There was a flash and we were once again back in the TV room. Everyone seemed to be discussing
what they had just seen as we arrived.
"There are so many possibilities with that doll." Said Anthony to Lauri. "It would not do if it ended up in
the wrong hands."
"Hi everyone, enjoying it then?" I asked.
"YES!" Cried everyone in unison.
"I can't decide which bit I've enjoyed most so far," said Lauri. "Larch giving him a pounding or Lea making
him loose his breakfast."
"Glad to see you are all enjoying my suffering." Said Joe dryly. His eyes alighted on the two newcomers.
"You! What are you doing here? You too Anthony." He said angrily.
"Oh that is nice." Said Alexandra. "I am the one whom he hurt, but he is upset about me being here.
"Yes because it is thanks to you that I am going though this."
"No Joe," replied Alexandra, "you brought this on yourself through how you treated me."
"She's right," I said, "and in fact I think we should be getting on.“
"I have not finished." Started Joe.
"Yes you have." I said as the now familiar light once again engulfed us.
We arrived in a darkly panelled room with two cauldrons bubbling away, and several odd items on the
shelves on the walls.
"This looks familiar." Said Doc looking around.
"Yeah you have seen this room before. For my idea I decided to be lazy and reuse an existing lot."
"Hang on, your idea?" Asked Doc.
"Yeah. Yours was the dark alley, Lea's was Mr Mickles, this," I gestured at the room, "is mine."
"So...why am I here? Why aren't I back at the house watching on the big screen?“
"Good question." I said as the door behind her opened.
"Ladies," said the man who had just opened it, "can I get you some tea whilst you wait?"
Doc let out a squeal and leapt into the newcomer's arms. "My Nummy Theo!"
"I take it you have missed me then my darling Doc?" Laughed Theo as he put her down.
"Of course I have! I always miss you when we are apart.“
"As I do you." They stood looking at each other for a moment.
"Miss Di," said Theo suddenly remembering what he had come into the room to say, "Vicky said she will
be here in a minute and she is sorry to keep you waiting.“
"You're so sexy when you are giving a message. And when you're wearing Larch's outfit." Sighed Doc.
"And you're gorgeous when you are standing there swooning over me. Or just standing there actually."
As I stood there smiling at my friends and how soppy they were when they were together, I became
aware of something happening behind me.
"Er Miss Di..." Said Joe.
"Hmm?" I turned round to see Vicky materialise out of thin air. Despite myself I jumped.
"Vicky did you have to?"
She cackled. "Yes, no point in being a wicked witch if you do not use your powers?“
"I can't tell you how happy I am to hear you say that." I said.
"Miss Victoria?" Asked Joe shocked.
"Yes Joe, it is me."
"Vicky, fancy being my first witch to actually cast a spell in another sim?" I asked.
"I can do that if I get to cast on the person I think you're going to ask me to." She replied with a smile.
"His name begins with a 'j.'" I said.
"Then I can definitely do it." Her grin widened.
She took a couple of paces back and whipped out her wand. She waved it in a complicated motion and
there was suddenly a whole lot more of Joe standing there.
"You made him fat. That is so cool." I said.
"Yes," she said laughing, "but I think I can do better."
She whipped out her wand again and started muttering something under her breath as she made more
There was a flash and Joe was engulfed in white smoke.
As it cleared and it became obvious what Vicky had done we all burst out laughing.
Joe started flapping his arms crazily and trying to peck the ground.
"Bwuuuk, bwuk, bwuk, bwuk!"
"Oh that is hilarious Vicky. Every time I think this day can’t get any better, something as wonderful as this
happens." I said.
"I have not finished yet." She said, getting ready with her wand as the current spell started to wear off."
"Ooo that sounds good." Said Doc. "What have you got up your sleeve next?"
"Bees." Said Vicky as a jet of green light shot out of her wand.
Joe, now longer clucking like a hen, glowed for a moment before being surrounded by a swarm of spectral
"This really is so much fun." Said Vicky, her eyes shining as Joe swiped at the insects buzzing round him.
"It is certainly good fun to watch." I replied, trying hard not to laugh.
"You evil bitch." Growled Joe once the insects had disappeared
"I'm evil? You are the bastard who led my sister on, and then abandoned her at the altar. You left her
broken hearted," Vicky rolled up her sleeves "and for that you will pay."
There was a flash from the end of her wand. Joe suddenly clapped his hand to his mouth and ran out the
Vicky clapped her hands with joy. "That will teach you to call me names."
