Eoy2011 marker's report and answer scheme-draft 10-with students' inputs

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FINAL DRAFT for Lesson from 24 October to 11 November 2011

FINAL DRAFT for Lesson from 24 October to 11 November 2011

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  • 1. O NE PREP PROGRAMME SECONDARY THREE 3B – 3J.2011 prepared and conducted by Yeo Yam Hwee10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 1
  • 2. End-of-Year Examinations 2011Incorporating contributions toPaper 1 Section 1 by MadamNurazian Bajuri and Ms. Chen 1127 Paper 1Huiyi Secondary Three MARKERS’ REPORT Set by Yeo Yam Hwee 10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 2
  • 3. FREE COMPOSITION 1127 Paper 1 Section 110/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 3
  • 4. 112710/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 4 P1S1
  • 5. Do Your Best In Paper 1: Grab all the marks you can!10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 5
  • 6. Section One [30 marks] You are advised to write between 350 and 500 words on one of the following topics. At the head of your composition, write the number of the topic you have chosen.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 6
  • 7. REMEMBER THE IMPORTANT THINGS A STUDENT WRITER MUST BEAR IN MIND IN COMPOSITION1. Read all questions carefully.2. Understand the essay genre (TYPE) required.3. Unpack question thoroughly.4. Use relevant vocabulary words.5. Write useful sentences.6. Vary your sentence structures.7. Structure your essays between 5 and 6 paragraphs.8. Check essay – Tense + Spelling + Structure + Meaning9. How will the reader feel after reading your essay?10. Write the total number of words at the end of your essay. 10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 7
  • 8. PUTTING EVERYTHING TOGETHER. TENSE SPELLING STRUCTURE MEANING HOW DOES MY WRITING MAKE THE READER FEEL? WHAT EFFECT HAVE YOU CREATED? WHAT IMPRESSION HAVE YOU GENERATED?10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 8
  • 9. Section One [30 marks] Imagine life without the English Language. How would1 things be different for you? Green2 Write about how a particular day started out badly for you3 and turned worse before you regained your composure to make the day end better. Despite its size, Singapore is a country full of promises4 and opportunities. What are your views? The classroom of tomorrow does not need510/22/2011 teachers. Do youby Yeo Yam Hwee prepared agree? 9
  • 10. Identify the essay types1 Imagine life without the English Discursive- Language. How would things be different for you? descriptive2 Green Narrative OR Discursive Write about how a particular day started out3 badly for you and turned worse before you Narrative- regained your composure to make the day end better. descriptive Despite its size, Singapore is a country full4 of promises and opportunities. What are Argumentative your views? The classroom of tomorrow does not need5 teachers. Do you agree? Argumentative10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 10
  • 11. Question Analysis: Q1 Expository-Discursive How your life would change if the English Language did not existDetermine which aspects of your life: Why is the English Language used:- family, friends, work/school, play - communication and interaction- social, political, economic Discuss these in each paragraph 1 aspect = 1 paragraphImagine life without the English Language. How would things be different for you? How is it different / What has changed: - the language you speak (obviously) - the way you interact with others - the way you feel and think 10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee in each paragraph Discuss these 11
  • 12. NOT MINDMAPPING AS YET CAN I WRITE THIS ESSAY? Unpacking Section 1 Question 1 I must make full use of my In Singapore, English is a language used by people experience as a Singaporean from different ethnic groups to speak to one another. teenager.- This is a perspective which I may have quite a lot of things to write about an English is the main medium of communication between IMAGINARY scenario when we Government and the people. do not use English to do all kinds of things in Singapore. English is the main medium of instructions in school. When I meet people from Imagine life without the overseas, I use English to What if there is English Language. talk to them. no more English How would things be in these situations? different for you? When I write short messages using my smart phone, I use English to write them. Based on these broad but realistic situations, suggest how would things When I attend job interviews, I communicate with Be DIFFERENT for YOU! my potential employers in English. Different – involves doing things I listen to English songs, watch movies and not in the same ways as before. television programmes and commercial messages Different – involves adjustment played in English. and changes. 10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 12
  • 13. My Brainstorming for Points – Q1 Imagine life without the English Language. How would things be different for you?10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 13
  • 14. Question Analysis: Q2 Expository-Discursive Define and open up the one-word topic: - Start with a BIG IDEA followed by sub-ideas 1 BIG IDEA = 1 paragraphGreen Colour Nature Functions/Uses Shades Scenery Language Meanings Minerals SymbolsNarrativePLOT Setting10/22/2011 Problem prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee Climax Resolution 14
  • 15. NOT MINDMAPPING AS YET CAN I WRITE THIS ESSAY? Unpacking Section 1 Question 2 Narrative-descriptive Discursive-descriptive Composition Green CompositionSetting Action Being environmentally friendly Possible Having green fingers Green with envy Discursive Jealousy Possible Descriptive Eating like a vegetarian Being green – young and Narrative/ Choices inexperienced Benefits of being a vegetarian Personal Being a greenhorn Recount Introduction Naivety Choices Main Body P1 Main Body P2Trouble Resolution Main Body P3 Main Body P4 Narrative Matrix for writing Personal Recount or Conclusion Narrative-descriptive Essay 10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 15
  • 16. My Brainstorming for Points – Q2 Green10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 16
  • 17. NOT MINDMAPPING AS YET CAN I WRITE THIS ESSAY? Unpacking Section 1 Question 3 Above all else, a PERSONAL RECOUNTSetting Action Who / When / Why / NARRATIVE – DESCRIPTIVE ESSAY What / Where / How? Write about how a FIRST PART particular day started out badly for you and turned worse before you regained your composure to make SECOND PART the day end better. What was/were the issue[s]?Trouble Resolution 10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 17
  • 18. Question Analysis: Q3 Personal Recount What happened to you in ONE BAD DAY and how it ended well Describe incidents which occurred in ONE DAY Write about how a particular dayHow did the daybegin badly started badly for you and How didHow did the day turned worse before you you calmbecome worse yourselfas it progressed? regained your composure down? to make the day end better. 10/22/2011 What did by Yeodo to make the day end well? prepared you Yam Hwee 18
  • 19. My Brainstorming for Points – Q3 Write about how a particular day started out badly for you and turned worse before you regained your composure to make the day end better.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 19
  • 20. NOT MINDMAPPING AS YET CAN I WRITE THIS ESSAY? Unpacking Section 1 Question 4 The information Although the physical size of the country is here contains a small and Singapore is REALLY? remark or an actually more a city-state opinion. This What do you mean comment is Despite its size, Singapore is a by “promises”? DISPUTABLE. country full of promises and What do you mean Because we can by “opportunities”? opportunities. ask: Is it TRUE? What are your views? Introduction Main Main Main However Conclusion Body Body Body Paragraph P1 P2 P3 10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 20
  • 21. Question Analysis: Q4 Expository-Discursive How is Singapore a promising place to be in despite being a small country Why “DESPITE”: - overcome the challenges of being aDespite its size, small country lack of resources, talent etc competition from other countriesSingapore is a Where are the promises and opportunities found? - social (education? meritocracy? safety?)country full of - political (stable government and laws?) - economic (stable jobs? tourism hub?)promises and opportunities.What are your views?10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 21
  • 22. My Brainstorming for Points – Q4 Despite its size, Singapore is a country full of promises and opportunities. What are your views?10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 22
  • 23. NOT MINDMAPPING AS YET CAN I WRITE THIS ESSAY? Unpacking Section 1 Question 5 What is the meaning of “the classroom of tomorrow”? What do you see, hear, smell, feel, touch, The information Think differently in the classroom of tomorrow? here contains a remark or an The classroom of How does this thought opinion. This tomorrow does not of “not needing teachers” comment is ever arise? need teachers. Do DISPUTABLE. you agree? Because we can ask: Is it TRUE? If you agree, then be prepared to If you disagree, then write about mention how technology can how technology cannot TOTALLY replace humans. TOTALLY replace the human touch. Introduction Main Main Main However Conclusion Body Body Body Paragraph P1 P2 P3 10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 23
  • 24. Question Analysis: Q5 Expository-Argumentative Would schools in the future need teachers?What is a classroom for? How does a classroom in the future look like?- academic learning - use of technology (robot teachers? E-learning?)- character development - a more demanding pace and level of learning?- interaction - learning takes place anywhere, not just in school?The classroom of tomorrowdoes not need teachers. Who are teachers? - trained to teach subject knowledgeDo you agree? - with life experience, feelings and opinions - have individual styles and personalities - have a passion and care for students10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 24 - maintain discipline (counselling)
  • 25. My Brainstorming for Points – Q5 The classroom of tomorrow does not need teachers. Do you agree?10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 25
  • 26. Addressing the Question• Strengths • For Improvement:• Qn 1: Most students • Qn 1: They seemed who attempted this to have thrown all question managed to their ideas together capture the essence without any form of and understood what planning. was required of them (addressed the social, interaction, relationship issues etc.)10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 26
  • 27. Addressing the Question• Strengths • For Improvement:• Qn 2: There were • Qn 2: For students very interesting who steered it interpretations to this towards expository, questions. The they just threw in students, who did whatever was green better for this within the essay, question, were the regardless of whether ones who steered it it’s the traffic light, towards narrative. nature or being green with envy. No clear BIG IDEA within the10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 27 essay.
