INDEX SR.            PARTICULARS               PAGE NO.                                      NO. 1      LIST OF TABLE     ...
2
CHAPTER 1                      ANGER – AT A GLANCE[1.1] INTRODUCTION:Have you ever lost your temper? Did you yell and scre...
Anger is a natural, though sometimes unwanted or irrational, emotion thateverybody experiences from time to time. Anger ex...
body for the fight or flight reaction. In todays world these threats havebecome far less than life threatening and the bod...
part of the fight or flight brain response to the perceived threat of harm.Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviora...
also pointed out the possible harmful effects of suppressing anger. Displaysof anger can be used as a manipulation strateg...
[1.4]TAKING RESPONSIBILITYReactivity is normal, when a trigger is present. Your anger response isprogrammed when the trigg...
CHAPTER 2             ANGER : RELIGIOUS PERSPECTIVES[2.1]CATHOLICISM:The Seven Deadly Sins and the Four Last Things, by Hi...
Anger in Catholicism is counted as one of the seven deadly sins. WhileMedieval Christianity vigorously denounced anger as ...
sahiṣṇunā: "One should be humbler than the grass and more tolerant than thetree." One may then ask why the Lord exhibited ...
[2.3] BUDDHISM:Anger in Buddhism is defined here as: "being unable to bear the object, orthe intention to cause harm to th...
opportunities for growth and development. Problems arise only if werespond to difficulties with a negative state of mind. ...
anger is deemed a praiseworthy quality and Muhammad is attributed to havesaid, "power resides not in being able to strike ...
disregard of Divine Providence - whatever had caused the anger wasultimately ordained from Above - and that through coming...
fashion The Hebrew Bible says that opposition to Gods Will results inGods anger. The Hebrew Bible explains that:God is not...
[2.6]: ANGER MANAGEMENT: ANGER ISSUES AND TYPESOF ANGER:Kate Barcus Miller, M.AAnger is a natural part of the human condit...
[2.7]THERE ARE TEN ANGER STYLES:Anger Avoidance:These people dont like anger much. Some are afraid of their anger, orthe a...
Paranoid Anger:This type of anger occurs when someone feels irrationally threatened byothers. They seek aggression everywh...
back.Shame-Based Anger:People who need a lot of attention or are very sensitive to criticismoften develop this style of an...
for a while, but this usually breaks down in the long run. People dontlike to be bullied and eventually they figure out wa...
angry people gain predictibility. They always know what they feel. Lifemay be lousy but it is known, safe, and steady. How...
Haters often think about the ways they can punisih the OFFENDER andthey sometimes act on those ideas. These people feel th...
you will have over your life. You can learn to let go of excessive angerand resentmentPassive anger can be expressed in th...
Aggressive anger Threats, such as frightening people by saying how you could harm   them, their property or their prospec...
 Bullying, such as threatening people directly, persecuting, pushing or   shoving, using power to oppress, shouting, usin...
Benefits of AngerAnger can also be very positive. Among other things, anger can motivate us to work harder to accomplish ...
protecting her child, a classmate or colleague standing up to a bully, or an   innocent bystander intervening on behalf of...
can ask her to share it with you. Or if your science homework is too hard,dont rip up your notebook. Ask your teacher or a...
CHAPTER 3                         ANGER MANAGEMENT       Anger management deals with the management of one‘s anger sothat ...
 Is Anger Harmful?The answer: Not all the time. In fact, anger has its positive aspects. Considerthe following three poin...
3) Managing anger after your angerManaging Anger before it Ever AppearsManage your anger before it manages you. This is th...
CHAPTER 4-        ANGER MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES FOR YOUTH            Individuals between their late teens and late 20s are c...
Humor, is no doubt the best way to resolve tension between two people. Assoon as you realize that the discussion is turnin...
Show willingness to hear what your kids or teens demand from you. Givethem time and shower love and affection. Be friendly...
Anger Management Tips for Children and Adults     The following are some anger management tips for children and adultsas w...
Often at our workplace or at home, we get angry when we hear the musicfrom our superiors! This results in a long self cent...
4 steps to control an anger manag     Many of us at times have been upset. Being upset is a part of life. Notall things wi...
2. Do something that is physically exerting. Instead of punching a wall or aperson, go run around the house, or mow the ya...
does not get something they want, or things dont go their way they expectthey can fly off into an anger rage. And the way ...
Anger is one of our emotions. It may have an appropriate place at anappropriate time. But when it gets out of control and ...
CHAPTER 5                ANGER MANAGEMENT STRATEGY#1: Changing Your Environment1. If you usually spend your day indoors, m...
Anger Management Strategy 2:Learn to Recognize Your Anger ActivatorsWhen youre reasonably calm, take a few minutes to exam...
For instance, when you experience the loss of a family member, the angeryou may feel is a natural part of grieving. No mat...
and reactions, and an understanding that we need to foster and nurture thesequalities or skills.Let me illustrate my thoug...
and parents are not doing the same. If we slam doors, yell at the driver whocut us off, or speak to colleagues with disres...
Considering the opening illustration, we also need to be thinking ahead ofsituations which could bring about poor behavior...
The key to fostering self control in behavior is to understand that childrenare not born with a natural ability to control...
The problem with angerAnger in itself is not a problem. Experts in the fieldof anger management agree on this. The realpro...
Analyze what makes you angry:     Fortunately, in this case, you have more time. For example, imagine     you have a neigh...
Express anger constructively:      Sounds a little paradoxical—but it is in fact logical. Anger      management does not m...
headaches,      sleeplessness,      high blood pressure,      eating difficulties,      digestive problems,      stress an...
10 tips for control anger management        A starter for ten! I would like to offer you Ten Tips For AngerManagement that...
all the way to the bottom around the navel area. Dont be afraid to allowthose lungs to fill, and its a good sign if your s...
relationship). But if you give it enough time, when you reunite the situationshould be a lot easier to handle.The issues t...
See if you can find one trigger than makes you angry, and one step you cantake to reduce the likelihood of it happening.Ho...
angry feelings? It is likely to be the person who is getting angry. And bychoosing not to get angry you can make better de...
Now you feel better. It gives you a chance to express it and get the feelingsout of your system.However be careful with th...
8. Be flexibleThis tip is about trying to be a bit more flexible in your thinking and beliefs.This could mean simply chang...
find angry feeling subsiding. Like it is impossible to be grumpy when youare dancing, it is not possible to be angry when ...
Humans are born with a protective "fight or flight" instinct. We respond tofear by either running away (emotionally or phy...
William Smith is a masters level psychologist, certified by the State ofTennessee as a social counselor since 1989. He is ...
The Effects of Anger1)     Visible      effects      which        are    felt   in     this       life2) Invisible effects...
the most important things to remember is that a bodhisattva can be anyoneanywhere. We should not be angry at any person, e...
The Antidote for AngerIt is very important to know the causes and the effects of a problem in orderto get rid of or reduce...
If you get angry when you are in pain, why dont you get angry when youhave a headache, toothache, etc? They are all pains....
3)   Skillful Practice        One of the very successful skills is a Bodhisattva practice of        practicing like a tree...
3) think or understand that the nature of all sentient beings is pure becausethey all have the Buddha Nature. They are bei...
school, or in their relationships.Anger can sometimes be a rathertroublesome, one that is confusing and complex. Yet, ange...
Finally, anger can be acted out by the person, and these individuals would beexpressing the "exploder" style of anger. The...
Automatic thought components of anger are typically irrational, sometimesto the extreme. They play with our imaginations, ...
TIME - Think, Intercept, Move, and Exit. In the "think" strategy, one learnsabout and recognizes their own hot buttons. In...
Being teased or bullied  Humiliation  Embarrassment  Deadlines  Traffic jams  Disappointment  Sloppy service  Failure  Inf...
and others, and appreciate the benefits of being patient in the face ofdifficulties. We then need to apply practical metho...
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
Madam plz do n't delete.  send it to jayesh p.
