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1.
Renee Troughton
Flowers for my table
over air for my lungs
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2.
Individuals and interactions…
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3.
“
What I want in
my
life
is
compassion, a
flow between
myself
and
others based
on a mutual
giving
from
the heart.
“
Dr Marshall
Rosenberg,
Founder of
NVC
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4.
What Is Non Violent
Communication (NVC)?
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5.
What Is Non Violent
Communication (NVC)?
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6.
Jackals
If you eat all
your dinner than
you can get
dessert
I’m late
because I
got stuck in
traffic
He’s a
good son
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7.
Giraffes
A jackal is just
a giraffe with a
language
problem
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8.
Observation
Feeling
Need
Request
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9.
What is an observation ?
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10.
What is a feeling?
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11.
What is a feeling?
Afraid
Apprehensive
Frightened
Panicked
Petrified
Suspicious
Terrified
Wary
Worried
Annoyed
Exasperated
Frustrated
Impatient
Irritated
Angry
Furious
Indignant
Outraged
Resentful
Aversion
Appalled
Contempt
Disgusted
Hate
Horrified
Repulsed
Confused
Ambivalent
Hesitant
Lost
Perplexed
Puzzled
Torn
Disconnected
Apathetic
Bored
Cold
Detached
Distracted
Numb
Uninterested
Disquiet
Agitated
Alarmed
Discombobulated
Disturbed
Rattled
Shocked
Surprised
Troubled
Turbulent
Uncomfortable
Uneasy
Unnerved
Unsettled
Upset
Embarrassed
Ashamed
Guilty
Mortified
Self-conscious
Fatigue
Depleted
Exhausted
Lethargic
Sleepy
weary
Pain
Agony
Devastated
Grief
Heartbroken
Hurt
Lonely
Miserable
Remorseful
Sad
Depressed
Despair
Disappointed
Discouraged
Hopeless
Unhappy
Tense
Anxious
Cranky
Distressed
Edgy
Irritable
Nervous
Overwhelmed
Vulnerable
Fragile
Helpless
Insecure
Sensitive
Shaky
Yearning
Jealous
Wistful
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12.
What is a need?
Autonomy
Choice of goals
Choice of plan
Freedom
Independence
Integrity
Presence
Space
Spontaneity
Celebration
Creation of life
Dreams fulfilled
Losses
Integrity
Authenticity
Creativity
Meaning
Self-worth
Interdependence
Acceptance
Affection
Interdependence
Appreciation
Awareness
Belonging
Closeness
Community
Companionship
Compassion
Consideration
Connection
Cooperation
Contribution
Emotional safety
Empathy
Equality
Honesty
Inclusion
Love
Mutuality
Reassurance
Respect
Support
Trust
Understanding
Warmth
Meaning
Awareness
Clarity
Competence
Consciousness
Contribution
Creativity
Efficacy
Effectiveness
Growth
Hope
Learning
To Matter
Mourning
Participation
Purpose
Self Expression
Understanding
Rest & Play
Challenge
Mastery
Ease
Enjoyment
Fun
Joy
Humour
Laughter
Learning
Relaxation
Sponteneity
Stimulation
Safety & Health
Physical safety
Emotional safety
Security
Stability
Predictability
Support
Spiritual
Beauty
Communion
Harmony
Inspiration
Order
Peace
Nurture
Air
Food
Exercise
Nurturing
Protection
Rest
Safety
Sexual
Shelter
Touch
Warmth
Water
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13.
What is a request?
“Would you be willing to…”
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14.
What is a request?
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15.
What is a request?
“Our conflicts arise not because we have different
needs but because we have different strategies for
how to meet them.”
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16.
Expressing NVC
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17.
Receiving NVC
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18.
Want more?
Creating empathetic connections,
Connecting with our self,
Appreciation/praise, protective
force… and more
Shari Elle
fullyalive.com.au
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19.
Renee Troughton
agileforest.com
leanpub.comAgileForest
renee@unbounddna.com
@agilerenee
theagile
revolution.com
unbounddna.com
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20.
Connecting
with my
REQUEST
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21.
Connecting
with my
NEED
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22.
Connecting
with my
FEELING
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23.
Connecting with
my
OBSERVATION
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24.
Listening to my
JACKAL
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25.
EXPRESSING
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26.
SENSING
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27.
RECEIVING
We focus everyday on flow of work, but how much time do we spend on the flow of communication?
How can I make your (my) life more wonderful?
Fred works too much? (Evaluation)Pam was the first into work every day this week (observation)Joe doesn’t value my opinion (evaluation)Joe didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting (observation)
I feel you don’t respect me (expressing what someone thinks not feels – you, that they, like, she/he, etc)I feel scared when you say that (feeling)I’m happy that you can come (feeling)I feel good about what you did for me (okay, but ‘good’ is subjective)
I feel disappointed because you said you would do it and you didn’t. (No, “When you said you’d do it and then didn’t I felt disappointed because I want to be able to rely upon your words.”)I’m sad that you won’t be coming to my meeting because I was hoping we could collaborate together. (Yes)I feel scared when you raise your voice. (No, “When you raise your voice, I feel scared because I’m telling myself someone might get hurt here, and I need to know that we are all safe.”)
It is not a demand
A need can be met by multiple strategies. Understanding the need can help to ensure that we are not focussing on the wrong strategy.I want you to understand me. (No, understand does not clearly express a request for a specific action)I would like you to tell me one strategy about my suggestion in yesterday’s meeting that you believe we could go forward with (yes)I would like you to be honest with me about yesterday’s meeting (no specific action)
A need can be met by multiple strategies. Understanding the need can help to ensure that we are not focussing on the wrong strategy.
* hear/remember/imagine
A need can be met by multiple strategies. Understanding the need can help to ensure that we are not focussing on the wrong strategy.
Image: http://cdn.drstevegreene.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Traffic_light1.jpg
* hear/remember/imagine
* hear/remember/imagine
* hear/remember/imagine