12 steps to get beyond perfectionism

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12 steps to get beyond perfectionism

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  • Njce! Thanks for sharing.
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  • My dear, How are you today? i will like to be your friend My name is Sheikha Ghunaim , am a 43 years old divorcee. Please write to me in my email ( Sheikhaghunaim2@hotmail.com ). im honest and open mind single woman. im going to tell more when i see your response. Regards Sheikha.
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  • @circe_ Thanks a lot for a great comment, Circe! I think that it really helps to know that a lot of people have some amount of insecurity and nervousness when approaching public situations. Also. it is a matter of practice. The more you present, the better you become. Perhaps you can approach presentations like you are telling a story instead of trying to make it interesting or better. When we engage the audience in a story that we believe in and deliver it with purpose and belief, the outcome is usually better.
    Stay inspired and you are most welcome! :)
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  • ´´What will they think about my presentation? Will it be clear enough? I needed to study a lot more to be more confident in the subject...``
    That´s what happens when I am about to perform a presentation...I get so nervous about it..next think I know...everything disappear from my mind, I forget everything I practiced and just stick to the slides with shaky and sweaty hands...And when it´s over...I keep thinking about how it could have been ´´BETTER`` if I studied more and practiced more..It´s never Good enough.. And that´s something that really kills your confidence..
    So...I am working on my personal issues and insecurity, learning to appreciate my persistance, knowing that I always do my best and the most important is TRYING ...if you fail or not, it was meant to happen, cause everything happens for a reason. Just be prapeared to fail and learn from it and don´t have unrealistic expectations.
    Once again thank you Harish.. :)
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  • @shvmdhwn That is a great description of the perfectionism trap complete with emotions and drama! Thanks a lot for sharing, Shivam :)
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12 steps to get beyond perfectionism

  1. STEPS TO GET PERFECTIONISM 12BEYOND LAUNCHYOURGENIUS.COM
  2. “U!"#r$%&!"'!( %)# "'ff#r#!+# b#%w##! )#&,%)- $%r'v'!( &!" p#rf#+%'.!'$/ '$ +r'%'+&, %. ,&-'!( ".w! %)# $)'#," &!" p'+0'!( 1p -.1r ,'f#. R#$#&r+) $).w$ %)&% p#rf#+%'.!'$/ )&/p#r$ $1++#$$. I! f&+%, '%’$ .2#! %)# p&%) %. "#pr#$$'.!, &!3'#%-, &""'+%'.!, &!" ,'f# p&r&,-$'$.” ― Br#!4 Br.w!, 5# G'2$ .f I/p#rf#+%'.!
  3. Are you putting off that creative task because you are afraid that you will not be able to meet your own expectations?
  4. IS YOUR BEST STILL NOT GOOD ENOUGH?
  5. Are you feeling paralyzed by PERFECTIONISM?
  6. Here is a system of 12 steps to get you BEYOND Perfectionism...
  7. 1.  Awareness and Realization That you get Stuck by Excessive Perfectionism “G!!" #$!%&' () &!!" #$!%&'. P#rf#*+ w(,, -./# 0!% . b(& f.+ -#)) #v#r0 +(-#.” ― R#b#**. W#,,)
  8. Perfectionism = Trying to make your best work even BETTER BETTER BETTER
  9. Now, there is nothing wrong with attempting to do the best workof your life. 
  10. The PROBLEM: Do you allow your desire to be perfect interfere with your desire to launch and put your work out there?
  11. DO you feel STRESS and ANXIETY? Are you JUDGING yourself too harshly?
  12. Action Tips: Become AWAREof PERFECTIONISM in your life.  Are YOUstopping yourself because you are trying to be a perfectionist?
