Your SlideShare is downloading. ×
Eoy2011  marker's report and answer scheme-draft 8-with students input
Upcoming SlideShare
Loading in...5
×

Thanks for flagging this SlideShare!

Oops! An error has occurred.

×

Saving this for later?

Get the SlideShare app to save on your phone or tablet. Read anywhere, anytime - even offline.

Text the download link to your phone

Standard text messaging rates apply

Eoy2011 marker's report and answer scheme-draft 8-with students input

172
views

Published on

Published in: Education, Technology

0 Comments
0 Likes
Statistics
Notes
  • Be the first to comment

  • Be the first to like this

No Downloads
Views
Total Views
172
On Slideshare
0
From Embeds
0
Number of Embeds
0
Actions
Shares
0
Downloads
0
Comments
0
Likes
0
Embeds 0
No embeds

Report content
Flagged as inappropriate Flag as inappropriate
Flag as inappropriate

Select your reason for flagging this presentation as inappropriate.

Cancel
No notes for slide

Transcript

  • 1. O NE PREP PROGRAMME SECONDARY THREE NA 3B/3C and 3D.2011 Lesson prepared and conducted by Yeo Yam Hwee10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 1
  • 2. End-of-YearExaminations2011 1127 Paper 1 Secondary Three NA / NA(TT) / Express Set by Yeo Yam Hwee10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 2
  • 3. FREE COMPOSITION 1127 Paper 1 Section 110/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 3
  • 4. 112710/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 4 P1S1
  • 5. Do Your Best In Paper 1: Grab all the marks you can!10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 5
  • 6. Section One [30 marks] You are advised to write between 350 and 500 words on one of the following topics. At the head of your composition, write the number of the topic you have chosen.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 6
  • 7. REMEMBER THE IMPORTANT THINGS A STUDENT WRITER MUST BEAR IN MIND IN COMPOSITION1. Read all questions carefully.2. Understand the essay genre (TYPE) required.3. Unpack question thoroughly.4. Use relevant vocabulary words.5. Write useful sentences.6. Vary your sentence structures.7. Structure your essays between 5 and 6 paragraphs.8. Check essay – Tense + Spelling + Structure + Meaning9. How will the reader feel after reading your essay?10. Write the total number of words at the end of your essay. 10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 7
  • 8. PUTTING EVERYTHING TOGETHER. TENSE SPELLING STRUCTURE MEANING HOW DOES MY WRITING MAKE THE READER FEEL? WHAT EFFECT HAVE YOU CREATED? WHAT IMPRESSION HAVE YOU GENERATED?10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 8
  • 9. Section One [30 marks] Imagine life without the English Language. How would1 things be different for you? Green2 Write about how a particular day started out badly for you3 and turned worse before you regained your composure to make the day end better. Despite its size, Singapore is a country full of promises4 and opportunities. What are your views? The classroom of tomorrow does not need510/15/2011 teachers. Do youby Yeo Yam Hwee prepared agree? 9
  • 10. Identify the essay types1 Imagine life without the English Discursive- Language. How would things be different for you? descriptive2 Green Narrative OR Discursive Write about how a particular day started out3 badly for you and turned worse before you Narrative- regained your composure to make the day end better. descriptive Despite its size, Singapore is a country full4 of promises and opportunities. What are Argumentative your views? The classroom of tomorrow does not need5 teachers. Do you agree? Argumentative10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 10
  • 11. NOT MINDMAPPING AS YET CAN I WRITE THIS ESSAY? Unpacking Section 1 Question 1 I must make full use of my In Singapore, English is a language used by people experience as a Singaporean from different ethnic groups to speak to one another. teenager.- This is a perspective which I may have quite a lot of things to write about an English is the main medium of communication between IMAGINARY scenario when we Government and the people. do not use English to do all kinds of things in Singapore. English is the main medium of instructions in school. When I meet people from Imagine life without the overseas, I use English to What if there is English Language. talk to them. no more English How would things be in these situations? different for you? When I write short messages using my smart phone, I use English to write them. Based on these broad but realistic situations, suggest how would things When I attend job interviews, I communicate with Be DIFFERENT for YOU! my potential employers in English. Different – involves doing things I listen to English songs, watch movies and not in the same ways as before. television programmes and commercial messages Different – involves adjustment played in English. and changes. 10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 11
  • 12. My Brainstorming for Points – Q1 Imagine life without the English Language. How would things be different for you?10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 12
  • 13. NOT MINDMAPPING AS YET CAN I WRITE THIS ESSAY? Unpacking Section 1 Question 2 Narrative-descriptive Discursive-descriptive Composition Green CompositionSetting Action Being environmentally friendly Possible Having green fingers Green with envy Discursive Jealousy Possible Descriptive Eating like a vegetarian Being green – young and Narrative/ Choices inexperienced Benefits of being a vegetarian Personal Being a greenhorn Recount Introduction Naivety Choices Main Body P1 Main Body P2Trouble Resolution Main Body P3 Main Body P4 Narrative Matrix for writing Personal Recount or Conclusion Narrative-descriptive Essay 10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 13
  • 14. My Brainstorming for Points – Q2 Green10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 14
  • 15. NOT MINDMAPPING AS YET CAN I WRITE THIS ESSAY? Unpacking Section 1 Question 3 Above all else, a PERSONAL RECOUNTSetting Action Who / When / Why / NARRATIVE – DESCRIPTIVE ESSAY What / Where / How? Write about how a FIRST PART particular day started out badly for you and turned worse before you regained your composure to make SECOND PART the day end better. What was/were the issue[s]?Trouble Resolution 10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 15
  • 16. My Brainstorming for Points – Q3 Write about how a particular day started out badly for you and turned worse before you regained your composure to make the day end better.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 16
  • 17. NOT MINDMAPPING AS YET CAN I WRITE THIS ESSAY? Unpacking Section 1 Question 4 The information Although the physical size of the country is here contains a small and Singapore is REALLY? remark or an actually more a city-state opinion. This What do you mean comment is Despite its size, Singapore is a by “promises”? DISPUTABLE. country full of promises and What do you mean Because we can by “opportunities”? opportunities. ask: Is it TRUE? What are your views? Introduction Main Main Main However Conclusion Body Body Body Paragraph P1 P2 P3 10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 17
  • 18. My Brainstorming for Points – Q4 Despite its size, Singapore is a country full of promises and opportunities. What are your views?10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 18
  • 19. NOT MINDMAPPING AS YET CAN I WRITE THIS ESSAY? Unpacking Section 1 Question 5 What is the meaning of “the classroom of tomorrow”? What do you see, hear, smell, feel, touch, The information Think differently in the classroom of tomorrow? here contains a remark or an The classroom of How does this thought opinion. This tomorrow does not of “not needing teachers” comment is ever arise? need teachers. Do DISPUTABLE. you agree? Because we can ask: Is it TRUE? If you agree, then be prepared to If you disagree, then write about mention how technology can how technology cannot TOTALLY replace humans. TOTALLY replace the human touch. Introduction Main Main Main However Conclusion Body Body Body Paragraph P1 P2 P3 10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 19
  • 20. My Brainstorming for Points – Q5 The classroom of tomorrow does not need teachers. Do you agree?10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 20
  • 21. NO PAIN, NO GAIN.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 21
  • 22. Begin your answer on a fresh page. You are advised to write between 250 and 350 words for this section.• You should read the information carefully and plan your answer before beginning to write.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 22
  • 23. REMEMBER READING AND UNDERSTANDING WHAT YOU ARE ASKED TO DELIVER IN YOUR ATTEMPT IN SECTION TWO is an important skill and inseparable task from the actual writing. You should read the information carefully and plan your answer before beginning to write. PLANNING tells us that YOU WILL NEED TO UNDERSTAND CORRECTLY what you have read in the information provided and match it with the R + A + P + F = TONE framework to STRUCTURE your writing.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 23
