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Shame resilience - Heroic families - Parallel processes


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Identify external motivators and collateral processes for the resistant client
Learn alignment strategies using Motivational Interviewing and Solution Focused Therapy
Practice the art of Crucial Conversations
Practice Parallel Processes
Identify Emotional Attunement
Practice Reflective Listening and Speaking
Identify Ways to Integrate these strategies into your practice
Care Advocacy for the client in treatment

Published in: Health & Medicine
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Shame resilience - Heroic families - Parallel processes

  1. 1. Shame Resilience- Heroic Families-Parallel Processes Dr. Louise A. Stanger LCSW, CIP and Jeffrey M. Merrick Esquire
  2. 2. Jeffrey J. Merrick, Esq. Attorney / Interventionist Hollywood, California (949) 280-3603 Dr. Louise A. Stanger, Ed.D, LCSW, CIP Interventionist, Author, Speaker West Hollywood, California (619) 507-1699
  3. 3. Objectives Identify external motivators and collateral processes for the resistant client Learn alignment strategies using Motivational Interviewing and Solution Focused Therapy Practice the art of Crucial Conversations Practice Parallel Processes Identify Emotional Attunement Practice Reflective Listening and Speaking Identify Ways to Integrate these strategies into your practice Care Advocacy for the client in treatment
  4. 4. Superwomen Counselor
  5. 5. Superman Counselor
  6. 6. How do our clients arrive ?
  7. 7. Family History
  8. 8. Dance  Mental / Physical Health Issues  Substance Abuse  Sudden Death  Financial Crisis  Legal Crisis
  9. 9. Family Strengths  Communication  Caring  Health  Commitment  Resilience  Spirituality
  10. 10. Attributes of Healthy Families ( McMannis PHD & McMannis MSW) Talking & Loving Expressing Language Adapting to Change Sharing Time Together Who’s in Charge Balancing Closeness & Difference Accepting Difference Seeing The Positive Effective Problem Solving Parenting Together
  11. 11. Families with SA & MH  Are behavioral systems in which SA and MH-related behaviors have become the central organizing structure  An identity is forged around this, family accommodates to the special needs of the person with SA or MH behavior  Daily rituals reflect this new identity and can alter the balance that exists between growth and regulation in the family  Families begin to count on a conscious or unconscious way of this new identity and are somewhat resistant to change -- in other words SA is actually maintained by the family  Hence the introduction of change most often appears as emphasis on short term stability at the expense of long term growth.  Family distortions
  12. 12. Good - Not So Good
  13. 13. Families and Confabulations
  14. 14. Family Fusion  Lack of personal space  Taking over-Controlling  Blurred Lines  Blaming  Power  Denying  Rescuing / Faulty Reasoning  Boundaries  Getaway Driving  Bailout
  15. 15. So What Type of Families Do You Encounter? Agreeable Family –Does everything you ask The Invisible Family-always in the background The Questioner- calls all the time and emails … The Know it all-Knows everything about everything The Talker – Talks –Talks and Talks The Complainer- Nothing is ever good enough The Worrier The Micro-Manager The Confuser-- says one thing does completely the opposite. Analysis / Paralysis
  16. 16. What’s your Attitude ?
  17. 17. Families are Hurting / Experts (SFT) 1.Client is the expert about their own life 2. Professionals adopt posture of not knowing (easier said then done)!
  18. 18. Solution Focused Coaching Not necessary to understand deeper cause or meaning Goals are defined by client, focusing on the possible and changeable, honoring client choice Small change is often all that is possible
  19. 19. Families/Clients are experts 3. Counselor expertise is called along the way. 4. Remember this is not about you 5. Avoid one upmanship
  20. 20. Assumption: Families are Motivated  Probability of behavior change or movement toward or against goal  Extrinsic…….  Intrinsic ……  What are they motivated to do?