  13. 2. Kinds of Perfectionism  “A+ (+) r!!+, p#rf#*+(!$()- ()$’+ r#.,,0 .b!%+ . "##p ,!v# !f b#($& -#+(*%,!%). I+’) .b!%+ f#.r. F#.r !f -./($& . -()+./#. F#.r !f "().pp!($+($& !+'#r). F#.r !f f.(,%r#. F#.r !f )%**#)).” ― M(*'.#, L.w
  14. In a research article by psychologists Hewitt and Flett, Perfectionism has been categorized into: 1. Self-oriented perfectionism: Excessively high standards on self, evaluation and self-censure. 2. Other-oriented perfectionism: Excessively high standards on significant others. 3. Socially-prescribed perfectionism: People feel that unrealistic high standards are being placed on them from significant others.
  15. Adaptive and Maladaptive Perfectionism Adaptive = High Standards, less stress and less self-censure Maladaptive = High Standards, MORE stress and more self-censure
  16. ARE YOU DIRECTING PERFECTIONISM INWARDS OR OUTWARDS? DO YOU HAVE STRESS AND CENSURE ASSOCIATED WITH IT?
  17. 3. Scratching Below the Surface: Cast Aside the Past Beliefs that Sustain Perfectionism  “I +'($/ p#rf#*+(!$()- () b.)#" !$ +'# !1#))(v# b#,(#f +'.+ (f 0!% r%$ *.r#2,,0 #$!%&', '(++($& #.*' )+#pp($&-)+!$# 3%)+ r(&'+, 0!% w!$’+ '.v# +! "(#.” ― A$$# L.-!++
  18. Did you ever hear statements like : “You should not provide half baked solutions.”
  19. “It is not WORTHdoing if it is not perfect.”  “My parents and friends will not APPROVEof this work.” 
  20. These “memes” or programs may be causing you stress, anxiety and perfectionism...
  21. REPLACE WITH: “It is far better to provide half-baked solutions than to provide no solutions at all.”
  22. It is much better to launch something that is GOOD ENOUGHrather than waiting, getting stuck and not launching something perfect.
  23. Action Tips: Become aware of and cast aside beliefs that predispose you towards unrealistic perfectionism. Question the validity of assumptions that these beliefs are based upon and choose new beliefs.
  24. 4. Dismantle the Anxiety and Stress behind Perfectionism “D!$’+ ,#+ p#rf#*+ b# +'# #$#-0 !f +'# &!!".”- V!,+.(r# 
  25. According to psychologist Kenneth Rice and his colleagues from the Journal of Cognitive Psychology: “The defining feature of perfectionism appears to be high personal standards. The distinction between having high standards and the affective, intrapersonal, and interpersonal responses to living up to those standards distinguish adaptive from maladaptive perfectionists.”
  26. In other words, maladaptive perfectionists experience more personal distress when their high standards and goals are not achieved.
  27. Become aware that the perfectionism trap is a cycle of unrealistic expectations, excessively high standards, incorrect assessment, stress, overwhelm and self-censure. 
  28. Action Tip: Break the cycle by REDUCINGthe stress associated with performance.
  29. 5. Peeling off the Layers of Perfectionism- The Three Primal Problems: Fear, Self-Worth and Shame “I+’) ($ !%r b(!,!&0 +! +r%)+ w'.+ w# )## w(+' !%r #0#). 4() -./#) ,(v($& ($ . *.r#2,,0 #"(+#", !v#rpr!"%*#" .$" p'!+5'!pp#" w!r," v#r0 ".$&#r!%).” ― Br#$6 Br!w$
  30. Do you believe that your work is not WORTHY for the world to see?
  31. You may have deep-seated fear of getting rejected There may be many types of fear: fear of failure, success and of rejection.
  32. Hence, they portray themselves as being deficient in their own minds and get stuck from taking action to auto-correct.  According to research professor Brené Brown, author of The Gifts of Imperfection, people who feel shame attribute it as a character flaw and cannot distinguish between the action that caused the shame and themselves. 
