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  1. 1. Although a relationship may start out wonderfully, many often grow to feel that things change and the love has disappeared. They wonder where it went and if it was the real thing? This article describes the difference between real and counterfeit love. It explores the nature of real love and how to be in it all the time. Exercise
  2. 2. "Something is always missing," Karla said "In the beginning of therelationship, he always seems like the perfect one, finally Were happy,excited, deeply in love, and then - reality sets in I start wondering who hereally is, and the thrill of seeing him disappears I look at him and wonderwhat I loved, I dont feel beautiful anymore The light has gone from myeyes " Of course the light can never leave Karla, but this experienced ofdisappointment has taken place because she was in the grip ofcounterfeit love
  3. 3. She didnt love her boyfriend, but the illusion she had about him Mostlikely she knew little about him She certain was not in touch with the partof him that was perfect, his true self Upset, she talked about herdisappointment to a friend "I loved him so much," she said "I thought hewas so beautiful, so perfect Now my dreams are smashed
  4. 4. " The friend looked at her slowly "You didnt love him at all," she said"You loved your fantasies about him If you can know the whole truth, andstill love him, then that is really love " Falling In Love With Our FantasiesKarla was in love with her fantasy and then wondered why the love wentaway All fantasies fade, they have to - that is the nature of dreams Inthe beginning, she felt wonderful, though, and the beauty of it reflectedupon her
  5. 5. She felt she must also be perfect, if she could have someone like himThen reality set in Daily life is an opponent of fantasy, it always forces usto be who we are and see what is before us, whether we like it or notKarla did not like reality, and blamed it upon her boyfriend, not upon herown unwillingness to be with life as it is She had not yet learned the artof being with life as it is She hadnt tasted the real thing Karla wasunable to see the real beauty surrounding her
  6. 6. When we are ready to wake up from fantasies, we find love and joyeverywhere Throw Away Thoughts Of Imaginary Things Wehave little idea how to throw away imaginary thoughts and falseexpectations We go to relationships with many demands andexpectations When these expectations are not met, the so-called lovewe have been feeling turns to hate, resentment, or the feeling that wehave been made a fool of Living in this manner, it is difficult to encounterreal lasting love When this pattern repeats too many times, somebecome unable to be in a relationship at all and live protectingthemselves from failure and pain These individuals may notbe aware of the deeper problem - that, like Karla, they have been caughtin the grip of counterfeit love, which always leaves a person emptier thanbefore
  7. 7. Counterfeit Love Counterfeit love is so common in many ways that weoften just take it for granted In counterfeit love, when we have strongfeelings towards someone, we immediately assume that we are in loveAs all feelings change most people are convinced that love cannot lastThey do not realize that it is the nature of feelings to change, and also thenature of counterfeit love Counterfeit love includes the idea that love is afeeling, not a way of life It is confusion between excitement,dependence, attachment, and the real thing
  8. 8. Real love does not fluctuate There is no rejection of another person ifthey do not meet our needs The nature of our relationship with them maychange, but we do not hate or become bitter Real love never discardsanybody; it knows and accepts that true relationship is based uponsomething deeper than feelings that come and go Exercise : UnmaskingCounterfeit Love Describe what love means to you and how a person hasto be for you to love him Describe some situations in which youfelt you had love, only to be disspointed What did you take to be lovethat might have merely been infatuation, need, or fantasy? In yourpresent relationship, for a week, give up one expectation a day
  9. 9. Let the person and relationship be just as they are Do the same foryourself See how you and your partner begin to feel Keep a diary aboutthis Youll be amazed
  10. 10.