E write how to write e-mail to people who don't read cdc 26 apr2013

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  • They call us, ask us questions, fail to do the things we ask
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  • E write how to write e-mail to people who don't read cdc 26 apr2013

    1. 1. How to Write E-Mail toPeople Who “Don’t Read” Leslie O’Flahavan, E-WRITE @LeslieO Center for Disease Control and Prevention April 26, 2013
    2. 2. Thanks for the opportunity to presentthis webinar! © E-WRITE 2013 2
    3. 3. Download today’s PPT and handouts• Handouts only: bit.ly/Xxmlya• Handouts and PPT: bit.ly/Zlu22c © E-WRITE 2013 3
    4. 4. How can we tell people aren’treading our e-mails? © E-WRITE 2013 4
    5. 5. Are e-mail readers lazy? Hateful? © E-WRITE 2013 5
    6. 6. E-mail readers are overwhelmedTo: All Staff, Prime Products Inc.From Mike Mansfield, Facilities Supervisor, Prime ProductsSubject: Temperature controlI hope everyone has had a nice summer. As we move forward to the fall and the winter months I wanted to go over somethings as we prepare for the cold weather. I have been working with the landlord closely throughout the summer and willcontinue to do so to address one of our main concerns here in the office, HVAC. During the summer we have experiencedsome problems with areas on our floors being too warm and some being too cold. As a reminder, per our lease, ABCManagement is required to keep our temperature ranges between 70 degrees and 74 degrees annually. I have noticed duringwalks around the spaces that there are personal space heaters and or coolers beings used. Unfortunately these unites areconsidered a safety hazard and are not allowed to be use in our spaces. This is also written into our lease and they can betaken should the engineers see them. I have asked them not to do so as we continue to pro-actively address our problems. Inthe course of working with the engineers we have determined that these units have attributed to our heating and coolingproblems. Here are some things that our Prime Products team can do to help correct these issues.•Do not tamper with the thermostats. (they have been calibrated accordingly in order to keep our space within the optimumtemperature range)•Do not use space heaters. (the units affect the immediate temperature at or near thermostats and can cause additionalcooling when not needed, thus making the space even cooler)•Keep a light weight jacket or sweater in the office during cooler days.•Please notify me or Bill Edwards (main lobby reception area) with any hot or cold concerns so the landlord can be notifiedimmediately•Turn in your space heater (if purchased by Prime Products) for donation!I will be working in conjunction with the landlord to set up a Space Heater Day in order to show Prime Products’ commitmentto having a safe and warm winter this season. All heaters can be turned in for collection and will be donated accordingly tothose less fortunate this winter. I look forward to working with ABC Management as well as Prime Products staff to help keepthis a safe and warm winter season. © E-WRITE 2013 6
    7. 7. Today’s topics1. How to write a must-open subject line2. Why and how to present the most important information at the beginning of your e-mail3. How to control your e-mail tone so you can connect with colleagues and customers © E-WRITE 2013 7
    8. 8. Part 1: How to write a must-open subject line
    9. 9. Q. Why is the subject line so important?A. Readers use it to do inbox triage.Good subjects line helps reader answerthese questions:1.When should I read this e-mail?2.What is this e-mail about?3.Will I need to do anything?4.Can I delete this e-mail without reading it? © E-WRITE 2013 9
    10. 10. Which of these subject lines helpsreaders answer the 4 questions?1. Last Day to Order Computer at Discount – June 6, 20132. Silver Seal Sample Bottles3. Re: CHANT meeting4. Payment for Eddy Breeze5. Join me in the Directors Box this Sunday, June 22?6. Potential Commuting Problems Tomorrow – Friday, April 167. Re: Arts Academy8. Sales Plan - Feedback9. Vacation Leave10. New York Music Ensemble - This Sunday!11. RE: Project update12. Listing of 2011 materials/handouts Please review and respond by January 23. © E-WRITE 2013 10
    11. 11. Which of these subject lines helpsreaders answer the 4 questions?1. Last Day to Order Computer at Discount – June 6, 20132. Silver Seal Sample Bottles3. Re: CHANT meeting4. Payment for Eddy Breeze5. Join me in the Directors Box this Sunday, June 22?6. Potential Commuting Problems Tomorrow – Friday, April 167. Re: Arts Academy8. Sales Plan - Feedback9. Vacation Leave10. New York Music Ensemble - This Sunday!11. RE: Project update12. Listing of 2011 materials/handouts Please review and respond by January 23. © E-WRITE 2013 11
