Dating At 35 and OlderThe laughs, the good times and the life lessons Why you are single at 35The Norman Rockwell picture of a person’s middle aged years includes somethingthat looks very non-descript. A man sitting in an armchair, his pipe in his mouth,little ones lounging about and a little lady cooking in a pert outfit over a hot oven.They smile, they laugh and then take another sip of their scotch. We know todaythat dating can be a daunting task regardless of the age that you are. We havesomething today that they did not have in the 1950s. We have the Internet, theburying grounds of the single man and woman. Here the old, young, the divorcedand tireless converge to meet their soulmates and booty calls.Regardless of your age, you have seen the commercials, and perhaps some of youhave tried the large dating sites. Its hard to navigate through the sign up process,take a picture of yourself,that you like and think of interesting pick up lines from
the comfort of your snuggie. Most people work on cropping their pictures so thatthe look taller, skinner, fatter and thinner. Maybe you have even been accused ofusing a picture from 1992, instead of 2012. It’s daunting and challenging meetingonline, and in some cases the first date is the second first date. The first first date isactually the one on that you entered in on the net.Most unmarried women in their mid-thirties are single because they are divorced,never married career types or simply have never found the one. The last category isnot the norm, the majority of people are single at 35 because they have either beendivorced, single for some time, and are widowed.Even though divorce is extremely common in the twenty-first century, it stillcarries several stigma’s. Women are acutely aware of the fact that they are not 20anymore. In fact, the show Sex and the City came out when these now 35 year oldswere only 20, so the nomenclature is outdated. Who can they turn to? Perhaps, thiseBook will help them navigate their future.But there are standards that still apply. For instance, most women in their thirtiesstill know that they are thirty. They feel that they cannot compete with theiryounger counterparts, they still have insecurities. Of course, there are still those
that feel that being single so far was the best possible choice they could have evermade. Being single, was lifestyle choice for many, who decided that living alonewas the most fun, simplest and most rewarding way to live.The statistics of women who are single far outweigh any research that we have onthe men. Most studies indicate single men were the happiest on the planet and thelargest group of singles. Single men are vastly underrepresented on the internetbecause women are going to speak up about their issues. The men who are singleat 35 are most likely divorced, widowed or never married.The modern culture has shifted, in recent years most couples do not commit toeach other until they are in their thirties. This is also the most common age to havechildren and bank in on retirement. Men 35 and older have certain advantages overyounger men because they are more mature. Many singles assert that they likeliving alone, they enjoy the solitary lifestyle.Top Ten Reasons People Like Being Single•They do not have to worry about cooking for another person•They can sleep as long as they want•They have longer lifespans,statistically
•Singles also gain less weight, then their married counterparts.However, singles at 35 still want to have someone to cuddle with at night, and themodern way to find someone without having to hang out at a college bar is theinternet. The internet is the battle ground for all scrabbling singles.Writing the winning profileWhen writing a winning profile, it is important to be honest. Too many peopleinflate who they are expecting to attract the most attentive, model like mate. Itdoesnt happen, a lie breeds a lie. The first step when filling out the online datinginformation is to fill out the demographic questions. This means that you need tohonestly fill out your age, sex, and location. Again, honesty is key in this situation,and requires you placing your best foot forward. The next question is “what is yourhandle?”, this means what are you going to go by in your quest to find the perfectmate.A handle is the name that you go by for the entire time you stick with a site. Datingsites cannot be used by two different members so make sure that you pick a handle
you can live with. Many online dating companies are not going to require you touse your first name, one of them, Yahoo Personals. Your handle should marketyou, make it fun, and make it real. Your handle will become your name in thecommunity, and you should become familiar with it.People will see your tag line after they look at your handle. The tag line, is a singlesentence that introduces you to other readers. The tag line is found at the top of theprofile. The younger dating sites, also only require a tag line and nothing else. Thiswill ensure that everything is created as it should be. Again you have a handle anda tag line each one ensuring that you will be able to advocate to others what thebest options are for your site.This Sex and the City quote might work nicely for you. Just edit it down to oneline:“Maybe mistakes are what make our fate… without them what would shape ourlives? Maybe if we had never veered off course we would not have babies, or bewho we are. After, all things change, so do cities, people come into your life andthey go. But it’s comforting to know that the ones you love are always in yourheart...and if you’re very lucky, a plane ride away.” Sex and the City
