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Gifts with No Giver a love affair with truth      Poems by Nirmala    Endless Satsang Press
Nirmala offers these poems in gratitude for the loveand grace that flow through his teacher, Neelam, andin gratitude for t...
to Neelamthe blue sapphire flame in my heart
your hand is always in mineyour whispered endearments are my constantcompanionyou have never turned your face from meno ma...
why fear this moment    when no thoughts come    at last I lie naked    in the arms of experiencewhy fear this momentwhen ...
I may think I feel lovebut it is love that feels meconstantly testing the woven fibersthat enclose and protect my heartwit...
the past is long gonefrom herethere is no way backhow could there be    the present is over too quickly    for feeble desi...
I have fallen in love with truthI only want to be with herI can not stand to be apartI would gladly go to the ends of the ...
sunlight burns    shadow cools    there is no differenceearth is stillgrass is movingthere is no difference    wind rustle...
where is absence of desireonce I dreamed there would only be blissnow I am in awe of the ordinarynow I am content with lon...
river of voiceseternal mantra of foammeaningless words swallowed in a humming roarthoughts arise and are splashed away    ...
I dont know what to say     I never know what to sayyet there is great power in not knowingknowing I can never know     th...
love is a dreamthat does not stopwhen you awakenbut constantly surprisesno strong emotionsstirring up dustand clouding you...
nobody is my lover           I searched for her for lifetimes           and finally noticed           she was always at my...
no longer my    hand that movesno longer my    voice that musesno longer my    eyes that fill with tearsat the simple   be...
endless traces of memoryfill in empty momentsstealing my peaceand robbing my happinessthey can not take the real treasureb...
through emptinesspeace is bornno painful labor requiredan easy birthan easy lifean easy deaththe peace flows from the dept...
no poemno songno ritualcaptures the simple beingness of a stone    let alone a mountain of stonebut let the stone write th...
like a green desertlife has burst forthin this empty containerspilling overand moistening the parched soil    no need to s...
your smilemorning sun on new fallen snowmelting the icy chillunveiling a blue sapphire flame in my heartburning memory int...
I never knew tears could feel so gooduntil I opened my heartand found they come from the same sourceas boundless laughteri...
I bathe in holy waterwash myself clean in the sacred rivernothing has changedyet senses are now clearand I hear what she i...
no deep rooted fearsfear exists on the surfacefear is the surfacedive deeper and fear is swallowedin the depth of knowingn...
thoughts dance their enticing movesbefore my entranced inner sightbut the spell is brokenwhen I wonderwho is entranced    ...
romance is a simple mistakefinding true lovein the arms of one otheris like capturing a waterfallin a tiny cupthirst is sl...
nothing seen is wastedthe sight of every eyeincreases the range of visionof that which sees     every sight is a gem     o...
all may have a mind of their ownbut thoughts are gifts of gracetouching mind for an instantlike melting snowflakes    ever...
in the dreamI always play the foolin the dreammy defenses always failin the dreammy desires are never fully satisfiedin th...
what should we dowhat is the purpose of lifehere is the endless taskto do nothing wellhere is your purposeto be free of an...
my longing was never deep enoughto touch this empty well     my effort was never great enough     to move this unmovable m...
the mysteryof this simple momentcan not be spokenyet all of historyoccurred to arrive here          the mystery          o...
take my handfeel the vital gripthat love lends to this flesh     listen to my voice     hear the catch in my throat     of...
no word is real enoughto conjure up a crumb of breadstill we try to find nourishmentin endless musingno thought is thick e...
it is herein the breathit is herein the stillness between breaths      it is here      in the active mind      it is here ...
where does willingness come fromwilling to do anything     although nothing can be donewilling to surrender everything    ...
truth is a living beingthat must be nourished and fedand lovedthen it grows and blossomsfilling the air with pure aromamak...
the obvious signsa playful smileabsence of pretensedisregard for conventionrespect for truth     listen when they speak   ...
behind closed eyesthe world falls awaya whirl of empty sensationwith no boundarydrowning thoughtin a silent symphonyburnin...
gratefulfor gracethat fills mind with visionsof the invisiblegratefulfor timethat expands to embracestillnessgratefulfor b...
in a timeless instantbefore a painful idea appears in my mindan ever present softness, a gentle handreaches into my though...
welcome homewelcome to the home never leftyou have always lived herewill always live here     this is home, forever...so s...
I must follow this thought     all the waylet the mind have its way with me     but only with menot with the quiet presenc...
endless poems wait to be written     while all has been said before     this truth can not be spokenand so I try againjust...
it doesn’t matterwhat I domind judgesthen judges itself for judgingthat’s just what minds dowhen I let it have its wayit s...
rain fallswithin the endless awarenessthe sun still shinesbehind the cloudsloss ripsat the heart of loveempty peace still ...
mind always winsevery thought an artful trapleading further into dreamsresistance speeds the entanglementsurrender, the on...
all I   have ever wanted is wantingall I   have ever had is havingall I   am is all there isand     wanting and having are...
quite ordinary desirescome and gocome and gonever needing to be fulfilledtheir satisfaction made irrelevantby the shining ...
die a littlewith every disappointmentor find what never diesand has no preferencestry a littleand keep illusion goingor se...
the dance of emptinessgoes on and oncolors, shapes and formsarrayed in courtly splendoron the dance floor of infinitythe p...
this voice is inadequateto express the abundant wonderof this endless momentthis body is insufficientto embrace the sweet ...
truth is too simple for wordsbefore thought gets tangled up in nouns andverbsthere is a wordless sounda deep breathless si...
a quiet roomempty of profound thoughtsin this momentno need to uncover deep truthsthe chairs do not mind the silencethe ru...
laughter stops thoughtand fills the space behind the eyes with lightsuch simple delightto find nothing is knowable    I ca...
the room is emptyexcept for these saddened eyesthat find refuge in emptiness    friends come and go    lovers come and go ...
early in the morningasleep in a dreamonly to awaken in another dreamwhy disturb the quiet mistwith imaginary formsthe hear...
mind finds a pathto struggle alongnever reaching the goalheart knows it already restsin the path of something wonderfulit ...