    12. 12. How to write a useful subject lineBegin with a noun that identifies the type ofmessage you’re writing• Question • Policy• Inquiry • Schedule• Request • Invitation• Recommendation • Announcement• Suggestion • Follow-up• Proposal • Update• Instructions • Alert• Procedure • Agenda © E-WRITE 2013 12
    13. 13. Improve the subject lineFrom: Catherine_Howe@SilverSpringU.eduTo: Multiple recipients of list AHCI-LSubject: Historical Society PhotographsSSU’s Office of Imaging, Printing, and Photographic Services (IPPS) provides onlineimages covering topics ranging from air and space to science, technology, history andeven current events. IPPS has just acquired a collection of 2,000 photographs from theSSU Historical Society. You can download these image files to view at home or in school.These images give you and your students the opportunity to see and learn about many of SSU’s interests and accomplishments over the years.You have the Historical Societys permission to download these digital images to use inclass presentations. Students can download them for research and media projects, etc.Check it out. There are some interesting imagesathttp://www.ssu.edu/HistSocietyColl.html Please dont hesitate to get in touch with me ifyou would like more information or need some help.Catherine HoweDirector of Media Relations, SSU © E-WRITE 2013 13
    14. 14. Improve the subject lineFrom: lballou@cdec.netTo: Wwright@afb.comSubject: Re: 2013 catalogue product descriptionsWendy, I just wanted to let you know that we’re about to change ouraccounts payable process. I promise to get your pricing agreementsigned and turned around just as soon as possible. I’m having ameeting with our sourcing department on Friday and plan to turn it overto them. I, unfortunately, don’t have the name of someone for you tocontact about the pricing agreement. Rest assured – I am working on itfor you.Have a great holiday!Larry © E-WRITE 2013 14
    15. 15. Improve the subject lineFrom: Catherine_Howe@SilverSpringU.eduTo: Multiple recipients of list AHCI-LSubject: Historical Society PhotographsSubject: Recommendation – download Historical Society photos for class useSSU’s Office of Imaging, Printing, and Photographic Services (IPPS) provides onlineimages covering topics ranging from air and space to science, technology, history andeven current events. IPPS has just acquired a collection of 2,000 photographs from theSSU Historical Society. You can download these image files to view at home or in school.These images give you and your students the opportunity to see and learn about many of SSU’s interests and accomplishments over the years.You have the Historical Societys permission to download these digital images to use inclass presentations. Students can download them for research and media projects, etc.Check it out. There are some interesting imagesathttp://www.ssu.edu/HistSocietyColl.html Please dont hesitate to get in touch with me ifyou would like more information or need some help.Catherine HoweDirector of Media Relations, SSU © E-WRITE 2013 15
    16. 16. Improve the subject lineFrom: lballou@cdec.netTo: Wwright@afb.comSubject: Re: 2013 catalogue product descriptionsSubject: Follow-up on your pricing agreementWendy, I just wanted to let you know that we’re about to change ouraccounts payable process. I promise to get your pricing agreementsigned and turned around just as soon as possible. I’m having ameeting with our sourcing department on Friday and plan to turn it overto them. I, unfortunately, don’t have the name of someone for you tocontact about the pricing agreement. Rest assured – I am working on itfor you.Have a great holiday!Larry © E-WRITE 2013 16
    17. 17. Part 2: Why and how topresent the most importantinformation at the beginning ofyour e-mail © E-WRITE 2013 17
    18. 18. Why present the most importantinformation first? © E-WRITE 2013 18
