Etiquettes of marriage in islam


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Etiquettes of marriage in islam

  1. 1. And how could ye take it when ye have gonein unto each other, and they have Takenfrom you a solemn covenant? MARRIAGE IN ISLAM ‫وك ْيفَ َتأْخذو َنهُۥ وقد أَفضَى َبعْ ضكم إ َِلى‬ ٰ ُْ ُ ٰ ْ َْ َ ُُ َ َ ً‫َبعْ ض وأَخذنَ مِنكم مِّي ٰ َثقا غلِيظ‬ ‫َ ًۭ ا‬ ً ُ ْ َ َ ٍۢ ٍ Purpose & Responsibility Criteria for Selecting a Marriage Partner 1. To ensure preservation of the The Quran enjoins Muslims to select partners who are good and pure (tayyib) human species & continuation of • "Women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity "(Quran 24:26) the human race, • "A woman may married for four reasons: for her property, for her rank, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character). So marry the one who is best in the religion and character and prosper". (Bukhari and Muslim) "O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your Lord, Who created you from a single soul Events of Islamic Wedding Ceremony Do’s of Wedding Ceremony and from it created its mate and from them has spread abroad a multitude of men and 1. Nabi SWS has advised; Perform nikah with women" (Quran: 4:1) Nikah Primary Requirements announcement and in the Masjid.’ 2. Invite close associates for the occasion of 2. To provide spiritual & legal 1. Ijab-O-Qubul (Mutual agreement) by the bride & the groom Nikah. However, no special pains should be foundation of the family 2. Mahr (marriage-gift) to be paid by the groom to the bride taken in gathering the people from far off 3. Khutba-tun-Nikah to solemnize the marriage places. "And of His signs is this: He created for you 3. If the father of the girl is an Aalim or pious and mates from yourself that you might find Secondary Requirements capable of performing Nikah, then he should rest in them, and He ordained between you 1. Legal guardian (wakeel) representing the bride himself celebrate the marriage. Prophet SWS love and mercy. Lo, therein indeed are 2. Written marriage contract ("Aqd-Nikah) signed by the bride & the groom himself recited the Khutbah (sermon) of signs for folk who reflect". (Quran 30:21) 3. Two adult and sane witnesses Nikaah and gave Faatimah (RA) in marriage to 4. Qadi or Mazoon (a responsible person officiating the marriage ceremony) Ali R.A. And those who pray, "Our Lord! Grant unto 4. Great care must be taken as regards to Salaat us wives and offspring who will be the The Marriage Meal (Walima) (Namaz) on occasions of marriage by all - the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) bride, the bridegroom and all the participants. After the consummation of the marriage, the groom holds a banquet called a to lead the righteous." [al-Furqaan 25:74] 5. It is Sunnat for the bridegrooms family to walima. The relatives, neighbors, and friends are invited in order to make them make Walimah. aware of the marriage. Both rich and poor of the family & community are invited to the marriage feasts. Prophet Muhammad (S) said: Note: In Walimah, whatever is easily available should be fed to Marriage provides spiritual, physical, the people and care should be taken that there is no emotional & psychological companionship. The worst of the feasts are those marriage feasts to which the rich are invited and extravagance, show and that no debts are incurred in the process. This companionship generates and sustains the poor are left out". (Mishkat) love, kindness, compassion, mutual confidence, solace & sakinah. It lays a Un-Islamic Customs Mahr: And the intending husband is asked to offer a Mahr to the bride. Holy spiritual & legal foundation for raising a Quran says, And give women their Mahr as a free gift, but if they of themselves be 1. Inviting guests for the wedding from far off family. The children born of the pleased to give up to you a portion of it, then eat it with enjoyment and with places; matrimonial union become legitimate and wholesome result. (Surah Nisa 4:4) 2. Displaying the bride on stage; mutual rights of inheritance are 3. The practice of the intermingling of males & established. a) Mahr is her right, to which her husband remains indebted. females is an act of sin and totally against b) It is a free gift and not her price Shariah. 4. There is nothing such as Medhi parties , ‫بارك هللا ُ لَكَ، وبارك علَ ْيك، وجمع ب ْينكما فِي الخ ْير‬ َ ْ ََُ َ َ َ َ َ َ َ َ َ َ َ َ َ َ breaking of coconut etc. in Islam. May Allah bless you and shower His blessings on you and may He grant you both a pleasant and prosperous life.’