simply restingfrom a full day of restingfeeling too restedto even consider anything moresimply quietstaying in the silent ...
excitement stirs the bloodyet only nothingness is ever palpableimagined pleasures always fall short     compared to the si...
light through a prism...     a rainbowlove through my heart...     the spectrum of feelings revealed         red anger to ...
foolish to chase after imaginary pleasuresthey love to dance out of reachgiving only tastes of slight satisfactionsimpler ...
a world of endless contradictionsad smiles and joyous tearsthe heart is torn in twoby feelings that never fail to pull in ...
words do not comethere is no need for profound utterances or     deep truthshere is an ordinary eveningwhy spoil it with d...
every tasteevery sensationevery possible pleasureis already presentin the timelessawarenessthat is beating my heartwhat us...
who would have guessedthis empty feeling in my chestis the door to eternitywho could have knownthis longingis what I longe...
what kind of firehas no preference for fuelgladly burning thoughts, feelings,     bodies and soulsyet it is a cool flamele...
sleep comes in the afternoonand then wakefulness never truly returnsdrinking in rest like cool watercold outside does not ...
hot sun fills the eyes to overflowingwhile a cooling breeze of freedom lifts sweat from thebrowevery experience from the p...
desirepure unadulterated longingtears at the chest with such forceit seems the soul might leave     just to find reliefsad...
sweeter than any kissthe taste of eternitylingers on my lipstasting meonly the slightest pausebefore her passionoverwhelms...
gratitude burns in the chestglad tears run down the cheeksstrange illusion fills the eyesthe hum of life thrills the ears ...
when I am held in your armseven pain is pure blissdark thoughts of separation and lack    are waves of pure pleasureunfulf...
the truth catches up with meI am not enoughnever have beennever will bewhat relief to admit this finite containercan never...
the tears flow freely nowthe mind quiets and the heart breaks wide openall the hopes and dreams of a lifetime, many lifeti...
the tired wandererloses the strength to go onand in surrendering to hopelessnessis surprisedto finally feel at home       ...
memories of true loveare useless in filling empty momentsfor this lover never shows the same facealways a new disguisekeep...
body is pure doing   beyond doing there is mindmind is pure knowing   beyond knowing there is heart        heart is pure b...
the passion for freedomswallows the source of passionif twoness could lead to onenesswe would all be faithful loversno rea...
the flower can only wait     for the bee to arriveyet passion appears from nowhere     to play hide and seek with peaceall...
mind plays its oldest tricksighing woe is meso lonelyso lonely....being someonewhat’s thisa sweetnessin the embrace of lon...
I always thought you would come to me     in the shape of a beautiful loverI never dreamed you would steal my heart     wi...
a lasting marriagewhen devotion has claimed you for its ownno longer any chance to straya brief fling with illusion no lon...
fire may burn the wood     the ashes do not mind                     83
CONTACT INFORMATION   For information about Nirmala’s satsang* schedule and to download free               copies of his o...
About NirmalaAfter a lifetime of spiritual seeking, Nirmala met his teacher, Neelam, a devotee of H.W.L. Poonja (Papaji). ...
Free E-books by Nirmala             The following PDF e-books are available for free from www.endless-satsang.com:Part Two...
Free Ebooks continued:Beyond No SelfNirmala’s newest e-book explores the fullness of Being found in the absence of a separ...
Endless Satsang Foundation Order Form                                 Item                                              Pr...
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Gifts with No Giver

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Gifts with No Giver

  1. 1. Gifts with No Giver a love affair with truth Poems by Nirmala Endless Satsang Press
  2. 2. Nirmala offers these poems in gratitude for the loveand grace that flow through his teacher, Neelam, andin gratitude for the blessings of truth brought to this world by Ramana Maharshi and H.W.L. Poonja. In addition he would like to thank Donald Turcotte for his generous assistance in the design andproduction of this collection, and also Pamela Wilson for her help with editing. Copyright © 1999 by Daniel Erway (Nirmala) Endless Satsang Press Nirmalanow@aol.ocm www.endless-satsang.com
  3. 3. to Neelamthe blue sapphire flame in my heart
  4. 4. your hand is always in mineyour whispered endearments are my constantcompanionyou have never turned your face from meno matter how many times I have turned from you now I vow undying love I meet you in the secret places I used to hide from you in I hold you with tenderness I used to reserve for my pain I would give you my life and my breath in an instantfor you are my true lovethe one with no formthe one who has never been anywhere, but right herein the singing of my heart
  5. 5. why fear this moment when no thoughts come at last I lie naked in the arms of experiencewhy fear this momentwhen no words comeat last I find restin the lap of silence why fear this moment when love finds itself alone at last I am embraced by infinity itselfwhy fear this momentwhen judgment falls awayat last my defensesfail to keep intimacy at bay why fear this moment when hope is lost at last my foolish dreams are surrendered to perfection 5
  6. 6. I may think I feel lovebut it is love that feels meconstantly testing the woven fibersthat enclose and protect my heartwith a searing flamethat allows no illusion of separationand as the insubstantial fabric of my inner fortressis peeled away by the persistent fireI desperately try to save some charred remainsby escaping into one more dream of passionI may think I can find lovebut it is love that finds memeanwhile, love becomes patient and lies in waitits undying embers gently glowingand even if I now turn and grasp after the source ofwarmthI end up cold and empty-handedI may think I can possess lovebut it is love that possesses meand finally, I am consumedfor love has flared into an engulfing blazethat takes everythingand gives nothing in returnI may think love destroys mebut it is love that sets me free 6
  7. 7. the past is long gonefrom herethere is no way backhow could there be the present is over too quickly for feeble desires to have any effect except to hide peacethe future races aheadforever out of reachof dreamy wishesand useless plans and yet when I rest in the endless now every need is satisfied in ways never imagined 7
  8. 8. I have fallen in love with truthI only want to be with herI can not stand to be apartI would gladly go to the ends of the earthor I would never again move from this spotjust to be sure to inhale her fragrant perfumewith my dying breathI have fallen in love with truthher every wish my commandI simply must obeyfor she has captured my souland taken complete controlof even my innermost thoughtsfreeing me to find reposein her unadorned splendorI have fallen in love with truthwith exquisite tenderness she shows methe perfection in my every flawno need for pretensefor she knows everything about meand yet takes me in her armswith complete abandonuntil only she remains 8