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  1. 1. INDEX SR. PARTICULARS PAGE NO. NO. 1 LIST OF TABLE I. 2 LIST OF FIGURE II. 3 LIST OF ABBREVIATION III,IV 4 CHAPTER 1 10 ANGER –AT A GLANCE 5 CHAPTER 2 11 ABOUT ANGER 6 CHAPTER 3 32 ANGER MANAGEMENT 7 CHAPTER 4 ANGER MANAGEMNT TECHNIQUES 35 FOR YOUTH 8 CHAPTER 5 42 ANGER MANAGEMENT STRATEGY 9 CHAPTER 6 CHRISTIAN BUDDHISM ; RELIGIOUS 78 PERSPECTIVE 10 CHAPTER 7 82 ANGER MANAGEMENT THERAPY 11 CHAPTER 8 90 CONCLUSION 1
  2. 2. 2
  3. 3. CHAPTER 1 ANGER – AT A GLANCE[1.1] INTRODUCTION:Have you ever lost your temper? Did you yell and scream or want to hitsomeone? Maybe your little brother got into your room and played with yourtoys without permission. Or maybe your teacher gave you toomuch homework. Or maybe a friend borrowed your favorite video game andthen broke it. That made you angry!Everyone gets angry. Maybe you "lose your cool" or "hit the roof." Angercan even be a good thing. When kids are treated unfairly, anger can helpthem stand up for themselves. The hard part is learning what to do with thesestrong feelings. 3
  4. 4. Anger is a natural, though sometimes unwanted or irrational, emotion thateverybody experiences from time to time. Anger experts describe theemotion as a primary, natural emotion which has evolved as a way ofsurviving and protecting yourself from what is considered a wrongdoing.Mild anger may be brought on by feeling tired, stressed or irritated, in factwe are more likely to feel irritated if our basic human needs (food, shelter,sex, sleep, etc.) are not met or are jeopardised in some way. We may becomeangry when reacting to frustration, criticism or a threat, and this is notnecessarily a bad or inappropriate reaction. We can also feel irritated byother people‘s beliefs, opinions and actions and hence anger can affect ourability to communicate effectively making us more likely to say or dounreasonable or irrational things. Being unreasonable or irrational can leadothers around us to feel threatened, resentful or angry themselves, and againthese can all be barriers to effective communication.Anger can also be a ‗secondary emotion‘ to feeling sad, frightened or lonely.It is useful to try to understand why we (or others) are feeling angry at anygiven time so that the root causes can be addressed and problems solved.Anger, however, is not just a state-of-mind. Anger can trigger physicalchanges including an increased heart rate, blood pressure and levels ofhormones such as adrenaline preparing us physically for ‗fight or flight‘.Due to these physical effects long-term anger can be detrimental to healthand wellbeing.Anger is as an emotion that comes with physical sensations like increasedheart rate, blood pressure, and levels of adrenalin and noradrenalin. Anger isa reaction of the brain to perceived threat which developed to prepare the 4
  5. 5. body for the fight or flight reaction. In todays world these threats havebecome far less than life threatening and the body is stimulated to react insituations like a heated work meeting or an argument between two people.Anger as an emotion is not wrong, very much to the contrary. Anger canmobilize psychological resources which has a functional value for survival.You have lots of emotions. At different times, you may be happy, sad, orjealous. Anger is just another way we feel. Its perfectly OK to be angry attimes — in fact, its important to get angry sometimes.But anger must be released in the right way. Otherwise youll be like a pot ofboiling water with the lid left on. If the steam doesnt escape, the water willfinally boil over and blow its top! When that happens to you, its no fun foranyone.Anger is an emotion related to ones psychological interpretation of havingbeen offended, overpowered, wronged or denied and a tendency to reactthrough retaliation. Shiela Videbeck describes anger as a normal emotionthat involves a strong uncomfortable and emotional response to a perceivedprovocation. Raymond Novaco of UC Irvine, who since 1975 has publisheda plethora of literature on the subject, stratified anger into three modalities:cognitive (appraisals), somatic-affective (tension and agitations) andbehavioral (withdrawal and antagonism). William DeFoore, an angermanagement writer, described anger as a pressure cooker: we can only applypressure against our anger for a certain amount of time until it explodes.Anger may have physical correlates such as increased heart rate, bloodpressure, and levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. Some view anger as 5
  6. 6. part of the fight or flight brain response to the perceived threat of harm.Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively, andphysiologically when a person makes the conscious choice to take action toimmediately stop the threatening behavior of another outside force. TheEnglish term originally comes from the term anger of Old Norse language.Anger can have many physical and mental consequences.The external expression of anger can be found in facial expressions, bodylanguage, physiological responses, and at times in public acts of aggression.Humans and animals for example make loud sounds, attempt to lookphysically larger, bare their teeth, and stare. The behaviors associated withanger are designed to warn aggressors to stop their threatening behavior.Rarely does a physical altercation occur without the prior expression ofanger by at least one of the participants. While most of those who experienceanger explain its arousal as a result of "what has happened to them,"psychologists point out that an angry person can very well be mistakenbecause anger causes a loss in self-monitoring capacity and objectiveobservability.[Modern psychologists view anger as a primary, natural, and mature emotionexperienced by virtually all humans at times, and as something that hasfunctional value for survival. Anger can mobilize psychological resourcesfor corrective action. Uncontrolled anger can, however, negatively affectpersonal or social well-being. While many philosophers and writers havewarned against the spontaneous and uncontrolled fits of anger, there hasbeen disagreement over the intrinsic value of anger. The issue of dealingwith anger has been written about since the times of the earliestphilosophers, but modern psychologists, in contrast to earlier writers, have 6
  7. 7. also pointed out the possible harmful effects of suppressing anger. Displaysof anger can be used as a manipulation strategy for social influence.[1.2]ANGRY BEHAVIOR:Anger becomes hurtful and harmful when it is acted out in behavior andspoken through words. This projection of an emotion is disrespectful andabusive. If you think about the people that you are showing your anger tomostly it is usually the people you love most, your spouse and your children.These are the people you are least likely to want to be hurt.Even though the outside stimulus might have triggered your anger button,the emotion that you are feeling is yours. The proof in that statement is thatif two people are facing the same stimulus, one person might react angrilyand the other might not be impacted at all - this is because the outside is justa stimulus but not the cause. The cause of your anger lies deeper, usually inunresolved issues in your past.[1.3]HARMFUL ANGER:Anger projections are harmful and hurtful. Energetically it has a strongimpact on any human being, including animals. Many parents are not awareof the emotional, physical and mental abuse they have endured, when theywere children, and which they might now in turn project onto their children. 7
  8. 8. [1.4]TAKING RESPONSIBILITYReactivity is normal, when a trigger is present. Your anger response isprogrammed when the trigger is fired. Once you become aware of the impactyou have on your loved ones, you need to take responsibility. This means:1. Taking yourself away when anger is present and deal with YOURemotion, i.e. feel it, go for a walk, run it out, bash a pillow, do some highlevel exercise. Remember that suppressing it will not do you any favor in thelong run, you have to deal with the cause sooner or later if you dont want tobe eaten up by anger.2. When you are ready, go back and apologize for your reaction. This doesnot mean you accept the trigger, which might be unacceptable (like yourchild jumping on the couch in his muddy shoes). Deal with the triggerseparately.3. Process the causes of your anger. Ask yourself: What does the currentsituation remind me of? You might want to look at potentially similarsituations in terms of the theme, rather than the actual situation, in yourchildhood. This will be the way to disconnect your anger buttons. 8
  9. 9. CHAPTER 2 ANGER : RELIGIOUS PERSPECTIVES[2.1]CATHOLICISM:The Seven Deadly Sins and the Four Last Things, by Hieronymus Bosch(1485)."Anger" is depicted at the bottom in a series of circular images. Below theimage is the Latin inscription Cave Cave Deus Videt ("Beware, Beware,God is Watching"). 9
  10. 10. Anger in Catholicism is counted as one of the seven deadly sins. WhileMedieval Christianity vigorously denounced anger as one of the sevencardinal, or deadly sins, some Christian writers at times regarded the angercaused by injustice as having some value.[9][10] Saint Basil viewed anger as a"reprehensible temporary madness." Joseph F. Delany in the CatholicEncyclopedia (1914) defines anger as "the desire of vengeance" and statesthat a reasonable vengeance and passion is ethical and praiseworthy.Vengeance is sinful when it exceeds its limits in which case it becomesopposed to justice and charity. For example, "vengeance upon one who hasnot deserved it, or to a greater extent than it has been deserved, or in conflictwith the dispositions of law, or from an improper motive" are all sinful. Anunduly vehement vengeance is considered a venial sin unless it seriouslygoes counter to the love of God or of ones neighbor.[2.2]HINDUISM:In Hinduism, anger is equated with sorrow as a form of unrequited desire.The objects of anger are perceived as a hindrance to the gratification of thedesires of the angry person.[55] Alternatively if one thinks one is superior, theresult is grief. Anger is considered to be packed with more evil power thandesire. In the Bhagavad Gita Krishna regards greed, anger, and lust as whatleads to hell. "Similarly, anger can be controlled. We cannot stop angeraltogether, but if we simply become angry with those who blaspheme theLord or the devotees of the Lord, we control our anger in Kṛṣṇaconsciousness. Lord Caitanya Mahāprabhu became angry with the miscreantbrothers Jagāi and Mādhāi, who blasphemed and struck Nityānanda Prabhu.In His Siksastaka Lord Caitanya wrote, tṛṇād api sunīcena taror api 10
  11. 11. sahiṣṇunā: "One should be humbler than the grass and more tolerant than thetree." One may then ask why the Lord exhibited His anger. The point is thatone should be ready to tolerate all insults to ones own self, but when Kṛṣṇaor His pure devotee is blasphemed, a genuine devotee becomes angry andacts like fire against the offenders. Krodha, anger, cannot be stopped, but itcan be applied rightly. It was in anger that Hanumān set fire to Lańkā, but heis worshiped as the greatest devotee of Lord Rāmacandra. This means thathe utilized his anger in the right way. Arjuna serves as another example. Hewas not willing to fight, but Kṛṣṇa incited his anger: "You must fight!" Tofight without anger is not possible. Anger is controlled, however, whenutilized in the service of the Lord." "The conclusion is that only when wetalk about devotional service to the Supreme Personality of Godhead can werefrain from useless nonsensical talk. We should always endeavor to use ourspeaking power solely for the purpose of realizing Kṛṣṇa consciousness. Asfor the agitations of the bickering mind, they are divided into two divisions.The first is called avirodha-prīti, or unrestricted attachment, and the other iscalled virodha-yukta-krodha, anger arising from frustration. Adherence tothe philosophy of the Māyāvādīs, belief in the fruitive results of the karma-vādīs, and belief in plans based on materialistic desires are called avirodha-prīti. Jñānīs, karmīs and materialistic planmakers generally attract theattention of conditioned souls, but when the materialists cannot fulfill theirplans and when their devices are frustrated, they become angry. Frustrationof material desires produces anger." (The Nectar of Instruction 1) 11
