Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

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Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

  1. 1. The Muslim Family in North America A closer look at the generation gap between Parent and Child
  2. 2. Brief History of the Growth of Islam in the U.S.A. HIS-story
  3. 3. History <ul><li>355% Growth in the last half century </li></ul><ul><li>Internal Factors </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Revert of Malcom X </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Strong stand by Mohammad Ali </li></ul></ul>
  4. 4. History <ul><li>External Factors </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Massive migration from around the world. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>For jobs, education, etc. </li></ul></ul></ul>“ Honey (mom), I’ll be back in no time”
  5. 5. History <ul><li>Everyone Pretty much stayed. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Started their families </li></ul></ul>
  6. 6. History <ul><li>Fear of Religion </li></ul><ul><ul><li>We built many Mosques </li></ul></ul>
  7. 7. History to Present <ul><li>Fear of losing children to society </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Sunday Schools </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Islamic Schools </li></ul></ul>Question: Are these things solving the whole problem? “ O you who believe, save yourself and your family from the hellfire.” -Qur’an 66:6
  8. 8. This is a counseling workshop All of the information is based on statistical evidence, surveys, interviews, previous counseling situations, and experience. Disclaimer…
  9. 9. Parent Vs. Child Environmental Differences This workshop is focused more-so at the Immigrant Muslim parent and his/her children being raised in this society
  10. 10. Comparison o f Environment <ul><li>Society of my Children </li></ul><ul><li>Open interaction of genders </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Co-ed Schools, etc. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Open Secular environment </li></ul><ul><li>Societal norms conflict with Islam </li></ul><ul><li>“ I don’t do it unless I understand, why? ” </li></ul><ul><li>Society of my Parents </li></ul><ul><li>Closed interaction of genders </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Public separation </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Closed secular environment </li></ul><ul><li>Societal norms less conflicting with Islam </li></ul><ul><li>“ You do it because I SAID SO!” </li></ul>
  11. 11. Solution <ul><li>Open to understanding the environments </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Realize the reality, before the reality makes you realize. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Communication </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Two way street </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Flexibility </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Bend but don’t break </li></ul></ul>
  12. 12. Understanding the Muslim Youth in North America Problems…Problems…Problems…
  13. 13. Issues <ul><li>Drugs </li></ul><ul><li>Alcohol </li></ul><ul><li>Pre-marital relations </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Dating </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>“Home Runs” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>AIDS; STD’s </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><li>Completely denouncing Islam </li></ul>
  14. 14. Identity Crisis <ul><li>Since Muslims are new to this land, the youth have no model identity to look at. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>What Category do I fall in? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Who do I belong to? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>How should I dress? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>How should I talk? What language? </li></ul></ul>Note: The identity crisis is also very prevalent in the adult Muslim community
  15. 15. Changing Identity <ul><li>Why do youth change their Identity? </li></ul><ul><li>Innate feeling/desire to be accepted </li></ul><ul><li>Societies influence on its “norms” not being in line with the norms of Islam </li></ul><ul><li>Lack of acceptance anywhere else </li></ul><ul><li>Inferiority Complexes </li></ul><ul><li>Peer Pressure </li></ul>
  16. 16. Inferiority Complexes <ul><li>Low Imaan </li></ul><ul><li>Lack of Understanding </li></ul><ul><li>Little or no Knowledge </li></ul><ul><li>Weak Personality </li></ul><ul><li>No sense/feeling of “belonging” </li></ul>
  17. 17. Peer Pressure <ul><li>Weak Personality---BUT THAT’S OK </li></ul><ul><li>Unable to convey true feelings </li></ul><ul><li>Fear of rejection </li></ul><ul><li>Lack of options (no other friends) </li></ul>“ You end up being a product of their entertainment”
  18. 18. Effects of Losing Identity <ul><li>Unhappiness </li></ul><ul><li>Blindness </li></ul><ul><li>Loss of Focus in Life </li></ul><ul><li>Fights </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Friends </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Family </li></ul></ul>
  19. 19. The answer to “Why?” <ul><li>There are many factors contributing to the overwhelming dilemma facing the Muslim youth... </li></ul><ul><li>-  Lack of Islamic understanding by both parents and children </li></ul><ul><li>-  Lack of Islamic environment </li></ul><ul><li>-  Little or no Islamic peer groups </li></ul><ul><li> - Generation Gap </li></ul><ul><li>- Little or no communication between parent and child </li></ul><ul><li>- Parents who fail to convey their knowledge of Islam to their children </li></ul>
  20. 20. Do’s and Don’ts Helpful hints for parents raising children in North America
  21. 21. Do’s <ul><li>Educate children about the completeness of Islam and its higher purpose. Help your child understand that Islam is not just rules and regulations. Be a living example for your child. </li></ul><ul><li>Become your child’s best friend. Communication is the most valuable tool you will have in understanding your child and helping them understand you. With no communication there will be no understanding. With no understanding there will be no achievement. </li></ul>
  22. 22. Do’s <ul><li>Involve yourself and your family with the Islamic community at local and national levels. From social groups to workplace environments, the Islamic atmosphere plays a major role and is highly important for a person’s well development. </li></ul><ul><li>Although we can not force our children to choose peers of our own likings, we should instill the importance of Islamic brotherhood/sisterhood and encourage our children to make friends with those that share the same Islamic views and wish to achieve the same goals. </li></ul>
  23. 23. Do’s <ul><li>5. With the understanding that our children are growing up in a much different day and age than we did, we must be open to their likes and dislikes. No matter how difficult it is for us, we must understand that there might be certain things in our child’s tastes and behaviors that are against our culture but not against Islam. </li></ul><ul><li>6. Patience, love, and affection are the three characteristics that you as a parent must have with your child. Be affectionate with your child, give them love and respect, and always be patient with them. If you give them these three things, they will, in return, give you the same. </li></ul>
  24. 24. Don’ts <ul><li>Do not confuse your children by incorporating cultural views with Islamic teachings. What is cultural might not be Islamic. </li></ul><ul><li>Do not make your children’s decisions for them. Give them enough Islamic understanding so that you can trust their judgement. </li></ul><ul><li>Do not be distant with your child. Develop an atmosphere with your child that will allow him/her to feel comfortable to come to you about any problem they might be facing. </li></ul>
  25. 25. Don’ts <ul><li>4. Do not condemn your child’s ability to involve himself or herself in Islamic activities. Allow them to socialize themselves with any and all Islamic activities regardless of what stereotypes or conflicting interests you might have. </li></ul><ul><li>5. Encourage your child to excel in academic studies. However, do not over burden them and make them lose focus of Islam. Always inspire them to educate themselves farther into Islam. </li></ul>
  26. 26. Don’ts <ul><li>Do not condemn early marriage. If your child is mature enough and is mentally prepared then encourage them and help them find a suitable mate. Do not postpone your child’s wedding due to financial reasons. Allah is the ultimate provider, not you. </li></ul><ul><li>7. Never condemn your child’s thoughts and feelings. Let them express themselves to you. If you disagree, then explain why. “Just because I said so” is not an answer. </li></ul>
  27. 27. Don’ts <ul><li>8. Don’t be pessimistic with your child’s dreams, desires, emotions, appearance, and feelings. When they do something good, let them know you are pleased. As parents, we tend to forget the good things and we always remember the bad things. </li></ul>
  28. 28. Who do we blame? <ul><li>Who do you blame, the wolf for attacking the sheep? Or the sheaperd who went to sleep? </li></ul>
  29. 29. Young Muslims is a division of the Islamic Circle of North America

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