  • 24. REMEMBERWhat is your ROLE?Who is the AUDIENCE of your writing task?What is the PURPOSE of your writing task?In what FORM is it going to be in?10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 24
  • 25. FRAMEWORK for writing task in Section B: Situational Writing – R.A.P.F. = TONE R P OLE URPOSE TONE A F UDIENCE ORM WHAT HOW TO TO10/15/2011 WRITE prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee WRITE 25
  • 26. Matching My Reading and Understanding of the Question Requirements WITH the R.A.P.F. = TONE framework ROLE PURPOSE I am playing the role of the To interest and persuade my most outstanding student audience that this would be an enjoyable and beneficial event for coming up with the to fully participate in next year. idea and setting up of the By relating about my challenges REMEMBER stall for my class. I am during the key stages of my tasked to share my preparations and how I overcame them. Also mention the various experiences and the skills skills I learnt and how they are learnt in the processes applicable to my life. Also to say leading to the completion thank you to my classmates, of the event by giving a teachers or anybody else who had helped me. Finally, my TONE speech to the assembly in recommendations for following the hall. year with the students’ feedback in mind PERSUASIVE AND AUDIENCE FORM INTERESTED My school Principal, A SPEECH to the ATTITUDE Because the whole teachers and Principal of my idea was to drum up students will be in school, teachers and enthusiasm and the assembly hall. students drive up participation rate10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 26 for the next event.
  • 27. NATIONAL DAY FUNDRAISING FOOD AND FUN FAIR 2011 at ST. HILDA’S SECONDARY SCHOOL – English Department Booth10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 27
  • 28. JUST BEFORE THE START OF THE BUSINESS HOUR THAT MORNING10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 28
  • 29. BOOTH OF SECONDARY THREE D10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 29
  • 30. Section Two [30 marks] The National day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair has been successfully conducted. It was a well-attended event but several students from the different classes have given the following feedback as to how the annual event can be improved further next year.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 30
  • 31. Section Two [30 marks] The National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair has been successfully conducted. It was a well-attended event but several students from the different classes have given the following THIS IS IMPORTANT – THIS NEEDS TO BE PROCESSED feedback as to how BY YOU IN YOUR OWN the annual event can EXPRESSIONS WITHOUT CHANGING THE ORIGINAL be improved further MEANING. next year.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 31
  • 32. Section Two [30 marks]Joel Teo, a Secondary Five student: “The graduating classes should have been included even though I understand that the national examinations are near. It was our last opportunity to contribute to our school.”10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 32
  • 33. Section Two [30 marks] Joel Teo, a Secondary Five student: “The graduating classes should have been included even though I understand that the national examinations are It might be a good idea to let the graduating near. It was our classes participate in the event because it is last opportunity to going to be their farewell contribution to the contribute to our School. Our seniors will be very motivated to school.” set a good example and do their very best in coming up with ideas to raise funds.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 33
  • 34. Section Two [30 marks]Abdullah, a Secondary One student: “Two hours were hardly enough for my class to clear our stocks of specially prepared nyonya cakes and other delicacies. There were a lot of customers but because only my form teacher was allowed to deal with the receiving of money and returning of change, the delays were numerous. Impatient students simply drifted to another stall.”10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 34
  • 35. AN ICE-CREAM BOOTH10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 35
  • 36. PREPARATIONS BEFORE THE BIG EVENT10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 36
  • 37. Section Two [30 marks] Abdullah, a Secondary One student:“Two hours were hardly enough for my class to clear our stocks of specially prepared nyonya cakes and other delicacies. There were a lot of customers but because only my form teacher was allowed to deal with the receiving I understand the school’s concern with students handling of money and returning cash and giving out change to other students. However, of change, the delays I think it is a good learning opportunity for some students, were numerous. especially appointed by our form teacher, to learn how Impatient students to manage real cash and give out change quickly and simply drifted to accurately so that we can save a lot more time and do another stall.” more business at the same time. When we cut the waiting time, our customers will be happier and we may in return, sell our stocks faster and raise more money. We may also extend our business hours to let more students visit10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee from us as well. our booths and buy things 37
  • 38. Section Two [30 marks]Kristina, a Secondary Three student: “I kept away from the games stalls even though I was at first eager to try some of the interesting ones, such as the Dunking Machine. I didn’t want to get wet and muddy and I’ve noticed that the students organising some of these games were quite wild and inconsiderate. Why should I patronise their stall only to be rudely treated?”10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 38
  • 39. BEHIND-THE-SCENE WORKS – NEVER EASY10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 39
  • 40. Section Two [30 marks] Kristina, a Secondary Three student: “I kept away from the games stalls even though I was at first eager to try some of the interesting ones, such as the Dunking Machine. I didn’t want to get wet and muddy and I’ve noticed that the students organising some of these games Let us be considerate and mindful of our manners were quite wild and at all times. We should look after the interest of inconsiderate. Why all Hildans. We can still have fun without being should I patronise their rowdy. Either that, or we do away with games stall only to be rudely treated?” stalls that cause participants to get wet or muddy. We should also consider giving an award to the most courteous fundraising student or class to promote good manners.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 40
  • 41. Section Two [30 marks] Your class participated and was commended for having collected the largest single amount of contribution. You have been chosen as the most outstanding student for coming up with the idea and setting up of the stall for your class. You are asked to deliver a speech during school assembly to share your experiences and the skills learnt in the processes leading to the completion of the event.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 41
  • 42. Section Two [30 marks] THIS IS AN ACHIEVEMENT Your class participated and WHICH YOU MAY was commended for having collected the USE AS A FORM OF largest single amount of ENCOURAGEMENT contribution. You have TO YOUR AUDIENCE. been chosen as the most outstanding student for coming up with the idea and setting up of the stall for your class. You are asked to deliver a speech during school assembly to share your experiences and the skills learnt in the processes leading to the ROLE THERE IS A PERSONAL completion of the event. ANGLE WHICH MAKES YOUR SPEECH AN ORIGINAL.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 42
  • 43. Section Two [30 marks] Your class participated and was commended for having collected the largest single amount of contribution. You have been chosen as the most outstanding student for coming up with the ideaIn a school assembly, and setting up of the stallthe Principal, your for your class. You are asked to deliver a speechteachers, yourclassmates and during schoolthe rest of assembly to share your experiences and the skillsthe school learnt in the processeswill be leading to the completionthere. of the event. AUDIENCE10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 43
  • 44. Section Two [30 marks] Your class participated and was commended for having collected the largest single amount of contribution. You have been chosen as the most outstanding student for coming up with the idea and setting up of the stall You for your class. are asked to deliver a speech during school assembly to FORM share your experiences and the skills learnt in the processes leading to the completion of the event.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 44
  • 45. Section Two [30 marks] Write the speech that you are giving, with the following points in mind.• The challenges you faced during the key stages of your preparations and how you overcame them• The various skills you learnt and how they are applicable to your life• The words of appreciation for your classmates, teachers or anybody else who came to your assistance• The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mind10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 45
