Blast From The Past

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This is a very graphic and detailed story of my life and how it unfolded and how I took something that hit me hard and turned it around for the good!

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Blast From The Past

  1. 1. I CALL THIS STORY: THE BLAST FROM THE PAST I WAS 4 YEARS OLD AND I CAN REMEMBER SOME THINGS BUT OTHERS I HAVE BLOCKED. UNFORTUNATELY I CAN REMEMBER ENOUGH THAT IT MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE! IT WAS IN THE SUMMER TIME AND MY MOTHER WAS A SINGLE MOM WORKING 2-3 JOBS, VERY LONG HOURS. I REMEMBER ONE DAY STANDING ON A STOOL IN THE KITCHEN, WASHING DISHES WITH MY 6 YEAR OLD SISTER, EATING RAISINS AND WATCHING RED SKELETON ON THE TV..THERE WERE 2 UNCLES ONE WAS 14 OR 15 AND THE OTHER 19 OR 20. I REMEMBER THE 20 YEAR OLD AND MY SISTER..WE WERE ALL IN THE SAME ROOM AT THE SAME TIME AND HE TIED US BOTH UP WITH BELTS ONE AT A TIME..HAS HIS WAY WITH US OVER AND OVER AGAIN..DAY AFTER DAY..MY OTHER UNCLE WAS IN THE OTHER ROOM WITH MY 8 YEAR OLD BROTHER. THAT WAS THE START OF THE NIGHTMARE ON WHATEVER STREET I LIVED ON IN TAMPA FLORIDA! THEN WE MOVED TO MIAMI, AND I WAS ABOUT 7 OR 8 AND THE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR WAS ABOUT 16 AND HE WAS ABOUT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME UNTIL MY MOM WALKED IN AND HE WAS ARRESTED BUT TO NO AVAIL DID NOT DO ANY TIME. ONCE AGAIN, MY LIFE WAS TURNED UPSIDE DOWN...WE MOVED FROM THAT HOUSE AND ONTO THE STREET WHERE I WOULD SPEND THE REST OF MY YEARS GROWING UP UNTIL I WAS READY TO LEAVE HOME. THEN ONE DAY, MY MOTHER DECIDED TO ASK MY SISTER AND ME TO GO TO THE STORE..WHICH IN MIAMI WERE VERY LONG BLOCKS, THEN WE HAD TO CROSS A VERY BIG INTERSECTION CALLED BIRD ROAD THEN GO THROUGH A HUGE SHOPPING PLAZA AND THEN WE WOULD MAKE IT TO THE GROCERY STORE. WELL TO SAY THE LEAST, I DIDN'T MAKE IT TO THE GROCERY STORE..I HAD BLOCKED THAT MY SISTER WAS EVEN THERE WITH ME UNTIL YEARS LATER WHEN MY MOM DIED, SHE TOLD ME. HOWEVER, BEING A MOTHER OF 4 DAUGHTERS MYSELF, I WOULD NEVER SEND THEM TO THE STORE THAT FAR AWAY AT THAT AGE!!! TO SAY THE LEAST, I WAS VERY ANGRY AT MY MOTHER BUT JUST NEEDED TO KNOW WHY SHE DIDN'T PROTECT ME LIKE SHE SHOULD HAVE! AFTER WALKING SO FAR TO THE STORE, A MAN ASKED ME AND MY SISTER IF WE WOULD HELP HIM FIND HIS PUPPY THAT WAS LOST AND HE WOULD GIVE US $2.00. NOW, THESE DAYS, $2.00 IS NOTHING BUT TO AN 8 YEAR OLD CHILD BACK THEN $2 SEEMS LIKE A $100. SO, I WANTED TO HELP AND SHE WAS MOMMIES FAVORITE SO SHE INFORMED ME SHE WAS HEADED TO THE STORE WITHOUT ME. WELL, I WASN'T THERE WHEN SHE CAME BACK. THE MAN HAD TAKEN ME AWAY TO A SALVAGE YARD AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE I WAS SO I DIDN'T RUN LIKE YOU SEE IN THE MOVIES..I FROZE!
