Father Of a Nation
*Gage Uglacy is the creation of Candi0207, and the most recent story
involving him can be found here: The REAL Uglacy Is Back. I highly
recommend reading all of her Uglacy stories, starting at the beginning,
with The Uglacy Family by Candi020765 at A Certain Reader, although it
takes several generations before our “hero” is born.
Grand Llama: Welcome High Drama Llama. Report.
“All is in readiness, Your Llamaness. The land is cleared, the
infrastructure in place, and several lots have been prepared to
be claimed and used. You can place the founder of your choice
whenever you desire.”
Grand Llama: It is well. Bring forth the prisoner.
Grand Llama: Gage Uglacy, for crimes against good taste,
females, and the eyes, you have been sentenced by the
Illamanati to be the founder of GageNation, a new BACC,
following the rules found here, but with a twist. CAS points may
only be spent to purchase townies and NPCs to move in, and
they MUST contribute to the bloodline. Any new sim who does
not successfully try for baby with you or your descendants,
within one week of their adult birthday, will be terminated.
Grand Llama: Adoption is allowed, but they must be purchased
with CAS points, whereas birthed babies are free. Moreover,
only you and your descendants (including adopted progeny) may
be abducted by aliens, for an alien baby, although non-
pregnancy telescope usage is allowed by all.
Due to the bloodline restriction, any mating allowed by the
relationship panel is allowed. If the panel does not mark it as
incestuous, it is not incestuous in the eyes of the Illamanati.
Gage: Saywhatnow? I don't have to raise all those babies, do I? I
Grand Llama: It is permissible to move in a mate, breed, and then
move her out. Child support is negotiable.
Gage: Well, simselves are always rich, so they won't need child
Grand Llama: No simselves will be available for some time.
Grand Llama: In fact, no custom content will be installed, nor
mods or fixes, for at least the first week. It's a whole lot of
paperwork, and you'll have to earn it, gradually. Once you have
earned the right to simselves, they will join the Townie
population. In other words, they will not be rich, nor have their
Gage: But they'll still be sexy!
“Attention! Attention! Gage Uglacy, your sentence has begun.
You will find a book of rules in your inventory. Learn the rules,
and obey. All Hail the Grand Llama, and the Illamanati!”
Gage: Whoa! There's a giant speaker in the sky. I'm in some sort
“Correct. In addition to the speaker in the sky, there are hidden
microphones, so we can hear all you say and do.”
Gage: Gee whiz, can't a sim have some privacy around here?
“No. The Illamanati know all. But look on the bright side. You
have only to address me, the High Drama Llama, to make
requests of your masters. Unlike me, you don't have to fill out
any paperwork to get things done. Frankly, I'm a bit envious.
You have no idea the mounds of paperwork I have to plow
through every day. Yours is not the only Illamanati project I'm
running, you know.”
“Of course, I'll want your help with my report to the Grand Llama,
so if you would please speak clearly into the microphone, as you
narrate your way through life.”
Gage: Are you serious?
“We Illamanati are always serious. Everything you say will be
recorded for the report, so narrate accordingly.”
Gage: Record this: *Bleep!*
(Redacted – much debate about the rules. You just don't need to
hear it all, but suffice it to say that Gage tries really hard to find
loopholes to enable him to woohoo many simselves as soon as
Gage: Well, I guess I don't have much choice, do I? I'd better get
on with it. The sooner I start earning some CAS points, the
sooner I can earn some sweet lovin'.
Gage: Looks like there's a job in the Music career. That's easy
enough. I'll just build a Music lot, with a stage and at least three
instruments, to unlock the career for everyone. Then I can get a
job, and start pulling in some dough to build a lovenest.
Gage: Sure, it's not much, but it's enough to allow anyone in
GageNation to take a job in the Music career. Surely that's
worth $10 per hour, right?
Gage: $10 per hour would be great, if anyone would stay longer
than one hour. And nobody tips, either. Plus, we all stink, and
we're not getting any better, because the Drama Llama did not
install the comm lot skilling mod.