  • 28. Addressing the Question• Strengths • For Improvement:• Qn 3: All students • Qn 3: However, many understood the failed to address the question and were second part of the competent in question whereby the addressing the part of day was supposed to the questions turn out better for whereby the day them. Most ended the started badly for them. essay abruptly despite having a good10/22/2011 start to the essay. 28 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee
  • 29. Addressing the Question• Strengths • For Improvement:• Qn 4: Students were • Qn 4: Most students able to make seemed unclear comparisons between about what “promises Singapore and other and opportunities” larger countries for refer to and there is this question and clearly a lack of were able to provide planning as they were their own views. unsure of what the statement really10/22/2011 meant. prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 29
  • 30. Addressing the Question• Strengths • For Improvement:• Qn 5: Students were able • Qn 5: However, many did to address the problems not elaborate on what the that stem from the classroom of tomorrow absence of teachers in would be like. Also, they the classrooms. seemed unable to make up their mind on whether it should be an argumentative or discursive essay. Thus, quite a few ended up contradicting themselves.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 30
  • 31. Tone & Register: Appropriate to Text Type• Strengths • For Improvement:• Students had no • Students were evidently problems recognising the weaker with expository text type required for the writing. different questions. • They seemed to lack the maturity in tackling such questions. • There was clearly no planning in their writing and ideas were simply thrown into the essays whenever they came to10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee minds. their 31
  • 32. Paragraphing: Topic Sentences/Use of Connectors• Strengths • For Improvement:• Paragraphing was • Unfortunately, the evident for most students students were clearly except for a small handful. weak when it came to using connectors in their writing. • Sentences were choppy as connectors were lacking in their writing. • Most did not make use of topic sentences at all, judging from the lack of planning in their writing.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 32
  • 33. Grammar: Tenses/Expressions/Sentence Structures/Spelling• Strengths • For Improvement:• No much spelling • Students tend to mix errors except for a up their tenses small handful of especially for qn 3, students. toggling from present• They tend to mix up tense to past tense. ‘when’ and ‘went’. They get confused especially when they used ‘today’ or ‘now’ to describe time line10/22/2011 for the events. prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 33
  • 34. Grammar: Tenses/Expressions/Sentence Structures/Spelling• Strengths • For Improvement:• Some students had • As elaborated earlier, effective and the lack of connectors appropriate use of made sentence figurative expressions structures and idioms which inappropriate with made their essays excessive use of more interesting to commas. read.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 34
  • 35. Vocabulary:Varied Language/Idioms/Figurative Expressions• Strengths • For Improvement:• This batch of students • Some students still actually has quite an had ‘over-used’ impressive bank of adjectives and verbs vocabulary words. e.g. ‘good’/’bad’, ‘say’, ‘happy’/’sad. Refer to the last slide10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 35
  • 36. General Comments: Length of Work/Handwriting/Etc• For Improvement:• There is simply too much excessive writing as some essays can go beyond 600 words.• Most of such writing did not address the question.• Most of the students did not write the number of words at the end of their essays.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 36
  • 37. Recommendations• IMPROVING CONTENT1) Analyse the topics carefully. Address all the key terms.2) Do an essay plan or outline before you start writing. It helps to get your essay organised.3) Read widely, so you can offer ideas which are more interesting.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 37
  • 38. Recommendations• IMPROVING USE OF LANGUAGE1) Be clear in your sentence structures and expressions.2) Watch your tenses, subject-verb agreement and spelling.3) Expand your vocabulary. Read the thesaurus or dictionary to find alternative ways of saying something.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 38
  • 39. EXPAND YOUR VOCABULARYLess: More:say whisper...mutter...murmur…hint…insinuate…imply…talk converse…opine…proclaim…convey…holler…bellow…speak shriek…howl…yell…exclaim…articulate…reason…walk saunter…shuffle…amble...hobble…lumber...strut…dartrun stride…stroll…pace…tread…traipse…trudge…parade… sprint… flit…flee…dash…scamper…scramble...scurry…happy spirited…jolly…jubilant…convivial…elated…mirthful…glad exultant…ecstatic…bubbly…sprightly…merry…lively… blithe…effervescent…ebullient…sanguine…jocund…sad indolent…devastated…doleful…morose…sorrowful…upset pained…despondent…glum…melancholy…pensive… sombre…woebegone…dismal…crestfallen…dejected 10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 39
  • 40. NO PAIN, NO GAIN.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 40
  • 41. Begin your answer on a fresh page. You are advised to write between 250 and 350 words for this section.• You should read the information carefully and plan your answer before beginning to write.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 41
  • 42. REMEMBER READING AND UNDERSTANDING WHAT YOU ARE ASKED TO DELIVER IN YOUR ATTEMPT IN SECTION TWO is an important skill and inseparable task from the actual writing. You should read the information carefully and plan your answer before beginning to write. PLANNING tells us that YOU WILL NEED TO UNDERSTAND CORRECTLY what you have read in the information provided and match it with the R + A + P + F = TONE framework to STRUCTURE your writing.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 42
  • 43. REMEMBERWhat is your ROLE?Who is the AUDIENCE of your writing task?What is the PURPOSE of your writing task?In what FORM is it going to be in?10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 43
  • 44. FRAMEWORK for writing task in Section B: Situational Writing – R.A.P.F. = TONE R P OLE URPOSE TONE A F UDIENCE ORM WHAT HOW TO TO10/22/2011 WRITE prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee WRITE 44
  • 45. Matching My Reading and Understanding of the Question Requirements WITH the R.A.P.F. = TONE framework ROLE PURPOSE I am playing the role of the To interest and persuade my most outstanding student audience that this would be an enjoyable and beneficial event for coming up with the to fully participate in next year. idea and setting up of the By relating about my challenges REMEMBER stall for my class. I am during the key stages of my tasked to share my preparations and how I overcame them. Also mention the various experiences and the skills skills I learnt and how they are learnt in the processes applicable to my life. Also to say leading to the completion thank you to my classmates, of the event by giving a teachers or anybody else who had helped me. Finally, my TONE speech to the assembly in recommendations for following the hall. year with the students’ feedback in mind PERSUASIVE AND AUDIENCE FORM INTERESTED My school Principal, A SPEECH to the ATTITUDE Because the whole teachers and Principal of my idea was to drum up students will be in school, teachers and enthusiasm and the assembly hall. students drive up participation rate10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 45 for the next event.