After a tag line you are going to see the next step which is picking the qualitiesyou are looking for in the perfect mate. This will include defining what you arelooking for in height, personality, quality of life and finances. There are manydifferent dating sites and each one has a category for certain qualities. Remember,to think it through and understand who you are looking for do not resort to genericterms when trying to figure out who you want to meet. The dating site that youchoose will be geared toward different things. eHarmony is geared toward longterm relationships, so the questions will be more thought provoking.The next section describes who you are. Think about these terms deeply, you maybe divorced so simply say it. When you are honest, you will eliminate a ton ofpeople who you do not want to associate with.The best “About me” section will highlight the five things you love about yourself,what you want out of a relationship and who you feel that you are at this moment.You can make it an essay or a simple format. ONLINE DATING SITESThere are many online dating sites that have cropped up since 1997. The latest isOkCupid, this site uses a series of tests to demonstrate unique findings. It is free
and allows members to create questions and contact others on the site. It does notmatter how you are matched on the site, you can still contact the other persons.eHarmony, uses twenty nine personality traits to tabulate your best match. Theywill only allow matched users to contact one another. Also, the process to match upcan take some time as the system processes who is the best match for you.eHarmony offers a free review for new customers, but you cannot access thesystem until you sign up.Lavalife, offers the ability to join using different dating profiles. This means youcan make numerous profiles for yourself, with different attributes. It works great ifyou are suffering from multiple personality disorder. The services available topaying users even includes a video chat option. The site has a huge following inCanada. It is the largest dating site of its kind and offers a unique selection ofinterface regardless of your age or stage. The only issue that the site boasts is theextreme amount of nineteen year olds as you sigh up for the site.Plenty of fish is another site that offers you free dating. It is one of the larger freeonline dating sites. The site uses forums, compatibility questionnaires, and thepopular “Who’s Seen Me” button. The site has allowed millions of people to meetup globally and its popularity is not diminishing anytime soon.
Match.com, has the largest hits in the world. There are more users in the local areathat use this site than any other.s It also helps over 250,000 people per year findtheir perfect match. This site offers the single 35 year old flexibility and a proventrack record.Singlesnet offers one of the most trafficked dating sites on the internet. It is one ofthe biggest dating sites on the Internet today. It has a ton of traffic as well and is agreat option.Date Hookup is the another large dating site that offers free information. Thisoffers straightforward alternatives to other sites, and matches users oncompatibility issues. You’ve Met Your Match, Now WhatFirst, congratulations are in order, and now comes the harrowing part of the ordeal.The first date, where to go and what to wear. Remember, this is not your first timearound the block.You talk to people daily and meeting a new person off of a dating website is nodifferent. They are people and they too are contemplating all of the things that
could go wrong here as well. They have insecurities, doubts, worries and more. So,first you should pat yourself on the back.A potential match made in heaven, right? Hopefully for you, but remember it maytake numerous attempts before your find the right person. What looks good onpaper does not always look good in real life. You may have been honest, but theother person could have lied about everything. Steven Sudbury, may not be 6ft 4inwith pearly white teeth and a six pack instead he may be balding, pasty and over340 pounds. Other people may lie but at least you will learn about that quickly.When dressing up to go out, do not try to look over the top. Try to assess your bestqualities and above all make sure your breath smells fresh. There is nothing worsethan meeting someone for the first time with foul smelling odors emitting fromyour mouth. Also, take any protection with you in case, you never know what maycome of that wonderful first date. Protection means mace or condoms, it could bewonderful or it could be nightmare. Either way, if you take these two items withyou at least you will have afforded yourself some protection.Once you both meet up try to relax. There is nothing worse than talking about theweather for six hours, the conversation will quickly die out. Instead, think about aninteresting news topic or if there was a natural disaster in the area that affectedyour locale, see if the other person was affected as well. It should not be too hard
to come up with a conversation. If you present your date with an open smile, andinviting amount of eye contact the conversation should be a breeze.It can be extremely stressful to enter into a “blind” date type instance. Some peoplehave met people they thought they could spend the rest of their lives with only toend up strangled with a telephone cord in a bathroom. Don’t worry, she survived totell us about it, that’s why we are telling you.Some red flags to look for in the conversation include: I have been married threetimes, they said I was abusive, I have anger issues, I don’t work at all, I am ondisability not for a physical handicap and I would love to take you home but I livewith my mom and grammy. Remember, red flags do not pursue these interests oryou could end up in a strange situation.Conversation needs to flow naturally in any new dating instance, so try to makesure that you are working with a plethora of active listening skills as well as anarsenal of thoughts. Men are often accused of having poor listening skills,especially when it comes to dating. Women are just as guilty and body language isa tell tale sign. Men understand and know inherently when you are interested. Awoman tends to answer in single words when they are feigning interest. The eyecontact will lessen, the body will become either rigid or restless and she may stoptalking altogether. Both parties should not pretend to be interested, but at leastmake an effort to understand each other on the first date.
