INT. CONCERT HALLA 90 piece orchestra plays before a large audience.The conductor ends the song, and turns to the applaudingaudience. The rows are filled with well dressed patrons, thesizable concert hall is full nearly to capacity. CONDUCTOR Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. It is our privilege to play before you tonight.He turns to the orchestra. CONDUCTOR I think I can speak for myself, and for the Idyll Isles orchestra... it is nice to get some much needed time to ourselves.Not registering the sudden ashen looks on the faces in hisorchestra, he turns back to the audience. CONDUCTOR Next, I thought we might play...The conductor’s sentence dies on his lips.Overlord PHILIP STANHOPE, clad in priestly robes, nervouslooking entourage in tow, is before him. PHIL I was not invited.The conductor gulps. The audience gazes warily at theirsuddenly present overlord. PHIL And. I find myself disappointed. I knew this concert was scheduled this evening. And I was waiting for someone to tell me I could come. It’s the principle of the thing.He turns to the audience. PHIL I mean... no one can forward an e-vitation anymore? I love the
2. PHIL thee-ay-tre, and I love a good orchestral concert. Did you learn nothing about me in my mandatory reeducation seminars?Swiftly, he turns backs to the conductor and removes hisrobe, revealing a gaudy suit underneath. PHIL As soon as I find my seat, play for me sir. Play as though your life beyond this evening depends on it.He shoves his robes into the arms of his nearest henchman,who is revealed to be a degraded looking ALEX BOYLE.Phil, entourage in tow, turns and saunters up the centeraisle. All desperately avoid making eye contact as he goes.Finally, Phil arrives at a designated area at the back,filled with centrally located, extra comfortable chairs.Phil looks fondly at a "Reserved for Overlord Stanhope" signnext to the chair, then balks at what he sees next.A large man, sporting a ponytail despite the rest of hishead being bald, is snoring noisily in Phil’s chair.Phil takes in the sight of this audacious fellow. He blinksenormously, then looks again. The man is still there.Phil snaps his fingers.The ponytailed man is suddenly on his feet, nose to nosewith Phil. With a snort, he’s jerked awake.Ponytail sleepily looks from Phil’s face, to the audience,to the "reserved" sign, back to Phil. Suddenly wide awake. PONYTAIL Shhhoot.The audience and the orchestra watches with baited breath asPhil stares at the man with tranquility.After a lengthy silence, Ponytail can stand it no longer. PONYTAIL I wez keeping yuh seat warm, muh lord. I knew you wez comin’, your overlord, please don’t, I was-Wordlessly, Phil seizes the ponytail.
3.RIP. Mid sentence, Phil pulls Ponytail’s head clean off hisshoulders. The audience cringes.Phil sits down in the chair, and gestures for his entourageto take their seats as well. PHIL Are you taking requests?The conductor straightens up at this rhetorical question. PHIL I’d very much like to hear Miscouche’s 3rd Waltz, please.There is a shifting in the audience. PHIL I know, I have the radio stations play it all the time. But there really is nothing like hearing it from a live orchestra.The conductor quickly raises his baton. CONDUCTOR One, two, three...The orchestra comes to life with a cheery, uptempo waltz.Phil leans back in his seat with satisfaction.Overhead, in the rafters over the stage, two figures watchthe proceedings on a semi concealed catwalk.John and Ann. They are in relaxed, "rustic" attire. ANN He just decapitated that guy for no apparent reason. JOHN He’s forcing us to listen to an uptempo waltz in D-Major. ANN Bitch has to die.The two nod grimly, then turn from the catwalk.
4.INT. BACKSTAGEJohn and Ann emerge from a stairwell and step backstage.A clutter of props and old set pieces form a labyrinth onthe floor; catwalks and sandbags hanging from ropes andstage lights overlap all the way to the ceiling. JOHN I feel kind of bad. These people were enjoying a perfectly nice concert, and we had to tip Phil off about it. ANN Making sure he knew he wasn’t invited to a big party was the only way to lure him off his base. It’s like that time you had everyone over for your birthday except Sam Sterling. JOHN Oh God, he was upset. What happened when he found out again? ANN He threw his Etch-A-Sketch through the dining room window, and then sulked under your deck for an hour. JOHN Right. Best 18th birthday ever. ANN So now that we got him here, how’re we going to lure Phil backstage?At that moment, three hooded gunmen, silenced guns in hand,burst from behind a nearby backdrop. LEAD GUNMAN STOP! Don’t you move.John sizes them up. JOHN They should do the trick.
