Why are we here?• Understand the roots of anger• Receive support, ideas and feedback from each other• Learn skills to deal with/manage anger – Therefore improving interpersonal relationships
Group Logistics• RULES: participation, communication, other expectations of each other.• PROGRAM METHODS: interactive, smalls groups, worksheets, discussions.
Understanding Anger• What anger is: Anger is ________________ ?
Anger• A completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. However• Potentially a dangerous emotion, which can tell us a lot about ourselves.
There are lots of words to describe anger.• What are some of the words you use to express the range of your angry feelings?
“Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not easy.” Aristotle (384-322 BC)
ABC’s of Anger• A : Antecedent or Anger Trigger – What stimulated the anger response• B : Behavior – Reaction provoked by anger• C : Consequence – What happened as a result of controlling or not controlling one’s anger.
Triggers of Anger External• Specific person (co-workers or supervisor)• Event (traffic jam, canceled concert or flight, talking trash about your family, etc) Internal• Worrying about personal problems• Memories of traumatic events
Myths About Anger1. Anger is Inherited2. Anger automatically leads to aggression3. People must be aggressive to get what they want4. Supressing anger is always desirable
Anger Anger fear Unappreciated FrustrationRejection Hurt Disappointment Humiliation Embarrassment
Physiological and Biological Changes• “Fight or flight” reaction (a natural, adaptive response to threat):• Increase in blood pressure and heart rate• Increase in energy hormones
Identifying Anger Cues• How anger feels: • Muscles tension • Accelerated heartbeat • “Knot” in the stomach or throat • Changes in breathing • Trembling or shaking • Goose bumps • Flushed face • Changes in facial expression (eye brows, frowning, nostrils, etc)
Anger is natural• Anger occurs naturally and cannot be avoided.• Find control techniques rather than anger elimination.
Exercise• List three things you might reasonably want to do but can’t (omit the ridiculous).• List three things you don’t want to do but have to do anyway.• List two things you need.
Anger Becomes a Problem When:• Felt too intensely• Felt too frequently• Expressed inappropriately – Words, gestures, contact.• Results in negative consequences – Assault, arrest, losing loved ones, termination from work/treatment.• Results in negative self concept – Guilt, shame, regret.
Differences between Anger & Aggression• Anger = Feeling• Aggression = Action• Anger is an emotion. It is ok to be angry.• Aggression is acting out inappropriately and is not ok. Learn to check your aggression and express your anger appropriately.
Dealing With My Anger• Express it• Suppress it• Clam yourself
ANGER MANAGEMENTA systematic method of cognitively recognizing angerand managing its effectsAnger management does not involve getting rid of allanger, but using anger to enhance your life.We can look at the purposes of anger in both positiveand negative light.
ANGER MANAGEMENTThe positive aspects of anger are that you have increasedenergy, are able to communicate your feelings, able toproblem solve and can take charge of the situation.The negative aspects of anger are that you can havedisruption of your thinking, unnecessarily defendyourself, become aggressive and become known as anangry person.
ANGER MANAGEMENTAnger management would be seen then as increasingthe positive aspects or functions of anger anddecreasing the negative functions of anger.
Steps to Anger Management• Identify personal signals of anger• Identify self-talk techniques• Learn problem-solving skills• Learn relaxation skills – Diaphragmatic breathing, progressive relaxation
Anger Management• Anger Intensifying • Cooling Off Habits – Yelling – Abdominal Breathing – Sulking – Count to Ten – Pouting – Non-Competitive Exercise – Hitting – Distraction – Other Violence – Humor – Competitive Games – Empathy for Other Person – Accusations – Arguing
Techniques to Avoid• Raising your voice • Using degrading,• Yelling insulting, humiliating put• Saying “I’m the boss” downs• • Using Sarcasm Insisting on have the last word • Bringing up unrelated• Using tense body events language • Holding a grudge• Making comparisons • Nagging
ANGER MANAGEMENT• Skills needed in dealing with your anger:3. Identify a range of feelings including anger4. Identify aggressive acts by self and others5. Identify the potential consequences to self and others from these aggressive acts6. Identify self-destructive behavior7. Identify thoughts prior to aggressive acts8. Identify internal cues to feelings of anger9. Develop coping mechanisms for dealing with anger10. Express anger without loss of control
ANGER MANAGEMENT• Identify a range of • Embarrassment feelings including • Excitement anger: • Disappointment • Jealousy • Fear • Helpless • Sadness • Left-out
ANGER MANAGEMENT• I am in charge of my own feelings:1. I own my feelings.2. It is okay to feel angry.3. Anger is part of being human.4. I learn how to express my anger in helpful ways.