Men think that they might have heard everything considering their advanced age of35 and older. So, in some cases during the first date they too may feel that theconversation is the same old “blah, blah, blah.” But men and women alike shouldlisten to each other. This means make an effort to see what you both have to sayand go with it. If he is talking about something that you are not interested in, learnfrom it and understand his likes. If you actively listen you can learn a lot about thenew special someone sitting directly across from you. In the event of a boredommeltdown, interject with a new subject.Women tend to stress out on the first date, especially when it comes to ordering themeal. Most women, will order a salad. It could be a four star restaurant, and theywill order the chef’s salad. Women of all ages worry that the new man in their lifewill think that they eat too much. Also, women worry about spilling sauce onthemselves, or the idea that the man will think that they are unhealthy based ontheir true choice of f of the menu. The new date is a new start for you, put asidebody image issues, order what you want and speak openly. This will ensure thatyou are enjoying yourself tonight.
Women and men like to keep some mystery to their being when they are beingcaught up in the needs of the opposite sex. Mystery might make you moreappealing, it certainly will heighten the fatal attraction factor. Remember, speaknaturally, but omit life crises until the second date.People over 35 are still normal, they are still nice and this is totally contrary towhat society says about most people who are over 35 and still single. Do not beafraid to meet the other person who is your age because they have life experiencesto bring to the table and they are not always going to be Hannibal Lector.There are roadblocks that many men can place in a conversation and not know it.He may look out of shape, balding and more but he insists that he only used to datemodels. He thinks that when you know this you might suddenly blush because youassume he means you look like one. He might care or he really might just be thatshallow kind of guy that is saying you are not his type. When he talks to his friendshe doesn’t want to mention that he is going out with a 35 year old, instead hewould rather spend his time with an adoring 19 year old, who has no idea howcreepy he can be.
Women and men have preferences that they can check off on the online datingsites, but that doesn’t mean that the logical guy, model dating guy, guy who liveshis glory days daily guy, or the child man will not slip through the cracks.Common First Date Personalities1.Logic man, will tell you calmly he doesn’t want to be single anymore. He will come right out and say you are his one and only chance to get anywhere. He will plan a future, tell you his fantasies and will not waste a single minute of the conversation. The first thing you should do is excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. Take a look in the mirror and see if in fact you are going to be able to deal with Mr. I-know-everything, because he will want what he wants and want it now. Plus, he may not even really care about who is with as long as he is with someone.2.Guy-who-lives -like-he’s- still-hot and 20. He looks in the mirror and still sees that American pie guy, with the nice skin, body and resilient features. He does not see that he is fatter now, balding, sun damaged, and more. He will astound his prey with his godly gifts and then try to get to know you.3.Man boy, he is still a kid and will have a lot of excuses for you. “My parents live with me, I do not live with them.” He might also say other things that can sound reasonable, but ask yourself do you want to take the chance that he may be the
wrong choice. Imagine a road of beer swilling, drunkenness, entitlement and there you have it. Always a player4.Cougar who only dates frat boys, she is interested in only one thing, sex. She needs to have the admiration of a younger man to make her feel like a hot woman. Older men turn her off, and she is just going on the date to flirt with the waiter. She is definitely not a keeper, consider yourself lucky that she was honest and move on. Harmony will have a lot more matches for you.5.The I’m Stronger Than A Man Woman. She cracks nuts with her bare knuckles and wants to arm wrestle on the first date. This one is only a keeper if you need a farm hand.6.The Perpetual Victim. She has poured out her whole sob story to you in less than five minutes. It includes the time when her parents bought her a Cabbage Patch doll instead of a pony. Ever since childhood people have been wounding her, and she looks at you as if you might be the one to end it all. Good luck, if you want to nurse a wounded deer forever. How to Dress For A First Date•Dress for the occasion if you are going to a steakhouse, wear weekend dresscasual.