“You have to earn that mod, Gage. Give it time.”
Gage: GOOPY! My man! OK, you can't move in until I have a
daughter for you to marry, but at least we can be best friends,
Goopy: Sure, Gage! But I can only stay for an hour, so make it
quick. Also, I want at least one Elvis costume, and some plaid
formalwear for the wedding.
Gage: Man, it could take weeks to earn that stuff.
Gage: OK, new plan. Forget selling tickets. I'm going to dig up
buried treasure until I can afford to enclose this place, and install
a proper bathroom, kitchen, and a tent. That way, I can stay
here as long as necessary to earn those first five business
ranks, and those money rewards. After that, I'll be able to spend
a CAS point on my first babymama.
Gage: Sweetheart, I may not remember your name, but it doesn't
matter, since you can't bear my child, so you'll never be
playable. But dating you sure is fun. And since I want to have
20 lovers, simultaneously, I'll always be glad of you, Firsty.
Gage: Now you could be my babymama. Want to become
LaShawn: Not if it means kissing THAT. Eww. Call me when you
have a handsome great-great-grandson. I'm sure it will take at
least five generations to overcome that face.
Gage: Sandy! Thank you for being lover number 2. Are you
ready to be a babymama?
Sandy: Not quite. I'm a romancer, too, you know. You're fine for
smooching, but I wouldn't want to pass on those genes.
Gage: Hey, I don't mind your genetics. After all, the kid would
have MY genes to overcome all your flaws, so it's all good.
Sandy: What's this? I turn my back for an hour only to find you
kissing Jan Tellerman? Forget you, Gage! I'll slap that ugly
mug clean off your head!
Jan: Ho hum. Just another romance sim on another date.
Gage: I don't get it, Benjamin. Why can't these ladies just be
happy to share me? I mean, there's plenty of the Gagester to go
Benjamin: Umm, do you smell something?
Gage: Oh, just the odor of envy.
Gage: Who knew envy could be so dangerous? I wonder which of
my girls set this fire?
“You did, Gage. You put some toaster pastries in the oven, then
walked away to attempt flirtation with a customer.”
Gage: Oh. Well, now I feel stupid. But wait! That counts toward
a slot in the Law Enforcement career, right? Hehe. Umm, I
meant to do that. Yeah!
Gage: Grandma! I didn't know you lived in GageNation.
Sandy Bruty: I'm a standard Townie. I live almost everywhere.
Gage: Say, you're, like, the original Ugly, and our relationship
panel shows no family relationship. It wouldn't be incest, at least
in the eyes of the Illamanati, so how about it? Want to be my
Sandy: Well, I do want to be playable. I have at least twenty
different sims to wooho, and that's hard to do as a townie.
Gage: You could reboot the whole Uglacy line.
Sandy: Bruty. I might reboot the uglacy bit, but the family will be
Bruty. I marry for no one.
Gage: Works for me!
Gage: You know, with two lightning bolts, I'd do you, even if you
weren't my great-great grandma.
Sandy: Something about that sentence seems juuuuust a little bit
odd to me.
Gage: Oh, shut up and smooch me.
Sandy: Hi, Sandy! Had a dream date, huh?
Sandy: I sure did! I can't stop grinning, even though I caught him
cheating less than an hour later. How about you?
Sandy: Oh, yeah. I'm going to move in and have his baby.
Firsty: I could have moved in, if I were younger. Enjoy your fertile
years while you have them, girls.
Gage: Pity I couldn't invite Sandy to move in with me, while I was
at a community lot, and then she had work, and I had work, and
I have to wait for her to show up. But thanks to the Physiology
skill, I'm maxing my body skill in no time. Does the Music career
even use the body skill?
Gage: Sigh. I sure wish there were more animal prints available,
but without custom content, I'm really limited. But since I'm all
about love, I guess I can go with a “peace and love” theme, and
groovy disco décor. I hope my ladies like it, for as long as they'll
actually be here. It's not like I need to expand to fit a whole
family, after all. This will do fine for a bachelor pad.
