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Don’t take “No” for an Answer – Essentials for 
Effective Negotiation 
Know your Outcome, your intention and projected 
co...
nominating a spot on the floor and placing a circle on it. The circle is big 
enough to step in and out. The circle become...
We are defining rapport as “The act of engaging and holding the unconscious 
and willing attention of another person in th...
bottom of plant stems and look like a dense forest. The second may look like 
an architect’s plan. 
For us, the skill is t...
When we ask the other party “what do you want that for”, their thoughts turn to 
the intention for having what they want. ...
Find points and levels of agreements 
When we the question “what do you want that for”, and we elicit the intentions 
and ...
Chris is a trainer assessor of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). He has 
over twenty years’ experience in coaching, corp...
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Essentials for Effective Negotiation

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Don’t take no for an answer - Essentials for Effective Negotiation - by Chris Collingwood, Executive Coach, Inspiritive Business Consulting

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Essentials for Effective Negotiation

  1. 1. Don’t take “No” for an Answer – Essentials for Effective Negotiation Know your Outcome, your intention and projected consequences This is a model for use to clarify and specify what someone or a group wants to achieve. This can set the frame for a negotiation. It has applications to projects, forward planning, short and long term goals and any plans to perform, acquire or change something in life. First, we associate into having what we want. We can assist this by articulating our outcome if it is unclear or we can simply step into what it would be like to have that outcome achieved. To establish the consequences attendant upon having our outcome, we imagine moving forward in time to discover what ensues as a result of having our outcome. If we discover unwanted consequences, we can change the outcome. To discover the intent for pursuing our outcome we ask the question, “what is that out come for”, what do I want that for, or what will I achieve through having that outcome. Ideally, the intent and the consequences will match. If they do not, we can consider discovering the intent for the intent. When we associate into having the intent for the intent, we can place the original intent as an outcome in its own right. Then we establish the consequences of the original intent as an outcome and discover if these consequences fit the new intent. The related process is called a Well Formed Outcome. This is used to ensure that anything we want can be achieved, by us, with identified resources and no further requirement for permission. The Well Formed Outcome process is on www.inspiritive.com.au/outcome.htm Be Congruent – prepare your state When using a circle of excellence, the states we elicit and place in the circle are always the user’s choice. We can have many circles of excellence for different states and contexts. Each circle is designed to provide resources for a single, specific context and consideration of the context informs the choice of resources. The circle of excellence is most effective when done physically, with the user © 2003 Chris and Jules Collingwood For more information please visit www.inspiritive.com.au www.nlpcorporate.com or telephone 02 96985611 S1. p.1
  2. 2. nominating a spot on the floor and placing a circle on it. The circle is big enough to step in and out. The circle becomes the place where resource states go after eliciting them. The Circle of Excellence Process To use the circle most effectively, the user needs to choose a context in their life where they would prefer to be more resourceful, feel more comfortable, self assured and effective. The context may be something unusual like a job interview or something recurring like making presentations at work or writing fluently every time. It is important to ensure that we choose states and resources for ourselves, not for anyone else. We cannot make changes to other people nor to contexts, but people and contexts alter in response to our own changes. Therefore, the person who says “I want my boss to treat me like a human being” needs resources. We cannot change the boss but we will elicit different responses with our own changed states. How do we know when there are enough resources in a circle? Be generous, resources are free. When we identify a resourceful memory, make it large, visible, and audible enough to step into as if it were happening now. When a state is obviously present and associated, we step into the circle in the state and drop the state into the circle. Then we step out of the circle, leaving the state behind. Repeat the cycle with additional appropriate and desirable states that fit the context. The instructions for using Circle of Excellence are at www.inspiritive.com.au/circle.htm Future Pacing Change When the work is finished, we need to link it to the context and test for reliable function in the future, so we do not have to consider it again. Each circle of excellence someone creates remains separate from any other circles and is associated to one specific context. The completed circle can remain in its context if preferred. We can use this process very quickly when we are familiar with it. With practice, we can identify a shortfall of resources in the moment, associate into a useful state and place it in front of us as we approach the context. Then we pick it up as we move. Develop and maintain rapport with the other party © 2003 Chris and Jules Collingwood For more information please visit www.inspiritive.com.au www.nlpcorporate.com or telephone 02 96985611 S1. p.2
