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Empathy: A Keystone Habit

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Video and slides synchronized, mp3 and slide download available at URL https://bit.ly/2WHh7sS.

Paul Tevis explores how empathy – the ability to understand others' needs and ensure that they know that you understand them – is what Charles Duhigg calls a "keystone habit", a behavior change that unlocks other cascading behavior changes. He tries demystify what empathy is and give simple tools to enhance the practice of empathy. Filmed at qconsf.com.

Paul Tevis is a trainer, facilitator, and collaboration specialist at AppFolio in Santa Barbara, CA. His passion is helping people and organizations become the best possible versions of themselves.

Published in: Technology
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Empathy: A Keystone Habit

  1. 1. Empathy: A Keystone Habit Paul Tevis @ptevis AppFolio
  2. 2. InfoQ.com: News & Community Site • Over 1,000,000 software developers, architects and CTOs read the site world- wide every month • 250,000 senior developers subscribe to our weekly newsletter • Published in 4 languages (English, Chinese, Japanese and Brazilian Portuguese) • Post content from our QCon conferences • 2 dedicated podcast channels: The InfoQ Podcast, with a focus on Architecture and The Engineering Culture Podcast, with a focus on building • 96 deep dives on innovative topics packed as downloadable emags and minibooks • Over 40 new content items per week Watch the video with slide synchronization on InfoQ.com! https://www.infoq.com/presentations/ empathy-keystone-habit
  3. 3. Purpose of QCon - to empower software development by facilitating the spread of knowledge and innovation Strategy - practitioner-driven conference designed for YOU: influencers of change and innovation in your teams - speakers and topics driving the evolution and innovation - connecting and catalyzing the influencers and innovators Highlights - attended by more than 12,000 delegates since 2007 - held in 9 cities worldwide Presented at QCon San Francisco www.qconsf.com
  4. 4. “A keystone species is an organism that helps define an entire ecosystem. Without its keystone species, the ecosystem would be dramatically different or cease to exist altogether.” National Geographic Society
  5. 5. Empathy is a Keystone Habit Paul Tevis @ptevis AppFolio
  6. 6. The presence or absence of empathy determines whether or not a human ecosystem can flourish
  7. 7. Developing the habit of empathy can make you a keystone contributor in your organization
  8. 8. Understanding Empathy Understanding Yourself Understanding Others Understanding Each Other
  9. 9. Seven things you can try
  10. 10. Two disclaimers
  11. 11. “Well, now I’m dropping names almost constantly. That’s what Kanye West keeps telling me...”Weird Al Yankovic, “Tacky”
  12. 12. Understanding Empathy
  13. 13. Merriam-Webster
  14. 14. Perspective-Taking
  15. 15. Raise your hand if your job would be easier if you were better at... building trust.
  16. 16. Raise your hand if your job would be easier if you were better at... influencing others.
  17. 17. Raise your hand if your job would be easier if you were better at... enabling collaboration.
  18. 18. Raise your hand if your job would be easier if you were better at... working with conflict.
  19. 19. Research has shown that perspective-taking helps with: ● Creativity ● Interpersonal conflict ● Bias and stereotype reduction ● Relationships & social bonds
  20. 20. Work happens within the container of relationships
  21. 21. Understanding Yourself
  22. 22. Self-awareness is the first step towards understanding others
  23. 23. Personality Assessments DISC Predictive Index StrengthsFinder Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator
  24. 24. The F-word
  25. 25. Feelings
  26. 26. Tip #1: Treat Feelings as Data Dr. Marshall Rosenberg
  27. 27. What am I observing?
  28. 28. What feeling am I experiencing?
  29. 29. What need of mine is/isn’t being met right now that gives rise to that feeling?
  30. 30. What might I do to help meet it?
  31. 31. Understanding Others
  32. 32. Tip #2: Listen at Level 2 (at least)