Gage: Aw, that was some good lovin', Sandy. You sure know how
to woohoo right! You know, since you're my first babymama, I'm
gonna give you good child support. What do you say, you pick
out a business to help create jobs for the community, and you
can buy it, while you live with me, and then you'll have it all set
up when you move out? What could be better than that, for child
Sandy: Sounds great, Gage. Thanks!
Sandy: So, what do you think of the Oceanography Institute?
Sims can come pay a minimal hourly fee, while they build up
that golden fishing badge, so they can take a job in
Oceanography. And there are lots of tents and hammocks, for
woohoo, plus a clubhouse upstairs, with music, food, and
Gage: You can stay here as long as you need to, to make your
fortune, and woohoo all the customers, too.
Gage: Speaking of woohoo, I LOVE getting a free blind date from
my new friends. Wanna be my second babymama, Kitty?
Kitty: I'd love to, but I have no phone, and I don't live locally, and
you won't be able to invite me over.
Gage: Darned Bon Voyage service sims. That' won't do. Hmm,
there has to be some way to get you over to my place, so I can
move you in, impregnate you, and move you out again.
Jan: Oh, Gage! You broke my heart! I fear I shall faint!
Gage: Just ignore her, Kitty. She always gets to move in. Time
for someone new. Now, if I can just figure out a way...
Kitty: You'll think of something, I'm sure. But let's not waste
valuable dating time worrying about it. Kiss me!
Gage: Well, Sandy, we got your business up to rank 2, and
haven't spent the points. Why don't we get that bun into the
oven, and when you move out, you can spend the points on
cash rewards, and keep all the money for yourself.
Sandy: Sounds like a good idea to me. I do want to have a nice
house, after all.
Sandy: And just so there are no unexpected boingy-type
interruptions, let's do it in the private room.
Gage: With no grocery store, yet, I'd better plant a garden to see
me through the winter. It's already fall, and I haven't started, yet,
so three more days in fall should do it.
Sandy: I set the season to eternal fall at the Oceanography
Institute! I can't afford to let the pond freeze up, after all.
Sandy: Off I go to a nice, pre-built home. It's not much, but it
looks good, has two bedrooms and a bath, and that's all I'll really
need. NO way will I have more than one kid.
Gage: I might not have been thinking all too clearly. I spent so
much money on Sandy's child support business that have just a
little bit left for me, let alone for the next child support. Well, the
Grand Llama did say it was negotiable. I can't even afford a
proper hot rod, and have to build one myself.
I need a real money-maker business.
Gage: What's that? You heard your friend had a great time with
me, and want to take me on an outing? Sounds great! Let's try
that new dance club. It's called Dancehall Daze, and you'll
never guess who the owner is. Oh, yeah, I can get the whole
group in, no worries. The bouncer is my friend.
Actually, the bouncer is currently non-existent, but I'll hire one,
when I can afford it.
Gage: For now, all I can afford to hire is a DJ, a bartender, and a
kid to tidy up. And that's really pushing it. I have to sell tickets
as fast as I can. But at least the customers stay for more than
an hour, now.
Christy: I'm the President of Simlish, Incorporated.
Gage: Really? That's great! Say, I have an idea! I'll get this
business up to rank 10, move you in, impregnate you, and turn
you loose to become a Business Tycoon, and open up a
Business District. That will mean five more CAS points, and five
more babymamas for me!
Christy: That's exactly what I had in mind.
Kiera: What is going on? I'm the one who does the summoning,
not the one who gets summoned. Who cast the spell to bring
Gage: You can do that? You can cast a spell to bring a sim right
to you? Oh, wait. I mean, my friend here just set me up on a
free blind date, and you're it. Blame him.
Kiera: Hey, we have chemistry! I won't turn him into a toad.
Kiera: We have really good chemistry.
Gage: I think I've decided who to spend my third CAS point on.
Also, Kiera, I have a favor to ask you.
Kiera: After that good lovin', I'll give you anything within my power.
Gage: Teach me how to work magic. I have a particular spell I
want to learn how to cast.