  • 46. NATIONAL DAY FUNDRAISING FOOD AND FUN FAIR 2011 at ST. HILDA’S SECONDARY SCHOOL – English Department Booth10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 46
  • 47. JUST BEFORE THE START OF THE BUSINESS HOUR THAT MORNING10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 47
  • 48. BOOTH OF SECONDARY THREE D10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 48
  • 49. Section Two [30 marks] The National day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair has been successfully conducted. It was a well-attended event but several students from the different classes have given the following feedback as to how the annual event can be improved further next year.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 49
  • 50. Section Two [30 marks] The National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair has been successfully conducted. It was a well-attended event but several students from the different classes have given the following THIS IS IMPORTANT – THIS NEEDS TO BE PROCESSED feedback as to how BY YOU IN YOUR OWN the annual event can EXPRESSIONS WITHOUT CHANGING THE ORIGINAL be improved further MEANING. next year.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 50
  • 51. Section Two [30 marks]Joel Teo, a Secondary Five student: “The graduating classes should have been included even though I understand that the national examinations are near. It was our last opportunity to contribute to our school.”10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 51
  • 52. Section Two [30 marks] Joel Teo, a Secondary Five student: “The graduating classes should have been included even though I understand that the national examinations are It might be a good idea to let the graduating near. It was our classes participate in the event because it is last opportunity to going to be their farewell contribution to the contribute to our School. Our seniors will be very motivated to school.” set a good example and do their very best in coming up with ideas to raise funds.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 52
  • 53. Section Two [30 marks]Abdullah, a Secondary One student: “Two hours were hardly enough for my class to clear our stocks of specially prepared nyonya cakes and other delicacies. There were a lot of customers but because only my form teacher was allowed to deal with the receiving of money and returning of change, the delays were numerous. Impatient students simply drifted to another stall.”10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 53
  • 54. AN ICE-CREAM BOOTH10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 54
  • 55. PREPARATIONS BEFORE THE BIG EVENT10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 55
  • 56. Section Two [30 marks] Abdullah, a Secondary One student:“Two hours were hardly enough for my class to clear our stocks of specially prepared nyonya cakes and other delicacies. There were a lot of customers but because only my form teacher was allowed to deal with the receiving I understand the school’s concern with students handling of money and returning cash and giving out change to other students. However, of change, the delays I think it is a good learning opportunity for some students, were numerous. especially appointed by our form teacher, to learn how Impatient students to manage real cash and give out change quickly and simply drifted to accurately so that we can save a lot more time and do another stall.” more business at the same time. When we cut the waiting time, our customers will be happier and we may in return, sell our stocks faster and raise more money. We may also extend our business hours to let more students visit10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee from us as well. our booths and buy things 56
  • 57. Section Two [30 marks]Kristina, a Secondary Three student: “I kept away from the games stalls even though I was at first eager to try some of the interesting ones, such as the Dunking Machine. I didn’t want to get wet and muddy and I’ve noticed that the students organising some of these games were quite wild and inconsiderate. Why should I patronise their stall only to be rudely treated?”10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 57
  • 58. BEHIND-THE-SCENE WORKS – NEVER EASY10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 58
  • 59. Section Two [30 marks] Kristina, a Secondary Three student: “I kept away from the games stalls even though I was at first eager to try some of the interesting ones, such as the Dunking Machine. I didn’t want to get wet and muddy and I’ve noticed that the students organising some of these games Let us be considerate and mindful of our manners were quite wild and at all times. We should look after the interest of inconsiderate. Why all Hildans. We can still have fun without being should I patronise their rowdy. Either that, or we do away with games stall only to be rudely treated?” stalls that cause participants to get wet or muddy. We should also consider giving an award to the most courteous fundraising student or class to promote good manners.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 59
  • 60. Section Two [30 marks] Your class participated and was commended for having collected the largest single amount of contribution. You have been chosen as the most outstanding student for coming up with the idea and setting up of the stall for your class. You are asked to deliver a speech during school assembly to share your experiences and the skills learnt in the processes leading to the completion of the event.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 60
  • 61. Section Two [30 marks] THIS IS AN ACHIEVEMENT Your class participated and WHICH YOU MAY was commended for having collected the USE AS A FORM OF largest single amount of ENCOURAGEMENT contribution. You have TO YOUR AUDIENCE. been chosen as the most outstanding student for coming up with the idea and setting up of the stall for your class. You are asked to deliver a speech during school assembly to share your experiences and the skills learnt in the processes leading to the ROLE THERE IS A PERSONAL completion of the event. ANGLE WHICH MAKES YOUR SPEECH AN ORIGINAL.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 61
  • 62. Section Two [30 marks] Your class participated and was commended for having collected the largest single amount of contribution. You have been chosen as the most outstanding student for coming up with the ideaIn a school assembly, and setting up of the stallthe Principal, your for your class. You are asked to deliver a speechteachers, yourclassmates and during schoolthe rest of assembly to share your experiences and the skillsthe school learnt in the processeswill be leading to the completionthere. of the event. AUDIENCE10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 62
  • 63. Section Two [30 marks] Your class participated and was commended for having collected the largest single amount of contribution. You have been chosen as the most outstanding student for coming up with the idea and setting up of the stall You for your class. are asked to deliver a speech during school assembly to FORM share your experiences and the skills learnt in the processes leading to the completion of the event.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 63
  • 64. Section Two [30 marks] Write the speech that you are giving, with the following points in mind.• The challenges you faced during the key stages of your preparations and how you overcame them• The various skills you learnt and how they are applicable to your life• The words of appreciation for your classmates, teachers or anybody else who came to your assistance• The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mind10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 64
  • 65. Section Two [30 marks] Write the speech that you are giving, with the following points in mind.• The challenges you faced during the key stages of your preparations and how you overcame them• The various skills you learnt and how they are applicable to your life PURPOSE• The words of appreciation for your classmates, teachers or anybody else who came to your assistance• The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mind10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 65
  • 66. Section Two [30 marks] Write the speech that you are giving, with the following points in mind.• The challenges you faced during the key stages of your preparations and how you overcame them• The various skills you learnt and how they are applicable to your life PURPOSE• The words of appreciation for your classmates, teachers or anybody else who came to your assistance• The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mind10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 66
  • 67. Section Two [30 marks] Write the speech that you are giving, with the following points in mind.• The challenges you faced during the key stages of your preparations and how you overcame them• The various skills you learnt and how they are applicable to your life• The words of appreciation for your classmates, teachers or anybody else who came to your assistance• The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mind PURPOSE10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 67
  • 68. Section Two [30 marks] Write the speech that you are giving, with the following points in mind.• The challenges you faced during the key stages of your preparations and how you overcame them• The various skills you learnt and how they are applicable to your life• The words of appreciation for your classmates, teachers or anybody else who came to your assistance• The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mind10/22/2011 PURPOSE prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 68
  • 69. Section Two [30 marks] Your speech should be written in clear and accurate English with relevant explanations and details to interest and persuade your audience that this would be an enjoyable and beneficial event to fully participate in.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 69