  2. 2. HE TRIED GETTING ME TO TOUCH HIM AND I PULLED AWAY, HE FINISHED WITHOUT ME AND TO THIS DAY, THAT IMAGE IS FOREVER EMBEDDED IN MY MIND. HOWEVER, I WAS ONE OF THE FEW LUCKY ONES UNLIKE MEGAN, AMBER OR JESSICA. HE LET ME GO BEHIND THE STORE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AT. I RAN ALL THE WAY HOME, TOLD MY MOM, SHE CALLED THE POLICE, A REPORT WAS MADE, BUT HE WAS NEVER FOUND... YEARS LATER, I SAW HIM AGAIN AT A CHURCH I WAS ATTENDING BUT HIS APPEARANCE WAS DIFFERENT. HE HAD A BEARD...TOO MUCH TIME HAD PAST, I NEVER TOLD ANYONE BECAUSE AT THIS TIME, THE ONLY FATHER I HAVE EVER KNOWN AND THAT HAD ADOPTED ME AND MY SIBLINGS WHEN I WAS 5 WAS MOLESTING ME EVERY NIGHT. NOW, MY BROTHER THAT HAD BEEN RAPED WHEN HE WAS 8 & I 4 MOLESTED ME DURING THE SAME TIME PERIOD MY ADOPTED FATHER WAS AND THAT WAS FROM 9-12. MY FATHER WAS AN ALCOHOLIC SO I BLAMED IT ON THAT AND MY BROTHER DIDNT GET THE HELP HE NEEDED FROM WHEN HE WAS RAPED SO HE CHOSE TO OFFEND. THEY BOTH STOPPED WHEN I WAS AROUND 12 AND THAT WAS THE TIME WHEN THE UNCLE WHO RAPED ME AND LEFT ME WITH THE PROMISE THAT HE WOULD BE BACK FOR ME WHEN I WAS OLDER BECAUSE HE HAD HURT ME AND MADE ME BLEED SO HE DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE IT APPARENT THAT HE WAS DOING THIS SO HE STOPPED AND WHEN HE DIED, I WAS HOPING THAT IT WOULD ALL DIE WITH HIM BUT IT DIDN'T!! I BECAME VERY PREMISCUOUS AT THE AGE OF 16, THINKING SEX WAS LOVE. BOY WAS I WRONG!!! WENT THROUGH THAT FOR A WHILE AND WHEN I WAS 18, GOT PREGNANT AND GOT MARRIED. WOW, I THOUGHT HAVING CHIDREN WOULD BE A SURE FIRE WAY TO HAVE SOMEONE THAT WOULD HAVE AN UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FOR ME AND I WAS RIGHT BUT THAT WAS NOT THE WAY TO HAVE CHILDREN. I HAVE TO SAY THOUGH; THEY ARE THE ONES WHO SAVED MY LIFE!!! MY MARRIAGE LASTED 7 YEARS UNTIL HE DECIDED HE WANTED SOMEONE ELSE. HOWEVER, BECAUSE I TOLD HIS GIRLFRIENDS BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME, HE DECIDED HE WOULD GET BACK AT ME THE WAY HE KNEW IT WOULD HURT THE MOST! HE KNEW OF WHAT HAD HAPPEN ALMOST ALL OF MY LIFE AND HE NEVER LET ME GET ANY HELP BECAUSE IN HIS WORDS, "YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN OVER ALL OF THAT BEFORE YOU MARRIED ME!" WHEN I CAUGHT HIM CHEATING I THREW HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE WE HAD BUILT FOR OUR FAMILY. ONE WEEK LATER HE CAME OVER TO SEE ME TO TALK ABOUT OUR CHILDREN. THEY WERE IN MIAMI WITH MY SISTER SO HE KNEW THAT HE COULD DO WHAT HE WANTED WITHOUT ANYONE KNOWING. JUST BECAUSE I THREW HIM OUT OBVIOUSLY AFTER ONE WEEK DIDN'T MEAN MY LOVE FOR HIM VANISHED. IT SIMPLY MEANT I WAS HURT BUT I WAS STILL IN LOVE
