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  • 1. HAVE HAVEN August 7 , 2012Foster Parent Training Donna Young, MS, Foster Parent Specialist BUILDING SELF ESTEEM WITH YOUR CHILDREN
  • 2. TRAINING OBJECTIVES Examine the nature of self esteem and where it comes from Recognize the symptoms of high and low self esteem Examine our own self esteem and how that may impact on our children Identify a strategy for day to day parenting that builds our own and our childs self esteem Examine practical everyday ways of ensuring we build self esteem
  • 3. WHAT DO WE WANT FOR OUR CHILDREN? I want the best for my children I want them to be responsible, happy and caring I want them to take their place in the World I want them to have successful relationships I want them to be productive in whatever they do and gain satisfaction from it
  • 4. DEFINITION OF SELF ESTEEM"Self Esteem is realistic self awareness and a belief that we are basically OK”“A quiet feeling of self worth”
  • 5. CORE SELF ESTEEMSelfConfidence Self Trust Core Self Esteem Self Approval Self Image
  • 6. OUR CORE SELF ESTEEM
  • 7. SYMPTOMS OF LOW SELF ESTEEM Wish they were Boast Feel inferior someone else or unworthy SymptomsRarely volunteer Lack energy May bully Panic when Over dependence on faced authority figures with a new task = Anxiety
  • 8. ATTITUDE – THE FOUNDATION Value them Spend time with them Respect them Trust them Commit to them Be their role model Be on their side
  • 9. KEY QUESTIONS (1) Have I helped them feel good, or at least not bad, about themselves today? Have I shown that I have understood their feelings and/or their point of view on anything today? Have I shown any interest in, or asked about, anything they have done today?
  • 10. KEY QUESTIONS (2) Have I listened to them with my whole hearted attention at least once? Will they think I am on their side? Try to aim for at least one "yes" every day.
  • 11. PRAISE Specific Deed not Doer Praise Timing Areas to Improve
  • 12. ADVANTAGES OF INCREASED EMOTIONALINTELLIGENCE Increased physical health Higher academic achievement Better formed relationships Less tendency to violent acts Emotionally healthy
  • 13. FIVE STEPS TO EMOTIONAL COACHING Become aware of the childs emotion Recognise the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching Put yourself in the childs shoes and listen, acknowledging the childs feelings Help to find words to express the emotion Set limits while exploring ways to solve the problem
  • 14. WHY DON’T WE LISTEN? We are pursuing our own line of thought We are relating it all to our own experience We switch off because we know what they are going to say We judge the speaker, labelling everything they are saying instead of listening
  • 15. POSITIVE COMMUNICATION “Can you hear me?” Listening “Actions speak louder than words” Body language “You’re so clumsy” “Don’t spill it” Labelling Making requests “You think you’re so clever” Put downs
  • 16. WHY DO WE PUT OUR CHILDREN DOWN? To say what was said to us when we were young It is the right thing to do We are down on our reserves
  • 17. PROBLEM SOLVING Describe the situation  Sum up in their words Generate ideas Pick one Confirm if solved
  • 18. WHAT DOES SELF ESTEEM DO FOR OURCHILDREN? Face fewer obstacles to fulfilment The negative opinion of others will not immobilise them They will not be undone by failure, they will learn from it They will respect others They will find loving others easier and have lots of love to give away!
  • 19. AS PARENTS WE MUST: Accept ourselves, recognise what we are doing is the best we can Recognise we have a choice about how to behave as a parent Share our thoughts, feelings and needs honestly and without fear of judgement Look after ourselves and ask for and gain support from others
  • 20. FOUR KEY TENETS FOR PARENTS To identify our own values To provide us and our children with a sense of direction To accept responsibility for guiding and leading our children to adulthood To avoid the extremes of child rearing fashions and find a sustainable middle way.
  • 21. TRAINING OBJECTIVES Examine the nature of self esteem and where it comes from Recognise the symptoms of high and low self esteem Examine our own self esteem and how that may impact on our children Identify a strategy for day to day parenting that builds our own and our childs self esteem Examine practical everyday ways of ensuring we build self esteem