5.INT. CONCERT HALLThe orchestra, under duress, keeps on playing.Phil sits with his feet resting on the headless corpse.Idly, he twirls the severed head around by the ponytail.Alex leans as far away from his overlord as he can.INT. BACKSTAGEJohn and Ann have their hands up. LEAD GUNMAN Do you realize, I mean really realize, the magnitude of your idiocy right now? JOHN Come again? LEAD GUNMAN You’re rebelling against a man who can’t be killed, can eviscerate you thoroughly with just a thought, and has a batcrap crazy temper. SECOND GUNMAN I’m gunna tell ’im you said that. LEAD GUNMAN We’re about to kill the leader of the rebellion, you jackass. He’s not going to care.He turns to John. LEAD GUNMAN You saved our island once. You saved all our lives. I wish I didn’t have to kill you. ANN We wish we didn’t have to kill you either, but there we go.The third gunman shakes back his hood. DANNY ELMSDALE.Quickly, he points his pistol at the other two gunmen andpulls the trigger twice.They collapse before they can react, holes in their heads.
6.John and Ann lower their hands as Danny fist pumps. DANNY YES. Was that not badass? JOHN I suppose in some circles, it may be thought of that way. DANNY Pretty sure it was badass. JOHN Well, I’m just glad you got into position on time. DANNY Come on. Dad always said I was the reliable one. ANN Is Julia ready on her end?Danny holds up a cell phone. DANNY She’s listening in right now.EXT. CONCERT HALL - EVENING - CONTINUOUSJULIA ALBERTON is concealed in an unseen location. One handis gripped around an unseen object, the other holds a phone. JULIA I’m in place, waiting for your signal. Try not to die, sweetheart.INT. BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS DANNY And you.Footsteps are heard pounding in the corridor outside. JOHN Here we go. Load up!He and Ann scoop up the silenced pistols of the dead gunmen.As the door bursts open, a small flood of armed henchmenburst in. John, Ann, and Danny simultaneously open fire.
7.A hail of silent bullets mow down the first four men. Thefifth, a man with a machine gun, dives into the room.The three find cover as the henchmen fires a burst at them.INT. CONCERT HALL - CONTINUOUSThe machine gun is heard very plainly over the sound of theorchestra. The band comes to a halt.Many in the orchestra turn in their seats, looking towardthe sound. A loud snap and a cry of pain brings them around.Phil has assumed the position on the conductor’s podium. Hispredecessor writhes in agony on the ground. PHIL No one told you to stop. Let’s pick up where you left off.The orchestra quickly gets ready to resume playing. Philholds up the conductor’s grotesquely severed hand, whichstill has the baton clenched tight. PHIL I’ve always wanted to do this.The conductor, now down one hand, watches from the ground asPhil waves the baton and hand that were once his. Theorchestra plays on.INT. BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUSJohn huddles behind a disused pummel horse as the armedhenchmen fires in his general direction.Out of sight behind a paper backdrop, Danny climbs adangling rope weighed down by a sandbag.John blindly returns some gunfire from his hiding place, butthe armed henchmen keeps on coming.From the doorway, four more mooks burst in.Danny grabs the rail of a catwalk and hoists himself on.The machine gunned henchman closes in on John’s hiding spot.PTEW.And he goes down as Danny fires off from the catwalk.
8. DANNY YES! That’s two!But a mook holding a shotgun hears him and blasts upwards inhis direction. Danny flattens himself to the floor.At that moment, John is accosted by another goon, who grabshim and hurtles through a rack of costumes.John lands entangled in a pile of Victorian era costumes,but spots some colorful wine bottles on a nearby bureau.As the goon steps from behind the rack, John scoops thebottles up and hurtles them in rapid succession.Three bottles crash into the goon, but he’s barely fazed.John frowns. Breakaway bottles.The goon dives at John and the two struggle.Ann sneaks forward, spots the mook with the shotgunadvancing on John.John hurtles the goon upward. With a sickening crunch, hecrashes into a stage light and falls back to earth.The mook with the shotgun has John in sight.Ann sees something on a nearby cabinet and scoops it up.The mook points his gun at John’s head as Ann races forward.She holds a knife to the mook’s throat. ANN Don’t move.John turns. The mook looks at the knife in Ann’s hand. MOOK That’s a prop knife.Ann responds by knocking him out with a right hook. ANN Well, that was a real fist.John raises one hand. JOHN Gimmee some.Ann obliges, they high five. But John sees something coming.
9. JOHN Whoops. Duck for a second.Ann ducks as another henchmen dives from nowhere, real knifein hand. John grabs him mid air and flings him away.INT. CONCERT HALL - CONTINUOUSThe henchmen is hurtled through the curtain, crashing intothe startled base drum player. The band stops again.Phil rolls his eyes. PHIL Allll right. Let’s see what the fuss is about.He hauls the whimpering conductor back to his feet, shovingthe baton back into his remaining hand. PHIL Bring us home.INT. BACKSTAGEThe remaining henchman bravely charges at John’s back, butas John turns and glares sternly, he screeches to a halt. JOHN Leave. Now.The henchman obliges. He turns on his heel, runs......Straight into a suddenly present Phil. Phil grabs thedeserter and hurls him straight at John, who ducks.As the hapless henchmen crashes unconscious to the floor,Ann and Danny’s attention turn to the Overlord. PHIL You know, that’s the problem with ruling through fear. Sure, everyone does what you want, and the parking space is unbelievable. But when it comes down to it, no one is willing to die for you. Not when your enemy can kill them just as good.He gestures at John, who dives upwards as a telekineticburst of energy explodes a dangling sandbag.John grabs a thick support beam.