  • 70. Section Two [30 marks] Your speech should be written in clear and accurate English with relevant explanations and details to interest and persuade your audience that this would be an enjoyable and beneficial event to fully participate in.10/22/2011 PURPOSE prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 70
  • 71. 1127 Paper 1 Section 210/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee FULFILMENT : 10/10 TASK 71
  • 72. 1127 Paper 1 Section 210/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee LANGUAGE: 20/20 72
  • 73. In EOY 2011 Paper 1 Section 2, your submission has not being penalised for: EXCESSIVE WRITINGHOWEVER, WITH THE STATED LIMIT OF BETWEEN 250 AND 350 WORDS,YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT ANYTHING IN YOUR ESSAY WHICH GOESBEYOND 350 and 450 WORDS WILL BE CONSIDERED AS “EXCESSDENIES” AND CONSEQUENTLY, MAY NOT BE GIVEN ANY FURTHERCONSIDERATION IN YOUR NEXT EXAMINATION AND CERTAINLY NOTTOLERATED BY THE GCE O LEVEL EXAMINATION BOARD.YOU WILL NEED TO “GET TO THE POINTS” WHEN ATTEMPTINGSITUATIONAL WRITING. prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee10/22/2011 73
  • 74. Task Fulfilment (1): Purpose Awareness• The challenges you faced during the key stages of your preparations and how you overcame them• The various skills you learnt and how they are applicable to your life• The words of appreciation for your classmates, teachers or anybody else who came to your assistance• The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mind• to interest and persuade your audience that this would be an enjoyable and beneficial event to fully participate in.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 74
  • 75. Task Fulfilment (2): Situation/Audience Awareness Am I aware that I am delivering the speech formally to an audience which includes the Principal, teachers and all my schoolmates?10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 75
  • 76. Presentation and Form Does my writing task appear in the correct presentation of FORM which in this case is a SPEECH to be delivered at the school assembly?10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 76
  • 77. Do IStructuring of Shaping given Tone/RegisterArguments information as Appropriateness personal outputMake a proper Make use of Write using aand effective given suitable choicePresentation/ information to of words and aElaboration/ justify personal correct attitudeOrganisation of opinion and to persuade anrequired points interpretation? d interest my audience in what I am informing and explaining to10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee them about? 77
  • 78. Introduction paragraph of my speech Good morning, Mr. Khoo, teachers and all fellow Hildans. I am Benedict Ang from Secondary 3D. I am standing here today because of your kind and generous support at our recently concluded National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair which saw 3D collect a total of four thousand and five dollars. Yes! It was the largest single amount of contribution from all of you and the visitors. I was the student who came up with the idea of setting up the Iced Japanese Fruit Jelly Cups with the support of all my classmates in 3D. Let me share with you what we have learnt through our taking part in the extremely enjoyable and meaningful event.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 78
  • 79. MAIN BODY PARAGRAPH 1: The challenges you faced during the key stages of your preparations and how you overcame themTo be honest, it was a very tough beginning. We have had absolutely noidea at all but when we did, we have had so many different ideas thatnobody was listening to anybody at all. I chanced upon the Iced Jellyidea because the weather in August was rather hot and so to sellsomething which was easy to eat, not quite like real food and also notthat expensive, it had to be a really catchy snack that did not end upneeding a messy clean up. It was difficult to get a reliable supplierbecause we did not have a cooling unit or a refrigerator. We were toldthat unless we purchased 500 cups at one go, it was not worth the effortto supply us the jelly. Only if we bought that many cups, then could wesell it to you at $1.20 a cup. We also had no choice over the selection ofthe different flavours because the supplier was insistent that unless wesold what was available, he was not prepared to supply us. I was onlytoo happy that my classmates loved the idea but bringing in the jellyitself was proving quite a challenge.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 79
  • 80. MAIN BODY PARAGRAPH 2: The various skills you learnt and how they are applicable to your life Fortunately, my form teacher and my class chairperson communicated the message of fundraising to the jelly supplier and he finally agreed to let us sell 200 cups to you at $1.00 each! Because of our sincerity, he also lent us a cooling unit which was placed free-of-charge at our stall. My classmates learnt by trial and error to design a colourful and eye-catching booth banner. Others learnt to pack and stack the jelly cups neatly into the cooling unit and package the cups attractively for sale. Some learnt to taste the jelly before you got to do so to help them advertise the jelly during the sales. We have had so much fun but at the same time, learnt that with proper sharing out of tasks, we could actually get things done. Everybody in the class invested by contributing four dollars each to pay for the jelly. The skills learnt can be used later in our lives because they really involved making the sales booth of 3D come alive and getting Hildans to come, buy and eat our jelly.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 80
  • 81. Main Body Paragraph 3:The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mind I would like to move on now to some recommendations which may makethe next event an even better one. Why are our seniors being left out of theevent? It might be a good idea to let the graduating classes participatebecause it is going to be their farewell contribution to the school. Ourseniors will be very motivated to set a good example and do their very bestin coming up with ideas to raise funds. I understand the school’s concernwith students handling cash and giving out change to other students.However, I think it is a good learning opportunity for some students,especially those appointed by our form teacher, to learn how to managereal cash and give out change quickly and accurately so that we can save alot more time and do more business at the same time. When we cut thewaiting time, our customers will be happier and we may in return, sell ourstocks faster and raise more money. Is it possible to extend our businesshours by another hour or so to let more students visit our booths and buythings from us as well. Lastly, let us be considerate and mindful of ourmanners at all times. We should look after the interest of all Hildans. Wecan still have fun without being rowdy. Either that, or we may be forced todo away with games stalls that cause participants to get wet or muddy. Weshould also consider giving an award to the most courteous fundraisingstudent or class to promote good manners.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 81
  • 82. Main Body Paragraph 4: Acknowledgements of Assistance received from various persons Before I forget, I would like to give thanks to you, Hildans, for buying up all 200 cups of iced Jelly. I also want to thank my form teacher, Mr. Kolin Kiam, for his time and support in designing and building the sales booth, my class chairperson, Meefah, for creating the sales pitch “Come Get Your Jelly!”, Uncle Patrick, the canteen operator, for supplying ice packages free of charge and all my classmates for chipping in to help in one way or other to make our fundraising project possible. A big thank you also goes to all our teachers who had visited our booth that day. Thank you all for your generous donations to a good cause.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 82
  • 83. CANTEEN OPERATOR, UNCLE PATRICK and JOHN NG with WEI JUN of 3D.201110/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 83
  • 84. Conclusion paragraph of my speech After our success with Iced Japanese Fruit Jelly Cups, I think my class is going to work even harder on next year’s effort. We want to keep it as a surprise but please continue to support us. I hope you have enjoyed listening to me as much as I have enjoyed sharing with you. I strongly urge you to take part and contribute your time and efforts. If I can do it, you can too. I also hope you have found our experiences useful, enjoyable and meaningful to you. So everybody, let us come up with an even better event together next year. Yes, together we can make it happen. Who knows? Next you this time, anyone of you could be up here sharing your achievements with the school. Thank you very much.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 84
  • 85. THE SATISFACTION AFTER THE HARD WORK10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 85
  • 86. What will I find in a good response to the question?1. An appropriate introduction which states why you are giving the speech and why it is important to listen to you.2. Explain the challenges and how you and your class responded to these challenges.3. As a result of your responses to above challenges, what SPECIFIC skills have you picked up. Why they may be useful in your future.4. Recommendations for improvement to next year’s events.5. Words of thanks and acknowledgement.6. An appropriate conclusion of encouragement to inspire, interest and persuade all Hildans to participate fully in order to benefit and enjoy in next year’s event.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 86
  • 87. YOUR SPEECH SHOULD BE STRUCTURED APPROPRIATELYINTRODUCTIONMAIN BODY P1MAIN BODY P2MAIN BODY P3MAIN BODY P4CONCLUSION10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 87