  3. 3. We are defining rapport as “The act of engaging and holding the unconscious and willing attention of another person in the interests of achieving an outcome”. In the Classic Code of NLP, rapport is taught consciously by matching another person’s breathing rate, posture, movement, rhythms, voice speed, rhythm and tonality. This works but may produce a mechanical mimicry of someone else. John Grinder, the co-creator of NLP observed that rapport occurs naturally when someone acts “as if” they were extremely interested in another person or the content of their conversation. The evidence is that the parties match each other’s posture, movement, rhythms and voice patterns to each other outside conscious awareness. To test the level of rapport between you and someone else, change something in your own behaviour or delivery and see if the other person follows your shift within 30-40 seconds. If they do, you can move on to raising the next matter in your conversation. If they do not follow, keep building rapport. Stages to creating rapport: 1. Personal congruence with what you want in your context and with negotiating. 2. Attending with interest to the other party, their questions, their outcomes and their demeanour and continuing to do so. 3. Notice if you and the other party are adopting similar postures and movements 4. Ensure that your conversation and enquiries pace the other party’s experience until you have rapport 5. Test for rapport by altering a rhythm or posture in your behaviour and noting if they follow your lead with 30-40 seconds 6. Frame your questions so the other party knows what they are for. Track the non-verbal communication of yourself and the other party (perceptual positions) A perceptual position is the position we occupy relative to something we are perceiving and we can shift our perceptual position to observe and listen to the same thing from a different location or point of view. Architectural drawings are done in “plan” where the viewer looks down from above, or “elevation”, a side-on view of the building. Art students may be asked to draw a “worm’s eye” view of a garden and a “bird’s eye view the same garden. The first will be a vertical world full of the © 2003 Chris and Jules Collingwood For more information please visit www.inspiritive.com.au www.nlpcorporate.com or telephone 02 96985611 S1. p.3
  4. 4. bottom of plant stems and look like a dense forest. The second may look like an architect’s plan. For us, the skill is to be able to shift our perceptual position at will without leaving our physical location and while carrying on a conversation. We need to be able to step metaphorically in and out of others’ shoes so we can get their take on a situation. We also need to be able to observe the interaction between another person and us, so we can track the relationship. We need to be able to return to our own self, which is where we live. Our own position is known as “First Position”. The outside observer position is called “Third Position and stepping into someone else’s shoes is called “Second Position”. Fluency with these three perceptual positions enables us to gather high quality information during any interaction, which we can apply immediately. The people who “take on” others’ unresourceful states and exhaust themselves, already know how to step into someone else’s shoes. They spend too much time in second position and have not learned how to keep it separate from first position. Those people who observe the antics of the human from a distance may be living in third position, with or without occasional forays elsewhere. It provides a clinical detachment, which is entirely suitable for mopping up blood, but reduces the pleasure of eating our favourite meal. Exclusive use of first position is first discovered in the “terrible twos” with temper tantrums when they are crossed. Some adults who live exclusively in first position assume entitlement at others’ expense. There was a school prefect like that and someone stuck a notice on his back, which read, “I think I’m super, don’t you?” Ideally, we want to live in first position with information gathering forays to third, second, third and back to first. We find that going to second position (the other) via third (the observer) every time, enables us to leave the state and posture of the other behind while we retain the memory of what we learned there. Elicit their outcome and intention When we negotiate, there is an assumption that we want something from another party and the other party wants something different, probably from us. To maximise our chances of getting agreement, we need to enable the other party to give us our outcome with as little effort as possible. If we only negotiate at the level of our original outcome and the other’s original outcome, we may find our differences appear to be insurmountable. © 2003 Chris and Jules Collingwood For more information please visit www.inspiritive.com.au www.nlpcorporate.com or telephone 02 96985611 S1. p.4