In the small bathroom Joe was being copiously sick.
He came back into the room wiping his mouth. He started to poke Vicky.
"Evil, evil bitch. Hiding behind your magic. I bet you wouldn't even say a word against me back home.“
"Joe I really don’t think it's a good idea to poke the person with the magic wand." I said grimacing.
"Yeah. Even with all of us simselves the amphitheatre wasn't full enough so I've invited a few more
people. You've met everyone here, but the last time you saw them they weren't necessarily at this life
"So that's why Spider Jerusalem has materialised." Said Doc.
"Yes I needed another body and Miss Warrior-Princess likes him. A lot."
Over on the other side of the arena Stanley looked around. Although his cousin was sitting on one side of
him, there were plenty of young ladies here he would like to get to know better.
He turned to Jamie and smiled at her. "This is certainly a change of pace to what I am used to. Have you
any idea what Miss Di has planned? I am Stanley Legacy by the way."
"Yes Stanley I know," replied Jamie, "and can I just say I love you."
Stanley blinked at her. "You know normally it takes slightly more than me telling a beautiful lady my name
to make her love me."
In the row in front Archie snorted. "If it takes more than that you're doing it wrong."
Stanley rolled his eyes at him. "Where I come from Mr Vetinari, there is an art to courtship and wooing a
lovely lady. Saying 'I'm Archie, wanna see the rest of my tattoos?' just does not cut it."
Next to him Louisa blushed. She hadn't realised Stanley had overheard her telling Rosemary and Vicky
about her first meeting with Archie.
Jamie decided to intervene. "I have no idea what Di is planning, but if what we have already seen is
anything to go by, we’ll like it."
I stood up and looked around. "You know I think we should be getting started." I clapped my hands and
a lone figure walked into the arena.
"Hi guys hiii! This is so shrew! I'm going to get to use my big sword!"
Soon Joe was standing in front of us once more.
"What the hell? Haven't you done enough to me already? You had to bring me back to inflict more pain
"No we haven’t done enough, and yes I did bring you back to inflict more pain on you. There are a few of
us who still think you deserve more.
KATY?" I yelled across the arena. "WHAT WAS IT YOU SAID?"
"Call me Indy kid, and it's just...she's going to want powers like this back home isn't she?" Replied Indy.
Eddie looked at his clicky person dancing a jig as Joe lay sobbing on the ground. He turned back to Indy.
"Yes she is, and the first thing she'll want to do is march round to my house and blast the Bitch-Queen
from Hell I am married to into a million pieces.“
"The important thing though," said Vicky who had been listening, "is that not only does she not have
powers like this back home, but that she can never have powers like this in Regalton."
"That's not gonna stop her wanting them." Pointed out Indy.
"No it is not," agreed Vicky, "but I think that when she starts bitching and moaning about it, if someone
who cares for her reminds her exactly why she doesn't have any powers she'll be alright with it."
Indy looked at Vicky. "You are a very perceptive and wise woman Vicky."
"I know. I just wish that more people would listen to me. Did you know I am thinking of changing my
middle name from Rose to Cassandra?"
"I have already said I am sorry Vicky." Said Eddie. "I should have listened to you about Marielle."
"Yes, but only here. Not back home where it counts."
Indy tuned out the two siblings' bickering and looked back at Di. Perhaps things would be alright if he
took Vicky's advice.
I laughed as Joe staggered to his feet.
"Why have I never done that before? Oh, yeah. But that was fun!"
Joe looked at the audience. "So what now? He pointed to Sarah.
"You do not appear to have tortured me yet . What are you going to do to me?"
Sarah stood up. "Orikes, Jamie, Lauri, want to join me whilst I explain a bit about what more will happen
to Joe?" They stood.
"What we want won't happen to you here, but rather back in Regalton, or Simmingtonbury rather.
"You see Joe," I explained, "you won't remember any of this. Oh you may flinch if you see Lea in the
street, and the thought of Vicky may fill you with fear for a while, but you won't remember the specifics. In
fact only us simselves will remember today."
"So we want you to have a more permanent punishment." Said Orikes.
"One you will live with everyday for the rest of your life." Added Jamie with a smile.
"And we're not going to tell you what it is," finished Lauri, "because that will spoil the surprise."
This was too much for Joe to hear and once again he started shouting.
"You think that it was all my fault do you not? Well it was not. She would not leave me alone, and if you
are talking about that night...well it takes two to tango, and she was not exactly unforthcoming. In fact to
use a modern colloquialism, she was gagging for it!"
