How to Get Your Children through the DivorceWhat do you do with the kids during adivorce? While the child custodybattles are just beginning and thecourt hearing is so far away, whatshould you do with your children?Do you let them see you fight, or beunhappy with each other? Do youseparate and take them with one ofyou, or split them up for fairness?Where should they live and whatshould they know? How should you act to better the situation for them?The answers are never simple, nor is there one answer for every situation. You will have to answer thosequestions according to your personal situations.The best advice to give is how to be throughout the entire process. Here is a list of a few attitudes topurvey to help them best cope with the situation.ReassuranceYou should first reach out to them with reassurance. No matter how tough they may look on theoutside, they secretly wonder if everything is going to be okay.They want to know how stable everything’s going to be. Some wonder if it was their fault that theirparents fought so much.Others are sure that there is no chance for a happy, successful marriage if their parents can’t manageone. Sometimes they just need to know that both parents will stay involved in their lives.Sometimes they just want you to be nice to each other. You know the answers to these concerns.Reassure them that everything is going to be okay and answer these questions without them having toask. Tell them that and then tell them a plan that you have to help them with their newfound difficulties.Reassure them as soon as possible and do it often throughout the entire process. They may feel goodabout it today, but everything could change tomorrow when they find one more thing to worry about.
ListenThat leads to the next point, show that you’re willing to talk about it. This means that you are willing tolisten, just as much as you want to be heard.Let them ask questions and tell you how they feel. If they tell you that they don’t care, they’re likelylying.Children care about it; they just may not be willing to share. You know your children best.You know how they react to situations and how they like to deal with stress. Some are quiet about it,hoping that their own bravery will overcome their feelings.Others are verbal about the whole situation. Think back to past experience when they’ve reactedsimilarly and see how you can reach out to them now.Don’t give up just because they push you away. Sometimes you just need to try a new approach.There’s a way to reach them, just find it. When you do find them, don’t be afraid to give them honestand understanding answers—answers that are without blame or lack of respect towards your spouse.As you do this, you’ll find they can do the same with you. They will open up if you open up first.Love Finally, Show excessive amounts of love. Tell them you love them and show them that you mean it. Do things together that will show them that you love them individually and as a couple. These acts of love are often doing things with them that they like. Choose an activity that will allow them to see that you truly care about them and don’t want your relationships with them to change. So first, reassure them throughout the process. Then be willing to talk about it, which includes listening just as much as it means talking.Be honest and true with them, but never defame another. Lastly, show them love.Reach out and love them like they are your children, because they are. These are 3 things you can do tobetter the divorce situation.
Allan & Easton is a law firm that provides the expert assistance of a divorce lawyer to Provo residents.Locals can find real legal help with a divorce lawyer located right in Provo.Photo credit: PCGN7, Pipitdapo