  2. 2. And marry those amongst you who are single andpious. If they be poor, Allah will enrich them out MARRIAGE IN ISLAMof His Bounty. And Allah is All-Sufficient for His TRADITIONScreatures needs, All-Knowing.‘ (Al Nur-32) Un-Islamic Customs Question & Answers Un-Islamic Customs ENGAGEMENT 1. How a Muslim bride should dress up? For woman: • A verbal proposal & answer is sufficient. The A Muslim brides head, arms, and chest should all be covered. Showing cleavage is 1. Going to a male, non-mahram hairdresser engagement parties are contrary to the not appropriate, and tight or revealing clothes in general should be avoided. 2. Thinning the eyebrows by plucking them Sunnah. 2. What about Menhdi? 3. Wearing tattoos, or wearing hair extensions, • For the engaged couple to meet at a public Those who want to follow Islamic practices at their wedding should stay away 4. Wearing the wedding dress that exposes womens gathering where the boy holds the girls such customs. charms and her body. hand & slips a ring on her finger is a 3. Can we play Dhoalki and sing songs during the wedding weeks? For men: violation of the Quranic law of Hijaab. Playing of Dhoalki and singing of clean songs can be justified on the wedding day 1. Shaving his beard for the wedding night, • It is un-Islamic for the engaged couple to only, if mixing of the males and females is avoided properly. 2. Letting ones clothes hang below the ankle meet each other & also go out together 4. What is the concept of Baraat? 3. It is haraam for non-mahram men to look at females before marriage. Baraat (going bride’s house with groom & his friends & relatives on a & bride, whether they look at them directly or via • To delay Nikah after the commitment is un- conveyance, & welcomed by brides friends & relatives. cajole and offer drink and pictures or films. Islamic. food to the bridegroom) is Hindu marriage customs. Shariah does not make any For both men and women should avoid: expense on the bride/brides parents 1. Mixing of men with women, greeting & shaking DOWRY Fatimah (RA) was sent without any clamor, hue and cry accompanied Umm hands with one another • Shariah does not make any expense Ayman R.A. to her husband’s house after nikah . 2. Men and women dancing together compulsory on the bride/brides parents. 5. How separate should be men and women in the wedding parties? Can they 3. Taking pictures • Gifts should be given within ones means (it be in the same hall? 4. Drinking alcohol or eating pork. is not permissible to take loans, on interest Men and women should be separated by seating them on the two sides of the 5. Letting the husband come in to where the women for such presents); hall with some empty space between their sections. are in order to take his wife. • To give necessary items; 6. Women wearing revealing, tight or short clothes 6. If men and women sit separately, where do the bride and groom sit? And • A show should not be made of whatever is 7. Spending extravagantly or going to extremes in given. how will it be possible to make movies and take photographs? How will people come and congratulate them and address to them in speeches? showing off in wedding parties. The bride sits among the women and groom sits among the men. Men greet and 8. The practice of overhear or for either of the couple LUXURY to gossip about the other regarding the activities or congratulate the groom and women greet and congratulate the bride. Pictures • The unnecessary expenses incurred by the secrets of the first night (or any other night) is a and movies should be avoided. brides family in holding a banquet have no grave sin. basis in Shariah. 7. What is wrong in copying other peoples customs and rites if it brings • It is contrary to Sunnah to wish, hope for or pleasure to us? Or if the copying is done without any religious significance? demand presents and gifts for the For a Muslim all his dealings, rites, attitudes and habits must conform to Islamic The Origins of Wedding Customs bridegroom, from the brides people. We teachings. One must constantly compare and contrast ones practices with those should always remember that our Nabi ordained by the Quran & Sunnah & follow what is right & reject what is outside Hindu Wedding Customs: (SWS) did not give Ali (R.A) anything except the bounds of Islam. The new things celebrated in marriage, such as the • Baraat Dua. engagement party, the exchange of rings, the wearing of the crown, fireworks, • Displaying bride on stage • It is totally un-Islamic for those, who do not the stage and Baraat and other such activities, all such rites are wrong and stand • Gifts for all family & relatives possess the means, to incur debts in order rejected. • Blessing Bride with oil, pigeon, coconut etc. to have grandiose weddings. 