Why Ohio State can’t beat an SEC team… Ohio cooking Southern cookin’
Okay…This week we all find out how each team’s season is likely to wind up after a couple of big games last week. We have more of the same this week in the conference. One thing I forgot last week was Week Three’s SEC Players of the week, so here they are along with Week Four’s
Week Three Offensive Player – Mike Hartline, QB – Kentucky Defensive Player – Rennie Curran, LB – Georgia Special Teams Player – Trendon Holliday, Return Specialist – LSU Offensive Linemen – Chris Scott, OT – Tennessee Defensive Linemen – Jessie Bowman, DT – Mississippi St. Freshman Player – Julio Jones, WR – Alabama
Week Four Offensive Player – Charles Scott, RB – LSU Defensive Player – Ryan Hamilton, FS – Vandy Special Teams Player – Brandon James, Return Specialist – Florida Offensive Linemen – Andre Smith, OT – Alabama Defensive Linemen – Peria Perry, DT – Mississippi Freshman Player – A.J. Green, Flanker – Georgia
Hello boys and girls. Let’s look at Week Five. The Gators host the Rebs, Georgia and Alabama go toe to toe, EweT versus Auburn, LSU you hosts Sly and the Family Croom, Texas hosts the Pigs, SC and UAB go at it and UK hosts the Western KY Hilltoppers. Vandy is off. Granny Goose
Stevie Wonderful takes on the Dragons of UAB. Will he keep Smelley as his QB? Can the offense move the ball? Will the Ol’ Ball Coach retire? Dreaming about Offense
South Carolina! Carolina continues to have it’s problems.
LSU has invited the Bulldogs in to the Red Stick for a test of defensive wills. I guess the lowest score we can get would be 2-0 and maybe they’ll try for that. The golden girls will probably be more offensive than either team.
LSU! This game will require some creative thinking to get the ball across the goal line.
Awburn has the Vols this week..in Auburn, Alabamer. Tubber versus Flubber. Will Tennessee go 0-2 in conference play and 1-3 overall? Will Aw shucks Awburn fold at home? Check it out.
The Tide rolls into Athens with a chip on their shoulder. This one has ESPN Game Day and the dawg crowd plans a “black out”
Alabama! This one is an upset special. There is a lot of hype as the ESPN Game Day Crew comes rolling in. This one will be a nail-biter! I predicted in preseason that Bama would win the SEC, so they’ll have to begin on Saturday.
Vandy has the week off and will be watching Auburn who they play next week at home. The fluff is off the Vandy schedule now. The goal from here on out is to make it to a bowl. Dare to Dream
Arkansas goes to Austin to see if they can wrangle up some beef: Longhorn style. Petrino is apparently still coaching the Hawgs (ya never know with this guy) so maybe he’ll come up with something to keep it close.
This Hawg fan is either yawning, cheering or crying as the Longhorns beat up on Ar-Kansas. This game will get as ugly as this guy. Texas!!!
Kentucky has little brother Western Kentucky visiting this week. The Hilltoppers just got pounded by Alabama and this gives the Cats an opportunity to use the Bama game as a benchmark of quality. The Cats have to go to Tuscaloosa next week.
Kentucky Brooks is not happy that he’s lost three of his best players to injury in the last game. He’s Not happy with his receivers or his offensive line and his pass defense gave up over 300 yards against MTSU. Brooks has had to reduce the number of wide receivers to a manageable number due to inexperience. Can he get what he wants from the youth movement? This one will not be a test so Joker Phillips can experiment some. Off to the races!
Florida brings in the Rebels of Mississippi for lunch an SEC East-West match-up. All that dress-up stuff they do in Oxford will be a waste of time in Gainesville where the fans are downright hostile towards those who have no reptilian genes.
Granny's Top 10 1. USC (67) beats Oregon St. 2. Florida (19) beats Ole Miss 3. Georgia (2) beats Alabama 4. Oklahoma (12) beats TCU 5 . LSU (44) beats Mississippi St. 6. Alabama (34) LOSES to Georgia 7. BYU (56) bye 8. Texas (24) beats Arkansas 9. Missouri (14) bye 10. Penn St. (49) beats Illinois NCAA Cumulative Strength of Schedule in parentheses
Granny's Top 11 - 25 11. Utah (46) beats Weber St. 12. Auburn (42) beats Tennessee 13. Texas Christian (31) LOSES to Oklahoma 14. Wisconsin (6) beats Michigan 15. Vanderbilt (28) LOSES to Ole Miss 16. Texas Tech (28) bye 17. Kentucky (31) beats Western Kentucky 18. Wake Forest (52) beats Navy 19. Oregon (68) beats Washington St. 20. Clemson (36) beats S.C. State 21. Boise State (81) bye 22. Ohio State (9) LOSES to Minnesota 23. South Florida (85) beats N.C. State 24. Nebraska (9) beats Virginia Tech 25. Virginia Tech (43) LOSES to Nebraska
The Blue Devil Chronicles By Southpark’s Mr. Hanky Duke hosts the Cavaliers of UVA. Virginia has a rather cavalier attitude towards football this year so it should be an interesting game if you think the ACC plays decent football. (sigh) I have to go with the Dookies on this one.