•Unless you are on Sex and the City, don’t wear a peacock feather dress.•No low cut, strapless or spaghetti strap dresses. You are trying to understand andnot lure.•Too much makeup will make you look like a glass doll.•Dress in something that you will feel comfortable in.(www.marieclaire.com)7. First Hand Account of First Online DateA woman met a man, they went out for a drive as their first date. She drove withhim to Annapolis, VA and back to her home. The first date went well, they spoke,
he talked about his origins in West Virginia and about how desperately pretty shewas. He told her all of the things she wanted hear. On top of that he was in the airforce, and picked her up on uniform on their first date. He had all of the bells andwhistles, the first thing hat put here off was he told her he had anger issues. Shethought okay, maybe he isn’t that great, and sipped her Bloody Mary quickly. Shemade it home alright, but he was so mad that she made an uncertain commentabout a second date that he left her on a bridge on the highway. Beware of menwho say they have anger issues. You too could end up hoofing it home, if youdecide not to go on a second date.Real life scene number two: A 35 year old divorced mother meets her new date oneHarmony, they even text each other funny quips. When he shows up to her houseto take her to the local steakhouse for a date she looks at his clothes. He is wearinga dungeons and dragons t-shirt with holes in the armpits and shorts that are far tootight for his big body. He smiles like he may have something for her and offers heran dandelion that he picked up outside and accidentally squashed in his too tightpocket. These are all red flags, but she goes wiht him anyway. They arrive at thesteakhouse, she talks about the weather, about the scenery and he acts interested.Soon, he inserts his comments and the conversation moves toward how he liveseverywhere. He has a trailer that he shares with his brother, but he is sleeping at hisgrandfathers right now. He works occasionally for a roofing company, did not have
sex until he was 29 and wanted to be a virgin for his first. She smiles, actsinterested and slowly moves through the date. He asks her how she feels aboutvirginity. She smiles, and says it’s great. Feigned interest might save her life!After he consumes his salad, main course and dessert he looks at her expecting herto pay half of the meal. She does, he takes her home and just as they pull in thedriveway he tells her he had a great time. He puts on Adam Sandler’s greatest hits,and laughs with her about the “big balls” skit. It’s not prince charming, sherealized she went out on a date with Captain Hook’s little shipmate Smee.Yes, there can be a rainbow at the end of the long tunnel. The above stories aretrue, the names have been omitted to protect the innocent. If you have had ahorrible experience with online dating think of the statistics. Eventually, eHarmonywill find your perfect match and the two of you will live happily ever after. Or atleast semi-happy with a smattering of pleasure here and there. That is unless, youdecide to marry Smee.Single Women and Men have many things in common when they reach the 35 andup age range. Most women who are 35 and up are educated, funny, interesting,
financially independent, are in good health and have a great support circle. Thisalso applies to most men who are single in their mid-thirties.Women turn to online dating because they see it as a surefire way to eliminate allloathsome characters from their circle. It is the single largest paid content on theInternet and is only second to pornography. The study conducted by the OnlinePublishers Association found that Match.com was right, 1 out of 5 relationships dostart online anymore.OKCupid has over 44,596 people on their site at any onetime. The other site Plenty of Fish has 135 million monthly subscribers. Thestatistics are in, and online dating is the mode of interaction.Millions of single mea and women are knocking on each others doors and want ananswer. Women are putting themselves out there and men as well. Being onlineand beginning a relationship is not the most rewarding process. Postinginformation about yourself on a dating website can be hard to do. Most of thewomen who do this have to monitor their dating site for weeks. It takes a lot ofeffort in order get the word out , this can prove to be deeply dissatisfying for themen and women who are putting a lot into their profile.For many women at 35 years old, it is hard to sell yourself online. It can beemotionally devastating. Many women find the hard work, the money spent andthe daily monitoring to hard.
There are several reasons for the negative feelings around online dating. First ofall, many women are not assured that what you see is what you get. That is becauseof the lies that people put on their site. Again, remember to always be honest withyourself and others. Starting even an online dating adventure based on a lie isnever going to last. In many cases women are finding the men they email on thedating site are married, dating someone and have a family. This is definitely a blowto a woman’s self esteem. Be prepared for liars, they are out there but they shouldnot stop you from pursuing what you need to.The most common issue that many women 35 and older are having with a datingsite is that the men are checking boxes stating that they want younger women. Thebox, known as the infamous “interested in” box, is almost always checked forwomen twenty years younger.A recent story of a 36 year old woman who went on some dates with a 39 year oldman were okay to her. She felt like they did not have the right chemistry and sothey dating stopped. Well, a week later she saw that he had gone back and checkedoff the 20-30 bracket instead of the 30-40. This was a crush to her ego, because shefelt that the dates were okay they just were not the most exciting or chemistryfilled. You must have some powerful ego strength to continue to endure thesehumiliating encounters.