  9. 9. sunlight burns shadow cools there is no differenceearth is stillgrass is movingthere is no difference wind rustles sky is silent there is no differencespider drifts by on a silken weband I remainthere is no difference 9
  10. 10. where is absence of desireonce I dreamed there would only be blissnow I am in awe of the ordinarynow I am content with longing or no longingdesires do not disturb the source of all desirelife and death carry on as they always haveand always willonly the dreamer is gonebehind the flow of imaginationbeyond any effort to be stilldancing in the ebb and flow of attentionmore present than the breathI find the origins of my illusionsonly the dreamer is gone the dream never ends 10
  11. 11. river of voiceseternal mantra of foammeaningless words swallowed in a humming roarthoughts arise and are splashed away river of music sacred song of motion nowhere to go but downstream actions arise and are swept awayriver of soundslaughing and cryingimpossible to bring the depths to the surfaceemotions arise and are washed away river of silence flowing through everything peace beyond even the absence of sound nothing ever arises 11
  12. 12. I dont know what to say I never know what to sayyet there is great power in not knowingknowing I can never know the mystery constantly deepens overwhelming my sense of what is the mystery speaks without words taking the breath away leaving no air for wordsin silence there is room for pain and blissin unlimited measure 12
  13. 13. love is a dreamthat does not stopwhen you awakenbut constantly surprisesno strong emotionsstirring up dustand clouding your vision love is more than it seems and has a purpose you cannot see and yet cannot hide fromlove is an inescapable realitythat knocks yousenselesstakes your breath awayand leaves no heart beatingbut its own 13
  14. 14. nobody is my lover I searched for her for lifetimes and finally noticed she was always at my sidenothing is my hearts true desire but something used to always get in the waynow emptiness fills me to overflowingas I fall into my lovers embrace I can love you or ... I can love love itself and thus love you truly letting illusion rest at lasthas freedom spoiled me for any other loveror is there room for the one in the infinitequestions fall away in the embrace of my true love join me in her arms and rest at lastI am carriedlike a mother holding her infant childtender, yet firm I am provided for with caring attention that anticipates every needand yetI am swallowed whole by this love 14
  15. 15. no longer my hand that movesno longer my voice that musesno longer my eyes that fill with tearsat the simple beauty of a hazy afternoonwho could contain this rapturewho keeps this heart beatingwho could keep this heart from breakingat the loss of everything it foolishly held dearquestions have lost their fascinationlonging has surrendered to fullnessgratitude is enougheven with the loss of everything foolishly held dear 15
  16. 16. endless traces of memoryfill in empty momentsstealing my peaceand robbing my happinessthey can not take the real treasurebeyond peace and happiness behind every memory is simple awareness of this ordinary moment a body breathing a mind making comparisons and yet something more is always presentthis simple momenta body still breathingmind still chasing dreamswhat is the something morethat fills the ordinary with magic?the full recognitionof what was always longed forin the heart 16
  17. 17. through emptinesspeace is bornno painful labor requiredan easy birthan easy lifean easy deaththe peace flows from the depthsthe heart can only be brokenwhen the object of love is gonebut true love has no object through emptiness awareness is born it grows untended filling the emptiness with eyes and ears and noses and more hearts to be broken and mended broken and mended until they can no longer be broken only mendedthrough awarenessbirth is endedwhat never ends needs no beginninglove is too largefor a heart to holdyet the opened heartrests in this largenessuntil fear is also endedknowing the hearthas always beenunbroken 17
  18. 18. no poemno songno ritualcaptures the simple beingness of a stone let alone a mountain of stonebut let the stone write the poemlet the mountain sing in your heartlet the rituals fall like gentle rain to nourish the godsinside every stone and every mountainlet your soul rise above the mountain above the rain above the cloudsthe journey home requires no effortonly willingness to release your claw like grip on the familiar groundthen the stone speaks unspeakable truththen the mountain fills your heart with a silent songof peaceand rituals sprout wings of surrender in your soul and you arrive here 18
  19. 19. like a green desertlife has burst forthin this empty containerspilling overand moistening the parched soil no need to store the bounty the supply is endless the source is at hand the fruits of no labor within easy reachfeast on thisfeed the deepest longingdrink until thirst is a distant memorydesire itself is consumedwhen the heart finds nourishment 19
  20. 20. your smilemorning sun on new fallen snowmelting the icy chillunveiling a blue sapphire flame in my heartburning memory into ashrevealing bliss your eyes dark liquid pools of grace causing a whirlpool of emotion carrying me to the depths drowning me in joyyour touchgentlest breezepassing through skin and flesh and bonehealing so completeleaving no scarswhere once were deep wounds your form graceful flight in empty sky giving me birth naming me ruling me forever yet your only command: setting me freeyour voicebirdsong and distant thunderinspiring quiet so vastthinking no longer finds refuge your love a rain swollen river overflowing its banks washing away all cherished possessions leaving an empty cup full of peace 20
  21. 21. I never knew tears could feel so gooduntil I opened my heartand found they come from the same sourceas boundless laughterinstead of blurring my visionthey bring beauty into focusinstead of burning my cheeksthey wash away dusty dryness I used to hidebehindlet sorrow have me nowfor surrender has freed me to savorthe bittersweet nectarthat flows in measureless abundancefrom within 21
  22. 22. I bathe in holy waterwash myself clean in the sacred rivernothing has changedyet senses are now clearand I hear what she is saying to my heart: give me your foolish thoughts... you dont need them anymore give me your every desire... they will never fulfill you give me your deepest fears... what use have they ever been to you give me your very soul... you have always been too large for its tight confinesso once again I plunge into Gangas embrace. once for my thoughts once more for my desires and a third time for my fearsshe has always had my souland once again, nothing has changed.... nothing always changes 22
