Working with others, relationships in the workplace

3. In business you don’t always get to choose who you work with – and yet to be effective at work typically you have to work well with others. Often we’re not taught the skills of working with others. © 2014 - Suzanne Hazelton

4. What follows are two key skills for working with others ... • Firstly – who is Suzanne Hazelton • Skill 1: Developing the ability to navigate the dynamics of relationships • Skill 2: Build better relationships in just 6 seconds • More free information …. 4 © 2014 Suzanne Hazelton

5. About Suzanne Hazelton I work with individuals and teams to THRIVE! • I’m a leadership coach and trainer – I’ve worked with thousands of people in a range of organisations from IBM, BT, a range of smaller business as well as stepping my foot into the charity sector with some recent work for the charity Guide Dogs for the Blind. • I have qualifications in positive psychology, coaching, NLP (see next page) • I’m the author of: Raise Your Game*, and Great Days at Work* (Kogan Page). I’ve also contributed a chapter on mind to a third: Entrepreneurs Succeed With Us. • I work clients on leadership, people & thriving related topics 5 © 2014 Suzanne Hazelton *The links are for Amazon.co.uk but also available on Amazon.com

6. Suzanne’s toolkit MSc. Applied Positive Psychology 2012 Business Coaching 2011 Transactional Analysis (2 years) 2008 Firo-B 2007 IBM Certified Learning Professional 2007 Transactional Analysis 101 2006 NLP Master Practitioner 2005 MBTI Practitioner 2005 Train the Trainer 2004 NLP Certified Practitioner 2003 IBM Senior IT Specialist Profession 2003 NLP Diploma 2002 Professional Cert in Management 2002 Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer 1998 Microsoft Certified Professional 1997 BSc (Hons) Industrial & Business Systems1994

8. Too often we ‘react’ to comments and the actions of others • BUT you are MORE than a puppet on a string • You don’t have to have your emotions and thinking pulled around by others • First let me show you some of the typical dynamics that go on in relationships ….. • Once you can “see” what’s going on – you have more choice in how you respond

9. Adapted from OK Corral I’m OK “PERSECUTOR” 1 up Arrogant Blaming I’m OK, you’re OK Assertive Solution focused: “what needs to be done next?” “RESCUER” Poor you Patronising You’re Not OK “hopeless” Downward spiral You’re OK “VICTIM” 1 down Act helpless Apathetic I’m Not OK

11. How do you respond to someone else’s good news?

12. How do you respond to someone else’s good news? DON’T GET OVER-EXCITED

13. Many of us notice what’s ‘wrong’ with an idea, or the ‘risks’ associated with a course of action … but research shows that relationships are built on an initial positive response. The person will be more likely to listen later if you first share their enthusiasm. © 2014 - Suzanne Hazelton

15. Passive and Constructive Active and Constructive Acknowledges the news and moves on Focuses on them Takes an active interest – asks questions Helps the person capitalise on the good news Passive and Destructive Active and Destructive Grabs the spotlight Changes the subject Immediately identifies the downsides and concerns (Nonverbal communication: displays of negative emotions such as furrowed brow, frowning.) Gable, S.L., et al., What Do You Do When Things Go Right?

16. Passive and Constructive Active and Constructive “That’s good news.” “That’s great, I know how important that promotion was to you! We should go out and celebrate and you can tell me what excites you most about your new job” (Nonverbal communication: little or no active (Nonverbal communication: maintaining good emotional expression.) eye contact; displays of positive emotions such as genuine smiling, laughter and appropriate touch) Passive and Destructive Active and Destructive “What are we doing on Friday night?” “That sounds like a lot of responsibility to take on. There will probably more stress involved in the new position and longer hours at the office.” (Nonverbal communication: little or no eye contact, turning away, leaving the room) Gable, S.L., et al., What Do You Do When Things Go Right?

17. Taking action …. What will you do (or do more of) as a result of this workshop? Please take a moment to complete the feedback sheets …. (more info to follow) “As long as you live, keep learning how to live” ~ Seneca 17

18. References / Further Reading Back, K., & Back, K. (1999). Assertiveness at work : a practical guide to handling awkward situations (3rd ed. ed.). London: McGraw-Hill. Bono, J. E., & Ilies, R. (2006). Charisma, positive emotions and mood contagion. The Leadership Quarterly, 17(4), 317-334. doi: 10.1016/j.leaqua.2006.04.008 Fredrickson, B. (2009a). Positivity : groundbreaking research reveals how to embrace the hidden strength of positive emotions, overcome negativity, and thrive (1st ed.). New York: Crown Publishers. Gable, S.L., et al., What Do You Do When Things Go Right? The Intrapersonal and Interpersonal Benefits of Sharing Positive Events. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2004. 87(2): p. 228-245. Huppert, F. A. 2009. Psychological Well-being: Evidence Regarding its Causes and Consequences. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-being, (2), 137–164. Lyubomirsky, S. (2010). The how of happiness : a practical approach to getting the life you want. London: Piatkus. Lyubomirsky, S., King, L., & Diener, E. (2005). The Benefits of Frequent Positive Affect: Does Happiness Lead to Success? Psychological Bulletin, 131(6), 803-855. doi: 10.1037/00332909.131.6.803

19. Working with Others – more free resources • Free PDF of chapter 10 – Working with Others, from Great Days at Work – http://www.johnsonfellowes.co.uk/great-days-work/ • Communicating for business action – Blog: http://suzannehazelton.com/2013/05/28/business-communications/ • Assertiveness – Blog: http://suzannehazelton.com/2013/03/17/6-ways-to-increase-your-assertive-language/ – Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0bR6nyxeb4 • My YouTube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/suzannehazelton/videos © 2014 Suzanne Hazelton

20. Suzanne Hazelton’s contact details Suzanne is a leadership coach, working with individuals and teams to THRIVE! A positive psychologist, coach and trainer – she’s worked with thousands of people. She’s the author of two books: Raise Your Game, and Great Days at Work (Kogan Page). She’s a contributing author to a third: Entrepreneurs Succeed With Us. She works with clients on people & thriving related topics. • Email: suzanne@johnsonfellowes.co.uk • Twitter: @SuzanneHazelton © 2014 Suzanne Hazelton