# 1 Puan Kamariah : My daughter has a B.Sc. Mrs. Chong : My son just graduated with a B.E. En. Ali : Last year my nephew got an LL.B En. Muthu : Ha! But my son is the only one with a J.O.B.
# 2 A mother noticed her little daughter praying. “Please God,” the little girl kept saying. “Bless my father and my mother and make Melaka the Capital of Malaysia.” “Why did you make such a strange request?” the mother asked. “Because that’s what I wrote in my Geography test this morning!”
# 3 Little Mary : In my family, I’m scared of my Mummy. Little Sabri : I’m scared of my Daddy. Little Samy : It’s my Granny I’m afraid of. Little Mary : What about you Chong? Little Chong : Ho! Ho! In my family, all the three are scared of me!
# 4 Teacher : Sani, if you had 5 dollars and you asked your mother for another 5, how many dollars would you have? Sani : 5 dollars Sir! Teacher : You don’t know your Arithmetic. Sani : But Sir, you don’t know my mother!
# 5 A husband phoned his wife from his office. Husband : I’ve got two tickets for the fashion show in town. Wife : That’s wonderful! I’ll start getting ready straight away. Husband : You’d better do. The tickets are for tomorrow’s show.
# 6 Teacher to Doctor’s daughter : Your grades are terrible! I shall send for your father! The Doctor’s daughter : If I were you Teacher, I wouldn’t. Daddy always charges 20 dollars for each visit.
# 7 An examination candidate who knew very little English once attended an oral English examination. The Examiner : What is your name? Candidate : Me Chikaboombayba! Examiner : How many are there in your family? Candidate : Not many. Me, me sister, me mother, and father. Examiner : Who does the cooking at home? After a long period of silence, the examiner tried to help. Examiner : Well, your mother or your sister? And the Candidate replied : Your mother!
# 8 Mother : Susie, how was the play you attended at the theatre? Did it have a happy ending? Susie : Yes, in a way. Everybody was very happy when it finally ended.
# 9 “ This is a hold-up,” the thief told the miserly old man. “Hand over your money or else…” “ Or else what?” the old man shot back. “ Please don’t confuse me,” the thief begged. “This is my first job.”
# 10 Naughty boy : Mummy, what will I get for my birthday? Mummy : Close your eyes. Now tell me what you see. Naughty boy : Nothing, Mummy. Mummy said : That’s what you are going to get for your birthday! Nothing!
# 11 Father : Now Son, be good while I’m away. Son : OK Dad. I’ll be good for ten dollars. Father : That’s too much Son! When I was your age, I was good for nothing!
# 12 Tan : Please lend me one hundred dollars. Lim : Sorry, I have only sixty dollars. Tan : It’s okay. Let me have the sixty and you can owe me the other forty dollars.
# 13 Robber : Hand over your money or I’ll shoot you through your heart. The Young Man : Shoot me ‘cause I need the money for my old age.
# 14 Molly : Mummy, please ask for a new teacher for me. Mother : Why, darling? Molly : My teacher can never make up her mind. The day before yesterday, she said 5 and 4 make 9. Yesterday she said 2 and 7 make 9 and today she said that it’s 3 and 6 that make 9!
# 15 First teacher : Too bad, Tan Ah Chong has the best attendance record in the class. Second teacher : Why should this be bad? First teacher : He also has the worst discipline record in the school!
# 16 Girl : You remind me of the sea or the ocean. Boy : Why that’s nice! Wild, restless and romantic? Girl : No, you make me feel sick!
# 17 Girl (in romantic mood) : Tom, can you say three words that will make me float in the air? Tom : Go hang yourself!
# 18 Customer : Waiter, what kind of a drink is this? I ordered guava juice but this tastes like kerosene. Waiter : Sorry Sir, that must be apple juice. Our guava juice here tastes like soap.
# 19 The teacher asked his students to draw a ring. As expected, all drew objects with circular shapes. However, one little boy drew a square. “Why have you drawn a square?” the teacher asked. “Mine is a boxing ring, Sir,” the boy replied.
# 20 Peter : Daddy, I got a hundred marks in school today! Father : Why, that’s wonderful! For what did you get a hundred in? Peter : 30 marks for Maths, 50 marks for English and 20 marks for Science. Altogether 100 marks!
The End Don’t Worry. Be Happy. With Metta, Bro. Oh Teik Bin