  12. 12. [2.3] BUDDHISM:Anger in Buddhism is defined here as: "being unable to bear the object, orthe intention to cause harm to the object." Anger is seen as aversion with astronger exaggeration, and is listed as one of the five hindrances. Buddhistmonks, such as Dalai Lama, the spiritual leader of Tibetans in exile,sometimes get angry. However, there is a difference; most often a spiritualperson is aware of the emotion and the way it can be handled. Thus, inresponse to the question: "Is any anger acceptable in Buddhism? the DalaiLama answered:"Buddhism in general teaches that anger is a destructive emotion andalthough anger might have some positive effects in terms of survival ormoral outrage, I do not accept that anger of any kind as a virtuous emotionnor aggression as constructive behavior. The Gautama Buddha has taughtthat there are three basic kleshas at the root of samsara (bondage, illusion)and the vicious cycle of rebirth. These are greed, hatred, and delusion--alsotranslatable as attachment, anger, and ignorance. They bring us confusionand misery rather than peace, happiness, and fulfillment. It is in our ownself-interest to purify and transform them." Buddhist scholar and authorGeshe Kelsang Gyatso has also explained Buddhas teaching on the spiritualimperative to identify anger and overcome it by transforming difficulties:When things go wrong in our life and we encounter difficult situations, wetend to regard the situation itself as our problem, but in reality whateverproblems we experience come from the side of the mind. If we responded todifficult situations with a positive or peaceful mind they would not beproblems for us. Eventually, we might even regard them as challenges or 12
  13. 13. opportunities for growth and development. Problems arise only if werespond to difficulties with a negative state of mind. Therefore if we want tobe free from problems, we must transform our mind.The Buddha himself on anger:An angry person is ugly & sleeps poorly. Gaining a profit, he turns it into aloss, having done damage with word & deed. A person overwhelmed withanger destroys his wealth. Maddened with anger, he destroys his status.Relatives, friends, & colleagues avoid him. Anger brings loss. Angerinflames the mind. He doesnt realize that his danger is born from within. Anangry person doesnt know his own benefit. An angry person doesnt see theDhamma. A man conquered by anger is in a mass of darkness. He takespleasure in bad deeds as if they were good, but later, when his anger is gone,he suffers as if burned with fire. He is spoiled, blotted out, like fireenveloped in smoke. When anger spreads, when a man becomes angry, hehas no shame, no fear of evil, is not respectful in speech. For a personovercome with anger, nothing gives light.Islam The Quran, the central religious text of Islam, attributesanger to prophets and believers and Muhammads enemies. It mentions theanger of Musa (also known as Moses) against his people for worshiping agolden calf; the anger of Yunus (also known as Jonah) God in a moment andhis eventual realization of his error and his repentance; Gods removal ofanger from the hearts of believers and making them merciful after thefighting against Muhammads enemies is over. In general suppression of 13
  14. 14. anger is deemed a praiseworthy quality and Muhammad is attributed to havesaid, "power resides not in being able to strike another, but in being able tokeep the self under control when anger arises." Furthermore in anothernarration the Prophet Muhammad was asked about a short good deed, towhich he replied not to be angry. Ibn Abdil Barr the Andalusian Maliki juristexplains that controlling anger is the door way for restraining otherblameworthy traits. If anger is contained, then it will be easier on the personto subdue other negative aspects like ego and envy, since these two are lesspowerful than anger. Another proximate saying of Prophet Muhammadinstructs that a judge should not pass a judgement between any two partieswhen he is in a state of anger.[2.4] JUDAISM:In Judaism, anger is a negative trait. In the Book of Genesis, Jacobcondemned the anger that had arisen in his sons Simon and Levi: "Cursed betheir anger, for it was fierce; and their wrath, for it was cruel."Restraining oneself from anger is seen as noble and desirable, as Ethics ofthe Fathers states:"Ben Zoma said: Who is strong? He who subdues his evil inclination, as it isstated, "He who is slow to anger is better than a strong man, and he whomasters his passions is better than one who conquers a city" (Proverbs16:32). "Maimonides rules that one who becomes angry is as though that person hadworshipped idols.Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi explains that the parallelbetween anger and idol worship is that by becoming angry, one shows a 14
  15. 15. disregard of Divine Providence - whatever had caused the anger wasultimately ordained from Above - and that through coming to anger onethereby denies the hand of G-d in ones life.In its section dealing with ethical traits a person should adopt, the KitzurShulchan Aruch states:"Anger is also a very evil trait and it should be avoided at all costs. Youshould train yourself not to become angry even if you have a good reason tobe angry."[2.5]OF GOD OR GODSThe Great Day of His Wrath, by John Martin (1789-1854).In many religions, anger is frequently attributed to God or gods. Primitivepeople held that gods were subject to anger and revenge in anthropomorphic 15
  16. 16. fashion The Hebrew Bible says that opposition to Gods Will results inGods anger. The Hebrew Bible explains that:God is not an intellectual abstraction, nor is He conceived as a beingindifferent to the doings of man; and His pure and lofty nature resents mostenergetically anything wrong and impure in the moral world: "O Lord, myGod, mine Holy One... Thou art of eyes too pure to behold evil, and canstnot look on iniquity."Christians believe in Gods anger in the sight of evil. This anger is notinconsistent with Gods love, as demonstrated in the Gospel where therighteous indignation of Christ is shown when he drives the moneychangersfrom the temple. Christians believe that those who reject His revealed Word,Jesus, condemn themselves, and are not condemned by the wrath of God. InIslam, Gods mercy outweighs his wrath or takes precedence of it. Thecharacteristics of those upon whom Gods wrath will fall is as follows: Thosewho reject God; deny his signs; doubt the resurrection and the reality of theday of judgment; call Muhammad a sorcerer, a madman or a poet; domischief, are impudent, do not look after the poor (notably the orphans); livein luxury or heap up fortunes; persecute the believers or prevent them frompraying. Islam also believes that its followers are permitted to express theirpersonal wrath towards those who do not subscribe to their belief system... 16
  17. 17. [2.6]: ANGER MANAGEMENT: ANGER ISSUES AND TYPESOF ANGER:Kate Barcus Miller, M.AAnger is a natural part of the human condition, but it isnt always easyto handle. And when people dont handle it well, the harm they do can bevisible and it cant be visible.Some people mask their anger. Others explode with rage. For still others,anger is a chronic condition, a habit of resentment that surfaces over andover again. 17
  18. 18. [2.7]THERE ARE TEN ANGER STYLES:Anger Avoidance:These people dont like anger much. Some are afraid of their anger, orthe anger of others. It can be scary and they are afraid to lose control ifthey get mad. Some think its bad to become angry. Anger avoiders gainthe sense that being good or nice helps them feel safe and calm.They have problems, though. Anger can help you to survive whensomething is wrong. Avoiders cant be assertive, because they feel tooguilty when they say what they want. Too often the result is that they arewalked over by others.Sneaky Anger:Anger Sneaks never let others know they are angry. Sometimes, theydont even know how angry they are. But the anger comes out in otherforms, such as forgetting things a lot, or saying theyll do something, butnever intending to follow through. Or, they sit around and frustrateeverybody and their families. Anger Sneaks can look hurt and innocentand often ask, "Why are you gettting mad at me?" They gain a sense ofcontrol over their lives when they frustrate others. By doing little ornothing, or putting things off, they thwart other peoples plans. However,Anger Sneaks lose track of their own wants and needs. They dont knowwhat to do with their own lives and that leads to boredom, frustration,and unsatisfying relationships. 18
  19. 19. Paranoid Anger:This type of anger occurs when someone feels irrationally threatened byothers. They seek aggression everywhere. They believe people want totake what is theirs. They expect others will attack them physically orverbally. Because of this belief, they spend much time jealouslyguarding and defending what they think is theirs - the love of a partner(real or imangined), their money, or their valuables. People withParanoid anger give their anger away. They think everybody else isangry instead of acknowledging their own rage. They have found a wayto get angry without guilt. Their anger is disguised as self-protection. Itis expesive, though. They are insecure and trust nobody. They have poorjudgment because they confuse their own feelings with those of others.They see their own anger in the eyes and words of their friends, mates,and co-workers. This leaves them (and everyone around them) confused.Sudden Anger:People with sudden anger are like thunderstorms on a summer day. Theyzoom in from nowhere, blast everything in sight, and then vanish.Sometimes its only lightning and thunder, a big show that soon blowsaway. but often people get hurt, homes are broken up, and things aredamaged that will take a long time to repair. Sudden Anger people gain asurge of power. They release all their feelings, so they feel good orrelieved. Loss of control is a major problem with sudden anger. Theycan be a danger to themselves and others. They may get violent. Theysay and do things they later regret, but by then its too late to take them 19
  20. 20. back.Shame-Based Anger:People who need a lot of attention or are very sensitive to criticismoften develop this style of anger. The slightest criticism sets off theirown shame. Unfortunately, they dont like themselves very much. Theyfeel worthless, not good enough, broken, unloveable. So, when someoneignores them or says something negative, they take it as proof that theother person dislikes them as much as they dislike themselves. But thatmakes them really angry, so they lash out. They think, "You made mefeel awful, so Im going to hurt you back." They get rid of their shameby blaming, criticizing, and ridiculing others. Their anger helps them getrevenge against anybody they think shamed them. They avoid their ownfeelings of inadequacy by shaming others.Raging against others to hide shame doesnt work very well. Theyusually end up attacking the people they love. They continue to beoversensitive to insults because of their poor self-image. Their anger andloss of control only makes them feel worse about themselves.Deliberate Anger:This anger is planned. People who use this anger usually know whatthey are doing. They arent really emotional about their anger, at leastnot at first. They like controlling others, and the best way theyvediscovered to do that is with anger and, sometimes, violence. Power andcontrol are what people gain from deliberate anger. Their goal is to getwhat they want by threatening or overpowering others. This may work 20
  21. 21. for a while, but this usually breaks down in the long run. People dontlike to be bullied and eventually they figure out ways to escape or getback at the bully.Addictive Anger:Some people want or need the strong feelings that come with anger.They like the intensity even if they dont like the trouble their angercauses them. Their anger is much more than a bad habit - it providesemotional excitement. It isnt fun, but its powerful. These pepople lookforward to the anger "rush," and the emotional "high." Anger addictsgain a sense of intensity and emotional power when they explode. Theyfeel alive and full of energy. Addictions are inevitably painful anddamaging. This addiction is no exception. They dont learn other ways tofeel good, so they become dependent upon their anger. They pick fightsjust to get high on anger. And, since they need intensity, their angertakes on an all-or-nothing pattern that creates more problems than itsolves.Habitual Anger:Anger can become a bad habit. Habitually angry people find themselvesgetting angry often, usually about small things that dont bother others.They wake up grumpy. They go through the day looking for fights. Theylook for the worst in everything and everybody. They usually go to bedangry about something. They might even have angry dreams. Theirangry thoughts set them up for more and more arguments. They cantseem to quit being angry, even though they are unhappy. Habitually 21