  23. 23. no deep rooted fearsfear exists on the surfacefear is the surfacedive deeper and fear is swallowedin the depth of knowingnothing to fear in this momenteven when a gun is held to your headthe thing most feared has not yet happenedonce an event has occurredfear is too latefear has no home herewhere all is as it isBreathe the tranquil airand discover the fragrant serenity 23
  24. 24. thoughts dance their enticing movesbefore my entranced inner sightbut the spell is brokenwhen I wonderwho is entranced memories beckon seductively with all the luster they can manage yet their shine is swallowed in the light behind my eyesthere is one dancerI cannot resisther only movement is utter stillnessI find no memoryin her transparent gaze 24
  25. 25. romance is a simple mistakefinding true lovein the arms of one otheris like capturing a waterfallin a tiny cupthirst is slightly quenchedwhy not just step into the sourceromance is a beautiful distractiontaking you beyond your dry concernsyet what good is an open heartwith room for only onewhen that one is gonethe heart is empty and dryand tears fall on empty groundromance is a single dropin a torrent of lovewhy settle for one sip at a timethe sweetest tasting water is deeper than the surfacedive into the currentand as you are swept awaydrink to your hearts content 25
  26. 26. nothing seen is wastedthe sight of every eyeincreases the range of visionof that which sees every sight is a gem of pure perfection in the inner eyes of that which seeseach viewpointlives on forevernothing can diewithin that which sees look deeply into any eye beyond your reflection come face to face with that which seesabandon appearancelet go of pretenseyou are naked and exposedbefore that which sees do not turn away your gaze no need to hide only love shines in the eyes of that which sees 26
  27. 27. all may have a mind of their ownbut thoughts are gifts of gracetouching mind for an instantlike melting snowflakes every place can be home but rest is a divine blessing when effort falls away like the setting sunthe heart may burn with emptinessbut love comes in wavessmoothing away doubtslike a tide erasing footprints in the sand 27
  28. 28. in the dreamI always play the foolin the dreammy defenses always failin the dreammy desires are never fully satisfiedin the dreammy heart is broken over and over wide awake I always play the fool wide awake my defenses always fail wide awake my desires are never fully satisfied wide awake my heart sings its endless joy 28
  29. 29. what should we dowhat is the purpose of lifehere is the endless taskto do nothing wellhere is your purposeto be free of any purpose why do we suffer so how can we end the pain here is the source of suffering in the desire to end suffering there is no end to pain nor an end to joy within the soul of freedom 29
  30. 30. my longing was never deep enoughto touch this empty well my effort was never great enough to move this unmovable mountainmy understanding was never broad enoughto contain this silent truth my dreaming was never real enough to shape this formless presence nothing is always enough when nothing is needed 30
  31. 31. the mysteryof this simple momentcan not be spokenyet all of historyoccurred to arrive here the mystery of the endless terrain of self can not be mapped out countless new frontiers are born with every breaththe mysteryof awakeningcan not be achievedall that is neededis to notice inner eyes that never close the mystery of sweet undying love can not be understood the heart already knows what the mind can only long forthe mysteriesalways remainuntouched by worried thoughtready to welcome us homewhen we abandon our dreams 31
  32. 32. take my handfeel the vital gripthat love lends to this flesh listen to my voice hear the catch in my throat of awe that cant be expressedgaze into my eyessee tears welling upas I recognize my long lost self in your smile rest in my arms find refuge in my embrace until you know you are forever safejoin me nowherewhere we have never parted 32
  33. 33. no word is real enoughto conjure up a crumb of breadstill we try to find nourishmentin endless musingno thought is thick enoughto cushion a fallyet we pursue idle distractionswhile tripping on obstacles in our paththere is a silent voice behind the wordsthere is a quiet source of every thoughtlisten without your earsponder without your mind rest your senses and your sense for just one moment of this stillness will sustain and uphold you forever 33
  34. 34. it is herein the breathit is herein the stillness between breaths it is here in the active mind it is here in the resting mindit is herein the dreams panoramait is herein each moment of awakening it is here when all is well it is here when fear has nothing left to feareven thenthere is pure noticingeven thenthere is no need for doing no frantic searching can find the obvious no seeking needed to find that which seeksit is herewhere it can never be lostor found 34
  35. 35. where does willingness come fromwilling to do anything although nothing can be donewilling to surrender everything although nothing is minewilling to be exposed although there is nothing to hidewhere does lovingness come fromloving the flaws in us although we are perfectloving the simplicity although feelings are so complexloving you although no one is therewhere does gratefulness come fromgrateful for the laughter although the joke is on megrateful for the beauty although eyes cannot truly seegrateful for the bounty although hands are forever empty 35
  36. 36. truth is a living beingthat must be nourished and fedand lovedthen it grows and blossomsfilling the air with pure aromamaking us gasp with delight truth is a friend that asks for loyalty and acceptance then it enters our hearts dissolving the boundaries freeing us from lonelinesstruth is a demanding loverthat requires constant affectionand endless giftsthen it rewards uswith a glimpse of indescribable beautymaking us faint with satisfaction and finally truth is an empty hand that asks for and requires nothing 36
  37. 37. the obvious signsa playful smileabsence of pretensedisregard for conventionrespect for truth listen when they speak look where they point follow where they leadabandon hope and faith and dreamsaccept nothing less than all they have to give your share in the infinite is infinite come claim your birthrightreturn to the place never leftreturn and let the seeker rest subside in the unending peacelet the seeker rest let that which you seek find youlet the seeker rest the task is finished let the seeker rest let the seeker rest 37
  38. 38. behind closed eyesthe world falls awaya whirl of empty sensationwith no boundarydrowning thoughtin a silent symphonyburning the bodyin painless effigywhen eyes open againthe world is cleansedonly perfection remainsthe room is resplendentwith the absence of illusion 38
  39. 39. gratefulfor gracethat fills mind with visionsof the invisiblegratefulfor timethat expands to embracestillnessgratefulfor breaththat seems to requireno breathergratefulfor gratitudethat breaks the soul wide openfreeing love 39
