A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing

Software Engineer, Author at Segment
Jun. 16, 2014
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing
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A Tour of Internal Accumulo Testing

Editor's Notes

  1. Feel free to gather together, it makes the heating system in the conference center work better. They say you can always judge the quality of a talk by the line to get in. ... My point, exactly.
  2. I was going to think of some barrel jokes, but I never got around to it. If I had, they would have tested your mettle.
  3. Anyone know what kind of snake that is in the picture? ... Starts with a P? ... No, it’s a plastic snake. Pythons make bad testers. They find the work too constricting. They also only get to work for scale.
  4. By renaming the functional tests, some people think we took the fun out of them. I don’t know, I think they turned inta great stuff. If anyone is wondering, those natives are from the Britney tribe. You can tell by the spears.
  5. Apes also make bad testers, they’re always monkeying around. Drives their managers bananas.
  6. Continuous tests ... I could go on and on about them. And I wouldn’t be discreet. You always need to double-check the test reports from one of these big cats, because they could always be a lyin’. I would have expected they’d take more pride in their work. That’s the mane thing.
  7. These monkeys make better testers than the apes. They really get into the swing of it.
  8. Failures are an unavoidable fact of life when working with Accumulo clusters ... or attending Accumulo talks. I’m really only giving you a quick crash course on failure testing here. I hope that’s plane to everyone.
  9. Crocodiles aren’t so bad as testers. They always have smiles on their faces, but they tend to get snappy.
  10. Being benchmarks, these tests sometimes don’t sit well with people. They cushion their criticism, though. Me, I think that’s just lazy, boy.
  11. Also documentation, especially Javadoc.
  12. This is Sam, our head recruiter for this area. Although he does complain his candidate pool has been shrinking.
  13. We are entering the most dangerous part of our journey ... crowds in the hall / the lunch rush / driving over DC-area roads. Thanks for riding along and have a great day. Or, as Christopher Walken would say, (as Walken). Or, as Charlie Brown’s teacher would say, “wa wa wa-wa wa”. If you enjoyed this talk, my name is Bill and I’m from Cloudera. If you didn’t, my name is Larry and I’m from Oracle.
  14. As you leave, please don’t step on anyone’s feet. You’ll feel like a heel, and we’ll have to call a toe truck. Then you’d have to foot the bill. Don’t go out the window, it’s pane-ful. I hope that’s clear. Of all the audiences I’ve had, you’re the most ... recent.