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Stop
Blocking,
Start
Connecting
Lee Broekman
CHLI Faculty
Where does
communication
break down?
How can we
communicate more
effectively?
BATTERY BATTERY
Overarching Questions
4
Common scenarios that raise
communication challenges
• Giving and receiving assignments
• Giving and receiving feedback
...
Listening as an ally Listening as an adversary
vs.
Listening Exercise
Blocker #1: Fixing
6
• Creates co-dependence
• Removes responsibility
• Leads to more problems
Connector #1: Empowering
7
• Focus on desirable outcomes
+ serve as a sounding board
• Help them arrive at their own
solut...
Blocker #2: Topping
8
• Shifts focus from speaker
• Dwarfs the speaker’s issue
• Can lead to increased
anxiety
Connector #2: Listening
9
• Focus your attention on the
story and details that they
are sharing
• Avoid jumping in with yo...
Blocker #3: Multi-tasking
10
• Divides attention
• Makes others feel
unimportant
• Ignores and alienates
• Doesn’t allow f...
Connector #3: Focusing
11
• Be present and alert
• Make eye contact
• Concentrate on your
conversation
• Avoid distraction...
Blocker #4: Trivializing
12
• “I’m drowning” –
“You’re a great swimmer!”
• Doesn’t acknowledge our
feelings
• Can make us ...
13
• Remember what it was like not
to know
• Recognize the worthiness and
legitimacy of their concern
• Don’t diminish the...
Blocker #5: Analyzing
14
• Makes others feel judged
• Makes others feel
unappreciated and
misunderstood
• Makes the proble...
Connector #5: Appreciating
15
• Value their perspective &
manner of seeing /
experiencing the world
• Respect their opinio...
Blocker #6: Interrogating
16
• Disrupts, interrupts and
frustrates
• Takes speaker off topic and on
tangents
• Draws conve...
Connector #6: Understanding
17
• Seek to understand the issue
• Listen wholeheartedly
• Hear them out completely
before in...
Blocker #7: Chastising
18
• Belittles the person sharing
the issue
• Demeans, disrespects and
discourages
• Leads to resen...
Connector #7: Responding
19
• Be proactive by focusing on
the desirable outcome
• Resist reactive
communication
• Don’t us...
Blocker #8: Over-sympathizing
20
• Victimizes and renders the
person powerless
• Removes control and
capability
• Can lead...
Connector #8: Empathizing
21
• Acknowledge their emotions
• Be compassionate and
merciful
• Don’t victimize them
• Don’t m...
Level I Listening
Listening to your own:
• Thoughts
• Judgments
• Opinions
Level II Listening
Listening for the speaker’s:...
23
• We all use blockers, even with the best of
intentions
• We need to recognize the blockers in order to
avoid them
• Bl...
24
Stop Blocking, Start Connecting
THANK YOU
We look forward to
your next
Corporate Retreat
www.CHLI.COM
 MENTAL
PERFORMANCE
 DIGITAL
DETOX
 LIFESTYLE
REB...
Organic Communication - Stop Blocking, Start Connecting
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What are the communication blockers? There are innumerable ways in which people hinder harmonious exchanges, but eight major blockers pose the greatest challenges and create the most drama. Many blockers are interrelated and are oftentimes offshoots that accompany these primary blockers: Fixing, comparing, multi-tasking, trivializing, analyzing, interrogating, chastising and over-sympathizing. Learn how each of these blockers, individually and simultaneously, enter our interpersonal communication and wreak havoc that is difficult to undo.

