AHDS2013 WS9 Supportive and Challenging Conversations with Staff

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AHDS2013 WS9 Supportive and Challenging Conversations with Staff

  1. 1. Margaret Alcorn November 2013
  2. 2.     No-one comes to school hoping to do a bad job Telling someone what they are doing wrong does not lead to improvement Blame (however sweetly delivered) corrodes confidence The best learning is collaborative and I am not always right
  3. 3. The first conversation to have is with yourself. What is the issue? Why is it bothering you? What gets you “hooked”? What are your assumptions? What emotions are attached to the situation? What is your purpose in having the conversation? How will you start it?  What will happen if you have this conversation? What will happen if you don’t?  What does a successful outcome look like? What do you want to achieve?     
  4. 4.  Choose your time and place: stress free, uninterrupted and pleasant (Coffee and tea is good)  Collect your data/evidence  Plan your opening statement  Give advance notice of the meeting and the agenda for discussion
  5. 5.  Select a real situation you face  Find a partner  Decide who will go first  Let your partner know a small bit about the situation and person  Practice your opening  Partner: provide feedback after the opening  Switch roles
  6. 6.  State what you want to discuss. “I want to talk to you about...”  Share a specific piece of evidence/data. “I saw…”  Explain what is bothering you. “I am concerned about..”  Describe the importance. “This matters because...”  Acknowledge your involvement. “I may have some responsibility for this. . .
  7. 7. Listen, be flexible if you can, be clear what change you want to see       Ask for the other’s perspective. “Help me understand your point of view.” Use a coaching approach. Be quiet and curious. “Tell me more about that.” Ask for what you want next. Make an agreement. Say, “Thank You.” Summarize what has been learned. Re-state the importance. State what you will do. Offer help if appropriate. Arrange check back date/meeting.
  8. 8.    Reflect on the outcomes. Did you achieve clarity, consensus? Send note of meeting, agreed outcomes and date for follow-up Make early contact. “How are you feeling about our discussion?”
  9. 9.    We all see the world differently; all perceptions are valid This is about owning and stating your point of view, AND being open and willing to hear and accept another point of view Start your sentences with “I”; Sentences that start with “you” sound accusatory and blaming and may result in defensiveness
  10. 10.  You are the head teacher In small groups of 3 or 4, discuss – what will you do? 
  11. 11. The first conversation to have is with yourself. What is the issue? Why is it bothering you? What gets you “hooked”? What are your assumptions? What emotions are attached to the situation? What is your purpose in having the conversation? How will you start it?  What will happen if you have this conversation? What will happen if you don’t?  What does a successful outcome look like? What do you want to achieve?     
  12. 12.       Preaching/Moralising Advising/Giving solutions Evaluating/Blaming Interpreting Diagnosing Warning/Threatening and of course Ordering/Directing You ought to …. Why don’t you? …. You shouldn’t …. You need to …. You’d better …. You should ….
  13. 13.   Crucial Conversations (Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler) Difficult Conversations (Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen, and Roger Fisher)  Fierce Conversations (Susan Scott)  Fierce Leadership (Susan Scott)
  14. 14. Thanks for listening

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