  • 88. Weak writing exist because:1. of not reading and understanding the question requirements.2. of failure to appreciate the need to plan before you write.3. of flooding of repetitive words or phrases, rhetorical questions, digression of thoughts, regression into narrative or dwelling on the unnecessary “soul-searching” or “stream of consciousness” type of thoughts and feelings4. of misuse of nonce words (words of your own creation, usually through hyphenation) and slang expressions. 10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 88
  • 89. Weak writing exist because:5. of misunderstanding of social situation – a school assembly – through adopting inappropriate tone of voice by using unsuitable words or expressions.6. of inability to get to the point to address the necessary requirements of especially due to misinterpretation of key terms and “purposes” (RA ‘P’ F) of your speech which were incompletely addressed, with inadequate, inconsistent, irrelevant amplifications.7. of inability to write simply by using useful and effective words and phrases. 10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 89
  • 90. Weak writing exist because:8. of having written excessively, beyond the specified word limit.9. of carelessness in managing use of language – misuse of expressions, repeated misspelling of commonly used words, tense inconsistency, subject-verb related issues, questionable sentence structures, sentential separation errors and wrong use of punctuation marks, especially the comma and the exclamation mark.10. Of poor time management in Paper 1. There were a handful of students who did not manage to complete the writing of your speeches. 10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 90
  • 91. Repetition is not needed in this speech because we do not have any agenda to hard sell any message to our audience. Extracted from 3G Royston Foo’s work: Today I represent my class, today I represent the accomplishments that my class achieved, today I represent the school and today, I represent myself. Extracted from 3G Matthew Tan’s work: Today I will tell you how to overcome challenges I faced, today I will tell you that I have learnt applicable skills and today I would like to appreciate the people that have helped me.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 91
  • 92. Speech is also not the best platform for literary repetition of phrases eitherFrom 3G Oh Han Gyeol’s work: Every time we faced the lack of idea, we stayed after school to discuss, hoping to come out brilliant ideas. Every time we met a problem, we tried to solve it with all our heart. Every time we had a shortage of materials, we even spent our own private money and brought personal items. In this manner, we learned how to work as a team, especially every time we faced problems.I understand that Martin Luther King Junior’s "I Have a Dream" is anextremely inspirational speech but I think you should not copy his styleblindly. We are not attempting to invoke anything here in this speech.You have been specifically informed to deliver a speech with a practicalintention to encourage others to join you in next year’s fundraising. Sowe should take the drama out of it and get to the point.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 92
  • 93. So what does the marker-reader wish to see in our answers? INTRODUCTION paragraph of my speech MAIN BODY PARAGRAPH 1: The challenges you faced during the key stages of your preparations and how you overcame them MAIN BODY PARAGRAPH 2: The various skills you learnt and how they are applicable to your life MAIN BODY PARAGRAPH 3:The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mind Main Body Paragraph 4: Acknowledgements of Assistance received from various persons Conclusion paragraph of my speech10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 93
  • 94. What does the marker-reader look for in your introduction paragraph?You should be clear to inform the audience that your speech concerns therecently concluded The National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair. Youbegin your introduction with PRIDE (not ARROGANCE) that you are themost outstanding student for coming up with the idea and setting up of thestall for your class. It makes GREAT sense to tell your audience what kindof stall you and your class have set up.You also justify your time on the stage by confidently proclaiming to theschool that your class was commended for having collected the largestsingle amount of contribution. It makes GREAT sense to inform the schoolhow much your class have collected and handed over to the schoolauthorities. Otherwise, how could you generate enough interest.You also state clearly and earnestly your intention to share your(collectively for you and your classmates) experiences and the skillslearnt in the processes leading to the completion of the event. YOU MUSTHOOK THE INTEREST of your audience RIGHT from the start. In a speech,once the INTEREST is lost, it is difficult to recoup the audience’s attention.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 94
  • 95. What is an adequate INTRODUCTION in this case?1. Greet the Principal, teachers and Hildans cheerfully.2. Introduce yourself and state your class.3. Say the MAIN - OVERALL SUBJECT of your speech.4. Express your feeling of pride, happiness, joy or even honour.5. Explain why you are on stage.6. State clearly what stall your class was running.7. Explain what your class has achieved.8. State the amount collected.9. Say why it is important that Hildans need to pay attention to you from this point onwards.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 95
  • 96. Student Input 1: 3H Mikhail Faiz Good morning, Mr. Khoo, Miss Yew, teachers and fellow schoolmates! I am Mikhail Faiz from class 3H and I am sure that you are wondering what I am doing up here today. As you may recall, the school recently conducted the annual National Day Fundraising Food and Fund Fair, which just so happens to be the topice I will be speaking about today. I am proud to say that my class and I were commended for collecting the largest single amount of contribution during the food and fun fair. Having been the one who brainstormed the idea, I have thus been chosen to deliver this speech to you today.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 96
  • 97. WHY IS ACCURATE READING AND COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING SO IMPORTANT IN SITUATIONAL WRITING?10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 97
  • 98. Hi, my name is X from Secondary 3X. I’m here to talk to you about the fund- raising ceremony 2011. I’m here to share my experiences so that next year’s fund- raising ceremony would be s successful one. Of course, there will be challenges that we have to face. The time that were given to us were too short to be able to sell everything away. We even ended up losing profits. So the main point of coming here is to tell you what to do so that you will not make the same mistakes that I’ve made. Student’s introduction shows up her misreading of information provided (which was intended to help her draw up the Introduction of her speech).10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 98
  • 99. Beware of your TONE of VOICE: It indicates ROLE confusion. Extracted from Goh Jia Wei’s (3G) introduction: Good afternoon school, I am Goh Jia Wei, a student from class 3G. Today, I would be sharing with you about my personal experience of the National Day Carnival which was held recently, in August. To be honest, I wasn’t really happy and excited when the teacher placed me in charge of this event. Reason being, there are a lot of preparations that I would have to make in order to get this programme to run well.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 99
  • 100. She introduces herself What effect does this introduction have on as merely “a student from the reader? class 3G”. Her “honesty’ makes you wonder why she has accepted the invitation to deliver the speech. She detaches herself from her teacher by referring to She goes on to substantiate her him or her by the neutral “unhappiness” and “lack of excitement”. definite article “THE”.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 100
  • 101. Beware of your TONE of VOICE: It indicates ROLE confusion.Extracted from Benjamin Poh’s (3J) work: I personally feel that the school has to improve in organising this event as this event do not seem to make us feel very enthusiastic and happy to play the funfair games. Even though we had our fun time to participate the funfair, we also feel very exhausted because of the long hours of preparing the items and setting up stalls fo rhte funfair…10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 101
  • 102. IF THE PERSON INVITED ON STAGE TO DELIVER THE SPEECH IS NEGATIVE ABOUT WHAT HE IS SAYING, THEN WHY SHOULD HE EVEN BOTHER TO ADDRESS THE SCHOOL ASSEMBLY? WE NEED TO IRON OUT THE UNEVENNESS IN THE TONE OF VOICE. DELIVER YOUR SPEECH POSITIVELY.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 102
  • 103. Beware of your TONE of VOICE: It indicates ROLE confusion.From Fei Haoyang of 3J: The National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair led to a great impact. However, they were also some recommendations to be made for the following year. I found some activities our students organised were really violent and wild in my spare time during the event. I think it was not very good to appear in this event. I suggest our teacher need to arrange the activity which every classes has and change or cancel away the activity which is not good for our students.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 103
  • 104. IF THE PERSON INVITED ON STAGE TO DELIVER THE SPEECH IS NEGATIVE ABOUT WHAT HE IS SAYING, THEN WHY SHOULD HE EVEN BOTHER TO ADDRESS THE SCHOOL ASSEMBLY? WE NEED TO IRON OUT THE UNEVENNESS IN THE TONE OF VOICE. DELIVER YOUR SPEECH POSITIVELY.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 104
