Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

1. Renee Troughton Flowers for my table over air for my lungs
2. Individuals and interactions…
3. “ What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart. “ Dr Marshall Rosenberg, Founder of NVC
4. What Is Non Violent Communication (NVC)?
5. What Is Non Violent Communication (NVC)?
6. Jackals If you eat all your dinner than you can get dessert I’m late because I got stuck in traffic He’s a good son
7. Giraffes A jackal is just a giraffe with a language problem
8. Observation Feeling Need Request
9. What is an observation ?
10. What is a feeling?
11. What is a feeling? Afraid Apprehensive Frightened Panicked Petrified Suspicious Terrified Wary Worried Annoyed Exasperated Frustrated Impatient Irritated Angry Furious Indignant Outraged Resentful Aversion Appalled Contempt Disgusted Hate Horrified Repulsed Confused Ambivalent Hesitant Lost Perplexed Puzzled Torn Disconnected Apathetic Bored Cold Detached Distracted Numb Uninterested Disquiet Agitated Alarmed Discombobulated Disturbed Rattled Shocked Surprised Troubled Turbulent Uncomfortable Uneasy Unnerved Unsettled Upset Embarrassed Ashamed Guilty Mortified Self-conscious Fatigue Depleted Exhausted Lethargic Sleepy weary Pain Agony Devastated Grief Heartbroken Hurt Lonely Miserable Remorseful Sad Depressed Despair Disappointed Discouraged Hopeless Unhappy Tense Anxious Cranky Distressed Edgy Irritable Nervous Overwhelmed Vulnerable Fragile Helpless Insecure Sensitive Shaky Yearning Jealous Wistful
12. What is a need? Autonomy Choice of goals Choice of plan Freedom Independence Integrity Presence Space Spontaneity Celebration Creation of life Dreams fulfilled Losses Integrity Authenticity Creativity Meaning Self-worth Interdependence Acceptance Affection Interdependence Appreciation Awareness Belonging Closeness Community Companionship Compassion Consideration Connection Cooperation Contribution Emotional safety Empathy Equality Honesty Inclusion Love Mutuality Reassurance Respect Support Trust Understanding Warmth Meaning Awareness Clarity Competence Consciousness Contribution Creativity Efficacy Effectiveness Growth Hope Learning To Matter Mourning Participation Purpose Self Expression Understanding Rest & Play Challenge Mastery Ease Enjoyment Fun Joy Humour Laughter Learning Relaxation Sponteneity Stimulation Safety & Health Physical safety Emotional safety Security Stability Predictability Support Spiritual Beauty Communion Harmony Inspiration Order Peace Nurture Air Food Exercise Nurturing Protection Rest Safety Sexual Shelter Touch Warmth Water
13. What is a request? “Would you be willing to…”
14. What is a request?
15. What is a request? “Our conflicts arise not because we have different needs but because we have different strategies for how to meet them.”
16. Expressing NVC
17. Receiving NVC
18. Want more? Creating empathetic connections, Connecting with our self, Appreciation/praise, protective force… and more Shari Elle fullyalive.com.au
19. Renee Troughton agileforest.com leanpub.comAgileForest renee@unbounddna.com @agilerenee theagile revolution.com unbounddna.com
20. Connecting with my REQUEST
21. Connecting with my NEED
22. Connecting with my FEELING
23. Connecting with my OBSERVATION
24. Listening to my JACKAL
25. EXPRESSING
26. SENSING
27. RECEIVING

Editor's Notes

We focus everyday on flow of work, but how much time do we spend on the flow of communication?

How can I make your (my) life more wonderful?

Fred works too much? (Evaluation)Pam was the first into work every day this week (observation)Joe doesn’t value my opinion (evaluation)Joe didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting (observation)

I feel you don’t respect me (expressing what someone thinks not feels – you, that they, like, she/he, etc)I feel scared when you say that (feeling)I’m happy that you can come (feeling)I feel good about what you did for me (okay, but ‘good’ is subjective)

I feel disappointed because you said you would do it and you didn’t. (No, “When you said you’d do it and then didn’t I felt disappointed because I want to be able to rely upon your words.”)I’m sad that you won’t be coming to my meeting because I was hoping we could collaborate together. (Yes)I feel scared when you raise your voice. (No, “When you raise your voice, I feel scared because I’m telling myself someone might get hurt here, and I need to know that we are all safe.”)

It is not a demand

A need can be met by multiple strategies. Understanding the need can help to ensure that we are not focussing on the wrong strategy.I want you to understand me. (No, understand does not clearly express a request for a specific action)I would like you to tell me one strategy about my suggestion in yesterday’s meeting that you believe we could go forward with (yes)I would like you to be honest with me about yesterday’s meeting (no specific action)

A need can be met by multiple strategies. Understanding the need can help to ensure that we are not focussing on the wrong strategy.

* hear/remember/imagine

A need can be met by multiple strategies. Understanding the need can help to ensure that we are not focussing on the wrong strategy.

Image: http://cdn.drstevegreene.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Traffic_light1.jpg

* hear/remember/imagine

Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

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Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

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