8. Giving expensive gifts to all family members is appropriate? Christian Wedding Customs: • It is myth to think that ones respect will be "Give presents to one another, for a present removes hatred.“ Tirmidhi & Abu Dawud. In • The Engagement Party, Court Marriage lost if one does not hold an extravagant weddings today a great show is made by the giver, up to the point that the presents are • Wedding Rings- Wearing Crown- Wedding Cake wedding and invite many people. What is wrapped in transparent paper and exhibited to all before giving. The recipient afterwards • White Wedding Dress & Photography are media our respect compared to that of Rasulullah makes a note in his diary of what he received and from whom, so that on future occasion he pressures . (SWS)? knows what to give. Rather than an honest and wholehearted gift the occasion is based on exchange of presents subject to what one received in the past or what one expects in the Put a stop to such things so as to block the "Most blessing is in the matrimony which is simple and free from trouble.“ (Hadith, Reported by Aishah R.A.) future. The benefit (barakah) and love one may hope to reap from giving a present is lost. means that lead to fitnah
  3. 3. ‫ومِنْ آيَاتِه أَنْ خلَقَ لَكم مِّنْ أَنفُسِ كم أَزواجً ا‬"And among His Signs is this, that He created for َْ ُْ ُ َ ِ َyou mates from among yourselves, that ye maydwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love MARRIAGE IN ISLAM ۚ ً‫لِّ َتسْ كنوا إِلَ ْيهَا وجَ عل َب ْي َنكم مَّودة ورَ حْ مَة‬ َ ً َّ َ ُ َ َ َ ُُand mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are MANNERISMS ُ َّ َ ٍ ْ َ ٍ َ َ َ ٰ َ‫إِنَّ فِي ذلِك َليَات لِّقوم َي َتفكرون‬Signs for those who reflect".[al-Rûm 30:21] First Meeting At Night Etiquettes of Physical Contact Tips for Happy Marriage Salam: Physical Preparation-purity • Do not be a dictator The bridegroom should say Asalam O Alikum clearly and audibly. The bride should • Brush ones teeth, use perfume and ensure of no • Be partners in the decision body odors or untidy appearance. making. reply to the salaam and welcome her husband. • Use clean clothes, small towels should be utilized to • Forget past problems Presenting Milk to drink: • Never be abusive (emotionally, clean the private parts after cohabitation. It is desirable, when one goes into his wife on his wedding night, to show her mentally, or physically ) Psychological Preparation kindness, such as presenting her with something to drink, milk etc. (Ref.hadith • Be careful of your words • Each should express their desire for the other both narrated by Asmâ bint Yazid ibn As-Sakan.) • Show affection verbally and practically. Prayer (Salaat): • Work together in the house When To Have Sex • Communication is important Both husband & wife perform wuzu & pray Isha Salaat (can also offer two-rakat • At least three (3) hours after having eaten. • Live simply Sunnah prayer) & both should take time to make dua for good, blessings, mutual • Usually just after the menstrual bleeding, • Give your spouse time alone love, faithfulness, chastity, prosperity, marital success and pious offspring. • Each should recognize the needs and endeavor to • Have meals together Dua: fulfill her/his desires. • Admit your mistakes The couple can sit down shake hands & he with affection should gently place his • Don’t make love immediately after having eaten a • Physical relationship is important heavy meal, its harmful to health. • Be mindful of your discussion right hand upon her forehead, reciting this dua; “O allah! I ask you of her goodness, the good within her and the goodness upon which she was created. I seek your Foreplay topics • When the husband and wife hold each other’s hands • Good marriages require patience, protection from her evil, the evil within her and the evil upon which she was with love and affection; Allah forgives their sins. kindness created”. After which purpose behind the nikah can be explained. Upon this the َّ‫هُنَّ لِباس لَّكم وأَنتم لِباس لَّهُن‬ Hadith couple should make an agreement with each other to always obey Allah & be Privacy ٌ َ ُْ َ ُْ ٌ َ faithful and loyal to each other. • Nabi r said, On the Day of Qiyamah, that person will • They are Iibas (cover-up) for you Physical Contact: be of the lowest rank who makes love to his wife and and you are libas for them‘ Al According to Shariah, it is neither obligatory nor forbidden to have Sexual thereafter reveals details to others.Ma’ariful Hadith Baqarah 187 Intercourse on the very first night. It is a private decision between the newlywed couple; it has nothing to do with others. Etiquettes of Ghusl e Janabat At the time of making Love: 1. Bathing before sleeping is preferable. When a Muslim man is about to enter his wife, he should always say first: 2. Doing istibra (urinating) before ghusl. (For men only) Bismillahi, Allahumma jannibnaa ash-shaitaan, wa jannib ash-shaitaan maa 3. Wash away the najasat (e.g., Semen or blood) from the body & do niyyat for purity, razaqtanna [In the name of Allah, O Allah, keep us away from the devil, and keep 4. Wash both hands up to the elbows three times the devil away from that which You may grant us (ie. offspring).] About this, the 5. Gargle three times. 