ANGER MANAGEMENT• Identify aggressive • Throw something • Kick someone or something acts shown by self • Get in someone’s face and others: • Shoving, grabbing, hitting • Break something • Call someone names • Give someone a dirty look • Silent treatment • Get others to “gang up” • Spread rumors
ANGER MANAGEMENT• I choose to feel good about myself through expressing my feelings.1. I express angry feelings in ways that are fair to others and me.2. I use fair words…e.g. “I feel when you”
ANGER MANAGEMENT • The more I learn to take care of my anger the more powerful I become. 1. I need to control what I do with my anger. 2. I control how I let my anger out. 3. I practice cooling off. 4. I watch my thoughts.
ANGER MANAGEMENT• Identify potential • Physical harm to someone or self consequences of • Destruction of property your anger to • Loss of family/friends others and • Loss of job yourself…what can • Loss of social privileges that mean for you? • Going to jail • Getting a bad reputation
ANGER MANAGEMENT• Identify self- • Negative self-talk • Blaming everyone else destructive • Taking everything behavior…How personally does that help or • Assuming • Overeating, drinking hurt you? • Driving recklessly • Taking drugs • Looking for fights • Feeling outraged
ANGER MANAGEMENT• I stop blaming others and myself.2. Blaming only keeps people upset.3. Blaming is a way of not respecting people.4. I express my feelings and then try to work things out.
ANGER MANAGEMENT• Identify thoughts prior • You did that on purpose… to aggressive acts: • You wanted to hurt me… • You deserve this… • You never even asked me… • You’re being unreasonable… • You think you’re so good… • I’ll show you… • You started it… • There’s no justice…
ANGER MANAGEMENT• Identify internal • Stomach gets tight/upset • Heart is beating faster cues to feelings of • Clenching fists anger: • Feel myself getting flushed • Pressure on my temples • Sweaty palms • Clenched jaw
ANGER MANAGEMENT• I don’t have to hold on to my anger.2. I find ways to let it go3. I talk about hurt and angry feelings.4. I look for someone to discuss my anger.5. I discuss my words and actions that hurt others.
ANGER MANAGEMENT• Steps to taming anger2. Know what pushes your buttons.3. Know your body’s anger signs.4. Stop and think!5. Cage your rage…it’s your choice.6. Decide what to do.
ANGER MANAGEMENT• I take power.2. I stand up for myself and others being hurt.3. I learn to defeat negative self-talk.4. I feel good about learning about myself.5. I am strong when I use fair and firm words instead of fists.
ANGER MANAGEMENT• I remember that people are precious.2. I watch my thoughts, words, and actions.3. I stop hurting people with my words and actions.4. I take ownership of the hurtful things I do and say.5. “Bullying” hurts everyone.
The Anger Meter * Explosion * Loss of Control10. * Violence *Negative Consequences * Aggression * YOU LOSE!126.96.36.199.5.4. • You have a choice3.2. • Anger Control Plan to Avoid “10”1.
Anger Management Plan• Event: What happened, Degree on Meter• Cues: Ways it effected me• Strategies: What can I do?
Communication• Communication Defined- The act of expressing oneself in such a way that one is readily & clearly understood. – Play the telephone game: ( ex: There’s a meeting that will take about an hour & ½ on Tuesday about policies & procedures at 3:45pm, in the conference room on the 3rd flr, of the social sciences building on campus. Bring supplies to take notes and $5.50 to chip in for lunch.)
Active Listening• Role Plays – Practice: • Using “I” statements: I feel ______ when you _______ because __________. I want ________________. – Example: I feel frustrated when you yell because I think you don’t care about my feelings. I want to find a better way to resolve things between us. • Checking in to rephrase/paraphrase • Avoid Communication blockers such as: name- calling, criticizing, interrupting, sarcasm, blaming, yelling.
Anger Management & Developing a Plan (cont.)• Talk with a supportive friend• Time out (involves others – “contracts”)• Exercise• Explore feelings beneath the anger• Relaxation Breathing
Ideas to Make You Disturbed• I must be loved by practically every significant person in my life-and if I’m not, it’s awful!• I must not make errors or do poorly, and if I do, it’s terrible.• People and events should always be the way I want them to be.
Ideas to Help You Function Effectively• It’s definitely nice to have people’s love and approval – but even without it, I can still accept and enjoy myself.• Doing things well is satisfying – but it’s human to make mistakes.• People are going to act the way THEY want – not the way I want.
Ways to Keep Cool:4. Get exercise every day.5. Eat right.6. Get enough sleep.7. Learn to relax.8. Know your feelings.9. Write about those feelings.10. Find a quiet place.11. Take a time out.12. Find fun distractions.13. Make good decisions about what you see and hear.14. Choose friends who make you feel good.15. Learn to forgive and forget.
Some Other Tips• Don’t take yourself to seriously. Not every disappointment is a tragedy.• Change your environment.• Timing is important.• Avoid anger triggers.• Find alternatives to anger-provoking events
ANGER MANAGEMENT- SUMMARY• Calm down• Show mutual respect• Name the problem• Find solutions• Choose the best solution• Congratulate yourself• Review the solution that was picked