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Calibrate 2016: How to Grow Your Happiness In Meetings

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Calibrate 2016: How to Grow Your Happiness In Meetings

  1. 1. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESSGROWING YOUR HAPPINESS Three Ways to Grow Your Happiness In Meetings marcy@startuphappiness.com
  2. 2. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESS executive coach VP Engr/co-founder
  3. 3. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESS 1. Plan for success 2. Create psychological safety 3. Ask for feedback on facilitation
  4. 4. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESS 1. Plan for success
  5. 5. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESS If this meeting is successful, what will the outcome be? Will the right people be in the room? Are the decision-maker & processes clear? Should you talk to anyone beforehand? If this meeting fails, why?
  6. 6. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESS How much preparation? A room full of 10 engineers for 1hr =
  7. 7. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESS 2. Create psychological safety
  8. 8. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESS Google Project Aristotle (2012)
  9. 9. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESS http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/28/magazine/what-google-learned-from-its-quest-to-build-the-perfect-team.html Conversational turn-taking High social sensitivity Successful teams had only TWO shared traits
  10. 10. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESS Turned out, psychological safety was the best predictor of successful teams. Teams will not embarrass, reject, or punish someone for speaking up.
  11. 11. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESS UCLA Social Cognitive Neuroscience Lab (2008) Matthew Lieberman & Naomi Eisenberger http://www.scn.ucla.edu/pdf/Pains&Pleasures(2008).pdf
  12. 12. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESS registers social AND physical pain Bodyparts 3D/The Database Center for Life Science Dorsal anterior cingulate cortex
  13. 13. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESS The workplace is a SOCIAL SYSTEM (even for engineers)
  14. 14. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESSGROWING YOUR HAPPINESS
  15. 15. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESS Ohhh… You don’t know <programing language>? That’s a dumb idea. Why would you want to do it *that* way? *laughs* *rolls eyes* Tone = contempt, impatience Engineering Microaggressions
  16. 16. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESS Talk about psychological safety in your team. Reframe difficult statements in meetings. Speak for people who might not feel safe in public. “It’s OK not to know things, as long as you’re willing to learn” Include teaching/mentoring in your career ladder. Model not knowing *yourself*. What You Can Do as a Leader
  17. 17. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESS 3. Ask for feedback on facilitation
  18. 18. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESSGROWING YOUR HAPPINESS
  19. 19. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESS http://startuphappiness.com Blog post about this:
  20. 20. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESSGROWING YOUR HAPPINESS Four Ways to Grow Your Happiness In Meetings marcy@startuphappiness.com marcy@startuphappiness.com
  21. 21. GROWING YOUR HAPPINESS

Editor's Notes

  • Thanks!
    A lot of people hate meetings — you are going to more!
    your role will be different: leading, modeling leadership
  • work things I’ve done!
    Looked for the things I talk about with clients that create the most leverage…
  • here is what we’re going to cover…
  • often talk to clients about meetings they are concerned might get derailed, or might be difficult
    questions I regularly ask about meeting
  • backchannel: learning about their perspective, and what will be most effective to say
  • will this person change the outcome of the meeting
    un-invite people who don’t need to be there
    send out great follow up email to bigger group

    (end of Plan for Success)
  • sounds touchy feely, but grounded in research…
    let’s take a look
  • Mgr in People Analytics division
    studied 180 — what made a team most productive?
    all introverts or extroverts? interrupting?
  • mgr People Analytics division
    180 teams — what traits made a team most productive
    (everyone speaks roughly the same amount)
    (the ability to read how other people are feeling based on tone of voice, expressions, and other non-verbal cues)
  • psych researchers refer to traits like ‘‘conversational turn-taking’’ and ‘‘social sensitivity’’ as aspects of what’s known as psychological safety.

    So Google’s research indicates that psychological safety, more than anything else, is critical to making a team work.
  • linguistic evidence across 15 languages:
    “I broke my arm” “my leg hurts”
    “she broke my heart” “he hurt my feelings”
    drugs for social distress/depression work for chronic pain
  • think back to the last time you were humiliated in a mtg
    what happened? how did it feel in your body?
    how nice would it have been for someone to speak up for you?
  • if you don’t know as much as I do, you’d better watch your step…
  • you have a magic manager shield - use it!
  • how many of you have sat through a boring meeting wishing for it to be over?
    also: people feel more curious, not trapped
  • Everyone is struggling
    Acts of kindness improve your mood
    Especially great to do when you are feeling bad
    Kindness & generosity have been linked to greater life satisfaction, stronger relationships, better mental & physical health, generous people even live longer...

    Michael Lopp: be unfailingly kind
  • Imagine running a meeting next year, Sept 2017
    plan for success + focus on outcome
    create psychological safety
    ask for feedback on facilitation
    run one of the more successful teams at your company
    invited to mentor others in leading meetings

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