  40. 40. in a timeless instantbefore a painful idea appears in my mindan ever present softness, a gentle handreaches into my thoughtsand soothes themuntil they reflect only empty sky in a timeless moment before a desire burns in my heart an inexhaustible peace, a whispered silence quells the storm of fruitless wishing leaving me breathlessly stillin a timeless lifetimebefore my story is wrenched from silencea wordless honesty, an unflinching gazeshows me my facewithout shadows of doubtdimming the fire within in a timeless eternity before my soul is torn from infinity a passionate tenderness, an enfolding embrace leaves me alone with the source of sweetness even closer than a kiss 40
  41. 41. welcome homewelcome to the home never leftyou have always lived herewill always live here this is home, forever...so stop nowno effort is requiredeven during all journeysyou have always been here this is home, forever...so relax nowthe fire is in the hearththis inner fire is keeping you warmthe storms outside cannot touch you this is home, forever...so rest noweveryone loved is right herewe have always lived herewill always live here this is home, forever... 41
  42. 42. I must follow this thought all the waylet the mind have its way with me but only with menot with the quiet presence the voice behind all thoughtsI must feel this emotionwith my whole beingand as it sweeps me off my feetenjoy the sensation of fallingfalling endlessly into the arms of no loverI must, I mustfor this dream demands no lessthan total suspension of disbelieftotal surrenderfor the dream and the dreamerare one and the sameI have never been more than a dreamand the dreameris awake 42
  43. 43. endless poems wait to be written while all has been said before this truth can not be spokenand so I try againjust to get a little closerto the unspeakable realityforever gently teasing just out of reachforever invisible at the edge of perceptionforever tranquil in the maelstrom of feelingsforever present in this moment’s eternity 43
  44. 44. it doesn’t matterwhat I domind judgesthen judges itself for judgingthat’s just what minds dowhen I let it have its wayit surprises me by stoppingand in the vacant interludethe mind finds no gripand falls effortlesslyinto the deep pool of silenceit never left 44
  45. 45. rain fallswithin the endless awarenessthe sun still shinesbehind the cloudsloss ripsat the heart of loveempty peace still restsat the source of tearsfloods washaway the precious hillsideslife rises to the surfacefor another breath of joythoughts raceacross the mind’s attentionquiet still singsfrom the throat of nowherepure freedom remainswhen all else is swallowed in the river of time 45
  46. 46. mind always winsevery thought an artful trapleading further into dreamsresistance speeds the entanglementsurrender, the only option then what surprising silence entanglement becomes a tender caress dreaming dissolves in wondermind continues the endless gamejumping in to claim peace as its owncreating a new identity to play withas if it could find something solid in empty spacelaughter, the only response then identities come and go mind plays on the surface silence enjoys it all 46
  47. 47. all I have ever wanted is wantingall I have ever had is havingall I am is all there isand wanting and having are always here in equal measureall I have ever loved is loveall I have ever loved is lovingall I am is loveand loving is always here in infinite measure 47
  48. 48. quite ordinary desirescome and gocome and gonever needing to be fulfilledtheir satisfaction made irrelevantby the shining beauty of a rain soaked forestthe rain washing away thoughts of something lackingwhat could be lackingin this explosion of lifethat grows in each nook and cranny of the infinite heartthe moisture of loveseeping down to nourish the roots of every beingor dancing in streams and rivers all the way home 48
  49. 49. die a littlewith every disappointmentor find what never diesand has no preferencestry a littleand keep illusion goingor see the futility of effortand stop pushing on nothingbe happy a littlenow and then when circumstance allowsor rest in the source of happinessnow, then and alwaysbelieve a littlethat you are someoneor notice there is no separate onenor any limit to beinglove a littlewith half a heartor let love have it allfilling the heart to overflowing 49
  50. 50. the dance of emptinessgoes on and oncolors, shapes and formsarrayed in courtly splendoron the dance floor of infinitythe patterns of the dancewill hypnotize if watched too closelywhile the entire viewends all trancesand frees the dreaming mindnow join the danceits irresistible ebb and flowswallows your pridein the pure joyof moving stillness 50
  51. 51. this voice is inadequateto express the abundant wonderof this endless momentthis body is insufficientto embrace the sweet infinityof this lover’s bodiless formthese eyes are unableto capture the invisible beautyof a cloudless skyand yet I sing with joy,caress the air with tenderness,allow beauty to fill my eyes with tears,and know that the love in my heartis always enough 51
  52. 52. truth is too simple for wordsbefore thought gets tangled up in nouns andverbsthere is a wordless sounda deep breathless sighof overwhelming reliefto find the end of fictionin this ordinaryyet extraordinary momentwhen words are recognized as wordsand truth is recognized as everything else 52
  53. 53. a quiet roomempty of profound thoughtsin this momentno need to uncover deep truthsthe chairs do not mind the silencethe rug is not burdened by the lack of weighty ideasonly the thought, “there must be something more”cries out in pretended anguishthe chairs pay no attentionthe rug only lies more quietlyuntil the pretended sufferingcan’t help but noticethere is always more that does not need to be revealed 53
  54. 54. laughter stops thoughtand fills the space behind the eyes with lightsuch simple delightto find nothing is knowable I can only give everything to this nothing and am overjoyed to let it tear down the barricade in my chest and steal my heart 54
  55. 55. the room is emptyexcept for these saddened eyesthat find refuge in emptiness friends come and go lovers come and go but love itself never waversemptiness is my refugeemptiness is my resting placeeverywhere I turn, the end of boundaries awaits take sadness now take happiness also leave only clear visionthe room is still emptyexcept for these opened eyesthat find refuge in fullness 55
  56. 56. early in the morningasleep in a dreamonly to awaken in another dreamwhy disturb the quiet mistwith imaginary formsthe heart is never fulfilledwith dream lovers for there is never enough of what does not satisfyso let the mist have it allI have moistened my cheeks long enough in this fogof dreamingI will not move again until my true love appears when at last the sun burns away the haze no one is there what relief. . . to find her waiting 56
  57. 57. mind finds a pathto struggle alongnever reaching the goalheart knows it already restsin the path of something wonderfulit can not escape mind seeks to hold onto a still point of final understanding heart knows it is being held by an unmoving whirlwind that it will never comprehendmind tries to feel safe enoughto allow loveout into the openheart knows love is never cautiousand can not be kept secretonce all hope of refuge is abandoned 57