  • 46. Section Two [30 marks] Write the speech that you are giving, with the following points in mind.• The challenges you faced during the key stages of your preparations and how you overcame them• The various skills you learnt and how they are applicable to your life PURPOSE• The words of appreciation for your classmates, teachers or anybody else who came to your assistance• The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mind10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 46
  • 47. Section Two [30 marks] Write the speech that you are giving, with the following points in mind.• The challenges you faced during the key stages of your preparations and how you overcame them• The various skills you learnt and how they are applicable to your life PURPOSE• The words of appreciation for your classmates, teachers or anybody else who came to your assistance• The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mind10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 47
  • 48. Section Two [30 marks] Write the speech that you are giving, with the following points in mind.• The challenges you faced during the key stages of your preparations and how you overcame them• The various skills you learnt and how they are applicable to your life• The words of appreciation for your classmates, teachers or anybody else who came to your assistance• The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mind PURPOSE10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 48
  • 49. Section Two [30 marks] Write the speech that you are giving, with the following points in mind.• The challenges you faced during the key stages of your preparations and how you overcame them• The various skills you learnt and how they are applicable to your life• The words of appreciation for your classmates, teachers or anybody else who came to your assistance• The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mind10/15/2011 PURPOSE prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 49
  • 50. Section Two [30 marks] Your speech should be written in clear and accurate English with relevant explanations and details to interest and persuade your audience that this would be an enjoyable and beneficial event to fully participate in.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 50
  • 51. Section Two [30 marks] Your speech should be written in clear and accurate English with relevant explanations and details to interest and persuade your audience that this would be an enjoyable and beneficial event to fully participate in.10/15/2011 PURPOSE prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 51
  • 52. 1127 Paper 1 Section 210/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee FULFILMENT : 10/10 TASK 52
  • 53. 1127 Paper 1 Section 210/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee LANGUAGE: 20/20 53
  • 54. In EOY 2011 Paper 1 Section 2, your submission has not being penalised for: EXCESSIVE WRITINGHOWEVER, WITH THE STATED LIMIT OF BETWEEN 250 AND 350 WORDS,YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT ANYTHING IN YOUR ESSAY WHICH GOESBEYOND 350 and 450 WORDS WILL BE CONSIDERED AS “EXCESSDENIES” AND CONSEQUENTLY, MAY NOT BE GIVEN ANY FURTHERCONSIDERATION IN YOUR NEXT EXAMINATION AND CERTAINLY NOTTOLERATED BY THE GCE O LEVEL EXAMINATION BOARD.YOU WILL NEED TO “GET TO THE POINTS” WHEN ATTEMPTINGSITUATIONAL WRITING. prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee10/15/2011 54
  • 55. Task Fulfilment (1): Purpose Awareness• The challenges you faced during the key stages of your preparations and how you overcame them• The various skills you learnt and how they are applicable to your life• The words of appreciation for your classmates, teachers or anybody else who came to your assistance• The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mind• to interest and persuade your audience that this would be an enjoyable and beneficial event to fully participate in.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 55
  • 56. Task Fulfilment (2): Situation/Audience Awareness Am I aware that I am delivering the speech formally to an audience which includes the Principal, teachers and all my schoolmates?10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 56
  • 57. Presentation and Form Does my writing task appear in the correct presentation of FORM which in this case is a SPEECH to be delivered at the school assembly?10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 57
  • 58. Do IStructuring of Shaping given Tone/RegisterArguments information as Appropriateness personal outputMake a proper Make use of Write using aand effective given suitable choicePresentation/ information to of words and aElaboration/ justify personal correct attitudeOrganisation of opinion and to persuade anrequired points interpretation? d interest my audience in what I am informing and explaining to10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee them about? 58
  • 59. Introduction paragraph of my speech Good morning, Mr. Khoo, teachers and all fellow Hildans. I am Benedict Ang from Secondary 3D. I am standing here today because of your kind and generous support at our recently concluded National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair which saw 3D collect a total of four thousand and five dollars. Yes! It was the largest single amount of contribution from all of you and the visitors. I was the student who came up with the idea of setting up the Iced Japanese Fruit Jelly Cups with the support of all my classmates in 3D. Let me share with you what we have learnt through our taking part in the extremely enjoyable and meaningful event.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 59
  • 60. MAIN BODY PARAGRAPH 1: The challenges you faced during the key stages of your preparations and how you overcame themTo be honest, it was a very tough beginning. We have had absolutely noidea at all but when we did, we have had so many different ideas thatnobody was listening to anybody at all. I chanced upon the Iced Jellyidea because the weather in August was rather hot and so to sellsomething which was easy to eat, not quite like real food and also notthat expensive, it had to be a really catchy snack that did not end upneeding a messy clean up. It was difficult to get a reliable supplierbecause we did not have a cooling unit or a refrigerator. We were toldthat unless we purchased 500 cups at one go, it was not worth the effortto supply us the jelly. Only if we bought that many cups, then could wesell it to you at $1.20 a cup. We also had no choice over the selection ofthe different flavours because the supplier was insistent that unless wesold what was available, he was not prepared to supply us. I was onlytoo happy that my classmates loved the idea but bringing in the jellyitself was proving quite a challenge.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 60
  • 61. MAIN BODY PARAGRAPH 2: The various skills you learnt and how they are applicable to your life Fortunately, my form teacher and my class chairperson communicated the message of fundraising to the jelly supplier and he finally agreed to let us sell 200 cups to you at $1.00 each! Because of our sincerity, he also lent us a cooling unit which was placed free-of-charge at our stall. My classmates learnt by trial and error to design a colourful and eye-catching booth banner. Others learnt to pack and stack the jelly cups neatly into the cooling unit and package the cups attractively for sale. Some learnt to taste the jelly before you got to do so to help them advertise the jelly during the sales. We have had so much fun but at the same time, learnt that with proper sharing out of tasks, we could actually get things done. Everybody in the class invested by contributing four dollars each to pay for the jelly. The skills learnt can be used later in our lives because they really involved making the sales booth of 3D come alive and getting Hildans to come, buy and eat our jelly.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 61
  • 62. Main Body Paragraph 3:The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mind I would like to move on now to some recommendations which may makethe next event an even better one. Why are our seniors being left out of theevent? It might be a good idea to let the graduating classes participatebecause it is going to be their farewell contribution to the school. Ourseniors will be very motivated to set a good example and do their very bestin coming up with ideas to raise funds. I understand the school’s concernwith students handling cash and giving out change to other students.However, I think it is a good learning opportunity for some students,especially those appointed by our form teacher, to learn how to managereal cash and give out change quickly and accurately so that we can save alot more time and do more business at the same time. When we cut thewaiting time, our customers will be happier and we may in return, sell ourstocks faster and raise more money. Is it possible to extend our businesshours by another hour or so to let more students visit our booths and buythings from us as well. Lastly, let us be considerate and mindful of ourmanners at all times. We should look after the interest of all Hildans. Wecan still have fun without being rowdy. Either that, or we may be forced todo away with games stalls that cause participants to get wet or muddy. Weshould also consider giving an award to the most courteous fundraisingstudent or class to promote good manners.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 62