  3. 3. WITH HIM. WHEN HE ARRIVED I WAS TRYING ON CLOTHES THAT I HAD NOT BEEN ABLE TO FIT INTO BUT I WAS DIETING AND LOST A GREAT AMOUNT OF WEIGHT AT THIS TIME AND WAS TRYING ON CLOTHES IN MY ROOM AND THEN COMING OUT TO SHOW HIM...I WAS HAPPY THAT I WAS FINALLY GOING TO GROUP THERAPY AND LOSING THE WEIGHT THAT WAS WEIGHING ME DOWN..HIM INCLUDED=o( WELL, THE LAST SET OF CLOTHES WERE TRIED ON AND I CHANGED BACK INTO MY OUTFIT I WAS WEARING BEFORE I STARTED TRYING THEM ON. I WENT BACK INTO THE LIVING ROOM AND HE WAS NOW LYING ON THE COUCH. I SAT DOWN INFRONT OF THE COUCH, WE WERE TALKING, AND HE LEANED IN TO KISS ME AND UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME, I KISSED HIM BACK. THINGS WERE OK AT FIRST BUT HE WAS HOLDING MY HANDS ABOVE MY HEAD AND I HAD MY EYES CLOSED. AS THINGS PROGRESSED, HIS HANDS GOT TIGHTER ON MINE AND I OPENED UP MY EYES AND HE HAD THIS LOOK OF RAGE IN HIS THAT SCARED ME HALF TO DEATH. NOW I KNOW WHY, I CRIED ALL OF THE YEARS WHILE WE WERE MARRIED WHEN WE WOULD HAVE SEX. HE REMINDED ME OF MY UNCLE THAT RAPED ME AND THAT SILENT WHISPER HE LEFT ME WITH. "I WILL BE BACK FOR YOU WHEN YOU ARE OLDER." MY HUSBAND AT THAT TIME, WOULD NOT STOP WHEN I CONTINUOUSLY ASKED HIM SO I HAD TO FIGHT HIM OFF OF ME. I BROUGHT MY FEET UP SINCE HE HAD MY HANDS BOUND TO THE FLOOR AND IT TOOK ALL MY MIGHT BUT I KICKED HIM OFF OF ME AND HIS EXACT WORDS WERE, "A PART OF ME WANTED TO HURT YOU AND A PART OF ME DIDN'T." THEN HE CRIED AND I LIKE AN IDIOT CONSOLED HIM!! ONCE AGAIN..NOT TO TELL A SOLE..BECAUSE AFTER ALL HE WAS MY HUSBAND AT THE TIME AND NO ONE BELIEVED ME WHEN I WAS YOUNGER SO WHY WOULD THEY NOW? THIS WAS MY THINKING AT THAT TIME ANYWAY... NOW MY LIFE GOES ON AND I RUN FROM EVERYTHING...MY KIDS, GOD, MY JOB, ETC...YOU NAME I MESSED UP BUT I WAS SOOO HURT I DON'T EVEN HAVE THE WORDS TO EXPRESS IT TO THIS DAY! I GOT REMARRIED 3 MONTHS LATER TO A YOUNGER GUY..I NOW KNOW WHY BUT DIDN'T AT THE TIME. I WANTED THE CONTROL BACK IN MY LIFE RATHER THAN BEING CONTROLLED. I JUST DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS ACTUALLY GOING THROUGH..HE WAS ALSO MOLESTED AT A YOUNGER AGE AND WAS A VERY ANGRY YOUNG MAN! NOW HE HAS BEEN GETTING THE HELP FOR HIS ANGER AND OTHER PROBLEMS IN HIS LIFE. I HAD TO APOLOGIZE ACTUALLY FOR COMING INTO HIS LIFE LIKE THAT KNOWING HE REALLY DIDN'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT LIFE, ETC...DESPITE WHAT HE WAS GOING THROUGH, MOST GUYS DON'T TELL! HE NEVER DID ANYTHING TO ME SEXUALLY WRONG...HE WAS ACTUALLY OVERLY ANGRY WITH MY EX-HUSBAND FOR WHAT HE HAD DONE AND I JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND BUT NOW I DO. IT IS
  4. 4. UNFORTUNATE FOR EVERYONE THAT HAS TO GO THROUGH THEIR OWN HORROR STORY IF YOU WILL IN ORDER TO FIND THE HEALING FROM WITHIN AND THAT IS WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME AS WELL AS MY SECOND HUSBAND. I KNOW THERE ARE MANY OTHERS OUT THERE THAT NEED THEIR STORIES TOLD BUT DON'T KNOW HOW TO GO ABOUT IT. CONTACT ME AND I WILL HELP YOU. TO BRING THIS HORROR STORY TO AN END, THERE WAS ONE MORE ASSAULT AND IT WAS FROM A FORMER BOYFRIEND. WE WERE SEPERATE FROM ONE ANOTHER BUT NOT COMPLETELY BROKE UP UNTIL HE SAW THAT I WAS HELPING MY YOUNGEST ONES