1.
HOW TO CREATE A LOVE CONTRACT
SAY "I DO" AGAIN EVERY YEAR –– AND MEAN IT!
Married with Luggage
www.MarriedwithLuggage.com
from the Love Lab at

2.
What has
changed in our
lives?
How can our
relationship
adapt?
a relationship needs to evolve
The most important social contract you'll ever make is
with your partner. You say, "I do" and declare your
undying love for each other.
And then you're expected to honor that vow for
decades, without question...til death do you part.
But if you look at it logically, especially in light of so
many relationship failures, this is not a wise plan. No
other contracts work this way, and there's a good
reason for it.
Can you imagine a business contract like that?
We change. Our needs change. Our situations change.
And our relationships have to be able to change, too.
An Annual Love Contract allows you to evaluate and
update your relationship every single year so that you
can enjoy a long and happy union together.

3.
Would I choose
you again?
Would you
choose me?
WHY???
Would you say yes again today?
Knowing what you know now about your partner,
yourself, and what a committed relationship is like,
would you still choose your mate all over again today?
On the flip side, would your partner choose you?
If those questions don't give you pause, then you can
skip this entire lesson. You don't need it.
But for the rest of us, those who sometimes
experience doubt, frustration, and exhaustion within a
relationship, keep reading. We have good news.
You can recreate the enthusiasm and commitment
you had on the day you decided to spend your life
together, no matter how many years ago that was.
The answer is an Annual Love Contract, and we're
going to show you how to do it.

4.
happily ever after is a fairy tale
You remember that day. You looked into each other's
eyes and said, "I can't live without you." And you meant
it at the time.
But the heady mix of pheromones, love, and
excitement don't stay top of mind in a world with jobs,
commutes, housework, bills, and family obligations.
Life is not a fairy tale, and neither is your relationship.
If you're reading this, then you already came to that
conclusion.
So instead of depending on that wedding or move-in
day enthusiasm to carry you through decades of life
together, we'd like to propose something a little more
practical:
The Annual Love Contract.
Prince
Charming has
left the
building.
Oh yeah?
When did
Dream Girl
turn into a
nag?

5.
what is an annual love contract?
Imagine that you each have an attorney speaking for
you. The topic is the state of your relationship and how
you want it to look in the next year.
There is no crying, nagging, or name-calling.
Remember, you paid these guys a lot of money to
plead your case to get what you want.
But like any negotiation, there is some compromise.
Everyone has to give a little to get a little.
Plus, we all want to see that we're building something
valuable, a worthy investment for our time and energy.
At the end of the negotiation, you have a list of
relationship assets, liabilities, and an agreed-upon plan
to make it stronger. Your lawyers shake hands.
Now replace the lawyers with yourselves, and you've
got The Annual Love Contract.
I don't like it
when we...
I love it that we...
In the future, I'd
like to see us...

6.
How to create your love contract
The big negotiation is annually, enough time for
positive trends to build and goals to be reached.
You can pick any date you like:
* Anniversary
* New Year's Day
* Valentine's Day
* A completely arbitrary date that has no other
significance in your life.
Remember, this is your negotiation. You get to make
the rules – together.
The most important thing about picking a date for
your Annual Love Contract is making time without
distractions.
Let's set a date
for the
astrological
conjunction of
Venus and Mars.
You mean next
Friday?
1. Set a Date

7.
How to create your love contract
A distraction-free zone allows you to focus on each
other and your relationship.
Pick a quiet place, preferably away from your home.
Neutral ground. A place that makes you both feel
good.
Make sure you're both rested, relatively stress-free, and
ready and willing to talk.
And for heaven's sake, turn off your phone.
The most important thing is to find a place free of
distractions so you can focus on the most important
relationship in your life.
Picnic
Walk
Restaurant
Cafe
Canoeing
Happy Hour
Star-Gazing
Sunrise/Sunset
???
2. Name the Place

8.
How to create your love contract
The Annual Love Contract negotiation is a discussion
on how to reduce the negatives and enhance the
positives in your relationship. This isn't a laundry list of
all the ways you've failed each other. It isn't a blame
game, either.
* Start with a hug. Remember, this is a loving
conversation.
* Tell each other that you truly want to make your
relationship better.
* Say your I love you's
* Promise not to raise your voice, get mad, become a
drama king/queen, or walk away until it is done.
* Vow to use loving and helpful language throughout.
When you set the expectation of teamwork, you will
work together as a team.
3. set the intention
Before we
start...
Hug
Intention
Love you's
Stick with it
Helpful language

9.
How to create your love contract
Tell your partner what is working for you, the things
you want to continue. We like to know when we’re
doing something right, and when appreciation is
shown we’re inclined to continue doing it. Or even do
it more.
Ask your partner what is working for him or her. You
might be surprised by this answer. As above, make
sure that you keep this top of mind so you can
continue to delight your partner this way.
It's easier to stay on track and take constructive
criticism later if you start with the positive.
Remember why you're here: to strengthen your
relationship. Starting with a feel-good inventory puts
you on the right track. Gimme some more, please!
I love it that you
do that thing with
your tongue.
I am proud of
you for learning
to paint.
I like it that you
keep in touch
with our
friends.
4. What's Going well?