  • 63. Main Body Paragraph 4: Acknowledgements of Assistance received from various persons Before I forget, I would like to give thanks to you, Hildans, for buying up all 200 cups of iced Jelly. I also want to thank my form teacher, Mr. Kolin Kiam, for his time and support in designing and building the sales booth, my class chairperson, Meefah, for creating the sales pitch “Come Get Your Jelly!”, Uncle Patrick, the canteen operator, for supplying ice packages free of charge and all my classmates for chipping in to help in one way or other to make our fundraising project possible. A big thank you also goes to all our teachers who had visited our booth that day. Thank you all for your generous donations to a good cause.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 63
  • 64. CANTEEN OPERATOR, UNCLE PATRICK and JOHN NG with WEI JUN of 3D.201110/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 64
  • 65. Conclusion paragraph of my speech After our success with Iced Japanese Fruit Jelly Cups, I think my class is going to work even harder on next year’s effort. We want to keep it as a surprise but please continue to support us. I hope you have enjoyed listening to me as much as I have enjoyed sharing with you. I strongly urge you to take part and contribute your time and efforts. If I can do it, you can too. I also hope you have found our experiences useful, enjoyable and meaningful to you. So everybody, let us come up with an even better event together next year. Yes, together we can make it happen. Who knows? Next you this time, anyone of you could be up here sharing your achievements with the school. Thank you very much.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 65
  • 66. THE SATISFACTION AFTER THE HARD WORK10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 66
  • 67. What will I find in a good response to the question?1. An appropriate introduction which states why you are giving the speech and why it is important to listen to you.2. Explain the challenges and how you and your class responded to these challenges.3. As a result of your responses to above challenges, what SPECIFIC skills have you picked up. Why they may be useful in your future.4. Recommendations for improvement to next year’s events.5. Words of thanks and acknowledgement.6. An appropriate conclusion of encouragement to inspire, interest and persuade all Hildans to participate fully in order to benefit and enjoy in next year’s event.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 67
  • 68. YOUR SPEECH SHOULD BE STRUCTURED APPROPRIATELYINTRODUCTIONMAIN BODY P1MAIN BODY P2MAIN BODY P3MAIN BODY P4CONCLUSION10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 68
  • 69. Weak writing exist because:1. of not reading and understanding the question requirements.2. of flooding of rhetorical questions, digression of thoughts, regression into narrative or dwelling on the unnecessary “soul- searching” or “stream of consciousness” type of thoughts and feelings3. of misuse of nonce words and slang expressions.4. of misunderstanding of social situation – a school assembly – through adopting inappropriate tone of voice by using unsuitable words or expressions.5. of inability to get to the point and address the necessary requirements.6. of inability to write simply by using useful and effective words and phrases.7. of having written excessively, beyond the specified word limit. 10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 69
  • 70. So what does the marker-reader wish to see in our answers? INTRODUCTION paragraph of my speech MAIN BODY PARAGRAPH 1: The challenges you faced during the key stages of your preparations and how you overcame them MAIN BODY PARAGRAPH 2: The various skills you learnt and how they are applicable to your life MAIN BODY PARAGRAPH 3:The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mind Main Body Paragraph 4: Acknowledgements of Assistance received from various persons Conclusion paragraph of my speech10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 70
  • 71. What does the marker-reader look for in your introduction paragraph?You should be clear to inform the audience that your speech concerns therecently concluded The National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair. Youbegin your introduction with PRIDE (not ARROGANCE) that you are themost outstanding student for coming up with the idea and setting up of thestall for your class. It makes GREAT sense to tell your audience what kindof stall you and your class have set up.You also justify your time on the stage by confidently proclaiming to theschool that your class was commended for having collected the largestsingle amount of contribution. It makes GREAT sense to inform the schoolhow much your class have collected and handed over to the schoolauthorities. Otherwise, how could you generate enough interest.You also state clearly and earnestly your intention to share your(collectively for you and your classmates) experiences and the skillslearnt in the processes leading to the completion of the event. YOU MUSTHOOK THE INTEREST of your audience RIGHT from the start. In a speech,once the INTEREST is lost, it is difficult to recoup the audience’s attention.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 71
  • 72. What is an adequate INTRODUCTION in this case?1. Greet the Principal, teachers and Hildans cheerfully.2. Introduce yourself and state your class.3. Say the MAIN - OVERALL SUBJECT of your speech.4. Express your feeling of pride, happiness, joy or even honour.5. Explain why you are on stage.6. State clearly what stall your class was running.7. Explain what your class has achieved.8. State the amount collected.9. Say why it is important that Hildans need to pay attention to you from this point onwards.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 72
  • 73. Student Input 1: 3H Mikhail Faiz Good morning, Mr. Khoo, Miss Yew, teachers and fellow schoolmates! I am Mikhail Faiz from class 3H and I am sure that you are wondering what I am doing up here today. As you may recall, the school recently conducted the annual National Day Fundraising Food and Fund Fair, which just so happens to be the topice I will be speaking about today. I am proud to say that my class and I were commended for collecting the largest single amount of contribution during the food and fun fair. Having been the one who brainstormed the idea, I have thus been chosen to deliver this speech to you today.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 73
  • 74. WHY IS ACCURATE READING AND COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING SO IMPORTANT IN SITUATIONAL WRITING?10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 74
  • 75. Hi, my name is X from Secondary 3X. I’m here to talk to you about the fund- raising ceremony 2011. I’m here to share my experiences so that next year’s fund- raising ceremony would be s successful one. Of course, there will be challenges that we have to face. The time that were given to us were too short to be able to sell everything away. We even ended up losing profits. So the main point of coming here is to tell you what to do so that you will not make the same mistakes that I’ve made. Student’s introduction shows up her misreading of information provided (which was intended to help her draw up the Introduction of her speech).10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 75
  • 76. Student Input 2: 3H Nicholas Ngeow Good morning, Mr. Khoo, Ms. Yew, Ms. Tan, teachers and fellow students, my name is Nicholas Ngeow from Secondary 3H. As you all know, last week was our National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair. I hope all of you all here have enjoyed the event. Well, my participated in the event and being commended for collecting the largest single amount of contribution. I have been selected as the most outstanding student to come up with the idea and set up the stall for our class. I stand before you here to share my personal experience and skill learnt throughout the whole event.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 76
  • 77. Student Input 3: 3J Lian Kay Yee Good morning teachers and fellow schoomates. I am Lian Kay Yee from class 3J. I am honoured to be chosen as the most outstanding student of the National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair event. Our class had collected the largest amount of contributions by selling handicrafts. Therefore, I am glad to be up here to share with you the experiences and the challenges our class faced while preparing for the event.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 77