FATHER BY GETTING HIM AWAY FROM THE DRUGGY FRIENDS AND THE DESTRUCTIVE LIFE HE WAS LIVING WITH INJECTING HEROIN AND COCAINE ON A DAILY BASIS. I WAS AFRAID THAT HE WOULD DIE AND HOW DOES ONE EXPLAIN THIS TO A CHILD UNDER 2? `WELL, I HAVE EPILEPSY AND HAD A SEIZURE, WAS SENT TO THE HOSPITAL AND MY FRIENDS WERE WATCHING MY KIDS UNTIL HE CAME OVER TO BRING BACK MY KEY AND TOLD THEM HE WOULD WATCH OVER MY KIDS. I CALLED THE HOUSE TO BE PICKED UP AND HE ANSWERED THE PHONE MUCH TO MY SURPRISE SO HE CAME AND GOT ME. WHEN HE WAS ABOUT TO LEAVE, HE ASKED IF I WASNTED HIM TO STAY SO I SAID YES BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID OF HAVING ANOTHER SEIZURE AND NO ONE THERE TO WATCH MY KIDS. HE TOLD ME HE WOULD SPEND THE NIGHT BUT HE WASN'T SLEEPING ON THE COUCH AS DID MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTERS FATHER DID WHEN HE FIRST CAME DOWN AND THAT IS THE REASON FOR HIM LEAVING ME FOR GOOD. WELL TO MAKE A LONGER STORY SHORTER, WE WERE SLEEPING, STARTED CUDDLING, ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER, ONCE AGAIN, IT WAS OK AT FIRST THEN HE WAS HURTING ME, WOULD NOT GET OFF OF ME, JUST HELP FROM BEHIND...I CRIED BUT HELD IT IN AND WHEN ALL WAS SAID AND DONE, I SAID SOMETHING TO HIM ABOUT IT AND HE SAID, "YOU ALWAYS CRY DIANNA." THAT WAS THAT... NOW THAT IS MY LIFE STORY WITH SO MUCH SEXUAL ABUSE SO I ASK YOU, "HOW DOES ONE COPE WITH THIS?" WELL FOR ME, YOU SEE I BECAME PREMISCUOUS AT 16 BUT NOW 30 YEARS LATER OR RATHER FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS HAVE HAD FEW TO NO SEXUAL ACTIVITY. I DID THIS MAINLY TO GET TO KNOW THE "REAL" ME AND WORK THROUGH WHAT TO DO NEXT. NOW I AM WORKING ON A NON FOR PROFIT ORGANIZATION CALLED ADVOCATES FOR CHANGE AND A CENTER CALLED OPERATION PAY IT FORWARD RECOVERY CENTERS FOR SEXUALLY EXPLOITED AND ABUSED CHILDREN. I TOOK ALL OF THIS NEGATIVITY IN MY LIFE THAT IS ON THIS PAGE AND AM TURNING IT INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE THAT WILL NOT ONLY HELP THE TEENS I AM TRYING TO HELP BUT EVERYDAY IT
  5. 5. HELPS ME TOO!! SEE IT IS CALLED PAYING IT FORWARD…THAT IS WHY I NAMED THE CENTERS THAT BECAUSE IT COMES WITH A POSITIVE CONNOTATION ATTACHED TO IT AND AT THE SAME TIME THE TEENS ARE MENTORING INCOMING TEENS WHILE SHARING HORROR STORIES, THEY ALL STAY GROUNDED IN THEIR OWN HEALING PROCESS. I AM NOW BEING THE VOICE FOR THOSE WITH “NO” CHOICE! WILL YOU? YOU CAN EMAIL ME AT ADVOCATES4CHANGE AT YAHOO DOT COM IF YOU WOULD LIKE ANY INFORMATION ABOUT MY UPCOMING NON FOR PROFITS AND THE WORK I AM DOING OR WOULD LIKE TO GET INVOLVED. THANK YOU ALL FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ MY STORY. I HOPE THIS HELPS ALL UNDERSTAND THAT PERSONALLY TAKING THE LAW INTO YOUR OWN HANDS DOES NOTHING FOR ANYONE. GET INVOLVED TO MAKE TOUGHER SENTENCES FOR PEDOPHILES AND MAKE THEM STOP COPPING PLEAS AS WELL AS LIFE SENTENCES FOR CHILD KILLERS!

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