June Edvenson, Edvenson Consulting Designed from  Getting to Yes ,  by Fisher, Ury & Paton
<ul><li>” It should produce a wise agreement if agreement is possible.” </li></ul><ul><li>” It should be efficient.” </li>...
<ul><li>Meets the legitimate interests of each side to the extent possible </li></ul><ul><li>Resolves conflicting interest...
<ul><li>Fails to meet the 3 basic criteria </li></ul><ul><li>Positional bargaining does not create a wise agreement. </li>...
<ul><li>2 .  Is not efficient. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Creates incentives to stall settlement or progress </li></ul></ul><ul...
<ul><li>may not improve relations between the parties, and may harm them. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Can become a ”contest of w...
<ul><li>being nice is not a solution . . .  </li></ul><ul><li>but also  </li></ul><ul><li>” soft” and ”hard” negotiation s...
<ul><li>” Principled negotiaton” – ”negotiation on the merits”: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Separate the  PEOPLE  from the probl...
<ul><li>Face the problem, not the person. </li></ul><ul><li>Build a  working relationship  with the people. </li></ul><ul>...
<ul><li>Basic human needs are easy to overlook;  don’t overlook them. </li></ul><ul><li>You have more shared interests tha...
<ul><li>.  Separate  inventing  options from  judging  them. </li></ul><ul><li>Broaden the options on the table;  don’t lo...
<ul><li>It is better to negotiate on some basis that is ”independent of the will of either side.”  That basis is ”objectiv...
<ul><li>Prioritizing your child’s interests </li></ul><ul><li>Monitoring your child’s ability for self-determination and d...
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Getting to yes a guide for divorcing parents with children 2

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Here, I take the guiding principles from 'Getting to Yes' and create related suggestions for divorcing parents with children who are attempting to make decisions to manage their new living arrangements.

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Getting to yes a guide for divorcing parents with children 2

  1. 1. June Edvenson, Edvenson Consulting Designed from Getting to Yes , by Fisher, Ury & Paton
  2. 2. <ul><li>” It should produce a wise agreement if agreement is possible.” </li></ul><ul><li>” It should be efficient.” </li></ul><ul><li>” It should improve or at least not damage the relationship between the parties.” </li></ul>Edvenson Consulting
  3. 3. <ul><li>Meets the legitimate interests of each side to the extent possible </li></ul><ul><li>Resolves conflicting interests fairly </li></ul><ul><li>Is durable, and </li></ul><ul><li>Takes community interests into account.” </li></ul>Edvenson Consulting ” the best interests of the child”
  4. 4. <ul><li>Fails to meet the 3 basic criteria </li></ul><ul><li>Positional bargaining does not create a wise agreement. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Tends to lock people into positions </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Can cause breakdowns in communication </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Means less attention paid to the important underlying concerns of the parties </li></ul></ul>Edvenson Consulting
  5. 5. <ul><li>2 . Is not efficient. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Creates incentives to stall settlement or progress </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Reduces the ability to make concessions </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Involves many small decisions to revise position </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Increases time and costs </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Creates a risk of a final non-agreement </li></ul></ul>Edvenson Consulting
  6. 6. <ul><li>may not improve relations between the parties, and may harm them. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Can become a ”contest of wills” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Strains relations, causes bitterness </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>When there are multiple parties, it multiplies the problem of coming to solutions. </li></ul></ul>Edvenson Consulting
  7. 7. <ul><li>being nice is not a solution . . . </li></ul><ul><li>but also </li></ul><ul><li>” soft” and ”hard” negotiation styles are not a solution. </li></ul>Edvenson Consulting
  8. 8. <ul><li>” Principled negotiaton” – ”negotiation on the merits”: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Separate the PEOPLE from the problem. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Focus on INTERESTS , not positions. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Generate OPTIONS before deciding what to do. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Insist that the results be based on OBJECTIVE criteria or standards. </li></ul></ul>Edvenson Consulting
  9. 9. <ul><li>Face the problem, not the person. </li></ul><ul><li>Build a working relationship with the people. </li></ul><ul><li>Consider both sides as partners on a mission: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>a fair agreement that is good for all. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Listen actively. </li></ul><ul><li>Acknowledge (or repeat) what was said. </li></ul><ul><li>Give the other side’s case your attention. </li></ul>Edvenson Consulting
  10. 10. <ul><li>Basic human needs are easy to overlook; don’t overlook them. </li></ul><ul><li>You have more shared interests than not, so share them. </li></ul><ul><li>Make your interests come alive: be specific, using concrete details. </li></ul><ul><li>Do not imply their interests are less important: begin by appreciating their interests. </li></ul><ul><li>Look forward, not back. </li></ul>Edvenson Consulting
  11. 11. <ul><li>. Separate inventing options from judging them. </li></ul><ul><li>Broaden the options on the table; don’t look for one single answer; look for more. </li></ul><ul><li>Search for mutual gains: explore this. </li></ul><ul><li>Create ways of making their decisions easy. </li></ul><ul><li>Brainstorm! Be creative! Be fair! </li></ul>Edvenson Consulting
  12. 12. <ul><li>It is better to negotiate on some basis that is ”independent of the will of either side.” That basis is ”objective criteria:” </li></ul><ul><ul><li>The ”best interests of the child” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Standards of fairness </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Standards of efficiency & economy </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Following the law and regulatory guidance </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Following a fair procedure </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Making the result a positive experience for all. </li></ul></ul>Edvenson Consulting
  13. 13. <ul><li>Prioritizing your child’s interests </li></ul><ul><li>Monitoring your child’s ability for self-determination and direction </li></ul><ul><li>Pride in the new plan you are creating </li></ul><ul><li>Work to ease administering your agreed changes </li></ul><ul><li>Dedication to making it work </li></ul><ul><li>Openness to revising plans as needed & over time </li></ul>Edvenson Consulting ” Agreed solutions save money - money that can be better spent on children and reinforcing important family values.”

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