Grade 12- Our Lady of the
Let’s play a game
– Form groups with 3 members.
– For Row 1: Identify members who will be student A, B or C
– For Row 2: Identify members who will be student D, E or F
– Every letter will be called outside, so make sure to listen well.
–Define listening skills;
–Determine listening strategies to be
used in daily living; and
–Explain how important listening is.
What is listening?
• Listening is a great skill. It builds trust and
encourages problem solving but it takes practice.
• It’s more complicated than you might think – Most
people don’t think about it – it is second nature.
• Good listening enables people to tell their story.
Types of Listening
• Reflexive listening: this is what the listener hears in their own mind.
It can lead to assumptions that are wrong.
• External listening: this is what the listener hears from the person,
the words they say and how they say them – how they see things.
• Intuitive listening : this is what the listener feels abut the person.
He/she attends to the patterns and areas that are avoided.
• Holding silence: Giving people time to think and then speak. This is
hard to do – ‘hold your fire.’
Blocks to effective listening
– Poor listeners may demonstrate these behaviours:
• knowing the answer
• trying to be helpful
• trying to influence or impress
• making assumptions
• only hearing what you want to hear
• being in a hurry
• looking for points to argue with
• feeling nervous or vulnerable
Negative listening habits to
• The FAKER: mind is elsewhere
• The INTERRUPTER
• The INTELLECTUAL or LOGICAL LISTENER: interprets and
• The HAPPY HOOKER: steals the focus
• The REBUTTAL maker: looking for a mistake, an argument or
• The ADVICE giver: can be good but can be a turn off
Common Listening issues:
•Tuning in and out – on average we think approximately four times
faster than we speak, leading to listeners tuning out, using the space to
address their own thoughts, to daydream rather than staying tuned into
•The glazed look – there are times when an individual will concentrate
on the speaker rather than on what is being said for whatever reason,
bringing on that glazed look on the face of those listening. We can all tell
when this is happening.
•Mentee-centred – It is important to remember that the person is more
important than the issues discussed. Our discussions should always work
around the development of the mentee and not the subject.
Common Listening issues:
•Becoming heated – certain trigger phrases, words and views may
cause mentors to feel as if they should dive in with their own opinions;
resulting in the mentee becoming irritated, upset and switching-off. It
is better to hold back on this even if you disagree.
•Giving space – during discussions the mentee will have silences and
spaces, which will vary in length. Avoid the temptation to rush in and
fill these, as we all have differing periods of reflection and thinking. It
is important to allow the mentee time to internalise their thoughts.
Silence can often be an indication that thinking is going on.
To summarise, good listening
• Paying attention: non-verbal, verbal and allowing people to
finish, being aware of body language
• Checking understanding: paraphrasing, summarising, reflecting
back the words.
• Allowing for silence: don’t rush in or interrupt. Allow reflection
to take place.
• Encourage exploration: “tell me more about that.” Make it clear
that you want to support the person in reflecting and