  22. 22. angry people gain predictibility. They always know what they feel. Lifemay be lousy but it is known, safe, and steady. However, they gettrapped in their anger and it runs their lives. They cant get close to thepeople they love because their anger keeps them away.Moral Anger:Some people think they have a right to be angry when others havebroken a rule. That makes the offenders bad, evil, wicked, sinful. Theyhave to be scolded, maybe punished. People with this anger style feeloutraged about what bad people are doing. They say they have a right todefend their "beliefs." They claim moral superiority. They gain the sensethat anger is for a good cause. They dont feel guilty when they get angrybecause of this. They often feel superior to others even in their anger.These people suffer from black-and-white thinking, which means theysee the world too simply. They fail to understand people who aredifferent from themselves. They often have rigid ways of thinking anddoing things. Another problem with this anger style is crusading -attacking every problem or difference of opinion with moral anger whencompromise or understanding might be better.Hate:Hate is a hardened anger. It is a nasty anger style that happens whensomeone decides that at least one other person is totally evil or bad.Forgiving the other person seems impossible. Instead, the hater vows todespise the offender. Hate starts as anger that doesnt get resovled. Thenit becomes resentment, and then a true hatred that can go on indefinitely. 22
  23. 23. Haters often think about the ways they can punisih the OFFENDER andthey sometimes act on those ideas. These people feel they are innocentvictims. They create a world of enemies to fight, and they attack themwith great vigor and enthusiasm. However, this hatred causes seriousdamage over time. Haters cant let go or get on with life. They becomebitter and frustrated and their lives become mean, small and narrow.Anger is a tricky emotion, difficult to use well until you learn how. It isa real help though, as long as you dont get trapped in any of the angerstyles aforementioned. People who use anger well have a healthy or"normal" relationship with their anger. They think of anger in thefollowing characteristic ways: Anger is a normal part of life Anger is an accurate signal of real problems in a persons life Angry actions are screened carefully; you neednt automatically get angry just because you could Anger is expressed in moderation so there is no loss of control The goal is to solve the problems, not just to express anger Anger is clearly stated in ways that others can understand Anger is temporary. It can be relinquished once an issue is resolvedWhen you practice good anger skills, you never need to use your angeras an excuse. You can take responsibility for what you say and do, evenwhen you are mad.The more you know about your personal anger style(s), the more control 23
  24. 24. you will have over your life. You can learn to let go of excessive angerand resentmentPassive anger can be expressed in the following ways: Secretive behavior, such as stockpiling resentments that are expressed behind peoples backs, giving the silent treatment or under the breath mutterings, avoiding eye contact, putting people down, gossiping, anonymous complaints, poison pen letters, stealing, and conning. Psychological manipulation, such as provoking people to aggression and then patronizing them, provoking aggression but staying on the sidelines, emotional blackmail, false tearfulness, feigning illness, sabotaging relationships, using sexual provocation, using a third party to convey negative feelings, withholding money or resources. Self-blame, such as apologizing too often, being overly critical, inviting criticism. Self-sacrifice, such as being overly helpful, making do with second best, quietly making long suffering signs but refusing help, or lapping up gratefulness. Obsessive behavior, such as needing to be clean and tidy, making a habit of constantly checking things, over-dieting or overeating, demanding that all jobs be done perfectly. 24
  25. 25. Aggressive anger Threats, such as frightening people by saying how you could harm them, their property or their prospects, finger pointing, fist shaking, wearing clothes or symbols associated with violent behavior, tailgating, excessively blowing a car horn, slamming doors. Hurtfulness, such as physical violence, verbal abuse, biased or vulgar jokes, breaking a confidence, using foul language, ignoring peoples feelings, willfully discriminating, blaming, punishing people for unwarranted deeds, labeling others. Destructiveness, such as destroying objects, harming animals, destroying a relationship between two people, reckless driving, substance abuse. 25
  26. 26.  Bullying, such as threatening people directly, persecuting, pushing or shoving, using power to oppress, shouting, using a car to force someone off the road, playing on peoples weaknesses. Unjust blaming, such as accusing other people for your own mistakes, blaming people for your own feelings, making general accusations. Manic behavior, such as speaking too fast, walking too fast, working too much and expecting others to fit in, driving too fast, and reckless spending. Selfishness, such as ignoring others needs, not responding to requests for help, queue jumping. Unpredictability, such as explosive rages over minor frustrations, attacking indiscriminately, dispensing unjust punishment, inflicting harm on others for the sake of it, using alcohol and drugs, illogical arguments. 26
  27. 27. Benefits of AngerAnger can also be very positive. Among other things, anger can motivate us to work harder to accomplish our goals. This could mean playing harder on the defensive end in a basketball game, studying longer for an exam, or putting in more time when learning to play an instrument. Anger can sometimes lead to newer, higher level goals, possibly fueled by the desire to prove others wrong. Anger can also alert us that something is wrong and that we need to respond. When we defend ourselves or defend someone else, it is often our anger that spurs us into action. This can be the love of a mother 27
  28. 28. protecting her child, a classmate or colleague standing up to a bully, or an innocent bystander intervening on behalf of a victimized stranger. Generally speaking, anger is what prevents us from passively accepting societal wrongdoings and ignites us to take action. Many of society‘s most important changes have come about because people got angry with the way things were and set out to correct those injustices. Some examples include the Women‘s Rights Movement, the abolishment of slavery, and the Civil Rights Movement. Countless people have been helped by the actions of those who experienced anger and decided to do something positive to make things better. So the next time that you lose your cool and say or do something that you regret, just remember that anger does not have to be your downfall. What Should we Do If we Get Angry?Dont lose control if you get angry. Taking it out on others never solvesanything. Instead, admit to yourself that you are angry and try to figure outwhy. What can you do to keep the situation from happening again? If yourlittle sister gets a toy and you dont, its not OK to break that toy. Maybe you 28
  29. 29. can ask her to share it with you. Or if your science homework is too hard,dont rip up your notebook. Ask your teacher or a parent for help instead.It helps to talk about your anger with an adult, such as a parent, teacher, orrelative. Once you talk about anger, those bad feelings usually start to goaway. 29
  30. 30. CHAPTER 3 ANGER MANAGEMENT Anger management deals with the management of one‘s anger sothat the least possible damage is felt to self, others and the environment. Thisinvolves understanding one‘s anger patterns and dealing with themeffectively. One who can manage his own anger effectively can possiblymanage the anger of others as well.Anger management is a procedure of acquiring the skills to recognize signsthat you are becoming angry, and taking action to deal with the situation in apositive way. In no way does anger management mean holding the anger inor trying to keep from feeling anger. Anger is a normal human emotion, ahealthy one when it is possible to learn how to control your frustrations bypracticing anger management techniques on your own. However, seeing amental health counselor or taking an anger management class is generallymore effective.Anger management teaches you to recognize frustrations early on and settlethem in a way that allows you to express your needs, while remaining calmand in control. Anger management helps you identify what triggers youremotions, and how to respond so that things work in your favor, instead ofagainst you.We all feel angry sometimes and may say or do things we regret. This is anormal part of life, and may not necessarily mean you need angermanagement help. If your anger is having a detrimental effect onrelationships, is making you unhappy, or is leading to violent or dangerousbehavior, you probably need help. 30
  31. 31.  Is Anger Harmful?The answer: Not all the time. In fact, anger has its positive aspects. Considerthe following three points:1) The capacity to feel anger is natural; it is built into our bodies and is important for moderating our physical and emotional levels or for us to "fight" with an elevated level of energy;2) Anger is a signal that something is wrong. Like pain, anger signals a need for correction. Long-term suppression of these signals may be emotionally and socially harmful. Anger may be the last emotion to resist numbness and despair, and is thus a survival mechanism, a last ditch attempt to make good;3) Anger warns others to be careful. Anger serves as the "relationship cue" that helps to indicate tension and even danger. Getting angry when expressing grief is a typical example of such "relationship cue" anger.Three Stage Anger ManagementAnger management can be divided into three stages – 1) Managing anger before it even shows in 2) Managing anger when you are angry 31
  32. 32. 3) Managing anger after your angerManaging Anger before it Ever AppearsManage your anger before it manages you. This is the ‗prevention is betterthan cure‘ approach. This is actually the only effective technique for angermanagement. This involves two steps: 1. Understanding the root cause of anger in general and of your anger and anger patterns in particular. 2. It also involves having a self-structure that does not cram up stress or that is non-conducive to anger or stress. 3. This is done by continuous practice of some releasing technique such as meditation, relaxation (somatic relaxation like progressive muscular relaxation and psychological relaxation like savasana, autogenic training etc.). And also developing self-confidence, courage etc. Various techniques should be adopted to avoid the anger and every problem will be solved peacefully due to which anger arises. 32
  33. 33. CHAPTER 4- ANGER MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES FOR YOUTH Individuals between their late teens and late 20s are consideredto be the most vulnerable individuals when it comes to taking a wrong stepout of anger. They do tend to repent for this, but once the damage has beendone, nothing much can be done about it. Stats show that most of the peoplewho take to anger management also belong to the same age group.Take a BreakThis is one of the simplest methods of anger management. Whenever youare angry about something or someone, you can ideally stay away from thatperson or that thing for a brief period of time. This will help you to regain acomposed mindset and think over the issue to find a possible solution.Identify Possible SolutionsDuring the break, you can evaluate all the possible options to avoid furthercomplications or damage. You mind may tend to divert to the cause whichmade you angry, but you will have to deviate away from the cause, and thinkabout the possible effects of your outburst.Assertive CommunicationTalking can indeed resolve issues, especially when you use assertivecommunication techniques.Humor 33
  34. 34. Humor, is no doubt the best way to resolve tension between two people. Assoon as you realize that the discussion is turning into an argument, andmay deteriorate even further, you can add a hint of humor to theconversation.Dont Hold a GrudgeThis is the worst thing you can possibly do, and it will just add to the pent uptension within you. Every time you come across the person, you willrecollect the moment and your temper will flare all over again.Anger Management Techniques for Kids and Teens Follow some techniques on anger management that may help yourkids and teens in reducing their anger. These anger management techniquesinclude:Relaxation techniquesSome relaxation techniques such as deep breathing and meditation can helpyour children calm down their anger. Deep breathing involves the breath inand breath out technique.Visualization:Teach your kids and teens to visualize beautiful, green scenery and feel thecool air.Good parenting 34
