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Organic Communication - De-Escalating Conflict

Discover motives in and building blocks of conflict. What is the cost of conflict. How to have constructive conversations about conflict. Explore types of triggers. Models to overcome.

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Organic Communication - De-Escalating Conflict

  1. 1. De-Escalating Conflict Lee Broekman CHLI Faculty
  2. 2. Coaching Compass
  3. 3. INSTRUCTIONS • Pair up in As and Bs • Decide who will be A and who will be B • As make a fist • Bs have 10 seconds to open their A-partner’s fist • Pairs switch roles • Bs make a fist • As have 10 seconds to open their B-partner’s fist Open the Fist
  4. 4. Motives in Conflict When conflict starts, we all sometimes want to: • ACCOMMODATE…and keep the peace, preserve harmony. • ASSERT…and prevail against obstacles. • ANALYZE…and conserve resources, slow things down. What is your conflict sequence? 1. As you look at these motives, which one tends to drive what you do first in conflict? 2. Do you feel like you need to make some type of decision between two (or all three) when conflict starts?
  5. 5. CONFLICT STAGE FOCUS ON BLUE Accommodate RED Assert GREEN Analyze 1 Self, Problem, & Others Wanting to accommodate others Wanting to assert oneself Wanting to analyze the situation 2 Self, Problem, & Others Wanting to conditionally give in or defer to others Wanting to prevail against the issue or others Wanting to disengage from others or clarify the issue 3 Self, Problem, & Others Feeling driven to give up Feeling driven to fight Feeling driven to retreat The Building Blocks of Conflict Sequences
  6. 6. Transactional Model of Communication
  7. 7. Cross-transactions Wires get crossed when there is a mismatch between what the recipient expects and what the recipient gets • Tool 1: Align purposes and separate evaluation, coaching and appreciation as much as possible • Tool 2: Reflect on your purpose before a conversation takes place to help you be clear during the conversation itself • Tool 3: Be explicit about what you think the conversation is about
  8. 8. 1. Time spent 2. Loss of Business or Reputation 3. Turnover and Recruitment/Onboarding 4. Missed opportunities 5. Lack of Collaboration 6. Absenteeism 7. Legal and Administrative Did you consider… 8. Bad Decisions 9. Sabotage 10. Stress/Health impact 11. Strained Personal Relationships 12. Safety/Risk Management 13. Lack of Engagement/Damaged Morale The Cost$ of Conflict
  9. 9. Opposition is about disagreement Opposition can be productive People go into conflict only about things that are important to them Conflict is about a threat to values Conflict is usually unproductive Conflict provides an opportunity to learn what matters to people and a chance to make it right Opposition vs. Conflict
  10. 10. Constructive Conversations The quality of our relationships is determined by how we acknowledge the positive and address the negative. “ ”
  11. 11. Acknowledging the Positive • What makes a compliment meaningful? • What constitutes positive feedback? • How do the motivations and values of the receiver influence the way a compliment or feedback is interpreted?
  12. 12. I-Message* Model: • Behavior • Impact • Feelings Example: “When you set up the training room yesterday (Behavior), it saved me some time and headache (Impact). I'm really glad (Feelings) you did that.” Activity: Write three (3) specific compliments about something recent and work related using the I-Message model. *Thomas Gordon
  13. 13. Three Triggers Addressing the Negative
  14. 14. Truth Triggers • That’s not true! • I did not! • That’s not what I said!
  15. 15. Relationship Triggers • After all I’ve done for you! • Who are you to judge? • You don’t understand.
  16. 16. Identity Triggers • Wow, you really don’t get me! • Why don’t you see me for who I am? • They don’t appreciate how much I care. • That’s nothing like what I am! • I can’t believe I did that – that’s so not what I am about.
  17. 17. 18 Trigger Tool: Listen and Label 1. Notice the Trigger 2. Name It 3. Breathe 4. Practice Level II Listening Level I Listening - Listening TO your own: • Thoughts • Judgments • Opinions Level II Listening – Listening FOR the speaker’s: • Purpose • Vision • Objective • Outcome
  18. 18. SBICA Model: 1. SITUATION – Anchor in place and time 2. BEHAVIOR – Describe observable data and facts 3. IMPACT – Explain effect on yourself and others 4. CAUSE – Find out the other’s perspective 5. ALTERNATIVE – Agree on new ways handling the situation Example: “Yesterday morning (Situation), when you didn’t set up the training room (Behavior), we were unprepared when the participants came into the room, and had to start late (Impact). What happened? (Cause) What should we do next time to make sure we set up on time? (Alternative)” Activity: Write out an impactful feedback statement using the SBICA model.
  19. 19. THANK YOU We look forward to your next Corporate Retreat www.CHLI.COM  MENTAL PERFORMANCE  DIGITAL DETOX  LIFESTYLE REBOOT