  5. 5. When we ask the other party “what do you want that for”, their thoughts turn to the intention for having what they want. This creates options for meeting their intention in addition to their original outcome. If we ask the same question again, the higher intention allows for even more options. When we do this with our own outcome as well, we find that we, too, have additional choice in expressing our outcome. The most effective use of this process is to apply it to both sides’ outcomes and reach a point where they become similar. Then we can combine ideas to find a mutually beneficial solution. This is known as a “win-win” solution and leads to resolution. Challenge their nouns and verbs Two questions comprise this verbal package. These are responses to nouns and verbs about which we need to know more. The questions are: “What specifically” and “How specifically”. We can pose these questions to clarify inaccurate thinking, specify over generalised thinking and restore missing information. Clarifying inaccurate assumptions: You are being difficult - How specifically? Mr. X is in his head - How specifically is Mr. X “in his head”? Being late for work means I am lazy - How specifically? Green paper gives me a headache - How specifically? My boss frightens me - how specifically? Lifts make me feel sick – How specifically? Specifying over generalised thinking: All police are corrupt – Which police specifically? You have to… What or How specifically? You can’t … What or How specifically? Restoring missing information It’s the rules – What rules specifically? Or What specifically is “the rules”? I am not going to do that – What specifically. He is driving – How specifically? I want you to present your report – How specifically © 2003 Chris and Jules Collingwood For more information please visit www.inspiritive.com.au www.nlpcorporate.com or telephone 02 96985611 S1. p.5
  6. 6. Find points and levels of agreements When we the question “what do you want that for”, and we elicit the intentions and higher intentions for outcomes, points of similarity or commonality emerge. When we identify these points of commonality, the negotiation turns from “what can I take from you and stop you from taking from me”, to “how can we sort this out, together”. Then we can identify points of agreement and consider how to express them to our mutual satisfaction. Explore the agreed outcome in terms of behavioural evidence and time frame (milestones). Agreement requires action. Action is behaviour. Therefore, we can describe the evidence that we shall use to verify the honouring of the agreement. Evidence for behaviour is the answer to the question: “What will you see, hear and feel that lets you know that I have honoured or am honouring the agreement”? Evidence for time frame is what you will see, hear and feel at a specific time or in a specific time frame. Example: I want to leave work three hours early next Thursday. You want a specific report finished and on your desk by 5.30 that day. We agree that I need not be present after the report is on your desk. The evidence will be that either I am present or the report is on your desk. Example: I want to attend a training course that will enhance my skills in many areas of work. It will involve being absent three afternoons a week once a month for eight months. It will give me a real qualification and give you acquired kudos from having a PA with post-grad status. First, I am going to ask for study leave and for the company to pay for the training. As a nationally recognised qualification attracting Austudy it is fully tax deductible and would look good for the company to support. Only one third of the time requires leave, so I am putting in free time to further my own education from which the company will benefit. If you say “no” to paying for it, I push for study leave. The bottom line is that I want to do the course and by asking for everything, I stand a chance at least of being granted unpaid leave to do it. (On no account, tell them that many graduates are promoted or take up more senior positions elsewhere within six months of finishing the course). Chris Collingwood Dip. Training and Assessment Systems, BA. (Psych), Grad. Cert. NLP, M. App. Sci. Social Ecology © 2003 Chris and Jules Collingwood For more information please visit www.inspiritive.com.au www.nlpcorporate.com or telephone 02 96985611 S1. p.6
  7. 7. Chris is a trainer assessor of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). He has over twenty years’ experience in coaching, corporate consulting and leading seminars in Australia and the US. Chris's background includes extensive training with developers of NLP, including Dr. John Grinder, co-originator of Neuro-Linguistic Programming who certified him as a trainer. He has studied and applied models of Neuro-Linguistic Programming in his work since 1980. Chris specialises in one to one work with people, course design and accreditation, corporate training and consulting and the training of corporate consultants and executive coaches. He has created Inspiritive Business Consulting to make available to organisations quality consulting and training with consultants who already have an excellent business track record and solid training in applying Neuro- Linguistic Programming to the corporate context. © 2003 Chris and Jules Collingwood For more information please visit www.inspiritive.com.au www.nlpcorporate.com or telephone 02 96985611 S1. p.7

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