  33. 33. Levels of Listening
  34. 34. Levels of Listening 1. Internal Listening (Self)
  35. 35. Levels of Listening 1. Internal Listening (Self) 2. Focused Listening (Other)
  36. 36. Levels of Listening 1. Internal Listening (Self) 2. Focused Listening (Other) 3. Global Listening (Context)
  37. 37. Empathic Presence
  38. 38. Tip #3: Notice Your Judgements Dr. Virginia Satir
  39. 39. Satir Interaction Model 1. Intake 2. Meaning 3. Significance 4. Response
  40. 40. Satir Interaction Model (Simplified) 1. What did I just see or hear?
  41. 41. Satir Interaction Model (Simplified) 1. What did I just see or hear? 2. What did that mean?
  42. 42. Satir Interaction Model (Simplified) 1. What did I just see or hear? 2. What did that mean? 3. How do I feel about that?
  43. 43. Satir Interaction Model (Simplified) 1. What did I just see or hear? 2. What did that mean? 3. How do I feel about that? 4. What will do I now?
  44. 44. Satir Interaction Model (Simplified) 1. What did I just see or hear? 2. What did that mean? 3. How do I feel about that? 4. What will do I now?
  45. 45. What story am I telling myself about what I just saw or heard?
  46. 46. Tip #4: Ask WTF?
  47. 47. Tip #4: Ask Where’s That From? Ellen Grove
  48. 48. Fundamental Attribution Error
  49. 49. My actions are a reflection of my circumstances. Your actions are a reflection of your character.
  50. 50. Understanding Each Other
  51. 51. Tip #5: Help Others Empty Their Cup Lee Jun-fan (Bruce Lee)
  52. 52. Knowing that their ideas are understood by someone else helps the other person to empty their cup.
  53. 53. Reflective Listening
  54. 54. Advanced move: You can ask for help emptying your own cup.
  55. 55. Tip #6: Know & Disclose Jim McCarthy
  56. 56. Tip #7: Ask for Reactions Me?
  57. 57. When things get tricky, slow down and help with the processing.
  58. 58. Ways to ask for reactions:
  59. 59. Ways to ask for reactions: ● How was it to hear that?
  60. 60. Ways to ask for reactions: ● How was it to hear that? ● How does that land with you?
  61. 61. Ways to ask for reactions: ● How was it to hear that? ● How does that land with you? ● What does that bring up for you?
  62. 62. Ways to ask for reactions: ● How was it to hear that? ● How does that land with you? ● What does that bring up for you? ● I’m wondering if that was hard to hear...
  63. 63. Understanding Empathy Understanding Yourself Understanding Others Understanding Each Other
  64. 64. Treat Feelings as Data Listen at Level 2 (At least) Notice Your Judgements Ask “Where’s That From?” Help Others Empty Their Cup Know & Disclose Ask for Reactions
  65. 65. These things are simple. That doesn’t mean they’re easy.
  66. 66. ● https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Safari_Endeavour.jpg (Wolfgang Kähler) ● https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Urchin.jpg (Ratha Grimes) ● https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:2010-bald-eagle-with-fish.jpg (Yathin S Krishnappa) ● https://www.flickr.com/photos/kitpfish/3419118775 (KitAy) ● https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Duhigg#/media/File:Charles_Du higg_at_the_Leading_Through_Excellence_summit_in_2013.jpg (Ohio State University Center for Operational Excellence) ● https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:THE_LIFE_OF_VULTURE.jpg (Ayush1025) This presentation is released under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 license. Many of the images are in the public domain. The following images are used under a CC license which requires attribution: ● https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Kyle-cassidy-weird-al-yankovic.jpg (Kyle Cassidy) ● https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Marshall_Rosenberg.jpg (Beth Banning) ● https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Proxy_pattern_diagram.svg (TravisHein) ● https://www.flickr.com/photos/68147320@N02/15514029317 (T.Tseng) ● https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Jim_McCarthy.jpg (Rkasper)
  67. 67. Watch the video with slide synchronization on InfoQ.com! https://www.infoq.com/presentations/ empathy-keystone-habit

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