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Adjusting to a Child's Allergy
Diagnosis
Q: I’m struggling to help my family adjust after we found out
one of our children has a serious allergy. Katie is only four
years old, and she was just diagnosed with a wheat allergy.
How can I help my family accept the changes and help
Katie?
Katie is our youngest, and her older siblings are struggling to
understand what is happening, or why we have to make
changes in the kitchen.
To keep Katie safe, we have to make big changes in our entire
household.
One of the issues I’m seeing is that many members of our
family, including my parents and sisters, don’t understand
how serious the allergies are for Katie. They keep saying how
it’s not as serious as a nut allergy. However, it’s serious for
Katie, and she has horrible reactions to wheat.
What can I do to help them understand and keep Katie safe
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around them? I’m worried they’ll keep feeding her wheat.
A: Food allergies should always be taken seriously because
they can be unpredictable. According to the American College
of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology (ACAAI), patients can
experience a variety of symptoms, including anaphylactic
reactions. Allergies can be deadly for some patients.
It’s difficult for families to handle such a diagnosis in a young
child. She may have to spend the rest of her life dealing with
this condition, so it’s hard to accept it.
However, you’re taking the first step to help Katie by
recognizing that she needs her entire family’s support.
Allergies in a young child can lead to hospitalization and
multiple doctor visits. It’s important for your entire family to
recognize the severity of the situation.
You may want to talk to Katie’s doctor and ask for pamphlets
or other printed information that you can share. Your
extended family members may also want to attend some of
Katie’s doctor appointments and ask questions.
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Have a family meeting and discuss Katie’s condition. You’ll
be able to address any questions or concerns they may
have about her allergies.
Q: I like the idea of holding a family meeting to discuss Katie’s
wheat allergy
However, I don’t think it will help with another issue. Katie’s
doctor told me she’s very sensitive to the smallest amount of
wheat. So we have to completely remove all the wheat in our
kitchen because even a crumb can make her sick. That
means we have to completely eliminate a lot of the food that
our family loves.
My other children think I’m taking it too far and just want
me to restrict a few shelves to be wheat-free. I want
everyone to be happy, but I can’t take the risk of crumbs
ending up in Katie’s food.
We’ve already had several visits to the ER because Katie’s
food got contaminated with wheat.
How can I help my other children accept the changes we
need to make for Katie?
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A: Children can have a hard time accepting that a sibling has
an allergy. In addition to the attention the sibling suddenly
receives because of the diagnosis, the household tends to go
through multiple changes.
Your children may not understand how serious Katie’s
allergy is to her health.
You may want to purchase books about allergies or get other
material that helps explain the dangers of allergies to
children. Explain how Katie can end up in the hospital if she
eats a crumb of wheat.
Your other children are part of Katie’s support network. Due
to her young age, she may need them to be her voice in
difficult situations that may involve wheat.
If your doctor has asked you to make big changes in the
kitchen to keep Katie safe, then it’s important to follow
these instructions.
Although your family may need time to adjust to the changes,
they’ll learn to accept them. Katie’s health can’t be put in
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jeopardy every time you cook, so you have to follow the
doctor’s advice.
Q: I intend to follow the doctor’s recommendations for Katie,
but I’m still worried about how she’ll handle the allergy
because she’s so young.
Katie is four and has a hard time understanding why she
suddenly can’t eat some of the food she likes. She thinks
she’s being punished or in trouble. She doesn’t believe me no
matter what I say to calm her down.
What can I do to help Katie understand she has an allergy
and isn’t being punished?
A: It’s important to explain the allergy to Katie on her level.
She needs information that is easy for her to understand. She
won’t be able to process medical jargon or understand what
some of the reactions mean.
Your doctor may also have resources aimed at young
children, such as books, posters, and other fun items that
help children understand more about allergies. You can also
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search online for resources and ask other parents to help
you find them.
Although you don’t want to scare her, Katie needs to know
that eating wheat can make her sick. You may want to remind
her about the recent ER visits you mentioned. It may be
tempting to hide some of the serious issues from a young
child, but her safety depends on understanding the
importance. You’ll simply have to adjust the terminology to
her level.
If Katie misses some of her favorite foods, experiment with
creating new dishes she may like. You can find multiple
cookbooks and online recipes that are designed for people
with allergies. In time, she’ll find substitutes for her former
favorite foods.
Instead of complaining about her health, you may want to
direct all conversations to stay positive. In addition, Katie can
benefit from feeling special at this time.
You may want to purchase a special ID bracelet that notes
her allergy when she’s with others and get her allergy
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stickers. Let Katie participate by picking out her favorite
colors and styles.
Q: I’m surrounded by family, but I feel alone with this issue.
No one else in our family has a wheat allergy, so Katie is the
first. My husband doesn’t understand how she developed it
and blames my difficult pregnancy for creating it. Our doctor
states that my husband is wrong, and it’s not my fault.
Unfortunately, I still feel guilty. Between the shame and
accusations, I feel like I’m dealing with Katie’s health
issues on my own.
I’m tired of dealing with everything on my own, and I need
support. What can I do?
A: Try joining a local support group with other parents who
have children with allergies.
Support groups can help you work on eliminating the guilt
and shame you feel about Katie’s health. They can also
help you learn more about keeping her safe. The group
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members can also offer advice and tips that can help your
household transition to eliminating wheat.
If you can’t find a local support group, then consider joining
an online version. You can find a variety of support groups on
social media such as Facebook.
It sounds like you also want your family’s support.
It’s important to understand that a serious allergy diagnosis is
difficult for some family members to handle and
acknowledge. They may need more time to accept it and
come to terms with Katie’s new diagnosis.
You may also benefit from family or individual therapy if
you’re struggling with shame and guilt.
You don’t have to deal with these difficult emotions on your
own, and therapists can help you cope.
Q: I understand I can join support groups, but they’ll be filled
with strangers.
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I want my husband to be part of my support net. However, he
doesn’t seem interested in helping me educate the entire
family about Katie’s allergies.
Instead, my husband tells the children and everyone else
to go to me if they have questions.
I don’t mind answering their questions, but it would be nice
to have his support and help. I can’t do everything on my
own. I’m already struggling. My husband simply sits and
doesn’t talk while I spend all of my energy trying to explain
things to them.
What can I do to change this and make my husband
understand I need his help with Katie’s health? The stress
is starting to overwhelm me, and I’m worried that it will start
to affect my own health.
A: This is a significant change that affects your whole
household and Katie’s entire life. Your husband may still be
trying to process the diagnosis and figure out how to help.
Your husband can still be an important part of your support
network and make it easier to handle the upcoming battles
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you may face. However, you may just need to give him some
time and space to adjust to Katie’s diagnosis.
Have a calm conversation with your husband and explain
that you need his support right now. He may not
understand that you don’t want to be the only one to answer
questions. He needs to know that you want him to help
educate the children and other family members about Katie’s
health.
You can split the duties, so you don’t feel overwhelmed. For
example, you can answer questions from your parents. Your
husband can answer questions from your other children.
In addition, you can split other family obligations, so your
stress levels are reduced. Try rotating with your husband in
taking Katie to her doctor’s appointments or talking to her
teachers.
With time and patience, your whole family will adjust to these
changes and learn to support Katie in her new path.
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