Another self esteem issue for many women is that they know that they are a greatperson, that they work well with others and have a loving relationship. But thething that gets them is that after weeks, not a single person has “winked” at them.Younger ages bring active social lives. Most women are going out to concerts,dancing, and more. Most women who hit 35 decided to dedicate themselves totheir profession. This of course leaves most women less time to socialize. Also bythis time many people find themselves alone because their circle of friends havedwindled.If you choose to date online, which most people are doing now then understandthat you are going to have some complications.There are a few bloggers out there that have approached the subject. This particularblogger received a very strange email on her online dating site."Subject: just kiss me and get it over with!Message: Hey Just finished reading your new bio and noticed that you look like an interesting pain in the butt. :)Gotta love a girl who knows NPR, can share an espresso and have an edge at the same time (That’s as long as you are that cute woman from the photo, and not some 900 pound woman who stole her cute friend photo to attract a gorgeous “boy” just like me) :)anywayssss, I’m sure that there’s a lot more to you than what you put in your profile, and definitely it would be interesting to discover the rest and also to see how you behave in public and if you can be nice to the stuff (waiter/waitresses) if we ever to meet. Hopefully you are not a typical New Yorker which will be very refreshing on Jdate (and I’m sure you know what I am talking about with all those corny Emails and generic
personalities) so if you are emotionally available and you are NOT taking any prescription drugs these days, and you ready to stop browsing and start spending time with someone real write back and say hi (But please do not use hi, as you can see it’s already taken) Looking forward to do some brainstorming.Don’t be shySal"Another email came to the blogger like this:Subject: This weekendHi there in NYC,Greetings from Chicago. No, I’m not obsessing from a distance or looking forward to a big move to your fair city.I am, however, visiting NY on business this weekend. Which will keep me busy for the vast majority of my time, but I do not have anything planned from Sunday night until my Monday night flight back to the safe confines of the Midwest.And yes, dear reader, that is where you become part of my not so nefarious plans. I know next to nobody in the city, and the city herself and I have only had the most fleeting of engagements. So, I thought, were you not busy and were you so inclined, that we could hang out, doing something fun, have a memorable discussion, eat a wonderful meal and so on and so forth. No, as attractive as you are, I am not setting a crash course to get into your pants. Although I am never opposed to making out, should the mood strike. But that, at least on paper, is as dangerous as I get.So, yeah, it is a bit of a crazy proposition. But I am really interesting, I promise. And nice, and funny, and laidback. You just might like me.And there is nothing wrong with that.Best,Blair"Submitted by an I Liked Your Profile reader, claiming that Elliot wrote to her "twice, in one day", anxiously awaiting a response:Email #1:
"Subject: HiMessage: I have lots of quirks and a few catsCare to talk? chat? argue?:)Elliot"Email #2, 1 hour later:"Subject: wellMessage: I tried...Now I will go eat a whole pie"Subject: EmailMessage: From Ben NewYou are pretty and sexy. I am big on tongue kissing. I am great in bed. I have a lot of endurance. I can make love 3/4 of night. I need some fun in my life for a change. If you wish to answer this that is fine, if you want to send me your phone number I will call you. I am off today and tomorrow and have an empty schedule, so if you would like to meet me in person, that would be fun! I want to go get breakfast at noon now.Benphones # is xxxxxxxxxx(Be sure to visit the blog at Ilikedyourprofile.blogspot.com) Online Dating Sites To Stay Away FromWith the recent rash of Vampire love sweeping that nation stay away fromlovebitten.com, and vampersonals.com. These sites are for vampires and humansonly and they mean it.Farmersonly.com, if you are a farmer or are interested in one this is the site to beone. Other odd sites include tallpersonals.com for people who are 5’8 and over.You have to be careful out there.
There are never any easy answers, but everything in life is about moderation andcommon sense. If you choose to date online, you should understand that you mayhave to develop a thicker skin.It is certainly amusing that one woman took control of her situation and started anonline dating site, CougarLife. This site is for "successful, self-confident andmature women in their prime," 35-65 who are looking to date "younger, confidentand hot men."