    19. 19. BLUF: Put the Bottom Line Up FrontFrom: Eleanor Richter, NRS Human Resources ManagerTo: All NRS employeesSubject: Purchasing Comnet Computers at a DiscountBecause of our ongoing relationship with Comnet Computers, we’ve worked out an agreement that enables NRS employeesto buy Comnet Computers for personal use at a discount - as much as 20 percent off retail prices.Who Is Eligible?All full time employees who have worked for NRS for at least one year are eligible. Part ‑time permanent employees areeligible when their work‑hours equal one full year. Temporary employees, interns and contractors are not eligible.What Products Are Available?NRS employees can order any Comnet computer hardware at a discount. These products include desktop and laptopcomputers, monitors, and printers. You may also buy software from Comnet and it will be loaded on the computer youpurchase. However, there’s no discount for software.What Is The Ordering Procedure?Call Comnet at 800‑224‑7600 and request a catalog and NRS price sheet. After completing the order form, e-mail it to MaxSluter in Purchasing. He will verify your eligibility and forward the order to Comnet. Comnet will then ship the order within 7business days. You may order up to $6,000 of equipment each year through NRS.How Do I Pay For The Computer?There are two payment options: direct pay and payroll deduction. If you select direct pay, you arrange payment with Comnetdirectly and pay for the order by check or credit card. If you select payroll deduction, the cost of your order will be deductedfrom your paycheck over 2 years. There is no interest charge added for the payroll deduction option.If you have any questions about ordering a computer please contact Max at Msluter@nrs.com or 866-999-5555. © E-WRITE 2013 19
    20. 20. Practice: Write a BLUF andsubject line © E-WRITE 2013 20
    21. 21. Part 3: How to control your e-mail tone so you can connectwith colleagues andcustomers © E-WRITE 2013 21
    22. 22. Tone = how you say what you sayBureaucratic tone Personal, professional toneTo whom it may concern Hello, Dear, HiAs per our discussion As we discussedUtilize UseThe applicant will be required You will need to …to…It has come to my attention I have noticed, I have learnedthat..On or before September 16 By September 16 © E-WRITE 2013 22
    23. 23. Choose a tone that supports yourpurpose for writing © E-WRITE 2013 23
    24. 24. Does this writer’s tone support hispurpose?From: Swanson, CharlesTo: Financial Aid OfficeSubject: Request for final review of items to keep on the K DriveAttached please find a summary of the materials on the K drive that people identified asbeing used. All financial aid employees should review the summary, examine the K driveonce again, contact me immediately to make me aware of any omissions from thesummary.Employees who mistakenly assume that I realize they utilize particular items on the Kdrive are thoroughly mistaken. It is your responsibility to identify items you do NOT wantremoved.The deadline for your response is January 7th. Any responses received after that date willbe disregarded.Charles Swanson, Director of Financial AidUniversity of Silver Spring © E-WRITE 2013 24
    25. 25. Does this writer’s tone support hispurpose?From: Swanson, CharlesTo: Financial Aid OfficeSubject: Request for final review of items to keep on the K DriveAttached is a summary of the materials on the K drive that people identified as being used. (No oneidentified any items on the H drive as being used.) Please take a look at the summary, and take onemore look at the K drive and let me know whether there’s anything that you use on the K drive thatisn’t included on the attached summary.Please don’t assume that I realize that you use it. If it’s not listed on the attached summary, then it isscheduled for removal, so make sure you let me know if I need to add something.I’ll start working on this once I’m back from the Colloquium, so let me know any updates that I need toadd by January 7th. Thanks for helping me make the K drive more useful for everyone.ChadCharles Swanson, Director of Financial AidUniversity of Silver Spring © E-WRITE 2013 25
    26. 26. Mirror your respondent’s tone(or at least be aware of it)From: Kevin Shapiro From: Watkins, MartaTo: Watkins, Marta To: Kevin ShapiroSubject: Need retainer contract Subject: RE: Need retainer contractHi, Marta – Kevin:Good morning. Thanks for mailing theretainer contract to me; I received it last I received your reply. If you would,Friday. Do you want me to complete it execute the retainer document andnow or just wait until a customized return three copies to my attention.training opportunity arises? We can add the addendum with theI’m looking forward to working with you. individual courses if and when weThanks – receive inquiries.Kevin Shapiro, The Education Company Marta Watkins, Ph.D. Manager, Member Services © E-WRITE 2013 26
    27. 27. Questions? Comments?Contact info: Leslie O’Flahavan, E-WRITE Leslie@ewriteonline.com 301-989-9583 www.ewriteonline.com @LeslieO www.linkedin.com/in/leslieoflahavan © E-WRITE 2013 27

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