Welcome to
‘Transforming
Relationships’


A Dynamic Approach
to Team Development
and Leadership

 © Gudrun Frerichs 2008
Effective
Communication
 is crucial for
    success!
Obstacles to Effective
Communication are …
• Lack of Self Awareness
• Prejudice
• Being
• Lack of Connection with Self &
 ...
Quality of Relationships



           RELA
   YOU              OTHER
           TION
           SHIP
Strength of Team
    Relationships

            Weak
 Less
            Bond
Sharing


 More      Stronger
Sharing      Bond
Johari Window
The Making of a Person
Brain Development

• From the moment of birth, the
  young infant depends on the
  mother for adjustments and the
  organi...
Brain Development
The human brain does grow in
response to (moderate) challenge
and new learning”. The development
of the ...
Recognition Theory
Individuals’ ability to express
their needs and desires relies
on the development and
maintenance of:
 ...
Recognition Theory
Self-confidence, self-respect
self-esteem develop in:
• Emotional bonds within close
  relationships – ...
Development of Personality



               1.
The PAC Model
CP       NP          CP       NP


     P                    P




     A                    A



          ...
Drama Triangle
         Persecutor




Victim                Rescuer
Winner’s Triangle
             Assertive




Vulnerable               Caregiver
Communication
Presupposition

All behaviour is motivated
    by positive intention

Every behaviour is useful
    in some context

  The...
NLP Communication Model
Communication


         7% Words
    38 % Quality of Voice
55 % Nonverbal Communication
Rapport: Pacing is …

matching or mirroring
 –Speed of talking,
 –Tone of voice
 –Body posture
 –Biography
 –Representatio...
Representational Systems
     V   Visional

     A   Auditory

     K   Kinesthetic

     O   Olfactory

     G   Gustatory
Visual Characteristics
• are neat and orderly       • are appearance-oriented
• are strong, fast readers   • are good spel...
Visual Predicates
     and Phrases
picture, sight, looks, view, overvi
ew, focus, clear, hazy, vision, twi
nkle and phrase...
Auditory Characteristics
• talk to themselves        • are eloquent speakers
• are easily distracted     • like music more...
Auditory Predicates
   and Phrases
Say, loud, sound, tell, silence,
listen, shout, noisy, talk, ask,
accent, question, cli...
Kinesthetic Characteristics
• respond to physical       • Speak slowly and
  rewards                     gesture a lot
• t...
Kinesthetic Predicates
     and Phrases
 concrete, emotional, sensitive, firm,
 flow, feels, touch, heavy,
 burdensome, ha...
Active Listening

Active listening is clearing your
mind as much as possible and
be fully attentive to the other
person – ...
Giving Feedback
• Is your feedback wanted?
• Be clear on your motives
• Be objective and timely
• Focus on behaviour not p...
Sandwich Example
Your presentation was great.
You made good eye
contact, and were well
prepared. You were a little hard
to...
Receiving Feedback
• Listen to feedback
• Be open
• Understand the message
• Reflect on what to do
• Follow up on feedback
Feedback: TOTE Model

            OPERATE
     TEST




             TEST
     EXIT
Mediation/Communication
         Hierarchy of Ideas
                 Big Picture
               Abstract language
        ...
Conflict Resolution

• Process of attending a dispute
  or a conflict in a way that all
  involved parties have their
  in...
Styles of Resolution

    • Dialogue
    • Conciliation
    • Mediation
    • Arbitration
    • Litigation
Resolution Skills

 • Calling timeout
 • Asking what’s mission
 • Fix the system
 • Non Violent Communication
Universal Needs
• Love
  – Food, warmth, shelter, safety
• Rights
  – Freedom, space, choice,
    equality, respect
• Soli...
Conflict & Needs

Expressions in conflict
situations such as anger,
hurt, and envy inform us
that an important need has
no...
4 Steps of Managing Conflict
   • Make an observation about the
     situation
   • Express your feelings about the
     s...
Conflict Management

Do you want to be right or
do you want to connect?

The core of NVC conflict
management is to connect.
Identify Your Needs

What are you thinking right now
or have you been thinking
during today’s workship?

What does it tell...
Exercise
Observation


  Feeling

   Need


 Request
Congratulations!
THANK YOU
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Transforming Relationships

