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36 Great Ways to Fail at Social Media


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Attention: This post contains strong irony! Do NOT follow this advice :)

If you are a Social Media Marketing Manager or Consultant, this might make you laugh and brighten your day a little, so enjoy our tips on how to fail at Social Media Marketing!

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36 Great Ways to Fail at Social Media

  1. 1. jupit Maria Haase How to Fail at Social Media <Edit: As some readers might have misunderstood my post, here some clarif ication: !!!ATTENTION: THIS POST CONTAINS SARCASM AND IRONY!!!/End Edit> A: “Hey, with your new company and all, do you do social media? I heard it can bring you lots of sales and traf f ic to your website!” B: “Ah, shut up, I tried this stuf f . I set up a Twitter account and a Facebook page and all and spend all this time on it and it did not get me a single lead! Social media is a waste of time!” A lot of people, companies and entrepreneurs share this point of view. If you want to agree with them, f ollow these great instructions to f inally proof that Social Media is a waste of time. Here is a list of 36 great ways how to f ail at Social Media: # 1: Setting up a Facebook page and a Twitter account is all you need to do! # 2: Have your niece be your social media expert, because she has 300+ f riends on Facebook! # 3: Update your Twitter account every 2 weeks, you don’t want to be a spammer, right? # 4: Let’s create a company blog on a WordPress domain! # 5: Sending every single link to your company website or blog! # 6: Set your Twitter account to protected! # 7: Make your Facebook page only visible to your f ans! # 8: Tweet about your cof f ee! Every single morning! Multiple times, somebody could have missed it! # 9: Send your Followers a DM with a link to a spam website! # 10: Not have a single post on Twitter and expect people to f ollow you! # 11: Write about yourself , all the time, everywhere! # 12: Never, ever give advice or share a link! Don’t you ever do that, understood!!! # 13: Use the pushiest sales talk you can think of ! Create new words: Ultraextremeawesomeness! # 14: TWEET ALL IN CAPITAL LETTERS! EXTRA POINTS!!! # 15: Have a tirade about your competitors! They suck and it is your duty to warn people about them! # 16: Even better: Randomly retweet other people’s tweets and send your f ollowers to your competition! # 17: End every sentence in your tweet with an exclamation
  2. 2. point! Darn I am good at this one! # 18: No matter what, do not listen to what other people have to say! Don’t read your DM’s @’s and delete ALL comments on your blog # 19: Never use the Search.Twitter to search f or your company name. Reading this could harm your company’s reputation. # 20: Use dif f erent user names, spellings and logos f or every prof ile you create # 21: Now I am getting mean: Let your accountant write your blog posts # 22: Spend a f ortune on the blog design, and $ 3.00 per blog post! # 23: Your number one goal should be: have 200,000 f ollowers on twitter, so always f ollow as many people as Twitter allows you # 24: RT your links to your website at least 2 x per hour! People are not on Twitter 24/7! You have to get the word out! # 25: Only Facebook and Twitter really count as Social Media # 26: Close comments on your blog! You are the boss, your customers should listen to you, not the other way around! # 27: Oh wow, my lucky number # 28: Talk bad about customers, with several Million users, how should they ever f ind you? # 29: Use your keywords, at least twice in every paragraph, so be sure to use your keywords in your paragraphs at least twice! # 30: Switch all your marketing budget to social media, because if you don’t f ind 1,000 new customers by next month, you will be out of business # 31: Don’t waste your time reading other blog posts, especially those related to your industry! You know it better anyways # 32: Content on your blog is not important. Rather spend this time to write comments on any blog you can f ind, and don’t worry if they aren’t in your niche. # 33: But don’t waste time writing lengthy comments either: Two words max, but be sure to use your keywords as your commentator name # 34: Don’t worry about “target market”! Your product/service is so great, everyone will want it # 35: If your blog does not get you a lead or a sale in less than 2 weeks -> stop it, it’s not working! # 36: It is ok to copy your content f rom other websites and you do not have to ref erence them in any way. Social Media is about sharing right? I hope you liked this little list of ways how to f ail at Social Media! Do you have more? Please share them and I promise I will delete them without reading!
  3. 3. Images: Courtesy of JNFerree