Parenting, Upbringing of Children by Dr. Kanwal Kaisser

1. Tarbiyat e Aulad
‫و‬ُ‫ن‬َ‫م‬‫آ‬ َ‫ين‬ِ‫ذ‬َّ‫ال‬ ‫ا‬َ‫ه‬ُّ‫ي‬َ‫أ‬ ‫ا‬َ‫ي‬ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬َ‫س‬ُ‫ف‬‫ن‬َ‫أ‬ ‫وا‬ُ‫ق‬ ‫ا‬
‫ا‬ً‫َار‬‫ن‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬‫ي‬ِ‫ل‬ْ‫ه‬َ‫أ‬ َ‫و‬

2. ‫تماضر‬‫الشريد‬ ‫بن‬ ‫الحرث‬ ‫بن‬ ‫عمرو‬ ‫بنت‬‫لمية‬ُ‫س‬‫ال‬
Story of Sahabiyah…....‫الخنساء‬

3. ْ‫ن‬َ‫ع‬ ٌ‫ل‬‫و‬ُ‫ئ‬ْ‫س‬َ‫م‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬ُّ‫ل‬ُ‫ك‬ َ‫و‬ ٍ‫اع‬َ‫ر‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬ُّ‫ل‬ُ‫ك‬ِ‫ه‬ِ‫ت‬َّ‫ي‬ِ‫ع‬َ‫ر‬
Abdullah ibn Umar reported: The Messenger of Allah ‫ﷺ‬ said,
“Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his
flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible
for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he
is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her
husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for
them. The servant of a man is a guardian of the property of
his master and he is responsible for it. Surely, every one of
you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.”
(Sahih Bukhari 6719, Sahih Muslim 1829)

4. Where and How to Start?
Teaching through modeling
Teaching language skills
Teaching problem solving skills
Establishing routines
 Establishing consistency in habits

5. Building coping
parental skills

6. Do not Give Up!!
َ‫َل‬ َ‫و‬َ ْ‫ال‬ ُ‫م‬ُ‫ت‬‫ن‬َ‫أ‬ َ‫و‬ ‫وا‬ُ‫ن‬َ‫ز‬ْ‫ح‬َ‫ت‬ َ‫َل‬ َ‫و‬ ‫وا‬ُ‫ن‬ِ‫ه‬َ‫ت‬‫م‬ُ‫ت‬‫ن‬ُ‫ك‬ ‫ن‬ِ‫إ‬ َ‫ن‬ ْ‫و‬َ‫ل‬ْ‫ع‬‫ي‬ِ‫ن‬ِ‫م‬ْ‫ؤ‬ُّ‫م‬َ‫ن‬
So do not weaken and do not grieve, and you
will be superior if you are [true] believers.
(Ale Imran: 139)
July 22, 2012 Footer text here 6

7. Repeat with patience
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him)reported in the
Hadith in respect of the person who was at fault in
performing his Salat (prayer):
He came to the Prophet (‫)ﷺ‬ and greeted him. The Prophet
(‫)ﷺ‬ responded to the greeting and said, "Go back and repeat
your Salat because you have not performed the Salat
(properly).'' He again performed Salat as he had prayed
before and came to the Prophet (‫)ﷺ‬ and greeted him. The
Prophet (‫)ﷺ‬ responded to the greetings (and repeated his
words to him). This act of repeating (the Salat and the Salam)
was done thrice.
(Riyad as Salihin:15) Footer text here 7

8. Part of ‘Being Parent’
Ability to maintain your composure
Avoid anger and other negative emotions,
when child is unpleasant, non compliant, or
confrontational
Be Warned that child’s distress provides
temptation for quick resolve

9. Work on your Self-talk
Help rather than hurt, your ability to cope with
situations
Distortion or misreading of situation
Hurtful thought is normal reaction
Should I allow something that is not in interest
of child??
What brings immediate but temporary relief…
but doesnt solve issue?