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Transforming Relationships

  1. 1. Welcome to ‘Transforming Relationships’ A Dynamic Approach to Team Development and Leadership © Gudrun Frerichs 2008
  2. 2. Effective Communication is crucial for success!
  3. 3. Obstacles to Effective Communication are … • Lack of Self Awareness • Prejudice • Being • Lack of Connection with Self & Others • Jumping Ahead • Not Listening
  4. 4. Quality of Relationships RELA YOU OTHER TION SHIP
  5. 5. Strength of Team Relationships Weak Less Bond Sharing More Stronger Sharing Bond
  6. 6. Johari Window
  7. 7. The Making of a Person
  8. 8. Brain Development • From the moment of birth, the young infant depends on the mother for adjustments and the organisation of his or her physiology, for example body temperature, breathing pattern, digestive system, and emotional states.
  9. 9. Brain Development The human brain does grow in response to (moderate) challenge and new learning”. The development of the brain takes place through positive and negative interactions within significant relationships whereby the quality of these interactions is represented in the structures of neural networks
  10. 10. Recognition Theory Individuals’ ability to express their needs and desires relies on the development and maintenance of: »Self-confidence »Self-respect »Self-esteem
  11. 11. Recognition Theory Self-confidence, self-respect self-esteem develop in: • Emotional bonds within close relationships – LOVE • Granting of rights through legal systems – RIGHTS • Shared value orientation within the community - SOLIDARITY
  12. 12. Development of Personality 1.
  13. 13. The PAC Model CP NP CP NP P P A A AC FC AC FC C C
  14. 14. Drama Triangle Persecutor Victim Rescuer
  15. 15. Winner’s Triangle Assertive Vulnerable Caregiver
  16. 16. Communication
  17. 17. Presupposition All behaviour is motivated by positive intention Every behaviour is useful in some context There is no failure – everything is feedback
  18. 18. NLP Communication Model
  19. 19. Communication 7% Words 38 % Quality of Voice 55 % Nonverbal Communication
  20. 20. Rapport: Pacing is … matching or mirroring –Speed of talking, –Tone of voice –Body posture –Biography –Representational systems
  21. 21. Representational Systems V Visional A Auditory K Kinesthetic O Olfactory G Gustatory
  22. 22. Visual Characteristics • are neat and orderly • are appearance-oriented • are strong, fast readers • are good spellers and can • would rather read than actually see the words in be read to their minds • need an overall view • remember what was and purpose seen, rather than heard • forget to relay verbal • memorise by visual messages to others association • would rather do a • have trouble demonstration than make a speech remembering verbal instructions and often ask • often know what to say but can't think of the people to repeat right words themselves
  23. 23. Visual Predicates and Phrases picture, sight, looks, view, overvi ew, focus, clear, hazy, vision, twi nkle and phrases like an eyeful, it appears to me, take a look at, beyond a shadow of a doubt, dim view of things, get a perspective on, mind's eye, rose tinted glasses, tunnel vision, big picture thinking.
  24. 24. Auditory Characteristics • talk to themselves • are eloquent speakers • are easily distracted • like music more than art by noise • learn by remembering • move their lips and what was discussed pronounce the words rather than seen as they read • are talkative, love • enjoy reading aloud and listening discussion, • can mimic tone pitch • struggle with projects and timbre of voice involving visualisation • find writing difficult, • can spell better out loud are better at telling than in writing • speak in rhythmic patterns
  25. 25. Auditory Predicates and Phrases Say, loud, sound, tell, silence, listen, shout, noisy, talk, ask, accent, question, click, rhythm, language, speech, rings a bell, turn a deaf ear, unheard of, o manner of speaking, living in harmony, word for word, loud and clear, I said to myself,
  26. 26. Kinesthetic Characteristics • respond to physical • Speak slowly and rewards gesture a lot • touch people to get • can't sit still for long their attention periods of time • stand close when • can't remember talking to someone geography unless they've actually been • are physically oriented there and move a lot • use action words • learn by manipulating and doing • may have messy handwriting • memorise by walking and seeing • want to act things out • use a finger as a • like involved games pointer when reading
  27. 27. Kinesthetic Predicates and Phrases concrete, emotional, sensitive, firm, flow, feels, touch, heavy, burdensome, hard, weighty, pressure, grasp, lukewarm, foundation, stress, structure, demonstrate and phrases like boils down to, get a load of this, heated argument, keep your shirt on, get a handle on, pull some strings and start from scratch.
  28. 28. Active Listening Active listening is clearing your mind as much as possible and be fully attentive to the other person – without judgements, prejudices, or foregone conclusions.
  29. 29. Giving Feedback • Is your feedback wanted? • Be clear on your motives • Be objective and timely • Focus on behaviour not person • Sandwich your feedback • Make I-statements
  30. 30. Sandwich Example Your presentation was great. You made good eye contact, and were well prepared. You were a little hard to hear at the back of the room, but with some practice you can overcome this. Keep up the good work!
  31. 31. Receiving Feedback • Listen to feedback • Be open • Understand the message • Reflect on what to do • Follow up on feedback
  32. 32. Feedback: TOTE Model OPERATE TEST TEST EXIT
  33. 33. Mediation/Communication Hierarchy of Ideas Big Picture Abstract language Existence Movement Transportation Buses Boats Cars Planes Trains BMW VW Wheels Doors Golf Hub Cap Beatle Nuts Specific/Details Sensory / specific language
  34. 34. Conflict Resolution • Process of attending a dispute or a conflict in a way that all involved parties have their interest acknowledged. • Aim is to arrive at a win- outcome
  35. 35. Styles of Resolution • Dialogue • Conciliation • Mediation • Arbitration • Litigation
  36. 36. Resolution Skills • Calling timeout • Asking what’s mission • Fix the system • Non Violent Communication
  37. 37. Universal Needs • Love – Food, warmth, shelter, safety • Rights – Freedom, space, choice, equality, respect • Solidarity – Connection, appreciation, consideration
  38. 38. Conflict & Needs Expressions in conflict situations such as anger, hurt, and envy inform us that an important need has not been met.
  39. 39. 4 Steps of Managing Conflict • Make an observation about the situation • Express your feelings about the situation • Express your need right now • Request what you want to have happening
  40. 40. Conflict Management Do you want to be right or do you want to connect? The core of NVC conflict management is to connect.
  41. 41. Identify Your Needs What are you thinking right now or have you been thinking during today’s workship? What does it tell you about what were you feeling and needing?
  42. 42. Exercise Observation Feeling Need Request
  43. 43. Congratulations!
  44. 44. THANK YOU

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