  58. 58. simply restingfrom a full day of restingfeeling too restedto even consider anything moresimply quietstaying in the silent pausesno thoughtnot even the idea: no thoughttoo busydoing nothingto stop long enoughto do something less 58
  59. 59. excitement stirs the bloodyet only nothingness is ever palpableimagined pleasures always fall short compared to the simple reality this bird in the hand is worth a million in the bushsensations have their saypromising satisfaction, as if they could stay long enough to fulfill endless desire yet always ending in a reverberating empty stillnessthis deafening calmis cherished by the core of beingas the true source of infinity 59
  60. 60. light through a prism... a rainbowlove through my heart... the spectrum of feelings revealed red anger to blue sadness yellow fear to black despairallow them back into my heartand the prism works in reverseturning the most deeply tinted painback into pure white love 60
  61. 61. foolish to chase after imaginary pleasuresthey love to dance out of reachgiving only tastes of slight satisfactionsimpler to give heartfelt attentionto the source of contentmentand find there is never anything missing in this momentthen the rising water of devotiontakes the weight out of these handsand dissolves the dreamlike boundaries of desire itself 61
  62. 62. a world of endless contradictionsad smiles and joyous tearsthe heart is torn in twoby feelings that never fail to pull in oppositedirectionstorn in twoby dreams that forever dance out of reachuntil at last the contents of the heartspill out in an endless floodof sad smiles and joyous tearsthat no longer have any ambivalencebecause of their shared source 62
  63. 63. words do not comethere is no need for profound utterances or deep truthshere is an ordinary eveningwhy spoil it with dramatic overstatementthe silence amidst the noisethe gem at the core of every experienceis polished by simple attentioninto shining magnificence 63
  64. 64. every tasteevery sensationevery possible pleasureis already presentin the timelessawarenessthat is beating my heartwhat usein chasing dreamsthat have alreadycome true 64
  65. 65. who would have guessedthis empty feeling in my chestis the door to eternitywho could have knownthis longingis what I longed forhow is it possiblethoughts of freedomonly hide freedomwhy don’t I careabout answerswhen questions never endwho would have guessedthis empty feeling in my chestcould be so full 65
  66. 66. what kind of firehas no preference for fuelgladly burning thoughts, feelings, bodies and soulsyet it is a cool flameleaving the core untouchedit flares whenever I give it attentionor has it always been burning this brightly 66
  67. 67. sleep comes in the afternoonand then wakefulness never truly returnsdrinking in rest like cool watercold outside does not touch ityawning does not disturb itthoughts of friends in pain can only make it more obvioushere in this quiet housethe totality comes out to play 67
  68. 68. hot sun fills the eyes to overflowingwhile a cooling breeze of freedom lifts sweat from thebrowevery experience from the past that visits nowis recognized for what it has always beenpure food for the dreaming onenessthe banquet continues with each breathI feast now even on heartbreak and lossas they burst the limits I held so dearfreeing me from resisting appetitefor fear of a taste of sour fruitI also welcome the sweet dessert of quiet momentstruth with no trimmingsa simple meal of limitless portion every tender morsel of silence more filling than the last 68
  69. 69. desirepure unadulterated longingtears at the chest with such forceit seems the soul might leave just to find reliefsadnessbittersweet taste of emptinessweighs on the shoulderslike a burden too heavy to bearsurrenderswallowing all pridecollapsing from all effortonly to find rest again in the depths of pain itselfwhy was I running from this profound silent joy 69
  70. 70. sweeter than any kissthe taste of eternitylingers on my lipstasting meonly the slightest pausebefore her passionoverwhelms my feigned resistanceand takes everything I have to giveif this lover breaks my heartthere will be no pieces left 70
  71. 71. gratitude burns in the chestglad tears run down the cheeksstrange illusion fills the eyesthe hum of life thrills the ears no more sense of mine to senses the body no longer belongs to anyone leaving no one in the way of all a body can contain and all a body can not touch wonder awes the mind inspiration raises the spiritsilence soothes the doubtsintuition speaks to the soul no more idea of someone with ideas knowing needs no knower freeing truth to expand into all mind can contain and all mind can not even imagine 71
  72. 72. when I am held in your armseven pain is pure blissdark thoughts of separation and lack are waves of pure pleasureunfulfilled desire is complete ecstasythank youfor never having let go 72
  73. 73. the truth catches up with meI am not enoughnever have beennever will bewhat relief to admit this finite containercan never contain infinitywhat joy to find infinityneeds no container 73
  74. 74. the tears flow freely nowthe mind quiets and the heart breaks wide openall the hopes and dreams of a lifetime, many lifetimesgently washed away longings that have burned in the mind for ages suddenly flare up, but are quenched the dying embers of illusion gently washed awayand the soul thus unburdened of pretensecan barely stand to open its watery eyessights so intense, and yet so unrealgently washed away finally, a voice that speaks the simplest of truth intermingled with sweet blissful sighs all the remaining fears and excitements gently laughed away 74
  75. 75. the tired wandererloses the strength to go onand in surrendering to hopelessnessis surprisedto finally feel at home the hurried creek pauses in a cold, stony pool and in sudden stillness arrives at the distant oceanthe frightened warriordecides, "I am ready to die"and in willing abandonbecomesimmortal the fitful breeze fades to calm in the afternoon heat and in catching its breath is reborn as undying tradewindsthe troubled philosopherfinds nothing to believe inand in unexpected silencejust smilesat the still unanswered questions the restless sea becomes smooth and mirrors the clouds and in ceasing all motion rejoins its own depthsthe saddened loverfaces the loss of illusion once againand in dying to passionfalls in lovewith love itself the weary sun sinks into the embrace of the horizon and in resting at last welcomes other shores to a new day 75
  76. 76. memories of true loveare useless in filling empty momentsfor this lover never shows the same facealways a new disguisekeeping mind in suspenseand senses alertsurrender to perpetual surpriseand find her waiting once againin emptiness itself 76
  77. 77. body is pure doing beyond doing there is mindmind is pure knowing beyond knowing there is heart heart is pure beingmind is more than the brain the heart of being is infinitely more than this physical beating in the chestall resides in this heartthe pulse of all life depends on its endlessrhythmlifting us in moments of simple awarenessbeyond the limits of doing and knowingdirectly to the sourceof our most tender feelings and beyond even limitless love where all is merged in silent wonder 77
