"I Hate Working With You!" Conflict Resolution for Your Advising Center


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This was presented at the National Academic Advising Association (NACADA) South Central Region 7 Conference - New Orleans, LA May 4th, 2009; The African American Leadership Conference (AALC) - San Marcos, TX September 12, 2009; The Texas State Leadership Conference - San Marcos, TX September 26, 2009; The University of Texas at San Antonio (UTSA) Advising Conference - San Antonio, TX December 4, 2009; The University of Texas at Austin Professional Development Day, Austin, TX February 10, 2010; Texas Academic Advising Network (TEXAAN) State Conference, San Marcos, TX February 19, 2010; Texas State University - San Marcos Professional Development Workshop September 7 & 8, 2010; National Academic Advising Association (NACADA) National Conference - Orlando, FL. October 6, 2010; and at the Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. Women’s Retreat – San Marcos, TX, October 2011.

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"I Hate Working With You!" Conflict Resolution for Your Advising Center

  1. 1. “ I Hate Working With You!”: Conflict Resolution for Your Advising Center
  2. 2. Overview <ul><li>What is Conflict? </li></ul><ul><li>Conflict Management Styles </li></ul><ul><li>The Four Agreements </li></ul><ul><li>Recap and Discussion </li></ul><ul><li>Questions </li></ul>
  3. 3. <ul><li>Is conflict Good or Bad ? </li></ul>
  4. 4. What causes conflict?
  5. 5. <ul><li>What is your Conflict Resolution Style? </li></ul>
  6. 6. Conflict Resolution Styles <ul><ul><li>Collaboration </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Accommodation </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Avoidance </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Compromise </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Competitive </li></ul></ul>
  7. 7. Accommodative <ul><li>Willing give up goals to preserve relationships. </li></ul><ul><li>Not assertive - Try to keep harmony in a group. </li></ul><ul><li>Tend to worry that conflict will only lead to damaged relationships. </li></ul><ul><li>Can bring great insight into the consequences actions may have on people. “Can’t we all just get along?” </li></ul>
  8. 8. Collaboration <ul><li>Works to preserve relationships and meet personal goals. </li></ul><ul><li>View conflicts as problems to solve and to improve relationships. </li></ul><ul><li>Tend to take a LONG time trying to find a perfect solution for everyone. </li></ul><ul><li>May irritate others who need a quick decision. </li></ul><ul><li> “ Let’s talk it out…” </li></ul>
  9. 9. Avoidance <ul><li>Willing to give up personal goals and relationships to avoid conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>If allowed by the group, will become an outside observer. </li></ul><ul><li>Tend to believe it’s difficult to resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>Others must ask for input, which often is invaluable feedback. </li></ul><ul><li>“ Wake me when it’s over.” </li></ul>
  10. 10. Compromise
  11. 11. Competitive <ul><li>Willing to pursue goals even if it may end a relationship. </li></ul><ul><li>Highly assertive, not particularly cooperative. </li></ul><ul><li>Can bring progress to a group that lacks direction or stalled in debate. </li></ul><ul><li>Keep track of goals – Eye on the prize. </li></ul><ul><li>“ My way or the highway.” </li></ul>
  12. 12. How can you use this information? <ul><li>Working with colleagues. </li></ul><ul><li>Interacting with students. </li></ul><ul><li>In your personal life. </li></ul>
  13. 13. The Four Agreements By: Don Miguel Ruiz <ul><li>Don’t take anything personally </li></ul><ul><li>Don’t make assumptions </li></ul><ul><li>Always do your best </li></ul><ul><li>Be impeccable with your word </li></ul>
  14. 14. Don’t Take Anything Personally <ul><li>Nothing other people do or say is because of you; it is because of their own reality . </li></ul><ul><li>When you take things personally, you subconsciously agree with the other person. Consequently, we feel offended and react by defending ourselves thus creating drama . </li></ul><ul><li>People give others compliments or criticism – it is about them and how they feel right now or what they need – it is not just about you. </li></ul><ul><li>This takes away the power that people try to have over us – we because immune to manipulation. </li></ul>
  15. 15. Don’t Make Assumptions <ul><li>We see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear </li></ul><ul><li>Assumptions are a problem when we believe them to be true </li></ul><ul><li>Part of a bigger cycle of drama </li></ul><ul><li>Negative reasons we make assumptions are: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>We are afraid it is not safe to ask </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>We lack the courage to ask questions and potentially appear ignorant or stupid </li></ul></ul>
  16. 16. Don’t Make Assumptions <ul><li>Avoid making assumptions by: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Communicating and asking questions </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Finding your voice to ask for what you want.  Others have the right to say yes or no, and you have the right to ask. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>If you don’t know or understand, it is always better to ask and be clear instead of assuming </li></ul>
  17. 17. Always Do Your Best <ul><li>Your best is ever changing </li></ul><ul><li>You avoid negative self-judgment </li></ul><ul><li>Do your best for you, not for the reward </li></ul><ul><li>Live in the present, not in the past </li></ul>
  18. 18. Be Impeccable With Your Word <ul><li>Our ability to use words sets us apart as humans </li></ul><ul><li>Double-edged sword </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Creates </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Destroys </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Misuse of our words creates a living hell </li></ul><ul><li>Impeccable use of words heals and empowers others </li></ul>
  19. 19. Gossip <ul><li>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sp6rVrGmvMs </li></ul>
  20. 20. How to be impeccable with your word? <ul><li>Speak with integrity </li></ul><ul><li>Say only what you mean </li></ul><ul><li>Avoid using words to speak against yourself </li></ul><ul><li>Avoid using words to speak against others </li></ul><ul><li>Use the power of your word for truth and encouragement </li></ul>
  21. 21. Is conflict Good or Bad ?
  22. 22. <ul><li>Questions? </li></ul>
  23. 23. References <ul><li>Ruiz, Don M. (1997). The four agreements: A practical guide to personal freedom . San Rafael, CA: Amber-Allen Publishing, Inc. </li></ul><ul><li>Withers, B. & Wisinski, J. (2007). Resolving Conflicts on the Job , 2 nd Edition. AMACON. Retrieved from http://proquest.safaribooksonline.com/9780814474136 </li></ul><ul><li>MGMT 402 (Negotiation). (2006). Dr. Jane George-Falvey. http://faculty.washington.edu/janegf/402syllabus.htm </li></ul>