Afraid of being taken seriously? Can't handle the pressure of a large following? If so, these simple blogging tips for guaranteed failure are for you!

1. How to Screw Up
A Blog Post
in 7 Easy Steps!
Inklyo.com presents:

2. Afraid Your Blog May
Actually Do Well?
Who has the time or energy to
maintain a successful blog? Not
you, that's for sure. Follow these
simple blogging tips to make sure
your blog is a complete and utter
dud—in fact, its boo-boos won't
even go viral. It'll even fail at
failing.

3. Typos, punctuation errors, and painful
spelling mistakes are the quickest, easiest
way to give your blog a death sentence
(ooh, the puns). After all, a clean,
error-free post might actually make you
look credible, and you don't want that.
1. Don't proofread.

4. 2. Remove all comprehensible
train of thought.
You know what happens when your writing
is easy to read and has a logical flow, don't
you? People might *gasp* keep reading it.
All structure, consistency of tone, and clear
thought processes must be removed from
your writing. Immediately.

5. 3. Post irregularly, if at all.
You really need to take care of
those annoying Internet prowlers
who have decided that your blog is
interesting, or they'll stick around
no matter what. How can you rid
yourself of such pests? Well, stop
posting, of course! Or, if you must,
post at random with long stretches
of silence in between.

6. 4. Steal whenever possible.
What's the fastest way to stir up the anger
pot? Why, stealing intellectual or creative
property, of course! Hijack ideas, writing
styles, photos, or other created media, and
don't credit any of the original sources. Be
prepared for the initial wave of attention
your blog will receive (what horror!) when
people start to realize you're stealing their
material, but worry not—it's all negative
attention, and it won't last.
Once your integrity is destroyed,
pesky subscribers will no longer
be an issue.

7. 5. Plaster blank space with
gaudy advertisements.
Lucky for you, there's a fail-safe to divert readers from even the best
content: gratuitous advertising. Banner ads, pop-ups, and sidebar
post-its will send potential subscribers—even the ones who really want
to stay—away from your blog with grimaces on their faces and carpal
tunnel in their primary click fingers. Did you know the speed at which a
user runs from your page is directly proportional to the degree to which
ads are unrelated to your blog's topic?

8. 6. Fill up on keywords.
Google keeps getting smarter and
faster when it comes to finding more
ways to send people to your page.
How rude! Lucky for you, there are
always new ways to convince the
Google bots that your page isn't
worth visiting. Some of the latest?
Saturating your content, tags, and
anchors with keywords, of course!

9. 7. Ignore your readers.
Readers stick around when they feel like they're getting a
personalized, relevant, engaging experience, which of course
you don't want. You should never reply to readers when they
make an effort to communicate with you. That would just
make them feel too validated and like they actually gained
something from your blog. Yuck.

10. In summary . . .
Be a bore. Be inconsistent. Over-advertise. Refuse to communicate.
Publish your typos. Steal. Confuse. Distract. Disappear. Such are the
magic tools by which you can keep your blog safe from Internet success.
Now, who wants to hang out on MySpace?
Want to learn more?
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