  • 78. Student Input 4: 3H Christianne Chua Good morning fellow Hildans! I am Christianne Chua from Secondary 3H and I have been chosen as the most outstanding student for coming up with the idea and setting up our stall. By the way, my class collected the largest single amount of contribution! I am sure all of you enjoyed yourselves during the National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair. Well, today I will share about my experience and what I learned.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 78
  • 79. Student Input 5: 3J Mok Xin Een Good morning, teachers and fellow schoolmates! I am Xin Een, from Class 3J, which, I am very proud to say, collected the largest single amount of contribution for the National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair. I have been chosen as the most outstanding student for coming up with the idea and setting up of the stall for my class and was tasked to share a speech with you. My speech will cover the challenges faced in the preparation and how I overcame them, the skills I picked up along the way and how they apply to my life and some recommendations from fellow students.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 79
  • 80. Student Input 6: 3J Siti Nur Qamarina Good morning everyone! My name is Siti and I am from Secondary 3J. Last week, we had our National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair which was successfully conducted. I am sure most of you enjoyed and had fun for this event. Thus, I am here today to share with all of you about my experiences and the skills I have learnt in the processes leading to the completion of the event. My class, Secondary 3J, was commended for having collected the largest amount of contribution and I have been chosen as the most outstanding student for coming up with the idea and setting up of the stall for my class. Firstly, I would like to thank my classmates, teachers and those who came to my assistance for this event as without their efforts, we would not have been able to come this far. The event is meaningful to me as I managed to spend time with them and get to know them better. We also managed to work as a team and strengthen the bonds within the class. Once again, thank you for giving me the opportunity to experience that.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 80
  • 81. Student Input 7: 3J Van Gia Tuan Good morning Mr. Khoo, Ms. Yew, Ms. Tan, teachers and fellow Hildans! I am Van Gia Tuan, from Secondary Three J. I am here because my class has collected the largest single amount of contribution and I have been chosen as the most outstanding student for coming up with the idea and setting up of the stall for my class. I will share with you my experiences and skills that I have learnt in the processes. by Yeo Yam Hwee10/15/2011 prepared 81
  • 82. Student Input 8: 3H Sophie Anne Ho Good morning school! I am Sophie Hoo from Secondary 3H and I stand here today thankful for being awarded the most outstanding student during the National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair this year. On behalf of my class, I would like to thank the school for helping our class collect the largest single amount of contribution through your payments during the fair. Today, I am here to share my experiences and the skills I learnt in the process leading to the completion and success of the fair.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 82
  • 83. Student Input 9: 3H Leong Chi Yian Good morning Mr. Khoo, Miss Yew, Miss Tan, teachers and fellow schoolmates. I am Leong Chi Yian, who was chosen as the most outstanding student in my class 3H, which was commended for having collected the largest single amount of contribution. This morning, I would like to share my experiences and the skills I learnt in the process, also not forgetting some words of appreciation and recommendations with feedback in mind.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 83
  • 84. Student Input 10: 3D Leong Wei Ren Good morning Mr. Khoo, Ms. Yew, teachers and fellow Hildans. My name is Leong Wei Ren and I am from Secondary Three D. Our school has recently conducted the National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair. My class has participated and was commended for having collected the largest single amount of contribution. I have been chosen as the most outstanding student for coming up with the idea and setting up of the stall for my class. I am going to share my experiences and the skills learnt in the processes leading to the completion of the event.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 84
  • 85. Student Input 11: 3D Benedict Ang Zhi Wei A very good morning to all my fellow Hildans, teachers and Mr. Khoo. I am Benedict Ang from Secondary 3D, my class participated in the National Day Food and Fun Fair and was commended for collecting the largest amount of contribution. I have been chosen as the most outstanding student in my class and I am here to tell you about my experience.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 85
  • 86. Student Input 12: 3D Ranjitha Kumari Good morning Mr. Khoo, teachers and fellow Hildans. I am Ranjitha Kumari from Secondary 3D. I am honoured to be able to have an opportunity to address you as I have been chosen as the most outstanding student for coming up with the idea and setting up of the stall for my class during the National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair as my class participated and was commended for having collected the largest single amount of contribution. Basically, I am here to deliver a speech to share with you my experiences and the skills learnt in the processes leading to the completion of this successful event.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 86
  • 87. So what does the marker-reader wish to see in our answers? MAIN BODY PARAGRAPH 1: The challenges you faced during the key stages of your preparations and how you overcame them CHALLENGES are difficult situations which you are involved in or are concerned with during the key stages of your preparations: KEY STAGE 1: Coming up with the idea – What to do? KEY STAGE 2: From idea to action – How to make things happen? KEY STAGE 3: Managing the action. How did you overcome some of the MAJOR challenges? - (There is no time and space to state ALL OF THEM). Describe only briefly how difficulties or problems or even troubles are resolved by you and your classmates.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 87
  • 88. So what does the marker-reader wish to see in our answers? MAIN BODY PARAGRAPH 2: The various skills you learnt and how they are applicable to your life A SKILL is an ability to do something well, especially because you have learned and practised it. (Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English for Advanced Learners)How to Dealing with difficult crowd control and Handling of cash booth decoratoin andpromote and Ideas / situations/ customer traffic and giving out banner design to makesell a product people, and rejections management change accurately the class booth attractiveExamples of How to making of delicious Negotiating for good Budgeting to lower cost of Serve with Noodle-cup mee using supplies at an operation and estimation ofSKILLS: a sustainable Hot water affordable price how much to sell to make money smile. Skills are DIFFERENT HOW ARE THEY APPLICABLE TO YOUR LIFE? from values (e.g. Integrity) or personal qualities (e.g. Able to Able to manage being patient) or even budget your own Able to talk to approaches or strategies expenses emotions and people by (e.g. teamwork). and learn feelings in a listening carefully how to crowd and behave 10/15/2011 and speaking prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 88 save calmly. clearly. money.
  • 89. Challenge or no challenge? Some students got carried away… It was a tough idea trying to figure out what to do for the stall and I managed to come up with the idea to sell ice cream and drinks. It came up to me that everyone in the school loves soft drinks and ice cream and the weather would be very hot. I had to contact the supplier of the ice cream and order the ice cream and also contact the supplier of the drinks and had to go pay them and collect the products. I also had to bring it to school and set up the stall. But I still managed to did all. These processes barely amounted to “CHALLENGES”.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 89
  • 90. Identifying the challenges and informing your reader how you overcame them. SPECIAL NOTE: Do not just reveal the “challenges” – “interesting but difficult problems / troubles” you faced. You also need to write briefly how you “overcame” them. In many scripts: Almost anything involved in the preparations was mentioned as a “challenge” when it was in most cases, merely something that needed done to get on to the next step: e.g. buying drinks at a supermarket. Also in most cases, it was not clearly explained how such a challenge had been “overcome”.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 90