10. Situation Thought
A crying baby I am bad parent
This baby is NEVER happy
Sibling fight I cant stand it when they fight
Why do they hate each other?
Issues in studies He is non-Serious
Teacher must be thinking I am hopeless parent
Out of control at grandparents place They think I don’t raise my kids well
Why do they do worst things here?
Misbehaves My kid is irresponsible
When I was young I always did as my parents
said

11. Park your Problem…
Regain control of your behavior
A positive and challenging thought
 A pop up thought: If I am facing this
situation, Allah has given me potential to
cope with it
Try your new strategies in less emotional
situations

12. Situation Hurtful Thought New Challenging Thought
A crying baby I am bad parent
This baby is NEVER happy
It’s a new experience
Most babies cry
Most of time he is happy baby
Sibling fight I cant stand it when they fight
Why do they hate each other?
It’s an opportunity to teach them
about responsibilities and rights
Issues in studies He is non-Serious
Teacher must be thinking I am hopeless
parent
Let me check out his weak areas
and take baby steps to some
targets
Out of control at
grandparents place
They think I don’t raise my kids well
Why do they do worst things here?
I need to remind my kids in time
“Kids are kids”
Misbehaves My kid is irresponsible
When I was young I always did as my
parents said
Its normal to break some rules at
times, let me analyze why

13. Situation New Challenging Thought Action Plan
A crying baby It’s a new experience
Most babies cry
Most of time he is happy baby
Gather information on when babies
cry
Soothe him by holding
Let him cry for a while
Sibling fight It’s an opportunity to teach them
about responsibilities and rights
Set rules
Listen to both
Remind both of their responsibilities
Issues in studies Let me check out his weak areas and
take baby steps to some targets
Share with teacher
Guide on weak areas
Make studies interesting
Out of control at
grandparents place
I need to remind my kids in time
Kids are kids
Use discipline techniques
Let them learn through
consequences
Misbehaves Its normal to break some rules at
times, let me analyze why
Use alternatives to punishment and
consequences

14. Binding Forces for Tarbiyah of kids
Father
Mother
Grandparents
Relatives
People around

15. Different Stages of Childhood
Newborn
Toddler
Early Childhood
Middle Childhood
Late Childhood
Puberty (Teenage)

16. Your Challenge
Identify your role
Let others take
ownership of their role
Facilitate all in their role
Understand family
teamwork
Father
Mother
Grandpar
ents
Relatives
People
around

17. Commitment
Courtesy
Communication
Care
Contentment
Contribution
Compromise
Sensitivity
Sincerity
Security
Support
Sharing
Adaptation
Accommodation
Appreciation
Acceptance

18. Skillsss for tarbiyat e Aulad…
Own the responsibility
Accept the risks
Accept your family as they are
Promote everyone’s self-esteem
Aim your frustration in right direction
Make yourself happy rather than right
Put motion into your emotions

20. OUR LORD, GRANT US FROM AMONG OUR WIVES AND OFFSPRING COMFORT
TO OUR EYES AND MAKE US AN EXAMPLE FOR THE RIGHTEOUS ) FURQAN:74
َّ‫ر‬ُ‫ق‬ ‫َا‬‫ن‬ِ‫ت‬‫َّا‬‫ي‬ِِّ‫ر‬ُ‫ذ‬ َ‫و‬ ‫َا‬‫ن‬ ِ‫اج‬ َ‫و‬ ْ‫ز‬َ‫أ‬ ْ‫ن‬ِ‫م‬ ‫َا‬‫ن‬َ‫ل‬ ْ‫ب‬َ‫ه‬ ‫َا‬‫ن‬َّ‫ب‬َ‫ر‬‫ي‬ِ‫ي‬َّ‫ت‬ُ‫م‬ْ‫ل‬ِ‫ل‬ ‫َا‬‫ن‬ْ‫ل‬َ‫ل‬ْ‫اج‬ َ‫و‬ ٍ‫ن‬ُ‫ي‬ْ‫ع‬َ‫أ‬ َ‫ َة‬‫ا‬ً‫م‬‫ا‬َ‫م‬ِ‫إ‬ َ‫ن‬

21. To get in touch….
Dr. Kanwal Kaisser/ Hamaray Bachchay
Dr. Kanwal Kaisser @ HamarayBachchay
hbheadoffice@gmail.com
www.hamaraybachchay.com