10.
How to create your love contract
Discuss the things that are not working in your
relationship.
* An action your partner does or does not do that
diminishes your happiness
* A negative trend in your relationship
* Outside influences or activities that impact your
happiness
Take turns to talk without interruption, stating your
points of dissatisfaction. Remember, this is not a
laundry list of everything you don't like. This is a list of
what is impacting your level of satisfaction in the
relationship.
Speak and listen with love. Your partner is going out
on a limb to say these things because he/she wants to
improve your relationship.
I want you to
initiate sex more.
I want you to
stop looking at
your phone when
we're talking.
I'm worried about
our health - we
need to lose
weight.
5. What Could be Better?

11.
How to create your love contract
Knowing you can walk away at the end of each year
makes working on your relationship a top priority. You
don't take each other or your union for granted.
You're only in it as long as you both work at it.
(And who wants to be in a relationship where there is
no daily effort to make each other happy?)
At this stage, you have to honestly ask each other if
you're ready to say "I Do" for another year.
Will you recommit to each other?
This is when you choose each other again, knowing
your assets and imperfections and vowing to work
together over the next year. Say it out loud: "I choose
you for one more year." And mean it!
Yes!
Yes!
6. will you recommit?

12.
How to create your love contract
Now that you've agreed to work together, it's time to
get to the details!
* What can you do to maximize the positives you
already mentioned?
* What can you do to reduce or eliminate the
negatives?
* What lifestyle or attitude changes do you need to
adopt as a couple, and how will you do it?
Remember, you can't solve everything overnight.
Small regular actions are far more powerful than
occasional giant leaps.
When you've made your plan, verbally or on paper,
you must state out loud to your partner what you'll do
to improve the relationship in the coming year.
Your word to your partner is your promise.
I will initiate sex
once per week.
I will put my
phone in my
pocket when
we're talking.
We'll take a walk
around the 'hood
every night.
7. The one-year love contract

13.
how we use the love contract
We've been using the Annual Love Contract since
2006, from the lowest point of trust and happiness to
the peak we share now.
We've committed to changing our health together
and have lost a combined 80 pounds. We actively
work to stay healthy for each other.
Our sex life improved when we had open
conversations about what/when/how we wanted it.
Our finances improved when we made goals together.
It's a lot easier to save money or pay off bills when you
agree on why and how you're doing it.
The division of work in our household and business is
mutual. No one feels taken advantage of anymore.
Best of all, we are 100% partners, completely devoted
to the success of our relationship. And we both know
it and show it.
Hi! We're Betsy
& Warren. The
Love Contract
is one way we
transformed
our relationship.
Read more at:
MarriedwithLuggage.com

14.
how we use the love contract
Every year on our anniversary, we make a date to
negotiate. We like to do it outside with Mother Nature,
usually on a walk at sunrise.
We bring a little notebook to write down key actions,
and by the time we get back from our negotiation
(which usually takes between 1-2 hours), we enjoy a
nice breakfast or brunch together.
It is a beautiful and powerful way to start another year
of life together.
There is nothing more romantic than knowing your
partner loves, trusts, and supports you and will actively
work to make you happy. You can't help but the do the
same.
That is the magic of The Annual Love Contract. It takes
the fairy tale out of love, but it guarantees your happily
ever after. Because when you work as a team, almost
nothing is out of reach.
No more fairy
tales.
Reality is so
much sweeter!

15.
Further Resources
Align yourself
with couples
working to
strengthen their
relationships to
learn and stay
inspired!
Find out more about the Annual Love Contract here:
http://www.marriedwithluggage.com/love-contract/
Want to read more from the Love
Lab at Married with Luggage? Get
our latest book in print or ebook.
Equal parts travel memoir and
love story, find out how a political
coup in South America, icy storms
off the coast of Antarctica, and
herding goats in the Gobi Desert
(among other things) changed us
forever.
Married with Luggage is for people who enjoy
adventurous travel, those who want an inside peek at
how an unconventional couple lives, and anyone who
enjoys a good old-fashioned love story.
Find out more at MarriedwithLuggage.com/thebook
Buy Now

16.
About the Authors
Betsy and Warren Talbot are the authors of four
books, including Married with Luggage: What We
Learned About Love by Traveling the World.
They host the popular Married with Luggage podcast,
a weekly conversation with experts around the world
on love, sex, and communication in today’s modern
relationships.
When they aren’t traveling the world, you can find
them writing their next book in a small, whitewashed
village in Spain.
Find out more at MarriedwithLuggage.com.