  • 105. ROLE CONFUSION also arises from your misunderstanding of what the question is asking you to do. The following is extracted from 3J Van Gia Tuan’s work with regards to “making recommendations” and I quote: Lastly, I would like to addresss on some of your comment and give some recommendations for the following year. The school and teachers know that the graduating classes have been unhappy because you were not included in the event. However, your exams are near. These examinations would decide on your future career and life. Thus, the teachers want you to concentrate on revising and preparing for it. Anyway, this was not the last opportunity to contribute to the school! You also can contribute by study hard and do excellently for your O level examination, isn’t it?10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 105
  • 106. PLAY THE ROLE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO You are instructed BE PLAYING CAREFULLY. to make recommendations (YOU propose Ideas for Improvements). When did you decide to become the spokesperson for the school Authority? SERIOUS ROLE CONFUSION HAS OCCURRED HERE.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 106
  • 107. Student Input 2: 3H Nicholas Ngeow Good morning, Mr. Khoo, Ms. Yew, Ms. Tan, teachers and fellow students, my name is Nicholas Ngeow from Secondary 3H. As you all know, last week was our National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair. I hope all of you all here have enjoyed the event. Well, my participated in the event and being commended for collecting the largest single amount of contribution. I have been selected as the most outstanding student to come up with the idea and set up the stall for our class. I stand before you here to share my personal experience and skill learnt throughout the whole event.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 107
  • 108. Student Input 3: 3J Lian Kay Yee Good morning teachers and fellow schoomates. I am Lian Kay Yee from class 3J. I am honoured to be chosen as the most outstanding student of the National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair event. Our class had collected the largest amount of contributions by selling handicrafts. Therefore, I am glad to be up here to share with you the experiences and the challenges our class faced while preparing for the event.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 108
  • 109. Student Input 4: 3H Christianne Chua Good morning fellow Hildans! I am Christianne Chua from Secondary 3H and I have been chosen as the most outstanding student for coming up with the idea and setting up our stall. By the way, my class collected the largest single amount of contribution! I am sure all of you enjoyed yourselves during the National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair. Well, today I will share about my experience and what I learned.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 109
  • 110. Student Input 5: 3J Mok Xin Een Good morning, teachers and fellow schoolmates! I am Xin Een, from Class 3J, which, I am very proud to say, collected the largest single amount of contribution for the National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair. I have been chosen as the most outstanding student for coming up with the idea and setting up of the stall for my class and was tasked to share a speech with you. My speech will cover the challenges faced in the preparation and how I overcame them, the skills I picked up along the way and how they apply to my life and some recommendations from fellow students.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 110
  • 111. Student Input 6: 3J Siti Nur Qamarina Good morning everyone! My name is Siti and I am from Secondary 3J. Last week, we had our National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair which was successfully conducted. I am sure most of you enjoyed and had fun for this event. Thus, I am here today to share with all of you about my experiences and the skills I have learnt in the processes leading to the completion of the event. My class, Secondary 3J, was commended for having collected the largest amount of contribution and I have been chosen as the most outstanding student for coming up with the idea and setting up of the stall for my class. Firstly, I would like to thank my classmates, teachers and those who came to my assistance for this event as without their efforts, we would not have been able to come this far. The event is meaningful to me as I managed to spend time with them and get to know them better. We also managed to work as a team and strengthen the bonds within the class. Once again, thank you for giving me the opportunity to experience that.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 111
  • 112. Student Input 7: 3J Van Gia Tuan Good morning Mr. Khoo, Ms. Yew, Ms. Tan, teachers and fellow Hildans! I am Van Gia Tuan, from Secondary Three J. I am here because my class has collected the largest single amount of contribution and I have been chosen as the most outstanding student for coming up with the idea and setting up of the stall for my class. I will share with you my experiences and skills that I have learnt in the processes. by Yeo Yam Hwee10/22/2011 prepared 112
  • 113. Student Input 8: 3H Sophie Anne Ho Good morning school! I am Sophie Hoo from Secondary 3H and I stand here today thankful for being awarded the most outstanding student during the National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair this year. On behalf of my class, I would like to thank the school for helping our class collect the largest single amount of contribution through your payments during the fair. Today, I am here to share my experiences and the skills I learnt in the process leading to the completion and success of the fair.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 113
  • 114. Student Input 9: 3H Leong Chi Yian Good morning Mr. Khoo, Miss Yew, Miss Tan, teachers and fellow schoolmates. I am Leong Chi Yian, who was chosen as the most outstanding student in my class 3H, which was commended for having collected the largest single amount of contribution. This morning, I would like to share my experiences and the skills I learnt in the process, also not forgetting some words of appreciation and recommendations with feedback in mind.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 114
  • 115. Student Input 10: 3D Leong Wei Ren Good morning Mr. Khoo, Ms. Yew, teachers and fellow Hildans. My name is Leong Wei Ren and I am from Secondary Three D. Our school has recently conducted the National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair. My class has participated and was commended for having collected the largest single amount of contribution. I have been chosen as the most outstanding student for coming up with the idea and setting up of the stall for my class. I am going to share my experiences and the skills learnt in the processes leading to the completion of the event.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 115
  • 116. Student Input 11: 3D Benedict Ang Zhi Wei A very good morning to all my fellow Hildans, teachers and Mr. Khoo. I am Benedict Ang from Secondary 3D, my class participated in the National Day Food and Fun Fair and was commended for collecting the largest amount of contribution. I have been chosen as the most outstanding student in my class and I am here to tell you about my experience.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 116
  • 117. Student Input 12: 3D Ranjitha Kumari Good morning Mr. Khoo, teachers and fellow Hildans. I am Ranjitha Kumari from Secondary 3D. I am honoured to be able to have an opportunity to address you as I have been chosen as the most outstanding student for coming up with the idea and setting up of the stall for my class during the National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair as my class participated and was commended for having collected the largest single amount of contribution. Basically, I am here to deliver a speech to share with you my experiences and the skills learnt in the processes leading to the completion of this successful event.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 117
  • 118. So what does the marker-reader wish to see in our answers? MAIN BODY PARAGRAPH 1: The challenges you faced during the key stages of your preparations and how you overcame them CHALLENGES are difficult situations which you are involved in or are concerned with, which need to be managed before things get done, during the key stages of your preparations: KEY STAGE 1: Coming up with the idea – What to do? KEY STAGE 2: From idea to action – How to make things happen? KEY STAGE 3: Managing the action. How did you overcome some of the MAJOR challenges? - (There is no time and space to state ALL OF THEM). Describe only briefly how difficulties or problems or even troubles are resolved by you and your classmates.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 118
  • 119. So what does the marker-reader wish to see in our answers? MAIN BODY PARAGRAPH 2: The various skills you learnt and how they are applicable to your life A SKILL is an ability to do something well, especially because you have learned and practised it. (Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English for Advanced Learners)How to Dealing with difficult crowd control and Handling of cash booth decoratoin andpromote and Ideas / situations/ customer traffic and giving out banner design to makesell a product people, and rejections management change accurately the class booth attractiveExamples of How to making of delicious Negotiating for good Budgeting to lower cost of Serve with Noodle-cup mee using supplies at an operation and estimation ofSKILLS: a sustainable Hot water affordable price how much to sell to make money smile. Skills are DIFFERENT HOW ARE THEY APPLICABLE TO YOUR LIFE? from values (e.g. Integrity) or personal qualities (e.g. Able to Able to manage being patient) or even budget your own Able to talk to approaches or strategies expenses emotions and people by (e.g. teamwork). and learn feelings in a listening carefully how to crowd and behave 10/22/2011 and speaking prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 119 save calmly. clearly. money.
