Successfully reported this slideshow.
We use your LinkedIn profile and activity data to personalize ads and to show you more relevant ads. You can change your ad preferences anytime.

Conflict: A Fairy Tail - Victoria Smith

Victoria Smith, Smith Mediation and Consulting

  • Login to see the comments

  • Be the first to like this

Conflict: A Fairy Tail - Victoria Smith

  1. 1. Victoria Smith Smith Mediation & Consulting
  2. 2. DownloadsCinderellaandthewickedstepsisters.mp4 What do fairy tales have to do with conflict?
  3. 3. Victim Hero Villain
  4. 4. Making a Victim Airing our grievances to others Blaming Our Egos have been attacked Powerless Passive Innocent Manipulative Hope to show the pain we have been caused
  5. 5. Protects Selfless Aggressive Justice “They had it coming” Defender Righteous
  6. 6. What makes a Villain? Mean Spirited Vindictive Controlling Aggressive They feel backed into a corner
  7. 7. Win-Lose Solutions Victimization for everyone Attacks
  8. 8. Is she the Victim? Kanye Katy Perry Is she the Villain? Kanye Katy Perry Is she her own Hero? “Why is it mischievous, fun and sexy if a guy has a string of lovers that he’s cast aside? Yet, if a woman dates three or four people in an eight-year period, she is a serial dater”
  9. 9. All of us are the villains of someone’s story We feel threatened and lash out because we have no where else to go
  10. 10. Criticism There is a difference between venting and complaining Find our voice
  11. 11. Passive Assertive Aggressive Assertive
  12. 12. Avoids They don’t want to cause conflict Apologizes even if they have no reason Hard time communicating their feeling, needs etc.
  13. 13. Criticism Uses Humiliation Superiority Impulsive Hard Time Listening To Others
  14. 14. States What They Want Doesn’t Violate Others Not Push Overs Listens to Others Body Language
  15. 15. There is a fine line between righteous and self-righteous Both Aggressive Both Protecting
  16. 16. Know what types of behavior or people trigger a response from you Work on positive change with them and yourself Don’t be afraid to tell someone how something they did made you feel
  17. 17. You and I statements Put Blame on the other person Focus on behaviors, words and actions not the person What do you do to be a better communicator?
  18. 18. “LISTEN. We often already have the answer to what the other person is saying before we even listen to what they have to say.” (Survey). “You have to be open to saying something they don’t want to hear or hearing something you don’t want to hear.” (Survey).
  19. 19. Listening to what the person is saying and waiting to comment Yelling is OK- As long as you are “speaking” the same language We can’t judge how people communicate
  20. 20. Acknowledge who the other person is (Ury). Don’t get stuck on positions Understand our differences
  21. 21. People that come up with their own solutions are 80% more likely to follow through
  22. 22. Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement In mediation I ask for at least 3 best alternatives If you don’t get what you want what is the next best thing? This helps you know what you really want
  23. 23. Worst Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement No one gets what they want Someone else makes a decision for you Relationship breaks
  24. 24. The problem is often not the people, you need to make that separation Know what issue everyone is really talking about Who decides what is fair? They are probably not out to get you
  25. 25. Why is trust important? If we don’t trust someone what can happen? How do we develop it?
  26. 26. Focuses on the “community” as a whole Develops responsibility and holds accountability to all parties Offers a way to help repair relationships Who uses Restorative Justice? Schools Jails Communities
  27. 27. Focus on the problem not the person Be Assertive
  28. 28. Everyone is someone’s villain Issues not positions Know your personality and what can set you off Learn how to be a better communicator Tell people how you feel
  29. 29. •Cohen, Steven P. “Focusing On Interests Rather Than Positions- Conflict Resolution Key.” Web. •Fisher, Roger, and William Ury. “Getting to Yes: Negotiation Agreement without Giving In” New York: Penguin Books, 1981. Print. •“The Four Basic Styles of Communication.” Web. 20 Jan. 2016. llness/images/Conf14_FourCommStyles.pdf. •http://www.merriam- •
  30. 30. •Ury, William. “Getting Past No: Negotiating Your Way from Confrontation to Cooperation” New York: Batnam Books. 1993. Print. •Venter, David Dr. “BATNA Explained.” Web. 2 Feb. 17. best-option/ •Woodward, Ellie. “How Taylor Swift Played the Victim For A Decade and Made Her Entire Career.” Web. 31, Jan. 2017. swift-played-the-victim-and-made-her-entire- caree?utm_term=.jiRYO4KNLg#.rn7onkzJdj