6. Wash head down to the neck; comb the hair with the fingers to ensure that the water reaches Prophet said: "After that, if Allah decrees that they will have a child, the devil will the hair-roots. never be able to harm that child". [al-Bukharee] 7. Then the right side of the body from the shoulder down to the foot; Bath (Ghusl Janabat): 8. Lastly, the left side of the body: wiping the hands on the whole body to ensure that every part In case of sexual intercourse, Ghusl Janabat becomes wajib on both the man & the has been thoroughly washed. woman. O you who believe! Do not go near prayers (salat) when you are... Junub until you have washed yourselves. (Surah nisa 4:43) Marriage Is Perpetual Ibadah Morning After Wedding Night Rasulullah has stated; ‘To fulfil your sexual desires in a Halal way, is sadaqah.‘ The Sahabah It is desirable for the husband to go to his relatives who came to visit him in his (surprised) asked; ‘O Rasulullah SWS! How is it sadaqah, if a person is fulfilling his desires?’ Rasulullah house, on the following morning, to give them greetings and pray for them. It is replied, If a human fulfils his urges in a Haram way he is sinful; accordingly, when he fulfils his urges also desirable for them to do likewise for him. in a lawful manner then (undoubtedly) he receives reward. Mishkat
  4. 4. (O Messenger!) Tell people: If you love Allah,follow me; Allah will love you And forgive you WEDDING OF FAATIMAH ّ ُُ ِ ِ َّ َ َ ّ َ ِ ُ ْ ُ ُ ُ‫قُل إِن كنتم تحبُّون ّللا فاتبعُونِي يُحْ ب ْبكم ّللا‬ ْyour sins, for Allah is Oft -forgiving, Most (3:31﴿‫ور رَّ حِيم‬ ٌ ٌ ّ َ ُْ ُُ ُْ ِْ َ ُ‫و َيغفرْ لَكم ذنو َبكم وّللاُ غَ ف‬Merciful. Al Imran 31 (RADHIYALLAAHU ANHA)Faatimah (Radhiallaahu Anha) is the youngest daughter of our beloved Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam). Out of all the children, he wasthe most beloved to him. He said, The Queen of the ladies in Jannat is Faatimah. He also said, Faatimah is part of my body. Whoever grievesher, grieves me.When Faatimah (R.A) reached the age of fifteen, proposals for her marriage began to come from high and responsible families. But theProphet SWS remained irresponsive.Ali (R.A), who was 21 at the time, says: It occurred to me that I should go and make a formal proposal, but then I thought, How could this beaccomplished, for I possess nothing. At last, encouraged by the Prophets kindness, I went to him and expressed my intention to marryFaatima R.A. . The Prophet (SWS) was extremely pleased and asked, Ali! Do you possess anything to give her in Mahr? I replied, Apart from ahorse and an armour I possess nothing.The Prophet SWS said, A soldier must, of course, have his horse. Go and sell away your armour.So, Ali R.A. went and sold his armour to Uthmaan R.A. for 480 Dirham and presented it to Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam). Bilaal R.A.was ordered by the Prophet SWS to bring some perfume and a few other things and Anas R.A. was sent to call Abu Bakr, Uthmaan, Talhah,Zubayr with some companions from the Ansaar (Radhiallaahu Anhum).When these men arrived and had taken their seats, the Prophet SWS recited the Khutbah (sermon) of Nikaah and gave Faatimah (RadhiallaahuAnha) in marriage to Ali R.A. . He announced, Bear you all witness that I have given my daughter Faatimah in marriage to Ali for 400 Mithqaalof silver and Ali has accepted. He then raised his head and made Dua saying, O Allah, create love and harmony between these two. Blessthem and bestow upon them good children. after the Nikaah, dates were distributed.When the time came for Faatimah (Radhiallaahu Anha) to go to Alis R.A. house, she was sent without any clamour, hue and cry accompaniedUmm Ayman R.A. .The sovereign of both worlds gave his beloved daughter a silver bracelet, two Yemeni sheets, four mattresses, one blanket, one pillow, onecup, one hand-grinding mill, one bedstead, a small water skin and a leather pitcher.In this simple fashion, the wedding of the daughter of the leader of the worlds was solemnised.