Gage: I … do not look right. The Gagemeister can surely carry
off green, but this hat, hair and dress is just wrong. I'm going to
have to change my look, after I've learned how to summon sims
to me. Off to study!
Gage: Wrong witch. I was hoping for some fun times with Kiera.
Elder Witch: Forget that. You're here to work, apprentice! You
will study under my tutelage until you're as green as I am.
Where there's a whip, there's a way.
Gage: I enjoy that kind of thing as much as anyone, but I hope to
at least get some date points out of it. A bouquet of flowers, a
random gift, you know?
Gage: I haven't slept or eaten or used the toilet since I arrived on
this lot. The magic keeps me going, and I have no idea how
long I've been here. But at last, the witch matriarch is satisfied,
and I can stop my studies.
Gage: A quick change back to my real clothes and hair, and I'm
ready to work on my own goals: I will use the magic to get the
babymamas I need, regardless of where they live, or if they have
cell phones. Also, a throne of darkness to keep up my moods,
and love potions, galore! Why buy mojo juice from the
matchmaker, when I can make it myself, for free?
Wait, I can't even call the matchmaker until we have, like, 500 sims
in town, anyway. So there ya go.
Gage: Now for the test. I have all the ingredients, a double bed,
and a lover with three lightning bolts.
Gage: Flergle! She's not on the list! Well, I can at least get
Christy here for some aspiration boosting fun.
I guess I'm going to have to go on vacation to track down Kitty.
Not that I mind traveling, but magic is much cheaper.
Christy: Thanks for the date, Gage. Hey, you'll never guess
what's in my want panel.
Gage: Sweet monkey love?
Christy: Maybe later. Right now, I want to become a witch!
Gage: I can do that! Let's spread green glory through all of
Gage: Psst. Drama Llama, don't tell the ladies, but this makes
lover #5. I'm one quarter of the way to my lifetime want.
Christy: What did the speaker in the sky notice? Usually she's
giving announcements. What's going on?
Gage: Oh, nothing. Come and relax with me. Take your mind off
Gage: Strange. Kitty is not on the list to appelo simmae, or to call
on the phone, but I CAN invite her to join me on vacation. Cool.
Hopefully, I'll be able to move her in, from there. I sure hope I
don't have to marry the woman to get her to move in, but if I
have to, I'll bite the bullet, knock her up, and then divorce her.
Whatever works. What's the cheapest hotel in Three Lakes,
'cause I don't want to go camping?
Gage: So, Drama Llama, I need a ruling, here. I'm about to go to
Three Lakes, and I'm wondering about moving in a Bigfoot. For
that matter, what if I make a Servo?
“The Bigfeet and Servos do not affect genetics in any way. The
Grand Llama will allow them, but at a cost of two CAS points,
each, since they are such powerful beings.”
Gage: Aww, man! I only have two points right now!
Gage: This had better work, Mr. Bellhop.
Charlie the Bellhop: I understand your predicament. If it fails,
perhaps you can buy her a cellphone during your vacation, give
it to her, and then call her when you get home?
Gage: It's better than marriage, and I'll have to take a second trip
to get a Bigfoot, anyway, so if that's what I have to do, it's what I
have to do.
Gage: OK, Kitty, here's the deal. I like you a lot. We have triple
bolts, and I definitely want you to have my baby. But my only
option right now is to propose engagement, and that ain't gonna
happen. So, after we woohoo in the tub, and get our aspirations
up, I'm gonna take you shopping, and we'll earn some good
vacation mementos, and stuff, and then we'll go home, and I will
try to call you from there, OK?
Kitty: Hey, I'm just happy to get the free vacation.
Gage: At least we don't have to worry about jealousy on this trip.
Kitty: Yeah, and I'll have the chance to meet some locals, too.
You know, I want to woohoo twenty sims.
Gage: Golly, that's a popular want. Well, GageNation will be the
place to do it, I'm sure.
