kiera: Just wait until HD lets us get some real custom content in
here, too. I see plaid! Paisley! Prints! Bwaahahaha!
Goopy: Oh, High Drama Llama, let me see Elvis costumes
Kiera: I'll be sure to reserve the gold one for you, Goopy. In the
meantime, may I interest you in some formalwear? Maxis-
made, but I'm sure we can make you look stylin', anyway.
Goopy: Yes! Formalwear! Swimwear! Outerwear! Pajamas!
Just don't mess with the shorts, and I'll be happy.
Kiera: Goopy, I'll suggest a new outfit for you in every area but
everyday. You just can't mess with the classic.
Goopy: Hooray! Have a star!
Kiera: Michelle Tse, you've been called a tramp in every legacy
since Apartment Life came out. Why not try something new?
Kiera: Oh, Michelle, that's definitely YOU.
A/N: Please note, I'm still playing absolutely vanilla here, so there
are no plaid shorts for women. Sigh. But I do my best with what
I have. At least she got the Goopy-style top.
Nathan: Wow! Melissa Fancey, one of the most recognizable
Townies of all.
Kiera: Let's just see what we can do about that.
Nathan: I'm just so honored to have such a celebrity for my first
ever makeover job!
Kiera: Peeeerfect. Now, Melissa, if you'll just step over to the
clothing racks, we'll find a new outfit to really express your inner
A/N: Sims don't like bad makeovers, but they LOVE buying new
outfits, so always tick them off with the bad makeover BEFORE
you dazzle them at the clothing rack. It cheers them right up!
A/N: Unless, of course, they walk out in a huff. Well, I'm sure
she'll come back, someday. And when she does, I have the
perfect outfit already chosen for her. Ballerina princess,
Kiera: So, my new plan is simple: Two-stop shopping. One visit, I
sell them ridiculous outifits, and another visit, I sell them bad
make-overs. Given enough time, I'll make-over the entire
community to suit my evil fashion. Readers all over the world
will laugh at the helpless townies of GageNation, and it's all
down to MEEEEE! :cackle, cackle: Ah, that's much easier on
the throat. I do need to speak with my vocal coach about
perfecting my evil laugh technique.
Kiera: Readers won't be able to recognize anyone in town, again,
once I've finished with them.
Kiera: It's a win-win. If Nathan gives a bad make-over, they look
ridiculous, and if he gives a good one, I get to choose the most
outlandish look I can find. And Joe Carr thought he was all that
and a bag of potatoes, too. No more enticing sims with his good
looks. He has to get them on the basis of his “charming”
Yes, I am spreading the joys of inner beauty. Really, it's a boon to
the community, don't you think, HD? :wink:
Kiera: Hey, wait! I thought if your employee gave a successful
makeover, you got to choose the look. Bleh. Well, at least I got
a star out of it, so with customer loyalty, and a cheap makeover
chair, he's bound to try again, so maybe I'll have better luck next
Kiera: Ah, Komei Tellerman, the Man of a Million Clones. No one
is ever sure if it's really you, anyway, probably because your
standard clothes are so bland. You need an outfit that will really
stand out, marking you at The Original Komei.
Komei: You're right! Make me over, Kiera! Make me obvious as
the Number One Komei.
Kiera: With all those clones around, isn't it obvious? He's a
pollination technician. He needs an outfit to reflect this.
Sandy: Hello, Komei. I see you have found work as a pollination
technician. It just so happens I have two daughters, and another
bun in the oven, and frankly, your face just HAS to join with my
genetics, eventually. It's not an officialy uglacy, following legacy
rules, but the goal is the same.
Komei: I would be honored to mate with one of your daughters,
Sandy. Just call me when they're old enough. By the way, why
not let Kiera choose a new outfit for you?
Sandy: Looks like she's busy, trying to get a good review.
Kiera: Best of the Best award? Thank you! And you just pushed
me to rank 3, too. Three ranks in one shift is not bad, at all.
Kiera: The Garden Club will never be the same.
Kiera: So, I closed the business and sent the employees home to
mood up a bit, but you are still here, for some reason. I guess I
might as well hang out with you, and maybe earn a star or two
from friendship. How about we celebrate with a free makeover?
Kiera: Success! And on my very first try, too. Oh, and thanks for
the networking gift. I'll be sure to use it at home. I love big-
Nikki: This is great! I knew you were something special, as soon
as I saw you in that swimsuit. Anyone who would match red
print with green skin must have excellent taste.
“Insert Time-lapse music.
“Doodleyboop, doodlyboop, doodlyboop!
“Look at all those stars! It's not many sessions until Makeover Mania is at
level 10, and Kiera Knight has a cool $30K in her bank account, to use to
buy her own home, where she can have as many date rewards as she
likes. Note: Apartments are not good for Romance or Pleasure sims.
“By the way, this is the fifth business, pushing our Sim Multiplier to 7, and
putting our population at 49.”
Kiera: Now, I can keep my employees and customers going with
Rally Forth, and then mood myself up with a throne. Extra long
earnings sessions, for the win.
Kiera: Curses! There's someone hiding on this lot, I just know it. I
can't leave, until they do. I'll search and search and search and
search, until I find them, so I can kick them out. With prejudice!
A/N: I HATE THIS GLITCH!!! I have yet to find a solution to it.
However, I'm hoping if I open the business for another session, I
can close it again, and LEAVE. … Nope. Didn't work.
Kiera: Heeeheheheeee! I'm just going to stay here FOREVER!
What do you think about THAT, you crazy Illamanti?
“Well, I guess you can stay there for another week, while I fill out
the forms to boolprop you into submission. You currently have
$32,000 in the bank, a level 10 business (one more position in
the Business career), and a level 5 restaurant (one position in
Culinary). If necessary, we'll kill you, and have Gage adopt
Krampus. Thank you for playing.”
Kiera: Wait, what?
“Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go dig out that form AZ726,
and fill it out in quintuplicate. See you later.”
Kiera: Wait! You can't just leave me hanging! I mean, am I going
to live or die? WELL?! TELL ME! Pleeeeeease?
“All Hail the Illamanati and the Grand Llama! End of report.”
A/N: Sigh. The entire purpose of uninstalling and reinstalling and
playing entirely vanilla was to get rid of the glitches.
I think I may simply be doomed.