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Organic Communication - Stop Blocking, Start Connecting

  1. 1. Stop Blocking, Start Connecting Lee Broekman CHLI Faculty
  2. 2. Where does communication break down? How can we communicate more effectively? BATTERY BATTERY Overarching Questions
  3. 3. 4 Common scenarios that raise communication challenges • Giving and receiving assignments • Giving and receiving feedback • Managing self and others • Communicating with customers and co-workers
  4. 4. Listening as an ally Listening as an adversary vs. Listening Exercise
  5. 5. Blocker #1: Fixing 6 • Creates co-dependence • Removes responsibility • Leads to more problems
  6. 6. Connector #1: Empowering 7 • Focus on desirable outcomes + serve as a sounding board • Help them arrive at their own solutions • Champion others by providing encouraging words and reminding them of past successes • Share your method for arriving at decisions – don’t decide for them
  7. 7. Blocker #2: Topping 8 • Shifts focus from speaker • Dwarfs the speaker’s issue • Can lead to increased anxiety
  8. 8. Connector #2: Listening 9 • Focus your attention on the story and details that they are sharing • Avoid jumping in with your similar experience • Listen to them and don’t shift the focus to you • Understand and relate but don’t one-up or compare
  9. 9. Blocker #3: Multi-tasking 10 • Divides attention • Makes others feel unimportant • Ignores and alienates • Doesn’t allow for eye contact
  10. 10. Connector #3: Focusing 11 • Be present and alert • Make eye contact • Concentrate on your conversation • Avoid distractions like technology • Connect with their words and the feelings behind those words
  11. 11. Blocker #4: Trivializing 12 • “I’m drowning” – “You’re a great swimmer!” • Doesn’t acknowledge our feelings • Can make us feel lonely or more anxious
  12. 12. 13 • Remember what it was like not to know • Recognize the worthiness and legitimacy of their concern • Don’t diminish their problem • Provide supportive words that will validate their feelings and position • Recognize the many activities and subjects that make you feel clueless • Use your knowledge to help others grow and develop Connector #4: Validating
  13. 13. Blocker #5: Analyzing 14 • Makes others feel judged • Makes others feel unappreciated and misunderstood • Makes the problem seem bigger or deeper
  14. 14. Connector #5: Appreciating 15 • Value their perspective & manner of seeing / experiencing the world • Respect their opinion • Appreciate their approach • Avoid judging and evaluating • Appreciate their unique talents & skills
  15. 15. Blocker #6: Interrogating 16 • Disrupts, interrupts and frustrates • Takes speaker off topic and on tangents • Draws conversation out
  16. 16. Connector #6: Understanding 17 • Seek to understand the issue • Listen wholeheartedly • Hear them out completely before interjecting with questions • Ask relevant questions that probe the situation • Don’t doubt them or make assumptions
  17. 17. Blocker #7: Chastising 18 • Belittles the person sharing the issue • Demeans, disrespects and discourages • Leads to resentment and avoidance
  18. 18. Connector #7: Responding 19 • Be proactive by focusing on the desirable outcome • Resist reactive communication • Don’t use chastising words that demean and discourage • Discuss and demonstrate appropriate / preferred actions
  19. 19. Blocker #8: Over-sympathizing 20 • Victimizes and renders the person powerless • Removes control and capability • Can lead to feeling awkward and uncomfortable
  20. 20. Connector #8: Empathizing 21 • Acknowledge their emotions • Be compassionate and merciful • Don’t victimize them • Don’t make them feel helpless and powerless
  21. 21. Level I Listening Listening to your own: • Thoughts • Judgments • Opinions Level II Listening Listening for the speaker’s: • Purpose • Vision • Objective • Outcome 22 Levels of Listening
  22. 22. 23 • We all use blockers, even with the best of intentions • We need to recognize the blockers in order to avoid them • Blockers can be verbal and nonverbal • We can all begin to communicate more effectively by improving two key skills: listening and understanding In Summary
  23. 23. 24 Stop Blocking, Start Connecting
  24. 24. THANK YOU We look forward to your next Corporate Retreat www.CHLI.COM  MENTAL PERFORMANCE  DIGITAL DETOX  LIFESTYLE REBOOT

What are the communication blockers? There are innumerable ways in which people hinder harmonious exchanges, but eight major blockers pose the greatest challenges and create the most drama. Many blockers are interrelated and are oftentimes offshoots that accompany these primary blockers: Fixing, comparing, multi-tasking, trivializing, analyzing, interrogating, chastising and over-sympathizing. Learn how each of these blockers, individually and simultaneously, enter our interpersonal communication and wreak havoc that is difficult to undo.

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