AF-LAC'S Bottom Ten 1. Florida International (104) LOSES to Toledo 2. UTEP (77) LOSES to Central Florida 3. ARMY (106) LOSES to Texas A&M 4. Utah State (46) LOSES to Idaho 5. SMU (91) LOSES to Tulane 6. Syracuse (34) LOSES to Pitt 7. Baylor (2) bye 8. North Texas St.(99) LOSES to Rice 9. Ohio (99) beats VMI 10 . Louisiana-Lafayette (119) LOSES to Kansas St. I would say this is a fluid group and will probably change again next week. Army is looking worse and worse. Creampuffs taste good to those who consume them.
The Brent Musburger Drinking Game WARNING! Play at your own risk. It is conceivable your whole party will be passed out with 8 mins remaining in the 1st quarter. *Note: Partner is spelled "Pardner," because that's the way Brent says it. Rule #1: "The Pardner" A person is picked to be the Pardner at the beginning of the game. The first time Brent says "Pardner," the Pardner has to take 1 drink, and then picks someone else to be the Pardner. The next time Brent says it, the new Pardner has to take 2 drinks, and then pick a new Pardner, and so on and so on. The Pardner must wear a special "Pardner" hat. Rule #2: "Folks" Everyone drinks 1 when Brent says "Folks." However, if Brent says "Hold on Folks", everyone must drink once but the first person to drink has to finish their drink for not holding on. Rule #3: "It's a foot race!". Whenever Brent says "It's a foot race" everyone has to finish their drink. The first one done becomes "That Man" and gets to punch the Pardner in the arm. Rule #4: "There's that man again". After someone becomes "That Man," they get to give away 3 drinks to someone of their choosing the next time Brent says "That Man." That person then becomes "That Man." If Brent says "That Man" before "It's a footrace," The Pardner becomes That Man. If The Pardner becomes That Man first, he gets to punch the new That Man in the arm twice after giving away the 3 drinks. There must also be a special hat for "That Man." Rule #5: "Dr. Pepper". Every time Brent says "Dr. Pepper" everyone has to yell out "I'M A PEPPER!" and take 2 drinks. Afterwards, each person must give out a satisfied "AAAAAAAHHHHH!", as if in a Dr. Pepper commercial. Anyone who fails to do so must drink again. Rule #6: "Jack Arute". Whenever Brent says "Our ol' buddy Jack Arute" everyone has to say "AROOOOOOT!" Last one to do it has to do a shot. If everyone does it simultaneously, the Pardner must do a shot. Rule #7: "In the college game". Whenever Brent says this little gem, everyone must say "Shut the **** up Brent", drink 2, and punch the Pardner in the arm. Rule #8: Mentioning a Big 10 school during a Big 12 game. Whenever Brent does this, the first person who names the Big 10 school's mascot gets to make somebody drink for 11 seconds, since there's 11 schools in the Big 10. Rule #9: Calling a touchdown before the player actually scores. For example, during an interception return, Brent says "It's a touchdown!" before the player actually scores. In this case, everyone must start drinking and continue to drink until the player actually does score. If by some odd event, the player does NOT score, everyone must finish their drink. Rule #10: "Gary, my man". Whenever Brent says "Gary, my man", the Pardner gets to choose someone to be Gary. From that point on, that person must be referred to as "Gary, my man" until the game is over. "Gary, my man" gets to give away 5 drinks the rest of the game any time Brent says "Gary, my man". If someone talks to "Gary, my man" without calling him that, they have to do a shot. If there is someone playing the game actually named Gary, that person is automatically "Gary, my man". Rule #11: "The Major". If Brent has a pet nickname for one of the players during the game, for example calling Major Applewhite "The Major", everyone must drink 5 anytime Brent uses this nickname. However, "Gary, my man" does not drink but gets to give away 5 drinks since this person already has a nickname of their own. Rule #12: "John Saunders". The first time Brent quips with John Saunders, everyone must drink 1. The next time, everyone must drink 2, and so on and so on. Rule #13: In the booth. Whenever there's a camera shot of Brent in the booth, the Pardner must make a toast to Brent. After the toast, everyone must drink 1. Rule #14: "My Friend" Every Pardner gets to choose a "Friend." The friend must always get up to get the Pardner another drink (since the Pardner will be doing quite a bit of that). However, when Brent utters "My Friend" the friend gets to punch the Pardner in the arm for making him get up so much.
Irreverent Football Network Irreverent Football Network This is Lettuce Head reporting for the Irreverent Football Network. We’ll see you next time for the Week Five Results Show. Have a great week!