  35. 35. Show willingness to hear what your kids or teens demand from you. Givethem time and shower love and affection. Be friendly and teach them toforgive others.Listen to your childrenListen to the problems and complains of your kids and teens. Showeagerness in solving their problems. Teach them how tolerance can helpthem control their anger.Choose a hobbyDivert the kids or teens towards their favorite hobbies suchas singing, gardening, dancing, painting, stamp collection, etc. or whateverthey like.Be assertiveInstruct your kids or teens to express their feelings and desires withoutdemanding or offending the rights of others. Train your kids or teens to beassertive rather than using offensive abuses, which may hurt other persons.Stress managementIs your kids or teens anger getting out of control? If yes, then it is time toteach them some stress management skills, as excessive anger may leadthem to suffer from stress and anxiety. 35
  36. 36. Anger Management Tips for Children and Adults The following are some anger management tips for children and adultsas well. Before going on to discuss the tips, I would say that, these tipswould not completely nullify your anger, but of course, these would help indecreasing it, up to a large extent. So read on for some anger managementtips for adults and children.Find out What and Why!Anger is an expression that takes charge of your bodys physical and mentalcontrols and unknowingly compels you to behave rudely and wildly! Youknow how dangerous such a behavior can turn! So to avoid such situations,find out the exact cause of your anger.Try to Stay Silent!Frankly speaking, thats not at all easy! I mean just telling someone to staysilent in angry situations is very easy, however, being actually silent on suchoccasions, is not everyones cup of tea! However, try to be silent. Do notspeak much!Control the Situation!As I have said earlier, anger is such a powerful expression that it controlsyour entire body, mind and soul. But here, in the conquest of winning overanger, you need to control the situation and let not the situation control youby making you angry, yell and doing weird things!Alter the Thought Pattern! 36
  37. 37. Often at our workplace or at home, we get angry when we hear the musicfrom our superiors! This results in a long self centered process, where I isthe most important issue. However, on such occasions, try to change yourthought pattern for sometime and think of him instead of I!Anger BustersHere are some other things you can do when you start to feelangry:  talk to a friend you can trust  count to 10  get or give a hug  do jumping jacks or another exercise  draw a picture of your anger  play a video game  run around the outside of the house five times as fast as you can  sing along with the stereo  pull weeds in the garden  think good thoughts (maybe about a fun vacation or your favorite sport)  Take a bike ride, go skateboarding, play basketball — do something active!Never getting angry is impossible. Instead, remember that how you act whenyoure angry can make the situation better or worse. Dont let anger be theboss of you. Take charge of it! 37
  38. 38. 4 steps to control an anger manag Many of us at times have been upset. Being upset is a part of life. Notall things will go the way you want them to go. When this upset turns toanger we must be careful how we handle ourselves.Here are 4 steps to control your anger and have it vent in proper ways.1. Count to 10 when you are getting upset. This is a normal way that wehave all heard. We have heard it because it works if you practice it. Count to10 and you may solve many of your outbursts before they happen. 38
  39. 39. 2. Do something that is physically exerting. Instead of punching a wall or aperson, go run around the house, or mow the yard. Go for a walk, swim,bikeride, or shoot some hoops. This can provide a physical outlet for youremotions.3. Find something that is calming. Try deep breathing from your diaphragm.Take 10 deep calming breaths. This can be very soothing for most people.Combine this with step 1 and count to 10 slowly while breathing.4. Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. I am frustrated becauseyou didnt help with the housework, instead of You didnt help me with thehousework. This helps in multiple ways one is your way of thinking is a bitbetter and you also do not upset the other person so that both parties areangry. Which of course is not a good outcome for anyone.You can combine multiple steps above to help alleviate anger. Dont hold itin, but dont blow up. Calm yourself down and talk about it by using stepnumber 4 above. Go for a swim or a nice shower, and you can alleviate thestresses that cause unhealthy anger.What is an anger management all about?Anger is an emotion. It is an emotion experienced by everyone at some timeor other in their life. There are now more children expressing and showinganger than in previous years, and it can have very serious consequences.Everyone is different so it is not possible to know exactly what will triggerone individual into an anger rage and not another. Typically if the individual 39
  40. 40. does not get something they want, or things dont go their way they expectthey can fly off into an anger rage. And the way they go into this anger statevaries from one person to another, no two are identical.One person starts screaming, yelling at the top of their lungs. Another personwill pound the table, or wall till their hands start to bleed. Some will taketheir anger out on other people and get physical and may even put someonein the hospital. It all depends on what the situation is and how enraged theybecome. The other side of this is the person who also goes ballistic, but doesso internally. This person does not show any outward appearance of anger orrage instead they keep it inside and end up harming themselves due to thenegative emotions they bottle up.Interestingly enough many people with anger management issues do not seeit in themselves. They cannot accept someone telling them that they have ananger issue. They truly are in denial and not able to accept that they have aproblem, which in the end keeps them from seeking professional help. If thesituation continues and the individual is not helped he or she will eventuallyhurt either themselves or someone else along the way. And depending onhow that happens they may end up in jail, or in the hospital.Because of these consequences it is important to convince the individual thatthere are those interested in helping them. If their anger goes unchecked anduncontrolled for too long they will ultimately end up hurting themselves andthose they love. These people need to learn how to manage and deal withtheir anger. Things happen to everyone and life goes on, but these people areso entangled in their emotions and anger they often do not think straight. 40
  41. 41. Anger is one of our emotions. It may have an appropriate place at anappropriate time. But when it gets out of control and becomes violent itbecomes a huge problem. The anger not only destroys the individual, it alsohas an impact on everyone and everything around them. Anger managementcan help these people and get them to lead normal healthy lives. 41
  42. 42. CHAPTER 5 ANGER MANAGEMENT STRATEGY#1: Changing Your Environment1. If you usually spend your day indoors, make a point to spend some personal time outdoors. Putter in your yard or take a walk. The fresh air will do you good, both physically and mentally. If you work mostly outdoors, spend some personal, private time indoors. Go home, put your feet up and andrelax.2. If you spend the day in physical labor, give yourself a "quiet time". Sit on a park bench and watch the world go by or sit in your favorite chair and let your tired muscles relax. If you spend most of your day in a sit-down job, get those lethargic muscles moving! After work, take some time to walk, run, and exercise to feel a surge of renewed energy in both mind and body!3. If you spend your day in noise, make sure your "quiet time" is quiet. Give yourself a chance to calm down and clear the chaos from your thoughts. If you spend your day where the silence is deafening, go home and pump up the volume! Listen to the radio, play a CD, watch a half-hour of television. Get your mind off your problems! 42
  43. 43. Anger Management Strategy 2:Learn to Recognize Your Anger ActivatorsWhen youre reasonably calm, take a few minutes to examine recent timeswhen your anger flared. Jot them down. Dont relive each; just look for whattriggered your anger - your anger activators. What started you simmeringand when did you boil over? What effect did your temper flares have onthose around you and most importantly, you? What resulted from youranger? Let this be the beginning of your anger log or anger diary.Each day, "log" occurrences of your anger and their triggers. Youll likelyfind that many of the same things are making you see red everyday.For instance, a lot of folks start each day confronted by the harsh, irritatingbeeping of an alarm clock. If youre one of them, consider changing its tune.Set a clock radio to music instead of alarm or purchase an alarm that startswith a quiet pulse and slowly increases in intensity.Anger Management Strategy 3:The Serenity PrayerYou may have heard the platitude, "Youre either part of the problem or partof the solution." However, to paraphrase Abe Lincoln:"You can solve all of the problems some of the time and some of theproblems all of the time, but you cant solve all of the problems all of thetime." 43
  44. 44. For instance, when you experience the loss of a family member, the angeryou may feel is a natural part of grieving. No matter what you do, you cantsolve the problem, but you can learn to control and resolve your anger."God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,The Courage to change the things we can, And the Wisdom to know thedifference."For decades, Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs have usedthe Serenity Prayer to help their members cope with their problems. Even ifyou dont believe in a higher power, you can still use this simple message asan anger management strategy to help control your anger.If anger is affecting your relationships, your work, or your health, considerseeking help. An anger management group, class or private counseling maybe your best anger management strategy. Any of these can help you developan anger management program based on proven anger managementtechniques.Guidelines for chidrens behaviour When guiding childrens behavior we need to understand that manypoor behaviours are exhibited in children because of a lack of self control.Self control is not a behavior we are born with, rather it is learnt andnurtured over our early learning years. I believe that the key to guiding achilds behaviours into long term positive outcomes comes fromunderstanding that they are not born with intrinsic control of their emotions 44
  45. 45. and reactions, and an understanding that we need to foster and nurture thesequalities or skills.Let me illustrate my thoughts on this point. When a child tantrums and hitstheir parent in a shopping centre because they are not allowed to ride on thetoy car, we would all agree that their behavior is not appropriate. However,which part of the situation is actually not appropriate? Now imagine yourselfwalking past your favourite cafe, watching a woman sitting for a moment ofsolitude, half way through a steaming cafe latte (you may substitute withyour own preferred choice!). You turn to your shopping partner to ask ifthey would like to join you in indulging, and they say "oh no, we dont havetime for that, I want to show you this new jacket Ive seen". You sigh, take abreathe (to capture to aroma of freshly ground beans) and follow yourpartner to give your opinion on the jacket.Your first reaction to the situation is the same as that of the child "Oh, but Iwould really love to.......". The difference comes in the ability to control thefirst reaction / emotions. The behavior of hitting and tantrumming to expressemotion is not acceptable, the brief sigh and then compliance is acceptable.How do we foster self control in children? I would like to suggest 3 mainareas:Modeling Self ControlChildren learn through watching. A ad campaign showed children followingthe reactions and emotions of their parents with the catch phrase "ChildrenSee, Children Do". How can we expect children to be developing controlover their emotions and to display appropriate behaviours if we as teachers 45