  78. 78. the passion for freedomswallows the source of passionif twoness could lead to onenesswe would all be faithful loversno reason to dream of lovefor it is already here in the waking heartfind it nowin the sweet infinityof this moment’seternal embrace 78
  79. 79. the flower can only wait for the bee to arriveyet passion appears from nowhere to play hide and seek with peaceall that is gained is lost once againtimeless dreams are swallowed in the yawn of an awakened sleeperyet spring rises like a phoenix from the ashes of winterall that is lost was never realis the heart big enoughfor the source of weepingis the heart big enoughfor this pure delight 79
  80. 80. mind plays its oldest tricksighing woe is meso lonelyso lonely....being someonewhat’s thisa sweetnessin the embrace of lonelinesswhat deeper longing is being satisfied 80
  81. 81. I always thought you would come to me in the shape of a beautiful loverI never dreamed you would steal my heart with no shape at allI always pretended I needed arms to hold me and lips to kiss away my painyet I find fulfillment in the embrace of empty spaceI always wished you would speak to me with words of tender sweetnessnow I know you whisper silently of your undying loveI always knew I would find you although I foolishly looked with my eyesyou were here all along hiding just out of sight in my heart 81
  82. 82. a lasting marriagewhen devotion has claimed you for its ownno longer any chance to straya brief fling with illusion no longer satisfiesthe truth demands utter fidelitywith no possibility of divorceall pain must be facedand embraced as the true countenance of your belovedall fear must be metand recognized as the thrill of tasting the unknowableall joy must be surrenderedand acknowledged as a gift with no giverthis union only requires telling the trutheven when the truth shatters your dreamseven when the truth leaves you emptied outeven when the truth reveals your counterfeitexistencethen there is no other possibility than happily ever after 82
  83. 83. fire may burn the wood the ashes do not mind 83
  84. 84. CONTACT INFORMATION For information about Nirmala’s satsang* schedule and to download free copies of his other books and publications, visit: www.endless-satsang.com You can contact Nirmala at Nirmalanow@aol.com.For information about Nirmala’s teacher, Neelam, visit: www.neelam.org.For information about Nirmala’s teacher, Adyashanti, visit: www.adyashanti.org.For information about Nirmala’s wife’s books, visit www.radicalhappiness.com.Nirmala has also been profoundly inspired by the teachings of A.H Almaas and his work, TheDiamond Approach: www.ahalmaas.com.* Satsang is a Sanskrit word that means coming together to speak about and share Truth. 84
  85. 85. About NirmalaAfter a lifetime of spiritual seeking, Nirmala met his teacher, Neelam, a devotee of H.W.L. Poonja (Papaji). Sheconvinced Nirmala that seeking wasn’t necessary; and after experiencing a profound spiritual awakening inIndia, he began offering satsang and Nondual Spiritual Mentoring with Neelam’s blessing. This tradition ofspiritual wisdom has been most profoundly disseminated by Ramana Maharshi, a revered Indian saint, who wasPapaji’s teacher. Nirmala’s perspective was also profoundly expanded by his friend and teacher, Adyashanti.Nirmala offers a unique vision and a gentle, compassionate approach, which adds to this rich tradition ofinquiry into the truth of Being. He is also the author of several books including Nothing Personal: SeeingBeyond the Illusion of a Separate Self. He has been offering satsang throughout the United States and Canadasince 1998. Nirmala lives in Sedona, Arizona with his wife, Gina Lake. About Nondual Spiritual MentoringNondual Spiritual Mentoring with Nirmala is available to support you in giving attention and awareness to themore subtle and yet more satisfying inner dimensions of your being. Whether it is for a single spiritualmentoring session or for ongoing one-to-one spiritual guidance, this is an opportunity for you to morecompletely orient your life towards the true source of peace, joy, and happiness, especially if there is notongoing satsang or other support available in your location. As a spiritual teacher and spiritual mentor, Nirmalahas worked with thousands of individuals and groups around the world to bring people into a direct experienceof the spiritual truth of oneness beyond the illusion of separation. He especially enjoys working withindividuals in one-to-one sessions because of the greater depth and intimacy possible.Mentoring sessions with Nirmala are an opportunity for open-ended inquiry. In your session, you can ask anyquestions, raise any concerns that are meaningful to you, or simply explore your present moment experience,which is a powerful doorway into a deeper reality. Regular weekly, biweekly, or monthly mentoring sessionscan be especially transformative.These mentoring sessions are offered either in person or over the phone and typically last an hour. You canemail Nirmala at Nirmalanow@aol.com to arrange a time for a spiritual mentoring session. Please include yourphone number and location in your email. At the arranged time, Nirmala will call you if you live in the UnitedStates or Canada. If you live in another country, you must initiate the call to 928-282-5770. 85
  86. 86. Free E-books by Nirmala The following PDF e-books are available for free from www.endless-satsang.com:Part Two of Living From the Heart (The entire book is also available as a paperback for $11.95)A collection of teachings about the Heart, including:Part one: From the Heart: Dropping out of Your Mind and Into Your BeingOffers simple ways to shift into a more open and accepting perspective and to experience your true nature asaware space.Part two: The Hearts WisdomPoints the reader back to the Heart, the truest source of wisdom.Part three: Love Is for Giving, Not for GettingPoints to the true source of love in your own heart. It is by giving love that we are filled with love.Here are some excerpts: “The Heart is wise and accurate and can show you how true it is to stay or go, how true it is to buy a house,how true it is to take a new job, even how true it is to eat another cookie. But it also can show you much more ofthe possibilities inherent in this life and much more of the truth of your ultimate Being. In relation to these biggertruths, the practical questions of your life turn out to be relatively small matters. Using your Heart only to knowthings like what to do or where to live is like using a global positioning satellite system to find the way from yourbedroom to your bathroom; it utilizes only a small part of your Heart’s capacity. However, following your Heart day in and day out can put you in touch with the richness of the functioning ofthis dimension of your Being. Along the way, you may also find your Heart opening in response to the deepermovements of Being that touch every life.” “In the midst of a very profound and large