10. PHIL So of course, the hands-on rebellion squashing falls to me.As John hoists himself onto the beam, Phil appears next tohim and wallops him in the face. John staggers. PHIL Luckily, I forgot how fun it is.He swings again, but John ducks and sweeps his legs. Philloses his balance and teeters on the edge of the beam.John takes to the air, soaring around in a loop and tacklingPhil. He falls off the beam, but grabs it with one hand.Drawing his pistol as he flies, John grabs the beam, swingsaround, and comes face to face with Phil.Point blank, John fires five times between Phil’s eyes.Phil absorbs each and every bullet. Not even a welt. PHIL Well, that stung, I grant you. But-John points the gun at Phil’s hand. BANG.Startled, Phil loses his grip on the beam and crashes to theground, decimating a trunk filled with wigs.Phil gets up, and glares upwards. No one is there.But as he starts to creep around, John’s voice is heard. JOHN (O.S.) We’re here to take responsibility for you, Phil. You knew what you were getting into when you took that serum, but it was my fault you were in that position in the place. You were a good person.Phil rolls his eyes. JOHN (O.S.) But it’s fair to say that the Phil we knew is dead and gone, isn’t he?Phil keeps looking around as he responds.
11. PHIL Don’t be as melodramatic as all that, John. My priorities have shifted, that’s all. Maybe if you attain immortality, you’ll also realize that life is about having fun. Things like morality, or consequences, or stupid little crushes, they’ll all seem so irrelevant. Ooh, speaking of.He seizes a paper backdrop of a forest and rips it down,revealing Ann. Phil steps forward. PHIL (CONT.) I am so over you.Ann responds by scooping up a nearby can of hairspray andletting lose into Phil’s eyes. He reels. PHIL OW! Sonuva...John dives from the rafters, swinging in on one of thesandbag ropes. He kicks Phil right in the chest, and hestaggers into the back wall.Danny, from his vantage point, opens his cell phone. DANNY He’s in place. Fire at will.EXT. CONCERT HALL - EVENING - CONTINUOUS JULIA Will do.Julia has got a bazooka mounted in the bushes across thestreet from the theatre, aimed straight at the outer wall.She pulls the trigger.INT. BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUSThere is a tremendous flash of fire as the back wall of thetheatre explodes, sending Phil flying in a hailstorm ofrubble. He lands face up among the debris.From the catwalk, Danny throws down a weighted net, whichexpands and envelopes Phil.At the same time, John races forward.
12. JOHN Poison!Ann quickly pulls and uncaps a syringe from her pocket andtosses it to John, who reaches Phil.Spinning around, John catches the syringe, plunges it down.And the needle snaps against Phil’s throat.Phil opens his eyes. PHIL Really? That’s it?With a gesture, he sends John hurtling upwards. He crashespainfully onto a catwalk about twenty feet up.As John gets up, Phil appears in front of him.John raises his hand, but instead begins coughing mightily.Danny descends the rope to the floor and looks up with Ann,as John keels over. PHIL Can’t shake that nasty perma-cold, John? I know what that was like. But I’m invincible now. It’s great.He yanks John to his feet. PHIL So, you and your little camp of freedom fighters? It’s not like you can cause me any actual grief. You’re like a dandelion infestation, or a PBS Pledge Drive.As John struggles, Phil holds him over the ledge. PHIL But now, I’m afraid this period of detente is at an end. I will find your camp, I will murder anyone I find there. You annoyed me a bit more than usual tonight, and they will pay the price. Return to your camp and relay that message.John has a another coughing fit. Phil frowns.
13. PHIL Or have Ann do it. I don’t think you’ll last that long.With that, he tosses John off the catwalk, who plummets thetwenty feet to the ground. Ann and Danny race to his side. PHIL Get ready for the curtain call, kids. Because tonight? You took your final bow.He laughs and vanishes into thin air.Ann and Danny have helped John to his feet and the three arescrambling for the exit when Phil reappears on the catwalk. PHIL I’ve got a better one. "John, hope you didn’t break a leg just now!"He laughs, and then shakes his head. PHIL I was right the first time.John, Ann, and Danny exit through the hole in the wallwithout looking back.INT. CONCERT HALL - CONTINUOUSAs the orchestra wraps up the waltz, Phil reappears next tohis chair and sits down next to Alex. PHIL I love the thee-ay-tre.The band finishes with a flourish. The conductor instantlykeels forward and knocks over a music stand.Phil leaps to his feet and claps enthusiastically.