  • 91. An example taken from a student’s writing: I have faced many challenges during the key stages of my preparation. I needed to choose the kind of store that my classmates want. I had to ask everyone for their opinion but they give negative comments about the event. I overcame by choosing a food store. I also had to get supplies and classmates to tend the store. I had very few volunteers and my form teacher helped me. Lucky for me, my classmate have collections with Temasek Polytechnic and I order ice-cream from them. They were many customers and we sold everything.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 91
  • 92. Another example taken from the student’s entry: Firstly, while we were preparing the key stages for our stalls, we had many arguments about what kind of activities should we decide. Secondly, there were no teamwork in preparing for our stalls. However, we managed to overcame it. Our class had agreed on what kind of activities should we decide and we started to form class bonding when we’re preparing for our stalls.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 92
  • 93. Mistaking “things or ideas which are great butdifficult to carry out (and thus never got done)” as “challenges” I am standing on stage in the school assembly hall to talk about my experiences and skills so I hope that all of you will listen, understand and participate. My class, 3D, opened an ice cream stall. At first, we came out with many different kind of ideas like making a haunted house, a dunking machine game and so many other crazy ideas. We had so many problems and challenges that we had to face. First, we had to deal with the money to rent the dunking machine and we had to take a lot of time to think of making a haunted house. Buying the things would also cost a lot so we decided to open a simple stall that every loves. Majority kids and teens love ice cream so we opened it.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 93
  • 94. A better version emerges…from another student There were many challenges that we faced during the preparations. First we had to think of an idea about what to do. Many ideas were raised though there was not many that could actually be done. In the end, we decided on a ice-cream stall. Finding someone to supply the ice-cream was another problem. We had to find a reliable and cheap supplier to ensure that we will make at least some profit.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 94
  • 95. Here is another acceptable response: Firstly, it was not easy to set up a stall for our class. There were many different opinions regarding the stall. We all had a lot of different ideas for the stall hence we had a hard time deciding on the idea for the stall. We also had to mind the budget of the stall. We had to make sure that it was affordable and worth the money. Thankfully, our class had team spirit thus we managed to make a decision which was accepted by everyone. While preparing the stall, we all helped each other out and made sure no one was left out in the process. Everyone was able to take part in the activity together.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 95
  • 96. Here is yet another… where she mentioned her “challenges” It was not easy and we had a few challenges along the way. Firstly, there was budget planning. This is to make sure we do not order too much or too little at the same time, try to leave money aside for emergencies. Although we had a few disagreements, we managed to come up with a solution in the end. It was not easy planning what to sell too. We managed to come up with the idea of selling home-made ice cream. However, we still had to keep it frozen for two hours which was hard to do at first.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 96
  • 97. A rather good response from 3J Averyl LimThe preparation and execution of a games cum food stallwas especially tedious. We faced many challengesinitially, such as differences in opinions, lack ofteamwork and lack of determination. Some students haddifferent opinions on how to run the stall, and did notwant to accept other people’s ideas, with them workingindividually. As the preparations were so exhausting,some students wanted to give up and do somethingsimpler. Eventually, we overcame these challenges bysitting down as a class, and negotiating, keeping in mindthat our goal was to raise as much funds as possible,and that it wasn’t just about ourselves, or for ourselves.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 97
  • 98. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life? I have learnt various skills like selling ice- cream, persuade my friends to buy and safekeeping the money. Selling ice-cream are applicable to me as I can sell many things in the future and persuade people can help me for my oral. Safekeeping money can be used when I am working as a cashier or banker. rather interesting but “not that relevant” connection between “skills learnt” and10/15/2011 “future application”. prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 98
  • 99. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life? I learnt some skills from this event. I learnt how to form bonds with peoples and how to make decisions without offending others. There are applicable to our life. We tend to meet different kinds of peoples and making decisions for everybody.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 99
  • 100. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life? This student clearly forgot to address this point: We learnt many skills from the fundraising. One of which is trying to sell the ice-cream. At the start of the fair, there was a steady stream of customers but the number slowly dropped. This was when we started going around to sell instead of staying at the stall. We managed to sell many this way and the word spread that we were selling cheap and nice ice-cream. Many people started to go to our stall and we finished our entire stock. How “many skills”? Don’t just “tell”, “show”!10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 100
  • 101. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life? This student began well but ended up mixing up “values” with “skills”, mistaking “values” and “approaches” for “skills”.What she had done right I have also learnt many skills throughout the process. I learned that communication was especially important for everyone. We had to make known our thoughts and opinions if we were unhappy or uncomfortable. I can apply this in life as it shows me that if I am facing any problems, I should communicate and tell my opinions to the people involved. I also learnt tobe patient as in the beginning, we did not have a lot of customers. After waiting for some time, people began coming to our stall and eventually, we even managed to collect the largest single amount of contribution. This shows me that in life, we should be patient and not make any rash decisions. The fruitful results will come if we wait long enough. 10/15/2011 Where she had gone wrong prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 101
  • 102. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life? Some students adopted an overly broad perspective when speaking about “SKILLS” but fail to deal with the specificity of “SKILLS”: 13 letters, I word, communication. Without the communication skill, life would have gone bad. I faced many tricky customers where communication skills came handy. It also can be applicable in my life as I will still face tricky and different people in my life. I also learnt that persuading people is a skill that could be very useful, especially as I want to be a Entrepuner, I will make people believe and persuade them. (Errors uncorrected) What is the connection between “communication skills” and “persuading people”?10/15/2011 What prepared by Yeoof persuading people? is the purpose Yam Hwee 102 What are some of the “skills” required here?
  • 103. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life? Some students adopted an overly broad perspective when speaking about “SKILLS” but fail to deal with the specificity of “SKILLS”: What do What do you mean? you mean? At the same time, I have picked up many skills and tips from these challenges that I faced. For example, I now am able to organise a stall well for the preparation of the items and also the organising of the customers. I had to make sure everything given out was actually edible and safe to consume. Lastly, I learnt several marketing skills that would benefit me in the future. How did Any specific ones you to tell your audience? do it?10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 103
  • 104. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life? Many students mistook “values” or “desirable outcomes” for “skills”: Through this fund raising event, I learned to persevere and never give up even when things look bad. I would also like to thank my classmates and teachers who helped out in the stall, without them, we would not have raised so much money for the school.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 104
  • 105. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life? Many students mistook values or qualities or desirable outcomes for skills: As the group leader, I have learned how to manage my time well, and how to have a good teamwork. These two qualities are applicable in daily life, as we go out to the working society, we would need to have teamwork to get along well with our working partners. We would also have to manage our time well to do projects at work and not be late for work or meetings.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 105
