Stranger

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Stranger

  1. 1. Stranger: If you were a booger, Id pick you first.You: if we were playing kickball, Id pick you lastStranger: Ouch.Stranger: That hurts.Stranger: Mean mean stranger.You: Just like my C section.Stranger: Keep talking.You: I only talk when provoked.Stranger: Well then, allow me.Stranger: My love for you is like diarrhea, I just cant hold itin.You: Is that Windex? Cause I can see myself in your pants.You: *sidebar* I like you, you have actual punctuation.Stranger: Did you fart? Cause you blew me away.Stranger: Thank you by the way, good sir.You: *gentleladyStranger: Right.Stranger: I knew that.You: Id like to screw your brains out, but it would appearthat someone beat me to it.Stranger: Was you father an alien? Because theres nothingelse like you on Earth!You: You be the tree, Ill wrap you like a Koala.Stranger: Most people like to watch the Olympics, becausethey only happen once every 4 years, but Id rather talk toyou cause the chance of meeting someone so special onlyhappens once in a lifetime.Stranger: Beat that.You: Oh shit.Stranger: I win, bitches!Stranger: Booya!You: You can call me "The Fireman"....mainly because I turnthe hoes on?You: No where near as good.Stranger: No, no, I liked that.
  2. 2. You: *nowhere. embarrassing.Stranger: Lemme write that one down.Stranger: *....turn the hoes on* ThereYou: Perfect. Log that one away.Stranger: If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry forfear of losing you.You: Hey baby, Im kind of cold, Can I use your thighs asearmuffs?You: OH GOD. THAT ONE IS AWFUL. I TAKE IT ALLBACKStranger: Please do. Jesus effing christ!Stranger: I mean, who says that? WHO SAYS THAT?You: NOBODY WHO GETS ANY.Stranger: WHY ARE WE TALKING IN CAPS?You: I DONT KNOW BUT IM NOT SURE HOW TO STOP.ITS ADDICTING.Stranger: YEAH WELL....You: Phew.Stranger: Your mamas so fat that when she goes on ascale, it reads "lose some weight"!You: Yo mama is so fat that she sat on a dollar andsqueezed a booger out George Washingtons nose.Stranger: Your mamas so fat when she told me her weight Ithought she was giving me her number.Stranger: HAHAHAHAHAStranger: NIIIICEEYou: Thats my most favourite one of all time.You: Youre welcome.Stranger: Your mama is so fat that she fell out of both sidesof her bed.Stranger: Lame, I know.You: Yo mama is so fat that she left the house in high heelsand came back wearing flip flops.Stranger: Your mama is so fat that she stands in two timezones.
  3. 3. You: Yo mama is so fat that she walked into the Gap andfilled it.Stranger: Wait, youre copy pasting this, arent you?Stranger: ARENT YOU?You: I WOULDNT DAREStranger: AAAARRRGHHHH!You: WOULDNTStranger: CHEATER!You: I NEVER CHEATYou: THESE ARE ALL FROM MY BRILLIANT MINDStranger: SAYS THE CHEATER WHO GOOGLES ANDCOPY PASTES!You: nrgjee33You: That was my cat. She says hey.You: I DO NOTStranger: YOUR CAT DESERVES SOMEONE BETTER!NOT A FILTHY LIAR!You: NEVER SAY THOSE WORDS TO MEStranger: FILTHY.Stranger: LIAR.You: NO, NEVER SAY SOMEONE AND A. THOSE ARETHE MOST DISGUSTING WORDSStranger: Huh...Stranger: Okay.Stranger: YEAH, WELL YOU FAT JUST LIKE YOURMAMMA!You: Its a childhood thing. Dont worry about it.You: YOU DONT EVEN KNOW MEStranger: I WATCHED YOU WATCH TV LAST NIGHT!You: GOOD. THATS THE WAY I LIKE ITStranger: OKAY!Stranger: GOOGLER.You: FINEYou: .You: MY PUNCTUATION IS DYING AND IM
