Making a Victim
Airing our grievances to others
Our Egos have been attacked
Hope to show the pain we have been
“They had it coming”
What makes a
They feel backed
into a corner
Is she the Victim?
Is she the Villain?
Is she her own Hero?
“Why is it mischievous, fun and
sexy if a guy has a string of
lovers that he’s cast aside? Yet, if
a woman dates three or four
people in an eight-year period,
she is a serial dater”
All of us are the villains of
We feel threatened and lash
out because we have no
where else to go
There is a difference between
venting and complaining
Find our voice
They don’t want to cause
Apologizes even if they have
Hard time communicating
their feeling, needs etc.
Hard Time Listening To Others
States What They Want
Doesn’t Violate Others
Not Push Overs
Listens to Others
There is a fine line
between righteous and
Know what types of behavior or
people trigger a response from you
Work on positive change with them
Don’t be afraid to tell someone how
something they did made you feel
You and I statements
Put Blame on the other person
Focus on behaviors, words and actions not the person
What do you do to be a better communicator?
“LISTEN. We often already have the answer to
what the other person is saying before we even
listen to what they have to say.” (Survey).
“You have to be open to saying something they
don’t want to hear or hearing something you
don’t want to hear.” (Survey).
Listening to what the person
is saying and waiting to
Yelling is OK- As long as you
are “speaking” the same
We can’t judge how people
Acknowledge who the other
person is (Ury).
Don’t get stuck on positions
Understand our differences
People that come up with their own
solutions are 80% more likely to follow
Best Alternative to Negotiated
In mediation I ask for at least 3 best
If you don’t get what you want what is
the next best thing?
This helps you know what you really want
Worst Alternative to a Negotiated
No one gets what they want
Someone else makes a decision
The problem is often not the people,
you need to make that separation
Know what issue everyone is really
Who decides what is fair?
They are probably not out to get you
Why is trust important?
If we don’t trust someone
what can happen?
How do we develop it?
Focuses on the “community” as a whole
Develops responsibility and holds
accountability to all parties
Offers a way to help repair relationships
Who uses Restorative
Focus on the problem
not the person
Everyone is someone’s
Issues not positions
Know your personality
and what can set you
Learn how to be a
Tell people how you
•Cohen, Steven P. “Focusing On Interests Rather Than
Positions- Conflict Resolution Key.” Web.
•Fisher, Roger, and William Ury. “Getting to Yes:
Negotiation Agreement without Giving In” New York:
Penguin Books, 1981. Print.
•“The Four Basic Styles of Communication.” Web. 20 Jan.
•Ury, William. “Getting Past No: Negotiating Your
Way from Confrontation to Cooperation” New York:
Batnam Books. 1993. Print.
•Venter, David Dr. “BATNA Explained.” Web. 2 Feb. 17.
•Woodward, Ellie. “How Taylor Swift Played the
Victim For A Decade and Made Her Entire Career.”
Web. 31, Jan. 2017.