Parenting Challenges & SolutionsDr D. S. SatputeProf Sandeep Sinha
Bossy KidsBehaviour• Bossing around, like to be center of activity• Dominating BehaviourCauses / Why they do it?• They feel dominated• It is their way of overcoming their feelings of inadequacy.• Their need for control
Typical Parent Reaction• Find it very irritating & embarrassing• Reprimand the child• Criticize the childWhat should be the parental Strategy?• Encourage the child to help around the house• Encourage the child to share• Do not punish the child• Make them aware that other child may feel hurt
Temper TantrumsBehaviour• Sudden display of anger.• Act in a way to get attention.• Screaming, yelling, throwing, biting, pinching.Causes / Why they do it?• He is learning how to get what he wants and has noticed thatthrowing himself on the ground and shrieking for an hour seems towork.• To seek attention
Typical Parent Reaction• Feel angry, exhausted, powerless, and even frightened.• Scold• Spanking• Ignore the demands.What should be the parental Strategy?• Stay calm & ignore the tantrum• Do not give in or do anything that is seen as their victory• Find out the root cause• Mild punishment can be given.• Explain consequences of their behaviour.
Swearing – using foul languageBehaviour• Swearing, use bad words to express anger / annoyance.• Words used to criticize / put someone down.Causes / Why they do it?• When upset, hurt, annoyed.• To criticise / put someone down.• Seek attention.• To feel grown up.• Follow the words used in family/friends.• Not knowing that swearing is rude / offensive.• Experimenting with the language.
Typical Parent Reaction• Shocked to know that child is swearing.• Scold• PunishWhat should be the parental Strategy?• Tell the child what is bad about swearing.• Tell him there are lots of other words to show his anger/annoyance.• You might also take a good look at your own language. Kids learn byimitation.
Cheating in ExamsBehaviour• Copying.• Having another student to write a paper for him.• Writing papers by consulting with others.Causes / Why they do it?• Not prepared for exams.• Peer pressure.• To get more marks due to fear of exams.• Study not up to the mark.• Competition with peers.• If children do not get caught for a while for copying, the thrill of powerthat comes from getting away with it can become addictive.
Typical Parent Reaction• To get angry.• To punish.• To feel embarrassed• Preaching.What should be the parental Strategy?• Focus on kid’s sense of pride• Encourage to do work honestly. Let him say ―I did it on my own.‖• Assure him that cheating is neither normal nor acceptable.
CryingBehaviour• All babies cry which is normal.• They talk to you, communicate their needs of hunger, discomfort etc bycrying.• Crying is a part of natural development, so all babies outgrow theircrying.Causes / Why they do it?• Natural /healthy crying• Physical discomfort• Demanding something• To get mother’s attention• To get sympathy or special treatment.
Typical Parent Reaction• Respond quickly and try to meet the needs.• If crying does not stop-get panicky.• Anxiety about any physical problem.• Go to doctor for help.What should be the parental Strategy?• Try to meet the demand• Rocking the baby.• Gently stroking baby’s head.• Singing/playing soft music.• Change the diaper.
Talking Too MuchBehaviour• Child talks too much.• Sometimes inattentive• Sometimes hyperactiveCauses / Why they do it?• May be child has attention deficit disorder.• Do not understand that it can be a problem.• Seek attention• Children feel significant when people pay attention to them.
Typical Parent Reaction• Stop him from talking.• May humiliate him in public by shouting at him to stop talking.What should be the parental Strategy?• Keep it in mind that talkative child has an important social skill whichis not to be corrected but developed.• Tell him when to talk and when to listen instead of telling him to stoptalking.• Attitude of parent—Keep talking (sensibly), someone is listening.
LyingBehaviour• Child lies.• Tries to hide something from parents.• Confused behaviour sometimes.Causes / Why they do it?• They see their parents doing it & getting away with it.• To get out of trouble.• To cover up something to avoid punishment.• Exaggerate the story.• Impress others.• Gain attention.• Manipulate the situation.
Typical Parent Reaction• Scold the child.• Punish him.What should be the parental Strategy?• Be positive.• Emphasise the importance of honesty in your family.• Try stories highlighting honesty.• Tell him that you become sad if he lies.• Appreciate him for telling the truth.• Try to get the child to trust you enough so that they feel that everyproblem can be worked out without severe punishment.
StealingBehaviour• Stealing things.• Confused mind.• Guilt expressions may be on the face.• Also lying to cover up the crime.Causes / Why they do it?• Child feels unwanted / unloved / neglected• Child is jealous of sibling’s relationship with parents.• Child may be stealing to gain peer acceptance.• Child has desires/ wants but no way to get them in legal manner.
Typical Parent Reaction• Scold.• Punish.What should be the parental Strategy?• Personal apology and restitution (returning property to the owner)needs to take place.• Talk about how the victim feels.• Do not lend the child money to make restitution, but he mustnegotiate payment plan in which he can pay off the debt.• Tell him consequences.• Encourage the child to tell the truth.
SulkingBehaviour• They pout / whine / sulk to show their displeasure/ frustration.Causes / Why they do it?• To gain attention of parents.• Do not know how to get away from frustration/ how to expressdispleasure.• They feel this is better way of communication with parents.
Typical Parent Reaction• Get annoyed.• Scold the child, tell him not to sulk / crib all the time.• Telling him that, inspite of getting all the things you are not happy.What should be the Parental Strategy• Make your home a safe place to express different views.• Find out what he really wants to say through his sulking behaviour.• Bring to his notice that he is sulking, try to find out the cause and actaccordingly.• Do not overreact/ punish/ give too much power to it.
Talking BackBehaviour• Rude behaviour with parents.• Back answering to others.• Arguing all the time with elders.Causes / Why they do it?• Surrounding situation/ environment is the first place from where theylearn.• May be he feels powerless/ not listened to?• He thinks it is the most effective way to get listened to.
Typical Parent Reaction• Scold /punish.• Argue with him, why he is back answering .• Blaming him / his friends for this.What should be the parental Strategy• Establish behaviour expectations and stick to it.• Teach the consequences that talking back will not get a child whathe wants.• Teach him proper communication methods.• Teach him how to handle disappointment.• Teach him that inappropriate behaviour should be followed byapology.• Praise his good behaviour.
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