  33. Action Tip: Understand that fear, shame and low self-worth may be orchestrating the perfectionism in your actions.
  34. Action Tip: Embrace Excitement, Acceptance and Great Self-worth.
  35. 6. Blame, Self-Criticism and Criticism From Others: The Judgment Trap “O%+ b#0!$" ("#.) !f wr!$&"!($& .$" r(&'+"!($&, +'#r# () . 7#,". I’,, -##+ 0!% +'#r#.” – R%-(
  36. Are you constantly COMPARINGyourself with others and fueling a non-realistic perfectionism because of that. 
  37. ARE YOU EXCESSIVELY SELF-CRITICAL AND EASILY BLAME YOURSELF?
  38. Do you believe that you need to be perfect to be loved and accepted? Are you looking for external validation and approval?
  39. Action Tips:  Cast aside self-criticism and self- blame. Choose self-acceptance and praise your work as good enough.  Move the focus of approval to an internal meter of approval and praise.
  40. “P!rf!"#$%&$'( )%!'&'# b!*$!v! $& pr+"#$"! ',%#'. I# )%!'&'# b!*$!v! $& $(pr%v!(!&#. P!rf!"#$%&$'( ,+' &!v!r ,!+r) #,+# +&-#,$&. w%r#, )%$&. $' w%r#, )%$&. b+)*---+&) #,+# $f w! +**%w %/r'!*v!' #% )% '%(!#,$&. b+)*- w! ($.,# $& #$(! b!"%(! q/$#! .%%) +# $#. P!rf!"#$%&$'( (!+'/r!' %/r b!.$&&!r'' w%r0 +.+$&'# #,! 1&$',!) w%r0 %f (+'#!r'. P!rf!"#$%&$'( #,r$v!' %& "%(p+r$'%& +&) "%(p!#$#$%&. I# )%!'&'# 0&%w ,%w #% '+-, "G%%) #r-," %r "J%b w!** )%&!." 2! "r$#$" )%!' &%# b!*$!v! $& "r!+#$v! .*!!--%r +&- .*!! +# +**, f%r #,+# (+##!r. N%, p!rf!"#$%&$'( $' + '!r$%/' (+##!r.” ― J/*$+ C+(!r%&, 3&)$&. W+#!r: 2! Ar# %f P!r'!v!r+&"!
  41. 7. Master Controller of Your Universe: Trust and Safety Issues “P#rf#*+(!$()- () $!+ . pr#r#q%()(+# f!r .$0+'($& b%+ p.($.” ― D.$$. F.%,")
  42. Do you have a subconscious need for safety and control. A lot of perfectionism is based on trust and safety issues that we may have and are still unresolved.
  43. In a research study on perfectionism and psychological control by Soenens et al., maladaptive perfectionism, self-esteem and depression in adolescents were strongly related to the levels of psychological control that they experienced from their parents.
  44. A**!r"($& +! +'# .%+'!r): “O%r 7$"($&) )%&&#)+ +'.+ ."!,#)*#$+) w'! p#r*#(v# +'#(r p.r#$+) .) 8*#))(v#,0 &%(,+- ($"%*($&, .) "()r#&.r"($& +'#(r p!($+ !f v(#w, .$" .) b#($& r#)p!$)(v# !$,0 w'#$ p.r#$+., )+.$".r") .r# -#+, '.v# -.,.".p+(v# )#,f-r#pr#)#$+.+(!$) ($ w'(*' +'# p%r)%(+ !f .,-5+ %$.++.($.b,# &!.,) () !f *#$+r., (-p!r+.$*#.”