Kitty: Speaking of which, here's a possibility. Now that you and I
have put a notch in my bedpost, I think I'll get to know this fine-
Gage: Well, I'm all for the ladies, so be my guest. I'd better go see
about getting that cell phone, and finding a Bigfoot. If I can't
spend my CAS points on you, I'll spend them on him. I can
always earn more points back home, after all.
Cole: So, do you think moving into GageNation will be very
Kitty: Beats me. It won't happen for you for at least a generation,
anyway, so I wouldn't spend much time worrying about it. And
you know, you'd have to mate with Gage Uglacy's daughter to
get in, right?
Cole: So, moving on to other money-making opportunities...
Gage: Great. Now I found the treasure map I need, I rolled a fear
of meeting Bigfoot. Well, at least I found a treasure chest, to
pay for this trip. And I can buy that cell phone.
Gage: OK, Kitty. Here's the cell phone. Now let's fulfill my want
for public woohoo, have a dream date, and get back to the hotel
in time to check out before they bill us for a second night.
Kitty: That's OK. It was a perfect vacation, even if it was short.
And now, hopefully, I'll be able to move in with you.
Gage: Rassin Frassin! I still can't call her!
Well, she's not the only triple-bolter in the world. Maybe I'll meet
up with her on another vacation, if I go to the right community
lot, and see the right service sim. I think she does massages. I
really do NOT want to have to marry her. Anyway...
Gage: Move in with me, Kiera. You could open a store that sells
Kiera: Actually, I want to be a Celebrity Chef.
Gage: OK, so you'll open the town's first restaurant. That works,
Author's Note: Meanwhile, both Goopy and Firsty left lovely
presents for Gage. I couldn't decide whether to sell them for
cash, or use them at the club (Firsty left the dance sphere), so I
chucked him in his inventory, for now.
Gage: Drama Llama, can you please tell me why red is not an
option for painting this thing?
“I wish I could, Gage. Orange will have to do. Think of it as a base
coat for tiger stripes.”
Gage: I can deal with that. It's half of an animal print, which is
better than none.
“Alert Harry Potter! It's a flying Ford Anglia!”
Gage: No, it's a baby-making warlock and his witchy woman.
Gage: Goodbye, Kiera. I'm kind of poor right now, so you'll have
to be responsible for making your own fortune. But I did give
you an electro dance sphere and a telescope, so that's a cool
$5000, right there.
Kiera: Great. I'll save my money by moving into a cheap
Gage: Wonderful. See you later.
Gage: Even the Gagester needs to take a break from loving now
and then. I want a promotion, and that means skilling.
Gage: Now that I've got a few skills and a few promotions, it's time
to really ramp up the ratings at Dancehall Daze. I set the ticket
price to $999, and don the social glasses. No one can resist my
Well, almost no one. But the good thing is that if they do resist,
they may hate me forever, but they'll stay away from the
Gage: And now that I'm level 9 and have a full bank account
again, I can drop the tickets down to average, so they sell
themselves, and focus my energies on my lifetime want.
Soon as I get to level 10, I can move in whatzername, the business
President, and let her become a Business Tycoon, start a
shopping district, and get me FIVE CAS points, for five more
babymamas. Or maybe a servo and a bigfoot to do my bidding.
A man needs wingmen to rule a city.
Gage: I'm even making it up with Sandy, again. If I can get Jan
Tellerman back, I'll have no more jealous lovers wandering
around, kicking down trash cans. Only happy lovers.
But it is getting harder and harder to have dates on community
lots. There is almost always someone to avoid, which is why
Sandy and I are dating in the restroom.
Gage: Thanks for the final star I need to make this Level 10, and
open up a slot in the Business career. Now I can move in
whatzername. And thanks for bringing me one love closer to my
own lifetime want.
Sarah: Oh, making love to Uglacies in the restroom is just what we
garden clubbers live for.
Gage: Exactly! I totally did you a favor. So, goodnight.
Gage: Now that I've reached the top with Dancehall Daze, opening
up not one, but two career positions (one each for Dance and
Business), and making a hefty chunk of change in the process, I
will lower the price to ridiculously cheap, so that visiting sims will
have a place to go that is not free, but also not too expensive.