  • 120. Challenge or no challenge? Some students got carried away… It was a tough idea trying to figure out what to do for the stall and I managed to come up with the idea to sell ice cream and drinks. It came up to me that everyone in the school loves soft drinks and ice cream and the weather would be very hot. I had to contact the supplier of the ice cream and order the ice cream and also contact the supplier of the drinks and had to go pay them and collect the products. I also had to bring it to school and set up the stall. But I still managed to did all. These processes barely amounted to “CHALLENGES”.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 120
  • 121. Identifying the challenges and informing your reader how you overcame them. SPECIAL NOTE: Do not just reveal the “challenges” – “interesting but difficult problems / troubles” you faced. You also need to write briefly how you “overcame” them. In many scripts: Almost anything involved in the preparations was mentioned as a “challenge” when it was in most cases, merely something that needed done to get on to the next step: e.g. buying drinks at a supermarket. Also in most cases, it was not clearly explained how such a challenge had been “overcome”.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 121
  • 122. An example taken from a student’s writing: I have faced many challenges during the key stages of my preparation. I needed to choose the kind of store that my classmates want. I had to ask everyone for their opinion but they give negative comments about the event. I overcame by choosing a food store. I also had to get supplies and classmates to tend the store. I had very few volunteers and my form teacher helped me. Lucky for me, my classmate have collections with Temasek Polytechnic and I order ice-cream from them. They were many customers and we sold everything.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 122
  • 123. Another example taken from the student’s entry: Firstly, while we were preparing the key stages for our stalls, we had many arguments about what kind of activities should we decide. Secondly, there were no teamwork in preparing for our stalls. However, we managed to overcame it. Our class had agreed on what kind of activities should we decide and we started to form class bonding when we’re preparing for our stalls.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 123
  • 124. Mistaking “things or ideas which are great butdifficult to carry out (and thus never got done)” as “challenges” I am standing on stage in the school assembly hall to talk about my experiences and skills so I hope that all of you will listen, understand and participate. My class, 3D, opened an ice cream stall. At first, we came out with many different kind of ideas like making a haunted house, a dunking machine game and so many other crazy ideas. We had so many problems and challenges that we had to face. First, we had to deal with the money to rent the dunking machine and we had to take a lot of time to think of making a haunted house. Buying the things would also cost a lot so we decided to open a simple stall that every loves. Majority kids and teens love ice cream so we opened it.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 124
  • 125. Mistaking “concepts”, “ideas” or “objects” as “challenges” There were lots of challenges we faced, such as the time problem…Yet another challenge we faced was the gift…10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 125
  • 126. Why we must not mistake “ideas, concepts or objects” as “challenges” This is an extract from 3J Benjamin Tan’s response: Firstly, I am sure everyone of you here have met with difficult challenges before. For this particular event, the three main problems I faced were budget problems, uncooperative classmates and tight time constraints…10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 126
  • 127. This is because informing your audience that you had to face “budget problems” does not teach or inform them anything useful. They might already knew it themselves. The same thing applies to “tight time constraints”. You should never complain about “your classmates’ unco-operative attitude or behaviour in front of the whole school. It will be a tactless thing to do. Remember: THIS IS NOT A QUESTION REQUIREMENT.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 127
  • 128. Before After Correction CorrectionThis is an extract from 3J This is an extract from 3J Benjamin Tan’s response: Benjamin Tan’s response: Firstly, I am sure Firstly, I am sure everyone of you here have met with everyone of you here difficult challenges before. have met with difficult For this particular event, the challenges before. For three main challenges were: this particular event, the firstly, how to get the best three main problems I value out of the limited budget. Secondly, how to win faced were budget the co-operation of all my problems, classmates and thirdly, how to uncooperative do as many things as possible classmates and tight within the limited time given time constraints… to us.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 128
  • 129. A better version emerges…from another student There were many challenges that we faced during the preparations. First we had to think of an idea about what to do. Many ideas were raised though there was not many that could actually be done. In the end, we decided on a ice-cream stall. Finding someone to supply the ice-cream was another problem. We had to find a reliable and cheap supplier to ensure that we will make at least some profit.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 129
  • 130. Here is another acceptable response: Firstly, it was not easy to set up a stall for our class. There were many different opinions regarding the stall. We all had a lot of different ideas for the stall hence we had a hard time deciding on the idea for the stall. We also had to mind the budget of the stall. We had to make sure that it was affordable and worth the money. Thankfully, our class had team spirit thus we managed to make a decision which was accepted by everyone. While preparing the stall, we all helped each other out and made sure no one was left out in the process. Everyone was able to take part in the activity together.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 130
  • 131. Here is yet another… where she mentioned her “challenges” It was not easy and we had a few challenges along the way. Firstly, there was budget planning. This is to make sure we do not order too much or too little at the same time, try to leave money aside for emergencies. Although we had a few disagreements, we managed to come up with a solution in the end. It was not easy planning what to sell too. We managed to come up with the idea of selling home-made ice cream. However, we still had to keep it frozen for two hours which was hard to do at first.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 131
  • 132. A good answer from 3J Siti Nur Qamarina Some of the skills I learnt will be how to serve customers and how to manage a stall effectively. We need to serve customers politely and not get irritated even if some customers are difficult to handle as the saying goes, “Customers are always right”. I can apply this skill when I have a job as a salesperson or a waitress so that I can serve the customers properly. I also learnt that managing a stall is not easy as it involves many factors such as the capital to start the business, the accounting of profits and losses and many more. So, if I want to start a business in the future, I will be prepared. (edited by Kuronekosan for classroom discussion)10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 132
  • 133. Another good response: 3J Terryln Tan This event really taught me many valuable skills that I can use in life. For instance, during the event I was in charge of getting the customers to patronise our stall. Thus I needed to be really persuasive to attract them. This taught me how to approach people who are not my friends and also how to interact with people effectively. Not only that, it also taught me how to get things organised properly, ensuring that the stall wass not in a chaotic state.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 133
  • 134. A rather good response from 3J Averyl LimThe preparation and execution of a games cum food stallwas especially tedious. We faced many challengesinitially, such as differences in opinions, lack ofteamwork and lack of determination. Some students haddifferent opinions on how to run the stall, and did notwant to accept other people’s ideas, with them workingindividually. As the preparations were so exhausting,some students wanted to give up and do somethingsimpler. Eventually, we overcame these challenges bysitting down as a class, and negotiating, keeping in mindthat our goal was to raise as much funds as possible,and that it wasn’t just about ourselves, or for ourselves.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 134