  45. O$ +'# ())%# !f +'# #ff#*+) !f *!$+r!,, +'# .%+'!r) p!($+ !%+: “A"!,#)*#$+) w'! r#p!r+ '(&'#r ,#v#,) !f p)0*'!,!&(*., *!$+r!, "!%b+ +'#(r b#'.v(!r, #$&.&# ($ $#&.+(v# )#,f-#v.,%.+(!$), .$" '.v# )+r!$& *!$*#r$) .b!%+ +'#(r p#rf!r-.$*# .$" p!+#$+(., -()+./#). 4#)# -.,.".p+(v# .)p#*+) !f p#rf#*+(!$()-, ($ +%r$, r#,.+# +! $#&.+(v# !%+*!-#) )%*' .) "#pr#))(!$ .$" ,!w#r )#,f-#)+##-.”
  46. Action Tips: Address trust and safety issues Delegate small tasks to others and loosen the grip on control and wanting to do things perfectly.
  47. Take small risks towards allowing yourself to be less of a perfectionist. Develop a sense of safety and trust in yourself and the ability of others.
  48. 8. Set Up Rules and Deadlines for Your Project: Structures that work “B%+ I .- ,#.r$($& +'.+ p#rf#*+(!$ ()$'+ w'.+ -.++#r). I$ f.*+, (+') +'# v#r0 +'($& +'.+ *.$ "#)+r!0 0!% (f 0!% ,#+ (+.” ― E-(,0 G(ffi$
  49. Do you have any rules or restrictions to manage the tendency to become a perfectionist?
  50. Set a firm deadline and place the habit of perfectionism within a FRAMEWORK
  51. Rules can sound like: “My time to write today is one hour and during that one hour I will NOT EDIT or go back to correct and make things better.”
  52. Allow for Creative Perfectionism: Perfectionism in a small sub-set of activities or just one task. Complete other tasks with relatively less amount of perfectionism and you will get to see the costs vs benefits of being a non-perfectionist.
  53. 9. Getting Realistic about Your Approach to Life and Tasks: Dropping Standards “W# fr#;# %p b#*.%)# w# 8p#*+ . *#r+.($ r#)%,+ !r b#*.%)# w# w.$+ +'($&) +! b# p#rf#*+.” ― B#r$(# G,.))-.$, 4# D%"# .$" +'# Z#$ M.)+#r
  54. Many perfectionists think in black and white. It is all or nothing. Either the work is outrageously good or they refuse to ship at all.
  55. “I$ pr#p.r($& f!r b.++,# I '.v# .,w.0) f!%$" +'.+ p,.$) .r# %)#,#)), b%+ p,.$$($& () ($"()p#$).b,#.”- Dw(&'+ E()#$'!w#r
  56. If on a scale from 1 to 10, 7-10 being a great job and 1-3 being a poorly done job, where would you place yourself? A perfectionist will attempt to score a routine 10 or more.
  57. WHERE ARE YOU ON THE SCALE?TURN THE DIAL BACK A NOTCH IF YOUR STANDARDS ARE UNREALISTICALLY HIGH...
  58. The scale is relative:your 7 may be a 10 for others...
  59. 10. Dismantling the Process of Moving Forward: Small Steps to overcome Perfectionism “90 p#r*#$+ p#rf#*+ .$" )'.r#" w(+' +'# w!r," .,w.0) *'.$&#) -!r# ,(v#) +'.$ 100 p#r*#$+ p#rf#*+ .$" )+%*/ ($ 0!%r '#.".” ― J!$ A*%ff
  60. Do you know how to CONTINUE forward? The NEXT step?
  61. One of the issues that perfectionists face is getting overly caught up in a TINYdetail that may not be very important.
  62. Create Structural Tension: According to Robert Fritz, author of Path of least Resistance, when you know where you are at and where you would like to be or go very clearly, you create structural tension that propels resolution.