  46. 46. and parents are not doing the same. If we slam doors, yell at the driver whocut us off, or speak to colleagues with disrespect, we are not exhibiting selfcontrol ourselves and we need to accept the same behaviours in the childrenwatching us.Model to children how to express their emotions in controlled ways. It iscompletely appropriate to explain to a child "Daddy is angry at the moment,Im going for a run to run all the angry energy out"; or "Lisa is very triedfrom all the children crying and all the nappies she had to change today, Imgoing outside for a minute to take 10 deep breaths". You will be surprised tosee how quickly children will mimic these strategies.Behaviour Management Techniques for Self ControlThere are many varied techniques which can support childrens self control.Children need alternatives to express their emotions in controlled ways. Inmy child care centres I developed an "angry chart" where children couldchoose how they were going to express their emotions. In the throws of poorbehavior, I would support the child to choose from one of the following:Many of these actually become an alternatives to "Time Out" , which is amuch debated technique in child care centres. Children need to be removedfrom the heated situation in order to gain self control. The concern with timeout arose when children were seated on time out chairs for long periods,isolated from the rest of the group of children. The above techniques keepthe child occupied and active, whilst still removing them from the initialsituation. 46
  47. 47. Considering the opening illustration, we also need to be thinking ahead ofsituations which could bring about poor behavior and lack of self control. Asparents, we will always be presented with ride on "thingys" or lolly pops ateye level in shopping centres. Some days, we will need to allow time forchild indulgences, just like we allow ourselves time or money for a coffeeindulgence. Periodic rewards can actually help us to be more controlled attimes when we cant indulge. The key to supporting childrens self control isto discuss with them beforehand what the expectation of this shopping tripis, acknowledging that "yes, its sad we dont have time for a ride today, Imsad too".... and of course to praise children when they make even thesmallest achievement in emotional self control.Games and Activities which Promote Self ControlAny games which foster a childs skills in listening and responding; andstopping on a command will support their self control in behavior.Stop / Go games such as Musical Statues and Red Light, Green Light.o Musical games such as guessing the animal noise or where the sound iscoming from; or listening and interpreting music through movemento Relaxation Activities where children learn the skills of relaxing theirmuscles and mind Breathing exercises such as pretending to blow up aballoon (drawing a large breath and holding it, and them expelling air inshort bursts). Teaching children how to draw a long deep breath which helpsmore oxygen get to the brain.o Waiting games where children need to eitherwait their turn or wait for instruction. 47
  48. 48. The key to fostering self control in behavior is to understand that childrenare not born with a natural ability to control their emotions. Rather, it isimportant to work on ways to foster self control, which will in turn supportmore positive behavior outcomes.Cassandra Eccleston is a dedicated and experienced childcare professionaland writes for Onsite Early Childhood Training who produce cutting edgeChild Care Staff Training by DVD. You can visit our website for more freeresources, downloads, forums and information on children and behaviourand the latest childcare staff training available.Managing angerAnger is a natural emotion, just like so many of theother emotions that you go through in your day-to-day life. It is in fact a natural response to certainperceived threats that you may come across whiledealing with situations. It can happen anywhere, atanytime.You may get into a yelling contest with a strangerat a traffic jam or you may get into a wordy dualwith a petrol pump attendant. It could be a nastyscreaming match with your spouse or a cold,seething rage with your ―insolent‖ colleague. 48
  49. 49. The problem with angerAnger in itself is not a problem. Experts in the fieldof anger management agree on this. The realproblem is how you handle your anger. Screamingor hurling missiles at your spouse, smashingcrockery or slamming down the phone on yourcolleague is not anger management at its best.It only means your anger is getting the better of you. Instead of expressingyour anger in a healthy and assertive way, you may be expressing it in anunfriendly, aggressive manner—a manner that could quite possibly lead toviolent behavior and a cascade of personal and professional consequences.Handling angerBefore anger begins handling you and you begin to manhandle someone, itis better to learn to manage anger in a healthy way. Here are a few tips thatcan be useful: Analyze why you are angry: Reading this you may think, ―If I could stand there, analyzing my anger, why would I be angry at all?‖ And that is exactly the point. When you try to analyze the reason for your anger, this analysis occupies mind space and you will soon see your anger evaporate— because you cannot think two things at the same time. See? 49
  50. 50. Analyze what makes you angry: Fortunately, in this case, you have more time. For example, imagine you have a neighbor, whose dog barks you out of your siesta. You wake up fuming wanting to wring the neck of that stupid dog and maybe that of your neighbor‘s as well. But wait! A dog is a dog and dogs bark. You cannot keep it quiet for long, despite the best of training or threats. Under the circumstances, it is better that you behave like a human and let the beast be. So, the next time the dog barks, you will be prepared for it and calm will prevail. You will also be surprised when you find yourself getting used to the constant barking so much so, it may require a foghorn to wake you up the next time. Analyze where you get angry: Anger does not happen on its own. It is more of a learned behavior. We were not born angry. There are certain triggers that can set you off and you may find yourself erupting into a human volcano. Differences at home or work could be simmering inside you. It becomes quite a problem when your fuse is lit at home and you explode when you reach office. Or you could have had a bad day with your ―tyrannical‖ boss and wanting to box his nose in, you end up landing a punch on your spouse‘s face upon reaching home. Both situations can be catastrophic. If you are angry at home, leave your anger there before you leave to office and vice versa. 50
  51. 51. Express anger constructively: Sounds a little paradoxical—but it is in fact logical. Anger management does not mean you do not get angry and allow people to walk all over you. It is okay to get angry—being angry is not a bad or negative thing. While it is appropriate to keep your cool on occasions, trying to be a saint will not get you anywhere. Expressing yourself in an assertive, non-aggressive manner is the healthiest approach to handling anger. Managing anger effectively can benefit you and those around you. Your health may improve, you will feel better about yourself, and strained relationships can be repaired when you control your anger.Anger and healthAnger can have a negative impacton your overall health—physical,emotional and psychological. Gettingangry often or aggressive expressionof anger can be harmful. Pent upanger can affect you too. Some of the mostcommon health problemsassociated with destructive anger are: 51
  52. 52. headaches, sleeplessness, high blood pressure, eating difficulties, digestive problems, stress and stress-related problems, deep sadness, if your reason for getting angry is not adequately addressed and uncontrolled anger can sometimes lead to a heart attack in people with heart probleFinallyUncontrolled anger has its side effects—and it may not be too pleasant. Youmay have your share of woes just as many people do—unpaid bills, trafficjams, work pressure, conflicts with colleagues, strained spouse relationship,anxiety about the future—modern society is full of stress. But that does notmean you pick up a baseball bat and run berserk bumping people on theirhead. It also does not mean that you behave like a sage even when peopletrample on you. Be positive—positive people do not get put down. Neitherdo they put others down. Be assertive without getting aggressive. Be polite,but firm. And hook your anger onto the hanger. 52
  53. 53. 10 tips for control anger management A starter for ten! I would like to offer you Ten Tips For AngerManagement that you can try today.I understand that you may be skeptical. That is natural because angerepisodes can be intense and make it feel like there is no solution. You maybe thinking that Ten Tips For Anger Management may sound too good to betrue.If it helps think of these as "tips for a healthy life" and do them even if youdont get immediate results. Believe me it wont be long before these simplethings will improve your life.So without further ado, here is my Ten Tips For Anger Management:1. Breath SlowlyHow long could you last without another breath? Not very long at all! Sorryto be morbid, but I wanted to illustrate a point: Why do we take this essentialfunction for granted and never give it a second thought?Learning to breath deeply can be welcome relief for a lot of anger, stress andfear issues. Its not that you have to breathe deeply all of the time. Short deepbreathing sessions once or twice a day can be a big help.For a massive distress experience, sit or lie down somewhere comfortable.Breath in slowly, and allow the air to fill your lungs from the top at the chest 53
  54. 54. all the way to the bottom around the navel area. Dont be afraid to allowthose lungs to fill, and its a good sign if your stomach comes out!Once you are full of air, hold it for a second, and then slowly breath it allout. S..L..O..W..L..Y... is the key. We generally breath a lot faster andshallower than we need to.Have you ever tried Yoga? If you are keen on improving your breathing trya local Yoga class. Yoga classes vary in style and many cater for beginnerswho may not be flexible or fit yet. In Yoga the breath is King.Hope you enjoyed this first of my Ten Tips For Anger Management! Readon for the other nine of my Ten Tips For Anger Management2. Get out of the situationNow this must sound like a cop-out. You are angry, having an argumentwith another person, perhaps your husband, wife, partner, friend, boss, mum,sister or colleague. Surely walking away wont solve the problem?Well it might help in the short term. If the anger is cycling around. Forexample one of you is getting angry, saying hurtful things, making the otherone angry who then says hurtful things, the situation soon spirals out ofcontrol. Common sense, diplomacy, care and love evaporate for thatmoment.Walking away can be very helpful. It allows both parties to reflect and getinto a state of mind where resolution can be found. It could take some time,minutes, hours or even a few days (depending on the person and the 54
  55. 55. relationship). But if you give it enough time, when you reunite the situationshould be a lot easier to handle.The issues that triggered the anger may still be there under the surface.Things may still need to be dealt with. And now that you are both calm youhave the maximum chance or sorting out the situation.Obviously you should judge when walking away is appropriate. It may notbe for all situations. For example you may be driving together down a darkcountry lane, or in a pressurized job like a chef, so in some cases look for away you can semi-get out. Often simply agreeing not to say anything for afew minutes can help.Add "Walking Away" to your arsenal of anger-busting solutions and it couldsave you from regretful action again and again.Hope you enjoyed this second of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!3. Avoid the triggerhis is one step ahead of "getting out of the situation". If you can figure outwhat triggers an angry episode for you, then you can structure your life so asto avoid it.For example being in a traffic jam when you are late for work might makeyou feel angry. So how do you avoid the traffic? Well maybe you cant... butif you leave earlier it may not make you late for work anymore. And alonger term view might see you working nearer where you live, or livingnearer where you work, or seeing if you can work from home 1 day a week. 55
