3 Things Every RecoveringParent Can Do To Raise Happy & Resilient Children and Teens
#1 Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First! What Does This Look Like For You? 12-Step Meetings Attend to your spouse and/ex-spouse (yes, this matters for your childs well-being) or partner Exercise Time with Friends/Fellowship Sleep - 8 hrs really does matter Creative relaxation - painting, journaling, reading, etc. Ditch the guilt & perfectionism
So What Can This Look Like For You? Lets Create a Schedule...Break-out sessions of smallgroups with self-careworksheetsBe mindful not to overbookyourself!Return for discussion &challenges
#2 Build A Village and Have Fun Doing It!Family Meals...still the golden rule for happy childrenCreate social supports for your childrenShare rewarding activities togetherInvite another family over for a picnicPlay board games and invite kids from the neighborhood overHave a fun movie night at homeBake cookiesGo campingPick out a TV show and watch it togetherGo roller skating together, get playful!Go to a local fair or farmers market
Making Sure Shared Fun… Is Really FunWhen you and your child disagree, keep communication brief- no lecturing!If emotions run hot, cool down before doing anything elseSpeak face to face, never by texting or phone calls...Watch your body language: aggressive posturing speaksvolumes to a child!If you need to ask your child for something, use a positiveand specific approach: what you want (not what you dontwant) and what, where and when.
How Do You Share Fun Times With Your Children?Large circle discussion regarding having fun with kids and creating community in todays hectic and multi- tasking world. Do you feel comfortable being playful and acting silly? Is it confusing sometimes knowing what normal fun is?Following discussion and creative suggestion building,each participant creates a list of 5 fun things that their children would enjoy and 3 community buildingmethods for their family - and builds it into their original Oxygen Mask Plan from Workshop #1
#3 Problem Solving 101Solve Problems with Your Kids - Without “Losing It"?We no longer have the"dubious luxury" of actingout our anger on ourchildren when they arebehaving like,well...children. So whatto do?
Simple Problem Solving for Real People with Real KidsLets face it, we all feel like "losing it"sometimes...But we chose to be parents, our kidsdidnt choose to be kids....so we dont getto lose our temper when we feel like it!So how do we solve problems effectivelywhen they come up without looking likewere the one throwing a tempertantrum?!Lets look at some effective strategies -with practice they can be second nature:
Problem Solving in the Real World for Real Parents Stop, Define, Create Options, Consider Consequences, EvaluateSTOP: We tend to believe that when there is aproblem we need to DO something right away. In fact,the best thing we can do is PAUSE and STAY CALM.The bigger the problem, the more we need to pause.DEFINE: What is the real problem? Not our feelingsabout the situation, but the real issue at hand. Define itclearly, possibly even STOP long enough to write itdown, before going any further.
OPTIONS: Consider the possible courses of action you could take inthe situation.CONSIDER CONSEQUENCES: Think through what the potentialconsequences may be for each course of action youre considering. (Iknow this is a lot of work, but undoing a poor course of action will take alot more effort!).EVALUATE the outcome - celebrate successes and learn frommistakes without judging yourself harshly. Was it a successful outcomefor your child? Did he or she get to learn something important from theexperience? Did you?
Final Thought (#4 Disguised)Finally - another thing everyone can dowith their children is to Catch ThemDoing Something Nice!Did they ask you how your day was? Orshare a toy with their brother or sister?Clean up their room?Remember to praise them when youCatch Them Doing Something Nice!
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