  • 106. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life?Some students attempted to pass off simple processes andcommon sense as skills: The various skill that I learnt is that you have to ask for help sometimes. so that they could help you in the way they could help. Another skill is to learn how to cut down the cost of spending without over-spending what you get. Another skill is to have teamwork and proacive in the task you have been assign on.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 106
  • 107. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life?There were also students who left out talking about thespecific skills all together and mentioned only the“BEFORE-AND-AFTER” experience: After that tough experience my class had, we became united and had a stronger class bond. I think that the experience has taught me many things that in life we may make wrong decisions but there are way to make it better. This experience can also help me in future.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 107
  • 108. A better version comes along… 3E Su’aidah bte Karim This fun fair was also an eye-opener to me. It made me learn several new skills. I learnt how to come up with relevant ideas. I learnt how to run a business smoothly. I learnt how to deal with money efficiently. I learnt how to attract students to participate in our game stall. These skills will be very useful for me in the future should I want to involve myself in business.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 108
  • 109. So what does the marker-reader wish to see in our answers? MAIN BODY PARAGRAPH 3:The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mindOTHER STUDENTS’ FEEDBACK YOUR RECOMMENDATIONS It might be a good idea to let the graduating classes Joel Teo, a Secondary Five student: participate in the event because it isgoing to be their “The graduating classes should have been included farewell contribution to the School. Our seniors will be very even though I understand that the national motivated toset a good example and do their very best examinations are near. It was our last opportunity to in coming up with ideas to raise funds. contribute to our school.” I understand the school’s concern with students handling cash and giving out change to other students. However, I Abdullah, a Secondary One student: think it is a good learning opportunity for some students, “Two hours were hardly enough for my class to clear our especially appointed by our form teacher, to learn how to stocks of specially prepared nyonya cakes and other manage real cash and give out change quickly and delicacies. There were a lot of customers but because accurately so that we can save a lot more time and do more only my form teacher was allowed to deal with the business at the same time. When we cut the waiting time, receiving of money and returning of change, the delays were numerous. Impatient students simply drifted to our customers will be happier and we mayin return, sell our another stall.” stocks faster and raise more money. We may also extend our business hours to let more students visit our booths and buy things from us as well. Kristina, a Secondary Three student:• “I kept away from the games stalls even though I was at first Let us be considerate and mindful of our manners eager to try some of the interesting ones, such as the Dunking Machine. I didn’t want to get wet and muddy and I’ve noticed that at all times. We should look after the interest of the students organising some of these games were quite wild all Hildans. We can still have fun without being and inconsiderate. Why should I patronise their stall only to be rudely treated?” rowdy. Either that, or we do away with games stalls that cause participants to get wet or muddy. We should also consider giving an award to theYOU MUST USE GIVEN INFORMATION most courteous fundraising student or class toTO SHAPE YOUR RECOMMENDATIONS. Yeo Yam Hwee promote good manners. 10/15/2011 prepared by 109
  • 110. Blindly lifting feedback from given information to pass it off as recommendation Joel Teo, a Secondary five student gave a feedback regarding the graduating classes. Although they are having their national exams, they should be included in the fun raising as it would be their last opportunity to contribute to the school. A secondary one student by the name of Abdullah mentioned in the feedback form that times was not enough and…10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 110
  • 111. The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mind MY RECOMMENDATIONS MY PROPOSALSTHESE ARE OTHER STUDENTS’ MY SUGGESTIONSCOMMENTS AND OBSERVATIONS.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 111
  • 112. REMEMBER: YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE MADE USE OF THE OTHER STUDENTS’ FEEDBACK ( In the form of remarks, opinions, observations or even complaints) AND COME UP WITH YOUR VERY OWN RECOMMENDATIONS. YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE REPEATED ANY INFORMATION WHICH IS PREVIOUSLY GIVEN TO YOU IN THE QUESTION.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 112
  • 113. What is the difference between “FEEDBACK” and “RECOMMENDATIONS”? The given pieces Recommendations have “value- of feedback from addedness” in them because you are supposed to have various students considered the feedback of the only provide “the students, think of ways and dissatisfying means to resolve any dissatisfying situations and happenings or offer your proposals to be situations as they shared with anybody who is listening to you. Hopefully, are”. They do not those who are able to do have “value- anything to improve or make a addedness” at all. dissatisfying situation go away would take up your suggestion and act as quickly as they can.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 113
  • 114. Mistaking “Feedback” for “Recommendations” The feedback that were given this year was not very good. Students were complaining about having too little time to sell their food, bad attitude given by some students tending the stall and the Is there any mention of graduating classes not being RECOMMENDATIONS able to be there to enjoy the here? fun together with the rest of the school. We will take this feedback seriously and be sure to see a better change in the fun fair the next year.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 114
  • 115. Mistaking FEEDBACK for RECOMMENDATION Before I end my speech, there was some valuable recommendations to make next year even more successful. The first feedback is that all the secondary four express and secondary fives should be given the final chance to contribute to our school. The next feedback is that students should help the form teacher with the money issue. The last feedback is customer service in the games stall. So next time please be aware of your bad behaviours when mending the games stall.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 115
  • 116. The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mind MY RECOMMENDATIONS MY PROPOSALSTHESE ARE OTHER STUDENTS’ MY SUGGESTIONSCOMMENTS AND OBSERVATIONS. 10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 116
  • 117. Confusing your ROLE by making DECISION instead of RECOMMENDATION – Another student’s entry. In the following year, the graduating classes will be involve in the National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair event as it is their last opportunity to contribute to the school. We will also ask more teachers to deal with the receiving of money and returning the change, this will help the traffic flow to be smoother. We would also manage the people who are rude to the student and they will be severely punish.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 117
  • 118. The recommendations to be made forthe following year with the abovefeedback in mind RECOMMENDATIONS ARE NOT DECISIONS.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 118
  • 119. Failure to make recommendations and generated something else instead – Another student’s entry: We had some feedback on the fun fair. I am sorry for not allowing the Secondary four and five to join in the preparations as their national examinations are around the corner and that was a instruction from my teacher. We are also sorry for the short given time for the funfair. Students gave feedback on games that dirty or wet your clothes but we have given an instruction to bring an extra set of school uniform for games, but we will take note of all the feedback and do a better one for the following year.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 119
  • 120. Failure to make recommendations and generated something else instead – Another student’s entry:10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 120