  56. 56. See if you can find one trigger than makes you angry, and one step you cantake to reduce the likelihood of it happening.Hope you enjoyed this third of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!4. Change perspectivesMost episodes of anger are directed at a person rather than an object. What ismore likely to cause a person to get angry. (a) slipping on a slipperypavement, or (b) being pushed over by a stranger on the pavement?Well Id say probably being pushed... even though the result is the same.Because there is someone to blame, anger is more likely to result. Andwhilst this may seem like a silly example, there is a lot you can take from itin terms of controlling anger.If someone else does something we think is unjust, i.e. is against our beliefsand principles, then this could cause us to get angry with that person. Wemay or may not express it verbally, but the feeling can be there inside of us.A change in perspective could be to challenge our own beliefs and values.E.g. if someone randomly pushes me over in the street then he must havesome kind of mental or emotional problem. And he probably cant help it. Infact I should feel sorry for him, as he has to live with that, and I merely havea bruise that will heal. In fact it would be more annoying if I slipped over, asthat would be my own fault! So hey-ho I will carry on with my day as best Ican.If this seems a bit of a stretch, a bit to hard to do, a bit weird perhaps thenyes it kind of is. Think of it like this though - who is harmed when we get 56
  57. 57. angry feelings? It is likely to be the person who is getting angry. And bychoosing not to get angry you can make better decisions about how to dealwith it. And avoid making the wrong decision. E.g. in this case that wrongdecision could be throwing a punch.Hope you enjoyed this forth of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!5. ExerciseAerobic Exercise, such as running, cycling, swimming and rowing causesyour body to release chemicals known as endorphins, which give you afeeling of a high. This is often known as "runners high". If you enjoy teamsports like football, rugby, hockey or basketball, or competitive sports liketennis or squash you can also get this high.There are a number of benefits to the exercise. As well as the instant high,the exercise can be a good "release" for the anger and a good escape (seeearlier on this page 2. Get out of the situation) above. Also being fittershould give you a more positive feeling about life and more energy whichwill help. Exercise wont solve an anger issue but it can aid other methods ofanger management by giving you a positive boost.Hope you enjoyed this fifth of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!6. Take it out on the pillowThis one is simple. You feel angry. Get a pillow. Punch it. And Again. AndAgain. Harder! Harder! 57
  58. 58. Now you feel better. It gives you a chance to express it and get the feelingsout of your system.However be careful with this one, as for some people it may stoke the angereven further. Try to judge if the pillow exercise is helping you by writingdown on a scale of one to ten how angry you feel before and after theexercise.Hope you enjoyed this sixth of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!7. SmileSmiling is usual reactive - we see an old friend or a cute baby and it makesus smile. But smiling can also be proactive. We can smile when there isnothing particular to smile about, just because it makes us feel good. And thegood feeling reinforces the smile, in a lovely cycle. A smile can help youchange your mood, even if only for an instant, and can be useful when youare feeling perhaps slightly irritated. Its a way to nip it in the bud before youbecome angry.Again I recommend you deal with the problem that made you irritated.Think about if it was reasonable to feel like that, or if you feel in hindsightthat actually it was silly to get annoyed about something so trivial. Try tothink how other people you know may react to that same situation. I mentionthis because the smile isnt meant to be a way to avoid tricky feelings - theymust be acknowledged. It is a way to change your mood for the better so alittle niggle is less likely to ruin your day.Hope you enjoyed this seventh of my Ten Tips For Anger Management! 58
  59. 59. 8. Be flexibleThis tip is about trying to be a bit more flexible in your thinking and beliefs.This could mean simply changing your perspective as mentioned earlier. Orlooking into alternative ways of thinking. Reading books about Buddhismand Law Of Attraction may help with this. You can get some inspiration andwisdom from these areas even if you dont adopt the entire doctrine.Being flexible can also mean simple being more willing to go with the flow,saying yes, accepting the current situation and knowing it is enough to doyour best. There is a lot that is beyond our control so there is no use ingetting angry with many things and people in life.Hope you enjoyed this eighth of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!9. Write it downWriting things down can have a brilliant mental effect. Writing lists can helpus remember. And writing your feelings about something can help you cometo terms with those feelings. It is a way to let out your anger withoutconfronting the person or object you are angry at. And by doing so start theprocess of forgiving or coming to terms with the situation.Hope you enjoyed this ninth of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!10. LoveHere "Love" refers to a common love for all people and things. A deepspiritual love, rather than a romantic attachment. Practice this "Love", afeeling of truly adoring and respecting the world around you, and you may 59
  60. 60. find angry feeling subsiding. Like it is impossible to be grumpy when youare dancing, it is not possible to be angry when you are feeling love. Even ifthe feeling is only fleeting give it a go. This one can take a lot of practice ifyou are not used to it or if you are skeptical. Again if you are skeptical giveit a go, keep an open mind, and dont expect any kind of "result". If you feelgood its a bonus (and you will probably feel good).Hope you enjoyed this final tip of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!I really hope Ten Tips For Anger Management has been helpful for you.You dont have to try them all at the same time, just pick and choose as yougo along. These Ten Tips For Anger Management are all from personalexperience and not just copied from elsewhere so enjoy!How anger impacts the people around youAnger is a feeling or emotion which can create a lot of energy. Besidesfeeling it in the body, this energy often comes out in words and/or behaviors.These outward reactions can create a lot of hurt and sadness. The followingarticle will look at the impact anger can have on the people around you.Anger the secondary emotionFrom the time we are born, we experience and express emotions...happiness,sadness, fear, frustration and anger. So why is anger a secondary emotion?Because we learn it as a response to other emotions. 60
  61. 61. Humans are born with a protective "fight or flight" instinct. We respond tofear by either running away (emotionally or physically), or standing ourground and fighting back. At a very early age, we realize that we can fightany emotion that we dont like, for example, sadness and frustration.As we grow up, we are socialized. In other words, we are taught to play wellwith others. These lessons come in part from parents and teachers, but alsofrom unguided practice, as we learn from our interactions with each other.So why do some people have a terrible time dealing with anger? Either theydidnt learn to address anger appropriately growing up, or at some point, therewards for feeling anger seemed better than dealing with depression oranxiety. If you are one of these people, your anger is still protecting you.Nobody likes to feel sad or lonely or frustrated, and anger often feels like agood substitute for the pain, until it grows out of control.So where is the light at the end of the tunnel? Remember that anger is aresponse we learned, and it can be un-learned. We can teach ourselves abetter way. We can find a person or a group or a program to help us learn tomanage our anger, and express our feelings in less destructive ways.If you feel you need help with your anger, speak with someone about it.Often, a family member, close friend or minister can provide useful advicethat will set you on the right path. If your concerns seem more serious orurgent, speak with your family doctor or a local mental health provider. Youmight consider online anger management classes. There is help available,and you are absolutely not alone. 61
  62. 62. William Smith is a masters level psychologist, certified by the State ofTennessee as a social counselor since 1989. He is the CEO of The LoganGroup International, a leading provide of anger management courses forcourt and employers. To learn more about his company and what it offers, Anger : Effects, Causes and Antidotes The five poisons, i.e. desire, anger, ignorance, pride and jealousy affect ourmind. Among these five poisons, anger is the most damaging one. One ofthe main practices of the Mahayana / Vajrayana practitioners is to get rid ofanger.Shantideva once said "One strong bitter anger can destroy merits of athousand aeons". There is in fact no merits equivalent to patience and no badkarma equivalent to anger. 62
  63. 63. The Effects of Anger1) Visible effects which are felt in this life2) Invisible effects which will be felt in the next life 1) Visible Effects Examples of visible effects of anger are feeling unhappy an uneasy, and showing undesirable facial expressions. These will cause others to feel uncomfortable and unwilling to talk to us. Our spirit and physical energy will be deteriorated. We cannot sleep well when we have anger and strong hatred. The next day we will not have a clear mind to concentrate on things. Our diets will be affected, either we do not have to appetite to eat or we will eat a lot. Worse still, it draws all our senses and wisdom such that we become very blunt and bold. Whatever we do, we will not be able to think whether it is right or wrong. We will feel like wanting to scold others and talk bad about others. Eventually, we lose our friends, relatives, health and merits.2) Invisible EffectsAnger will destroy our goal for practicing and will cause us to be born inhell directly. In Amitabha;s long sutra, it was mentioned that saying badwords with anger and hatred to a Bodhisattva will create evil karma foraeons or destroy our merits accumulated for aeons. This was also mentionedin many other texts. A person who takes and preserves the bodhisattva vowsis a bodhisattva. Practitioners of Mahayana and Vajrayana who always thinkof sentient beings and preserve their vows are bodhisattvas. Therefore one of 63
  64. 64. the most important things to remember is that a bodhisattva can be anyoneanywhere. We should not be angry at any person, especially our dharmabrothers and sisters.The Causes of AngerTo know how a problem comes about and how to get rid of it, we have toknow its causes which can be divided into primary cause and secondarycause. The primary cause is self-grasping ego which can be eradicated by thepractice of understanding and realizing emptiness. The secondary cause isfrustration which is a step before anger. Frustrations arise when we getcannot get what we want or we get something which we do not want. Allthese happened because: 1) all sentient beings have too much self-interest or ego; 2) there is no respect towards others. Everybody thinks that they are the most important and unless there is mutual respect, we as well as others be harmed; 3) dissatisfaction which can cause unhappiness because we tend to want to get more when we are not satisfied; and 4) impatience. We should know that things take time to get results but we give up halfway. This also leads us to unhappiness and the generation of anger. 64
  65. 65. The Antidote for AngerIt is very important to know the causes and the effects of a problem in orderto get rid of or reduce the anger associated with the problem. There are threeways to solve our problem of anger:-1) Analytical meditation 2) Skillful practice 3) Generation of positive reception1) Analytical meditationImagine someone says very bad words to make us very angry or defame usin front of others. If we are unhappy because of anger, we should examineourselves. What is the cause that makes us unhappy? Is it the sound / wordwe heard, the cause of our unhappiness? Imagine again that somebody saysvery bad words but in a different language that we do not understand or hesays it with a smiling face, what would you think? In our daily life, if we cananalyze this through meditation, then we are actually practicing the Dharma.We should use this skillful mean. Chanting cannot replace this analyticalmeditation.From our analytical meditation we will be able to know that the word is notthe cause of our unhappiness and anger. The cause in fact is the thoughtattachment of thinking that the word is something bad to us. You may thinkthat this is perhaps true, but you may get angry when someone hits youbecause of feeling the physical pain. You should meditate and ask yourself. 65