The arena gasped. I was about to unleash another lightning bolt on Joe when I saw Eddie vault the
barrier onto the arena floor. I sat back down as assorted family members raced towards Joe. The family
could handle him this time.
"You lousy, stinking weasel." Hissed Eddie poking Joe. "You took advantage of my sister you bastard.
She is the innocent one in this, you are not and you deserve everything you have received today.
"Like you would be any different if a good looking young woman turned up on your doorstep one night..."
Eddie thought about how he had told his naked wife to get out of the spa pool on their honeymoon.
"I am different!" He said and swung a punch at Joe.
Eddie dusted himself off. He hadn't been in a full blown scrap like that since he was a teen, but he was
vaguely pleased that he hadn't lost any of his form.
"Nicely done old chap." Said Theo grinning.
Eddie was still steaming and looked like he was about to take another swing at Joe when his father put a
hand on his shoulder.
"Eddie, please, I would like to speak to Mr Grundstrom.“
Edward obediently stepped aside.
"Mr Grundstorm," said William, "you are lucky that I am not a naturally violent man, although if I had come
across you the morning after you abandoned my daughter then I would have given you a sound thrashing.
I will say that I agree with everything my son has said, and that I am still a well-respected businessman. I
understand that you now run the export business your father started?"
Joe nodded his mouth dry.
William smiled slowly. "Then I hope you have a good head for business Mr Grundstrom, you are going to
need it." He turned and walked away.
Joe stood watching William until Timothy stood in front of him. "I do not know my cousin Alexandra very
well, but she did not deserve to be treated as she was.“
Joe was about to utter a rebuttal when Timothy caught his jaw with a well placed right hook.
In the audience Lauri smiled and turned to the lady sitting next to her. "I rather like seeing the
bespectacled Timothy taking a swing at someone."
"Yes Timothy's a good boy. Unlike his father." Agreed Hannah.
Joe had barely the chance to stand up before he was confronted by Archie. "What?" He asked. "You
again? Was not once enough?"
Archie gave a satisfied smile as he brushed off his hands after beating Joe for the second time.
"Damn this is a fun place." He muttered.
Joe stumbled as he tried to get to his feet. He finally managed it and as he straightened up he saw
Stanley standing there.
"Everyone else is getting the chance to hit you, I want my turn." He growled.
This time Joe didn't even put up much of a fight as Stanley pummelled him.
"GO ON MY SON!" shouted Robert as he watched his son land punch after punch on his victim.
"Must you encourage him so dear?" Asked Cecilia.
"Yes." Answered Robert simply.
Joe finally got to his feet after Stanley had finished only to find himself face to face with Alexandra.
"I thought I loved you." She said. "I would have done anything you asked. I did do anything you asked
and in return you caused me more pain than I thought it was possible to feel.
I hate you Joe Grundstrom, and yet I cannot regret that I met you. Without you I might never have met
Anthony, my one true love, and I would certainly not have my two eldest children."
Joe stood dumbfounded for a moment whilst the meaning of Alexandra's words sunk in.
"I am a father?"
"No." Came a voice from the stands as Bethany Smith stood up. "You are not a father, and you are
certainly not our father. Anthony Smith is."
"All you are," added Christopher, "is the man who impregnated our mother. All we are is down to
Alexandra and Anthony Smith, not you."
Anthony smiled as he looked at his daughter and son, his heart bursting with love for them. He had been
certain that the two adults sitting on the opposite side of the arena were his children, and now hearing
them speak he had never felt so proud of them. He was sure his wife felt the same.
Looking at Joe's face I could see how much these words had hurt Joe and I smiled. Physical pain was
good, but so was emotional pain.
Anthony moved forward slightly and whispered in Alexandra's ear.
"My husband would like a word with you." She said moving aside.
"Really? And what do you have to say Anthony?"
The arena erupted as Anthony's fist connected with Joe's jaw. Everyone sitting there could watch that
happen again and again.
"Is that it?" Asked Jessica. "It just seems a bit anti-climatic."
"Well...I suppose we could have a party.“
"Yes, I mean there are more people here than I've gathered in one place before. Doc and Theo are
having withdrawal symptoms from each other, Gin is trying to clamber over the barrier so she can climb
onto Spider's lap and I'm fed up with just looking at that sexy beast over there." I nodded at Indy. "I think
it's time we mingled." So we did, and everyone agreed that the day had been well worth it.