  • 121. One of the more “reasonable” responses – 3E Jaaishini The fair was enjoyable and beneficial to fully participate in. However, I have some recommendations to be made on how to improve next year’s Food and Fun Fair. Firstly, the graduating classes should have been included, even though the national examinations are near. It would have been their last opportunity to contribute to the school. Secondly, form teachers should not be the only one to deal with the receiving of money and returning of change. It would cause delays and students who are impatient, would drift to other stalls. Thirdly, we should restrain from having wet and muddy games as students don’t have change of clothes and they would find it wild and inconsiderate.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 121
  • 122. WHY IS THIS A RESONABLE (DOES NOT READ: PERFECT) RESPONSE? 1. Does not beat about the bush but gets to the point at once. 2. Lifted appropriately to the writer’s advantage from given information. 3. The writer does not confuse a recommendation with a decision. He or she 4. DOES NOT CONFUSE knows a suggestion “RECOMMENDATIONS” does not amount to from the writer himself, any decision at all. with FEEDBACK provided by other students.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 122
  • 123. CAN THIS REASONABLE RESPONSE BE BETTER?10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 123
  • 124. One of the more “reasonable” responses – 3E Jaaishini The fair was enjoyable and beneficial to fully participate in. However, I have some recommendations to be made on how to improve next year’s Food and Fun Fair. Firstly, the graduating classes should have been included, even though the national examinations are near. It would have been their last opportunity to contribute to the school. Let’s give our seniors the freedom to take part or to opt out. It will give them a lot of leeway to consider. Secondly, let’s be more proactive and responsible. Class treasurers may want to volunteer their services to collect money from customers. Our form teachers should not be the only ones to deal with the receiving of money and returning of change. It would cause delays and students who are impatient, would drift to other stalls. Thirdly, we should restrain from having wet and muddy games as students don’t have change of clothes and they would find it wild and inconsiderate. There are games which are equally fun without having to cause participants to get wet. Also let us be cordial and civil to each other and treat all Hildans with courtesy always.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 124
  • 125. So what does the marker-reader wish to see in our answers? Main Body Paragraph 4: Acknowledgements of Assistance received from various persons How haveWHO DO they helpedYOU THANK? you in this event? Do not brag or tease or mention anybody who is IRRELEVANT to the event. Also think about the customers who have contributed to the purchase of your products or services and THANK them as well.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 125
  • 126. An example taken from a student’s entry: I have words of appreciation for my classmates and teachers. Thank you for supporting me and helping me out when I most needed you, especially my form teacher.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 126
  • 127. Another example taken from a student’s entry: I would like to thank all the teachers and student who made this event a good one. I would also like to thank some of you who spent hours and hours making this a good and fun event.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 127
  • 128. A good response came from 3E’s Siti Nadhirah For our success in the fair, I would like to thank my classmates for choosing me at the most outstanding student for coming up with the idea of “Soap Battle”. Thank you, Deborah, the class chairperson of 3E, for helping me to carry out the plan. I would also like to thank Mr. Lim Chin Huat, our form teacher, for supporting our ideas always. Of course, I would like to thank 3E and all Hildans for making that day a meaningful and joyous occasion. (slightly edited by Kuronekosan for classroom discussion)10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 128
  • 129. WHO DO How haveYOU THANK? they helped you in this event?10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 129
  • 130. So what does the marker-reader wish to see in our answers? Conclusion paragraph of my speech It is important to bear in mind the MOST IMPORTANT purpose of your speech: to interest and persuade your audience that this would be an enjoyable and beneficial event to fully participate in. A final thrust To reassure your To keep them To thank to impress on audience that if guessing at everybody in your audience you could do it what your class the assembly the pride and and made yourself would be for listening to the confidence and class proud, coming up next you and that you have so can they. because you are you have gained. going to be enjoyed sharing better next year. your experience with them. WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT for next year’s potential participants.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 130
  • 131. What is the intention of the CONCLUSION? Like it or not, there is a purpose for getting the most outstanding student ( AND NOT FORGETTING THIS: from the class which has raised the most amount of money) of the recently concluded food and fun fair to appear on stage: YOU ARE THERE TO ENCOURAGE OTHERS – THOSE who were with you in the fair and THOSE who were not. Hopefully, after hearing your speech, the following year (or years) more and more Hildans would become enthusiastic in participating as well.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 131
  • 132. BECAUSE OF THE NEED FOR YOU TO SHOW ENCOURAGEMENT TO THE REST OF THE SCHOOL, YOU NEED TO EXPLICITLY PROVIDE PARTING WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT TO INTEREST AND PERSUADE OTHERS TO PARTICIPATE FULLY IN NEXT YEAR’S EVENT BECAUSE IF YOUR FINAL BURST or THRUST of IT HAD BENEFITTED YOU, ENTHUSIASM should rub onto the IT WOULD ALSO members of your target audience: If BE ENJOYABLE you could do it, so can they. AND BENEFICIAL TO THEM.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 132
  • 133. Student’s script: 3H Nicholas Yeo In conclusion, the National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair was a success. The challenges faced could be easily solved through careful thinking and the skills learnt in the process could be applicble in life. The recommendations made could be used in next year. I’m sure that this year’s event was enjoyable to everyone. Thank you.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 133
  • 134. HOW NOT TO CRAFT YOUR CONCLUSION PARAGRAPHThis paragraphwascarefully draftedline by line fromthe informationprovidedIn the question.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 134
  • 135. Student’s Script: Calistal Ang 3G Therefore, I would encourage all of you to participate in this event as it will be very beneficial and enjoyable. All of you will always remember it in mind and it would be the most memorable event of your life. Thus, remember to have confidence, determination and teamwork in everything that you do. Thank you and have a great day ahead.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 135
  • 136. CAN THIS CONCLUSION BE FURTHER IMPROVED?10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 136
  • 137. Student’s Script: Calistal Ang 3G Therefore, I would encourage all of you to participate in this event as it will be very beneficial and enjoyable. All of you will always remember it in mind and it would be the most memorable event of your life. It is hard but meaningful work. We will never be able to turn back the clock but just have to keep on going and getting better with the things that we do. Who knows, next year this time, it could be any one of you here, standing on the stage speaking to us. Thus, remember to have confidence, determination and teamwork in everything that you do. I am Calistal from 3G. Thank you and have a great day ahead.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 137
  • 138. Student’s Input: 3J Averyl Lim This event has greatly benefited me, as it has taught me various skills to overcome the challenges and it was an immensely enjoyable event to participate in. I hope that you would cherish your chance when you get to hold a stall again next year. I am positive that you would benefit and enjoy it just as much as I did. Thank you for your kind attention. I wish you the best of luck in making your stall a success next year.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 138
  • 139. CAN THIS CONCLUSION BE FURTHER IMPROVED?10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 139
  • 140. Student’s Input: 3J Averyl Lim This event has greatly benefited me, as it has taught me various skills to overcome the challenges and it was an immensely enjoyable event to participate in. I hope that you would cherish your chance when you get to hold a stall again next year. For those of you who did not participate in selling to raise funds this year, let me invite you to come on board. You will not be disappointed. I am positive that you would benefit and enjoy it just as much as I did. Thank you for your kind attention. I wish you the best of luck in making your stall a success next year.10/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 140
  • 141. THANK YOU AND GOODBYE S.H.S.S.201110/15/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 141