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Dealing With Difficult People


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Dealing With Difficult People

  1. 1. 2013 Governor’s Conference on Service and Nonprofit Capacity Building Dealing with Difficult People
  2. 2. Content Feelings Demand Relationship Hearing / no processing Minimal processing Normal processing Deep processing Parts of Communication
  3. 3. Inquiry is any attempt to gain further information about the topic being discussed. Advocacy is any attempt to sell or persuade for an individual’s position. INQUIRY
  4. 4. Empathy is attending to and responding to the feelings of the other person. Neutrality means ignoring the feelings of the other person or, worse, demeaning them in some way. EMPATHY
  5. 5. Tentative statements are those that make room for another opinion. They are not dogmatic. Certain or dogmatic statements are those presented as absolute truth with no room for another opinion. TENTATIVE
  6. 6. Equal statements are those that maintain or enhance the self worth of the other. Superior statements are those that put the other person ‘down’ or lessen them in some way. EQUALITY
  7. 7. Descriptive responses seek to enhance or expand the information shared. Evaluative statements make judgments about the information presented. DESCRIPTION
  8. 8. Problem responses or statements explore the definition of a situation. Solution or control responses offer remedies for the problem without further exploration. PROBLEM
  9. 9. Spontaneous or transparent statements make no attempt to hide the speaker’s agenda. Strategic statements do attempt to hide the agenda or ends of the speaker. SPONTANEITY
  10. 10. Content Hearing / no processing Spouses/opposite rooms. Are you listening? What did I just say? Demand Relationship I want to be heard. I know what you mean / feel your pain. Share an event that generates similar feelings. Use a feeling word: “I’d be devastated if my pet got hit.” Acknowledges their non-verbal behavior. Minimal processing Normal processing Deep processing Feelings Follow your curiosity, ask questions What, exactly, would you like me to do? What do you want from me? Parts of Communication
  11. 11. Inquire, don’t advocate Demonstrate empathy rather than being neutral Rely on tentative, rather than dogmatic, statements Use language that promotes equality, rather than superiority  Seek descriptive ways to expand your understanding without judging  Offer problem responses, rather than solution responses  Be spontaneous and transparent.     Gibbs’ Techniques
  12. 12. Respond, don’t react. Bracket your own emotions. Focus on the message – acknowledge all 4 parts of it. Listen without judging. Wait to formulate any response until the other person is done talking.  Pause and reflect on what you heard; check for meaning.  Verbalize what you’re thinking: don’t imply a message, make it clear.     Active Listening
  13. 13. Gibb, J.R. (1991). Trust: a new vision of human relationships for business, human relationships, family, and personal life. Newcastle Publishing: North Hollywood, CA. References
  14. 14. For attending our session. We enjoyed meeting each of you, combining our experiences with yours, and invite you to continue our conversation. •Steve at 317-442-7226; •Marje at 260-416-2666; or through our website at (under construction!) Thanks!