  66. 66. If you get angry when you are in pain, why dont you get angry when youhave a headache, toothache, etc? They are all pains. You may say theheadache is caused by no one but this pain and anger is caused by someonewith a bad intention. If you think like this, check if this person is alwayshitting others or saying bad words to others. He may not scold or hiteverybody but just a few people. There must be something behind him thatmakes him hit/scold others. Ask yourself if someone hits you with a stick,will you be angry at the stick or the person? Usually we get angry with theperson but not the stick because it is the person who causes the movement ofthe stick. But we should know that the person hits us because of anger. Hewill not want to hit people all the time. For example, he will not hit peoplewhen he is happy. If anger is not the cause for him to hit people, he will hitpeople anytime. Why dont you get angry at the persons anger then? If youknow this secret, you will not complain much. Instead you should feelcompassionate towards this person because he will create karma under thecontrol of anger.Another meditation is to think of the corresponding cause. If you are nothere, he has no object to hit. Therefore at least 50% of the problem comesfrom you. You are here at the wrong time and wrong place. If you think backwith anger and hatred towards the person, will it help you to be happy? If itdoesnt, why should you be angry? In fact this will be harmful because it willcreate more bad effects. If you are angry with him, and in return he getsangry with you, etc. There will be no end to it. 66
  67. 67. 3) Skillful Practice One of the very successful skills is a Bodhisattva practice of practicing like a tree. If someone hits a tree, the tree will not feel anything and will not move. Similarly, if someone hurts us and we do not react, it will stop further detriments (even though when we are actually emotionally involved). If your unhappiness is caused by jealousy, think of the goal that you want to achieve. Is it possible to achieve? If it is not possible, why not just forget about it and do something else? Why be unhappy as this will not be helpful? The unhappiness will even make us angrier. You should void unnecessary troubled places. If you know youll have problems when going to a certain place at a certain time, dont go. It is also important to understand the timing factor, i.e. is it the right time or not? An example is when you are doing a good deed but couldnt achieve the goal for others. You will get frustrated, but think, is it the right timing? If not, you should do it some other time. Another main skill is never count to how many times you had practiced patience.3) Generation of Positive Perception towards All Sentient BeingsWhen we are positive towards others, our anger will become weaker. Topractice this, we need to do one of the following when we get angry:1) contemplate about the benefits of patience and the faults of anger;2) understand that things we experience are the results of previous karmaand accept them; and 67
  68. 68. 3) think or understand that the nature of all sentient beings is pure becausethey all have the Buddha Nature. They are beings controlled by anger andignorance. We shouldnt be angry at these innocent beings. We should beangry at the 3 poisons.In conclusion, by understanding the faults and causes of anger and knowinghow to solve the problem, we will be able to practice the Dharma to calmour mind and attain liberation. It will definitely benefit us in this life as wellas future lives.Tips for anger managementGenerally speaking, there are three styles, or types, of anger: the "stuffer,"the "passive-aggressive" and the "exploder." Each of these types are uniquein various ways, manifesting to varying degrees, times, locations orsituations. It is important to note, however, that all types of anger producethe same negative outcome.Unresolved or uncontrollable anger tends to ariseout of emotional or physical problems. For some, this concept may be a bitdifficult to grasp. Most people who are angry, and who do not recognizetheir anger as a problem, believe that they are always justified in theirbehaviors. Those individuals who use anger as a tool in order to get theirown way, forcing people to do as they are told, are creating negativeconsequences for their own lives in various harmful ways. Sooner or later,they learn that their hostility can be a life-destroying, family-destroying, andrather expensive habit. When these individuals address and resolve thebitterness and resentments in their past and present lives, they also resolve ahuge amount of the additional problems they face, especially at work, 68
  69. 69. school, or in their relationships.Anger can sometimes be a rathertroublesome, one that is confusing and complex. Yet, anger is much morethan a mere emotion, however, since we know and recognize it as such, wewill start there. Anger is a manifested emotion, if you will. It is a means ofcrying out as a result of annoyance, exasperation, rancor, ill will, resentment,indignation, pain, hurt, shame, displeasure, the list could go on and on. Allof these feelings can range from extreme to mild. Anger can be manifestedthrough a number of means, including verbal assaults such as criticizing,yelling, scolding, ridicule or humiliation. It can be made manifest throughphysical means, such as attacking, damaging, hurting, hitting, or otherwisebringing violence into the situation. Finally, anger can also manifest itselfpersonally through feelings of victimization, shame, helplessness,hopelessness, or withdrawing.With such a wide variety of anger expressions as well as related outcomes, itstands to reason that we would attempt to displace, divert, cover, deny, orbury it in the back of our minds. Thankfully, people who dealwith anger management issues can learn to live a productive, peaceful,purpose-filled life!When it comes to the types of anger, it is rather easy to put them inperspective. The "stuffer" is someone who experiences anger withinthemselves. They bottle it all up inside, letting the anger eat away at themspiritually. The "passive-aggressive" is the person who expresses his or heranger verbally. They show aggression, but more in their words than in theiractions. These words can often hurt worse, much worse, than the physicalviolence, as these people are very "skilled" at using sharp-edged language. 69
  70. 70. Finally, anger can be acted out by the person, and these individuals would beexpressing the "exploder" style of anger. They will wage an all-out war bothphysically and verbally against the smallest of infractions. It is often difficultto detect when they will "explode" in anger, as these people will often actrather calm up and until the moment of explosion.When it comes to understanding how or why anger occurs, it is important toknow the components, or the process, of anger. Four common componentsexist when it comes to the "causes" of anger: behaviors, feelings, automaticthought (which typically is irrational), and trigger events. People who aredealing with anger management issues will often blame one of these fourcomponents, or use them to justify their actions.Behavioral components of anger are those little occurrences or situationsthat may cause someone to use bad words, flip the bird, honk their horn, orslam something down on the counter. It is actions that happen without anyconscious thought. It is an immediate, short-lived expression of anger.Feeling components of anger are rage, hurt, or a sense of deep fear. A personwho feels these emotions may thereby act out in an attempt to remedy thenegativity. They may seek retribution for a implied or actual slight caused bysomeone else. They may desire to "hurt" the offender who caused the pain,rage, or fear in order to "make them feel like I feel." 70
  71. 71. Automatic thought components of anger are typically irrational, sometimesto the extreme. They play with our imaginations, making us believe thatthings are worse than they really are. For example, a driver who is cut off atan intersection may experience irrational thoughts that the driver is literallytrying to kill them. In anger, they chase after the offender, who perhaps hasno clue that they have done anything wrong.Trigger events are the most common, and perhaps the most often blamed,components of anger. These events are situations or circumstances that causeus to be on edge, such as loud children, driving behind a very slow tractor ona two-lane highway, or finding out that the coffee pot is not working on amorning when we desperately need our cup of joe.People can, and do, learn how to take control of their anger issues. It isimportant to note here that nobody makes anyone get angry. No situationcauses anger. It is the individual who chooses to become angry, as well as tothe degree or extent that they choose to manifest it. Anger is not automatic,except for in the most primal sense of the word. It is a totally learnedresponse in most cases.Anger typically has its origins in past or present guilty feelings, inferioritycomplexes, fear, or trauma. These four can be easily remembered in theacronym GIFT. With this in mind, persons who seek anger managementtechniques can learn to effectively control their anger using the acronym 71
  72. 72. TIME - Think, Intercept, Move, and Exit. In the "think" strategy, one learnsabout and recognizes their own hot buttons. In the "intercept" strategy,individuals learn to intercept their anger impulses. They do so by reviewingtheir history of anger, looking for patterns of behavior or trigger situations.In the "move" strategy, those who deal with anger back away from anger-causing situations if at all possible, thereby providing space betweenthemselves and the "cause" of their anger or aggression. Finally, the "exit"strategy, if the individual feels that he or she is going to explode in anger,they must exit the premises immediately.What can make people angry?The most common factors that make people angry are: Grief - losing a loved one. Sexual frustration Rudeness Tiredness Hunger Pain Withdrawal from drugs or some medications Some physical conditions, such as pre-menstrual syndrome Physical illness Mental illness Alcohol, some drugs, alcohol abuse, drug abuse Injustice 72
  73. 73. Being teased or bullied Humiliation Embarrassment Deadlines Traffic jams Disappointment Sloppy service Failure Infidelity Burglary Financial problems Being told you have a serious illnessAnger can make you illWhen we are angry the body releases stress hormones, such as adrenaline,noradrenaline and cortisol. The heart rate, blood pressure, body temperatureand breathing rate increase. Regular episodes of anger can eventually makepeople ill.Anger Management TechniquesAnger is one of the most common and destructive delusions, and it afflictsour mind almost every day. To solve the problem of anger we first need torecognize the anger within our mind, acknowledge how it harms both ourself 73
  74. 74. and others, and appreciate the benefits of being patient in the face ofdifficulties. We then need to apply practical methods in our daily life toreduce our anger and finally to prevent it from arising at all.Anger is a deluded mind that focuses on an animate or inanimate object,feels it to be unattractive, exaggerates its bad qualities, and wishes to harmit. For example, when we are angry with our partner, at that moment he orshe appears to us as unattractive or unpleasant. We then exaggerate his badqualities by focusing only on those aspects that irritate us and ignoring allhis good qualities and kindness, until we have built up a mental image of anintrinsically faulty person. We then wish to harm him in some way, probablyby criticizing or disparaging him.Because it is based on an exaggeration, anger is an unrealistic mindBecause it is based on an exaggeration, anger is an unrealistic mind; theintrinsically faulty person or thing that it focuses on does not in fact exist.Moreover, as we shall see, anger is also an extremely destructive mind thatserves no useful purpose whatsoever. Having understood the nature anddisadvantages of anger, we then need to watch our mind carefully at alltimes in order to recognize it whenever it begins to arise.This explanation of how to overcome our anger through practising patienceis based on Guide to the Bodhisattva‘s Way of Life, the famous poem by thegreat Buddhist Master Shantideva. Though composed over a thousand yearsago, this is one of the clearest and most powerful explanations of the subjectever written, and is just as relevant today as it was then 74

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