  63. 11. Become a Scientist in Your own Life: Observe, Experiment and Change the Core Concepts behind Why you are being a Perfectionist
  64. Scientific Process: Observation Hypothesis Experimentation Data analysis Peer review
  65. OBSERVE the stress and other effects that perfectionism brings...
  66. Make alternate HYPOTHESES... ways other than Perfectionism...
  67. TEST OTHER ALTERNATIVES! EXPERIMENT!
  68. GET DATA on how letting go of perfectionism is bringing VALUE to your life...
  69. Ask objective PEERS to evaluate your work! When you do your BEST, it is usually GOOD ENOUGH...
  70. Recognize those cues and replace them with motivations with a higher purpose such as giving great value to others... Dismantle the foundations of perfectionism. Perfectionism is driven and triggered by cues such as fear, performance, stress and expectations.
  71. 12. A new Model: Value the Process "I +#.*' )!-#+'($& *.,,#" 4# L.w !f Pr!b.b(,(+(#), w'(*' ).0) +'# -!r# +'($&) 0!% +r0, +'# -!r# ,(/#,0 !$# !f +'#- w(,, w!r/. 4# -!r# b!!/) 0!% r#.", +'# -!r# ,(/#,0 !$# !f +'#- w(,, '.v# .$ .$)w#r +! . q%#)+(!$ +'.+ *!%," )!,v# +'# -.3!r pr!b,#-) !f 0!%r ,(f#.. -./# 0!% w#.,+'(#r, )!,v# . '#.,+' pr!b,#-, w'.+#v#r (+ -(&'+ b#."- J.*/ C.$7#,"
  72. Perfectionist are often obsessed with the way the end product or OUTCOME should look like.
  73. Let us change that model. Slow down and savor your creative process and your projects and not be overly caught up with the outcome.
  74. Replace Perfectionism with: Excellence + Imperfection + SAVOR the Journey! Ability to Fail + LESS Stress +
  75. SUMMARY 1.  Awareness and Realization That you get Stuck by Excessive Perfectionism. 2. There are different types of Perfectionism. 3. Scratching Below the Surface: Cast Aside the Past Beliefs that Sustain Perfectionism . 4. Dismantle the Anxiety and Stress behind Perfectionism. 5. Peeling off the Layers of Perfectionism- The Three Primal Problems: Fear, Self- Worth and Shame. 6. Blame, Self-Criticism and Criticism From Others: Beware of The Judgment Trap. 7. Master Controller of Your Universe: Perfectionism caused by Trust and Safety Issues. 8. Set Up Rules and Deadlines for Your Projects and to counter perfectionism. 9. Getting Realistic about Your Approach to Life and Tasks: Drop Standards. 10. Dismantling the Process of Moving Forward: Take Small Steps to overcome Perfectionism. 11. Become a Scientist in Your own Life: Observe, Experiment and Change the Core Concepts behind Why you are being a Perfectionist. 12. A new Model: Choose Excellence and Value the Process.
  76. THANK YOU! Are You Launching Your Genius Today? I believe that deep within every single one of us lies the potential of a GENIUS! I am deeply passionate in bringing the best of Creativity, Personal Development, Cutting-edge Behavioral Psychology and Science to you in order to Creatively INSPIREyou to move towards launching your own GENIUS! I am a Creativity and Inspiration Coach, Writer and Teacher. Contact me if you need a burst of Creativity and Inspiration for you or your organization! CLICK-->LAUNCHYOURGENIUS.COM
  77. LaunchYourGenius.Com BE CREATIVE. EMBRACE ABUNDANCE. SHARE YOUR RADIANCE Click below for more awesome stuff and sign up for free updates!
  78. Roland via Flickr CC the Italian voice via Flickr CC notsogoodphoto graphy via Flickr CC Kevin dooley via Flickr CC michelle@TNS via Flickr CC marfis75 via Flickr CC AnxiousNut via Flickr CC Sam Ilić via Flickr CC Ⅿeagan via Flickr CC rogiro via Flickr CC Lel4nd via Flickr CC JD Hancock via Flickr CC Pink Sherbet Photography via Flickr CC LindaH via Flickr CC Vicki & Chuck Rogers via Flickr CC marfis75 via Flickr CC Biking Nikon SFO via Flickr CC
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