experience of truth, the sense of your self can become so largeand inclusive that it no longer has much of a sense of being your Being. When you awaken to the oneness of allthings, the sense of a me can thin out quite dramatically. If you are the couch you are sitting on and the clouds inthe sky and everything else, then it simply doesn’t make sense to call it all me. If it’s so much more than whatyou usually take yourself to be, then the term me is just too small. In a profound experience of truth, the sense of me softens and expands to such a degree that there’s only aslight sense of me as a separate self remaining, perhaps just as the observer of the vastness of truth. Beyondthese profound experiences of the truth, is the truth itself. When you’re in touch with the ultimate truth and themost complete sense of Being, there’s nothing separate remaining to sense itself there’s no experience and noexperiencer, no Heart, and no sense of self. There is only Being.” “You may think it matters what happens. But what if the only thing that matters is where you are experiencingfrom, where you are looking from? What if you could experience all of life from a spacious, open perspectivewhere anything can happen and there is room for all of it, where there is no need to pick and choose, to put upbarriers or resist any of it, where nothing is a problem and everything just adds to the richness of life? What ifthis open, spacious perspective was the most natural and easy thing to do? It may sound too good to be true, but we all have a natural capacity to experience life in this way. The onlyrequirement is to look from the Heart instead of from the eyes and the head—and not just to look, but to listenand feel and sense from the Heart. In some spiritual traditions you are encouraged to look in your Heart, and yet what does that mean exactly?Often we are so used to looking and sensing through the head and the mind that when we are asked to look inthe Heart, we look through the head into the Heart to see what is there. Usually we end up just thinking about theHeart. But what if you could drop into the Heart and look from there? How would your life look right now? Is itpossible that there is another world right in front of you that you can only see with the Heart and not with themind? This book invites you to explore this radically different perspective and to find out what is true and real whenthe world and your life are viewed from the Heart of Being. It may both delight and shock you to find that so muchrichness and wonder and beauty lie so close and are so immediately available to you.” 86
  87. 87. Free Ebooks continued:Beyond No SelfNirmala’s newest e-book explores the fullness of Being found in the absence of a separate self. It ends with asimple fairy tale that offers a sense of how one Being can appear as so many. Here is an excerpt: “How can that be—empty space that is full of everything that matters? The mind cannot grasp it fully, aspresence exists beyond concepts and even beyond its own forms; and yet, that is what you are. You canexperience it with more subtle senses than the physical senses and the mind. Ultimately, you “sense” it by beingit. You just are this full empty presence. It is this second movement of realization of essence, presence, and fullness of Being that counteracts thebelief that since I (as ego) do not exist, therefore nothing exists and all is illusion. It gives a heartfelt sense ofmeaning and purpose back to this relative life of the body and mind, not as a means of gratification to your ideaof yourself, but as a pure expression of the wonder and beauty of this deeper reality. Instead of living a life inservice to the ego’s wants and needs, you can find yourself fulfilling the deepest purposes of a human life: toserve and express freedom, joy, beauty, peace and love. By itself the realization of no-self can end up dry andlifeless, but when the heart opens wide to the bigger truth of the true Self, life is anything but dry and lifeless.”Gifts With No GiverA collection of non-dual poetry by Nirmala. Here is a sample poem: every taste every sensation every possible pleasure is already present in the timeless awareness that is beating my heart what use in chasing dreams that have already come truePart One of Nothing Personal, Seeing Beyond the Illusion of a Separate Self(The whole book is available as a paperback for $16.95)In this concisely edited collection of satsang talks and dialogues, Nirmala “welcomes whatever arises within thefield of experience. In the midst of this welcoming is always an invitation to inquire deeply within, to the core ofwho and what you are. Again and again, Nirmala points the questions back to the questioner and beyond to thevery source of existence itself—to the faceless awareness that holds both the question and the questioner in atimeless embrace.” –From the Foreword by Adyashanti.“Nothing Personal is an excellent book, very clear and warm-hearted. I love it and recommend it highly. Nirmalais a genuine and authentic teacher, who points with great clarity to the simplicity and wonder of nondualpresence. He invites you to ‘say yes to the mystery of every moment.’ Good stuff!”–Joan Tollifson, Advaitateacher and author of Awake in the Heartland 87
  88. 88. Endless Satsang Foundation Order Form Item Price # of Total items Price Nothing Personal: Seeing Beyond the Illusion of a Separate Self by $16.95 U.S. Nirmala, Second Edition, expanded. 268 pp. Living from the Heart by Nirmala $11.95 U.S. Return to Essence: How to Be in the Flow and Fulfill Your Life’s $15.95 U.S. Purpose by Gina Lake Choosing Love: How to Find True Love and Keep It Alive by Gina $15.95 U.S. Lake Anatomy of Desire: How to Be Happy Even When You Don’t Get $14.95 U.S. What You Want by Gina Lake Embracing the Now: Finding Peace and Happiness in What Is by $15.95 U.S. Gina Lake Getting Free: How to Move Beyond Conditioning and Be Happy by $15.95 U.S. Gina Lake Living in the Now: Reflections from Another Dimension About $15.95 U.S. Being Happy in this One by Gina Lake Radical Happiness: A Guide to Awakening by Gina Lake 14.95 U.S. DVD of Satsang with Nirmala: Experiencing Oneness $19.95 U.S. DVD of Satsang with Nirmala: Meeting Yourself with Love $19.95 U.S. Subtotal______________Shipping and handling for books: For within the U.S., add $4.00 for the first item and $1.00 for each additional item. For Canada, add$5.00 for the first item and $2.00 for each additional item. For elsewhere outside the U.S. or Canada, add $11.00 for the first item and $2.00for each additional item: Shipping______________ TOTAL____________Send check or money order in U.S. funds to Endless Satsang Foundation, 295 Mission Rd.,Sedona, AZ, 86336. For questions: Nirmalanow@aol.com.Name:__________________________________________________________________Address_________________________________________________________________Phone/email______________________________________________________________Check here if you want to be added to Endless Satsang’s email list for announcements of satsang events or new publications________ 88

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