Space-Time for Clangers


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It's canon that The Master, the most evil being in the Doctor Who universe, watches The Clangers, a children's TV show, and tries to understand the culture it depicsts.

The prosaic explanation is that he isn't aware it's fiction. But what if he knows something we don't...

This presentation was prepared for a symposium on Clangers at the UK National SF Convention in 2009.

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Space-Time for Clangers

  1. 1. Space-Time for Clangers A possible explanation of certainanomalies in the apparent structure of the Clanger planet. Marcus L. Rowland
  2. 2. No Clanger would have believed, in the first years of the 1970s, that their world was being watched by an intelligence vaster and less sympathetic than any Clanger...
  3. 3. But why were the Time Lords interested in such a small insignificant world? Perhaps its size is itself the clue…Everything that we know about it leads to one inescapable conclusion… It’s bigger on the inside than on the outside!
  4. 4. The interior of the Clanger planet is a tunnel complex whose volume appears to exceed that of the outer planet.
  5. 5. The gravity behaves oddly:• It fades rapidly with altitude.• Passing objects are not attracted to the surface, they must be pulled down.• Gravity does not increase inside.Where else have we seen these phenomena?
  6. 6. The Clanger “planet” appears to be an example of Time Lord dimensional engineering.The only off-world use for this technology we’ve seen is in the TARDIS and its sister ships.Could the entire world be an abandoned TARDIS?
  7. 7. • It is in an area where alien species and odd alien devices often appear.• Such areas are known as “rifts”• The TARDIS recharges on “rift energy”Hypothesis 1: A TARDIS developed a dangerous fault while recharging and was subsequently abandoned by its occupants.
  8. 8. Hypothesis 2: The doors were left open, or were non-operational.Hypothesis 3: If left in space, a TARDIS will camouflage itself as a moon or planetoid, even a full-sized planet, if that will ensure that it goes unnoticed.Note the example of the planet Calufrax, originally part of the Key to Time, a relatively small device.
  9. 9. Hypothesis 4: It was subsequently colonised by creatures from the rift, such as the Clangers.Hypothesis 5: A TARDIS is aware of the needs of its occupants, and provides appropriate quarters, food, etc.The Clangers were cave-dwellers on their native world, and the interior of the TARDIS was shaped accordingly.
  10. 10. Given this history, why would a TimeLord such as The Master be interestedin an inoperable TARDIS?Hypothesis 6: The Clanger TARDISmay be repairable to some extent.Given the Master’s history, this is not good news for the rest of the universe.
  11. 11. Hypothesis 7: If the Clanger TARDIS isrepairable, it is NOT repairable as afunctioning time machine•The Master has gone to great lengthsto steal alternatives.•He has not been shown attempting torepair the Clanger machine.
  12. 12. Hypothesis 8: The Master knows thatthe Clanger TARDIS is charging at aRift. He plans to use the energy itaccumulates for his own purposes.But what are his purposes?
  13. 13. Hypothesis 9: The Master has made itclear that he regards the universe asexpendable, if he does not control it.Hypothesis 10: A planet sized TARDISleft to accumulate Rift energy is theultimate doomsday device. Sooner orlater it will explode and take theuniverse with it.
  14. 14. The conclusion is inevitable. TheMaster intends to use the ClangerTARDIS to destroy the whole of space-time, probably after his death.In order to prevent this the ClangerTARDIS must be destroyed. A fundingproposal for this project will besubmitted at the next meeting of thissymposium.