  21. 21. Braving- Trust- Brene’ Brown…….. B-Am I clear in helping client respect their own boundaries? R-Am I reliable did I do what I said I was going to do? A-Did I hold myself accountable V -Did I respect confidentiality and share I- Did I act from integrity? N did I ask for what I needed-Was I nonjudgmental ? G-Was I generous in my interpretation of myself and others
  22. 22. Parallel Processes Families must have opportunities to grow alongside their loved one that is in treatment The Truth is all parents fail their children … The Task of growing is to find our own ways of parenting ourselves To Parent from a Place of Love Krissy Pozatek. LICSW
  23. 23. Parallel Process Letting Go of the reins Emotional Attunement Listening-Reflective Learning how to speak Shifting Responsibility Back to your loved one Separate but coordinated processes -- bringing in our clients’ motivators
  24. 24. Who Moved My Cheese? Traps to Avoid  Expert  Question- Answer  Labels  Taking sides  Blaming Others  Runaway Defense –  Healthy versus Unhealthy Help?  Know your boundaries
  25. 25. Intervention Treatment Indicated / Client Unwilling Client in Trouble / Loss of Control Family Focus Higher/ Problem More Visible Court Involvement / Assistance Maximum Consequences / Leverage / External Motivators  In Custody / Threat of Custody / Return to Custody  Access to client over time / Single location  More Willingness / Freedom vs. Treatment  Needs Attorney, Bail, Etc.  Redefining Freedom  Fear – The Great Motivator
  26. 26. External Motivators
  27. 27. Assumptions To Avoid  Person OUGHT to change  Person WANTS to change  Persons health is prime motivation factor  If she/he decides not to change consultation is a failure  Individuals are either motivated to change or they are not  Now is the right time to consider change  A tough approach is always the best approach  I am the expert and know best  I am right my child, young adult , grown child is wrong  A equalitarian approach is always best
  28. 28. Strategies for Handing Resistance  Clarification  Shift focus away from stumbling block  Emphasize Personal Choice and Control  What Are The External Motivators?
  29. 29. Crucial Conversations Client is always right Agree with clients goal, its about choice Use client’s language Develop Compliments to support change
  30. 30. Case Examples  I want to know everything that is said in treatment  You are not responding to my child’s needs  You call yourself a case manager?  You can’t talk to me?
  31. 31. BBC- Bars- Boardrooms and Court
  32. 32. Bar Intervention Substance Abuse- Alcohol & Other Drugs Mental Health Breast Cancer Survivor Intergenerational Issues Relational Attachment Issues
  33. 33. In The Law Office…………. Alice - 42 Alcohol Dependant Divorce Falls Asleep on Desk Empty Bottles in Trash Can Work Complaints Security Complaints Partner-Super Lawyer
  34. 34. In the Courtroom…… Mother of Defendant –Psychic Defendant- Drug Charges SA and MH issues
  35. 35. Case Example: “Phil”
  36. 36. King Baby  I am very important and only can talk with the CEO at least 3 times a day at my loved one
  37. 37. Queen Baby The problem is you, your treatment center does not understand our daughter. She is unique My daughter must talk to me at least once a day My daughter demand s a special diet My daughter wants her phone What you need to know about my daughter is … You’re my lawyer – I hired you! Oh no you don’t! That’s not the outcome I like!
  38. 38. Family’s After Treatment –Heroic Operate from a Place of Love Shift Responsibility from bailing out to responsible choice Attunement Individualization Healthy Boundaries-enforce consequences Own Recovery Talking care of themselves Good physical health Emotionally sound Acting from ones values
  39. 39. Heroic Counselors Help Create Heroic Families
  40. 40. Stanger Books
  41. 41. Resources The Daring Way- Raising Strong -Brene’ Brown Crucial Conversations – Patterson etal The Parallel Processes- Kathy Prozatek LICSW The Journey of The Heroic Parent –Brad M Reedy PHD If You Meet The Buddha On The Road-Kill Him- Sheldon Kopp Motivational Interviewing- Miller and Rollnick  Solution Focused Therapy- Young and Berg Dr Louise Stanger