Now it's time to get started on that Business District, and five
more CAS points.
Gage: Whatzer... I mean, umm, Christy! Move in with me, and
become a Business Tycoon.
Christy: I'd love to, Gage.
Gage: So, how soon before you can open a Business District?
Christy: Well, it's Saturday now. I have work on Monday, and I
need two promotions, so probably not until next Wednesday.
Gage: Drat. I'll have to wait until next week to get my wingmen!
Oh, well. I suppose we should get started on the babymaking,
Christy: Yes, please!
Christy: In fact, I want as many babies as possible, as quickly as
possible, because my lifetime want is to become Chief of Staff,
which won't be possible until GageNation has a population of at
least 1000. So, lots of babies, lots of community lots for the sim
multiplier, and lots of Business Tycoons and shopping districts
for that multiplier, and...
Gage: Er, you may need to find a new LTW. Ever thought of
woohoo with 20 sims?
Christy: Actually, there is another way. If one of us were to make
a million simoleons, and spend it on establishing a university,
that would unlock the Medical career for everyone, and then I
could go for my lifetime want.
Gage: Hey, knock yourself out. Learn to dazzle and set the prices
high, and be patient. Tell you what. I'll give you an evil witch
throne for your babymama present.
BOING! BOING! BOING! BOING! BOING! BOING! BOING!
Gage: Oh, $#!%. I knew I should have gone right inside as soon
as whatzername arrived, or at least not said yes to her date
request. The guy is supposed to invite the girl. That way, he
can control the situation.
Christy: Well, I guess now I can have you all to myself, right? I'm
Knowledge/Fortune, and don't want to share.
Christy: Maybe it's my newfound evilness, but this just makes me
Gage: I cannot wait to get the babymaking over with and this
woman out of my life, for good. That's over half my progress
gone! GONE! I may need leave the country, for my own safety.
Christy: You know, Gage, I still love you. I wouldn't mind being
your wife, here in this house. We socialites like to be leaders in
the community, after all, and being your wife would be the
equivalent of being queen. Not a reigning queen, to be sure, but
even a purely ceremonial monarch has its appeal.
Gage: Look, lady, I won't get shackled to anyone. Except for
some fun BDSM play, but even then, it's purely temporary. Let's
just get on with it, OK? I have to go to work soon.
A/N: And after three tries, they finally got the lullabye, minutes
before the carpool arrived.
Christy: Well, at least I can move out in the platinum. I want to
find a good apartment, something like they have on the heights
at Belladonna Cove, befitting my socialite status.
“Yes, yes, we'll add appropriate apartments. Don't worry.”
Andrea: I hate you, you cheating scum. You'll never use a
newspaper as long as you live! I only wish I could give you a
proper roach infestation. Curse you, and your wily, composting
Gage: I suppose I could go out looking for fresh women, who don't
hate me, but it's Sunday, and I think I'll just focus on my career
to finish out the week.
Gage: Once more, with feeling. “Hey, baby, you know you're the
only one for me.” Yeah, that ought to convince them. One more
charisma point, and I'll be ready for a promotion.
Gage: I don't have time to harvest all the tomatoes, but at least I
can get half of them before the carpool arrives.
Gage: I have all the skills I need. I really hope I get a promotion
tonight. After the day I've had, I'd say I deserve it. Or, well, I
need the pick-me-up, at least.
“Will Gage get his promotion? Time will tell. It's the end of his
week, and we go back to the neighborhood view.
“Gage is shown to have a net worth of $272,923, which means the
neighborhood view does not take business value into account.
Oh, well. So it will take longer to earn a university. His 5%
taxes come to $13,647, which we will use 'familyfunds' to
remove from his bank account.”
“Next up, Sandy Bruty! Just as soon as we get the other two
households set up in their chosen apartments. That is 3 CAS
points earned, and 3 CAS points spent. No more may be spent
until Gage is up again next week, but we'll see how many the
ladies earn for him.
“All Hail the Grand Llama, and the Illamanati!
“End of report.”