  4. 4. EMBARRASSEDStranger: THATS CAUSE YOU NEVER FINISHEDSCHOOL, GOOGLER!You: HIGHER EDUCATION BITCHES. IM DOING IT.Stranger: PFFFFT, SURE.Stranger: TOTALLY>You: IM NOT EVEN A REAL MAJOR THOUGH SO ITSFINEStranger: YOU SO FAT AND UGLY, KIDS DRESS UP LIKEYOU ON HALLOWEEN.You: YOU SO UGLY, EVERY TIME YOU GO TO THEBEACH, CATS TRY TO THROW SAND ON YOUStranger: YOU SO UGLY, THAT YOU MAKE ONIONSCRY.You: YOU SO UGLY, THE BEAUTY PARLOR CHARGESYOU FOR AN ESTIMATEStranger: YOU SO UGLY THAT YOUR PSYCHIATRISTMAKES YOU LIE ON THE COUCH FACE DOWN.You: HAHAHAHHAHAYou: YESYou: YOU SO UGLY THAT WHEN YOU WALK INTO THEBANK, THEY TURN OFF THE SECURITY CAMERASStranger: YOU SO UGLY THAT WHEN YOU WEREBORN, THE DOCTOR SLAPPED YOU AND YOURPARENTS.You: YOU SO UGLY THAT YOU DONT NEED A MASK ONHALLOWEENStranger: YOU SO UGLY THAT PEOPLE HANG YOURPICTURE IN THEIR CARS SO THEIR RADIOS DONT GETSTOLEN.You: YOU SO UGLY THAT YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE ISAUTOMATICALLY A LICENSE TO KILL...YOUYou: that was awful.Stranger: God, that one sucked.You: Like, actually no wit. I apologize.
  5. 5. You: ITS LATE OKAYStranger: ITS JUST 2:30 AM, NO BIGGY!Stranger: MAN UP!Stranger: LET THE SKYFAAAAAAAAAALLStranger: WHEN IT CRUMMMBLEEEESStranger: WE WILL STAND TAAAAAAALLLLStranger: STRANGER IS DEAD!You: I FOUND YOYou: OH MY GODYou: I THOUGHT THAT I HAD CLOSED OUT OF THEWINDOW AND I CRIEDYou: BUT I ACTUALLY JUST SWITCHED DESKTOPSYou: I MISSED YOU OH GODStranger: LORD.Stranger: DEAR LORD.You: IT WAS ALMOST A TRAGEDYStranger: I THOUGHT YOU ABANDONED ME.Stranger: BUT I WAITED!You: AND I FELT BAD BECAUSE I DIDNT EVEN SAYGOODBYEStranger: I HAD FAITH!You: IM SO HAPPY YOU DIDYou: YOU CAREStranger: MY MOM SAYS THAT ALL THE TIME.Stranger: OMG, YOURE GONE AGAIN.You: IT KEEPS DISSAPEARRINGYou: IM SO CONFUSEDStranger: THE UNIVERSE DOESNT WANT US TO BETOGETHER!You: I WANT US TOGETHERStranger: LETS BE TOGETHER.You: PERFECTStranger: ARE WE TOGETHER?You: YEAHYou: SO OFFICIAL
  6. 6. Stranger: OKAY! NOW WHAT?You: I DONT KNOW I FEEL THE SAMEStranger: I THINK MY CAPS LOCK IS BROKEN.You: YOU CAN FIX IT. See?Stranger: I CAN? Youre right, I can.You: What would you do without me?Stranger: Jump off a cliff.You: Exactly.You: Even though thats a little dramatic.Stranger: But with a parachute, duh. I mean I dont want todie. Thatd be stupid.You: Oh good.You: I mean, I would do that with or without you though.Base jumping sounds rad.Stranger: Totally.You: I mean. Yeah.Stranger: Sure, I hear ya.Stranger: Man, this new Man of Steel trailer is so effingbeautiful. Almost made me cry. Almost.You: I havent seen it yet. Im scared.Stranger: Scared that its going to be a big disappointment?You: Yeah. Also, why more? Nobody can beat ChristopherReeve.Stranger: More, more, more, MORE!You: SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE CONSUMER.Stranger: I like comics....sue me!You: I could never.You: I like Batman. And Sailor Moon.Stranger: Sailor Moon? Jesus.Stranger: I feel like Im talking to a girl here!Stranger: Sailor Moon.Stranger: God.You: STOP.You: SAILOR MOONYou: Also...I am.
  7. 7. Stranger: Right...You: But...Batman?You: Does this ruin our relationship?Stranger: BATMAN IS MINE! STAY AWAY FROM HIM!Stranger: ALL MINE.You: FINE. I GET ROBIN.Stranger: YOU CAN TAKE NOLANS ROBIN! NOT DICKOR TIM OR JASON OR DAMIAN.You: FINE. BUT ITS JGL SO OBVIOUSLY I STILL WINStranger: YEAH, WHATEVER......PREMIUM RUSH WAS ABOMB!You: NEVER SO IT IM SORYYou: *SAWStranger: YOU AND YOUR DARN TYPOS.Stranger: YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY, LADY.You: IM SORRY. MY CAT GOT IN MY EYESStranger: THATS SLIGHTLY DISTURBING.You: SHE LOVES ME OKStranger: SURE SHE DOES.You: Forever alone.You: She left.Stranger: Wow, its 3 am.You: Im sleep typing.Stranger: Should we call it a night?You: I think we should.You: Its been real, sweet stranger.Stranger: Cant say I feel the same, stranger.You: Dick.Stranger: HA.You: ;)Stranger: Later dude.You: L8RStranger: Terry, by the way.You: Aubrey. Like the Bread song.Stranger: Haha, cool.
  8. 8. Stranger: See ya.

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