  • 135. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life? I have learnt various skills like selling ice- cream, persuade my friends to buy and safekeeping the money. Selling ice-cream are applicable to me as I can sell many things in the future and persuade people can help me for my oral. Safekeeping money can be used when I am working as a cashier or banker. rather interesting but “not that relevant” connection between “skills learnt” and10/22/2011 “future application”. prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 135
  • 136. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life? I learnt some skills from this event. I learnt how to form bonds with peoples and how to make decisions without offending others. There are applicable to our life. We tend to meet different kinds of peoples and making decisions for everybody.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 136
  • 137. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life? This student clearly forgot to address this point: We learnt many skills from the fundraising. One of which is trying to sell the ice-cream. At the start of the fair, there was a steady stream of customers but the number slowly dropped. This was when we started going around to sell instead of staying at the stall. We managed to sell many this way and the word spread that we were selling cheap and nice ice-cream. Many people started to go to our stall and we finished our entire stock. How “many skills”? Don’t just “tell”, “show”!10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 137
  • 138. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life? This student began well but ended up mixing up “values” with “skills”, mistaking “values” and “approaches” for “skills”.What she had done right I have also learnt many skills throughout the process. I learned that communication was especially important for everyone. We had to make known our thoughts and opinions if we were unhappy or uncomfortable. I can apply this in life as it shows me that if I am facing any problems, I should communicate and tell my opinions to the people involved. I also learnt tobe patient as in the beginning, we did not have a lot of customers. After waiting for some time, people began coming to our stall and eventually, we even managed to collect the largest single amount of contribution. This shows me that in life, we should be patient and not make any rash decisions. The fruitful results will come if we wait long enough. 10/22/2011 Where she had gone wrong prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 138
  • 139. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life? Some students adopted an overly broad perspective when speaking about “SKILLS” but fail to deal with the specificity of “SKILLS”: 13 letters, I word, communication. Without the communication skill, life would have gone bad. I faced many tricky customers where communication skills came handy. It also can be applicable in my life as I will still face tricky and different people in my life. I also learnt that persuading people is a skill that could be very useful, especially as I want to be a Entrepuner, I will make people believe and persuade them. (Errors uncorrected) What is the connection between “communication skills” and “persuading people”?10/22/2011 What prepared by Yeoof persuading people? is the purpose Yam Hwee 139 What are some of the “skills” required here?
  • 140. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life? Some students adopted an overly broad perspective when speaking about “SKILLS” but fail to deal with the specificity of “SKILLS”: What do What do you mean? you mean? At the same time, I have picked up many skills and tips from these challenges that I faced. For example, I now am able to organise a stall well for the preparation of the items and also the organising of the customers. I had to make sure everything given out was actually edible and safe to consume. Lastly, I learnt several marketing skills that would benefit me in the future. How did Any specific ones you to tell your audience? do it?10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 140
  • 141. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life? Many students mistook “values” or “desirable outcomes” for “skills”: Through this fund raising event, I learned to persevere and never give up even when things look bad. I would also like to thank my classmates and teachers who helped out in the stall, without them, we would not have raised so much money for the school.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 141
  • 142. Talking about skills learnt 3G Goh Jia Wei: In this event, I have learnt about several leadership skills and also entrepreneurial skills. Examples of leadership skills would be to learn the ways of how to lead a team, how to make them work together as one and also how to let the students feel as part of the team. Thus, the leadership skills can be put to use in the future when I go out to work and when I have to lead a team. With regards to the entrepreneurial skills that I have learnt, I can apply them and put these skills in use when I start a business, such as a shop. Examples of the entrepreneurial skills would be to be able to sell my products at a profit and to also get customers to come to my shop all the time.Although the response suffers from poor organisation, it is quite obvious thatthe student writer makes an effort to state and elaborate on what she istrying to inform the audience. She moves from the broad terms to the morespecific examples which clearly shows that she knows what she is talkingabout. 10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 142
  • 143. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life? Many students mistook values or qualities or desirable outcomes for skills: As the group leader, I have learned how to manage my time well, and how to have a good teamwork. These two qualities are applicable in daily life, as we go out to the working society, we would need to have teamwork to get along well with our working partners. We would also have to manage our time well to do projects at work and not be late for work or meetings.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 143
  • 144. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life?Some students attempted to pass off simple processes andcommon sense as skills: The various skill that I learnt is that you have to ask for help sometimes. so that they could help you in the way they could help. Another skill is to learn how to cut down the cost of spending without over-spending what you get. Another skill is to have teamwork and proacive in the task you have been assign on.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 144
  • 145. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life?There were also students who left out talking about thespecific skills all together and mentioned only the“BEFORE-AND-AFTER” experience: After that tough experience my class had, we became united and had a stronger class bond. I think that the experience has taught me many things that in life we may make wrong decisions but there are way to make it better. This experience can also help me in future.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 145
  • 146. …and how are some of the skills learnt applicable to your life? PUTTING ASIDE THE FACT that most students had actually mistaken “values” for “skills”, one or two students, either intentionally or unintentionally, had picked up the “wrong” kind of “value” after running their stalls during the fair. Manuel of 3J wrote and I extracted as follows: … throughout the mess and havoc, I managed to learn some very essential skills. I managed to keep my composure throughout, I learnt how to promote the stall to others, I learnt that in business, quantity matters more than quality…10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 146
  • 147. As a student who has been invited to deliver a speech to the whole school, you need to be very careful with what you are saying.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 147
  • 148. A better version comes along… 3E Su’aidah bte Karim This fun fair was also an eye-opener to me. It made me learn several new skills. I learnt how to come up with relevant ideas. I learnt how to run a business smoothly. I learnt how to deal with money efficiently. I learnt how to attract students to participate in our game stall. These skills will be very useful for me in the future should I want to involve myself in business.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 148
  • 149. So what does the marker-reader wish to see in our answers? MAIN BODY PARAGRAPH 3:The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mindOTHER STUDENTS’ FEEDBACK YOUR RECOMMENDATIONS It might be a good idea to let the graduating classes Joel Teo, a Secondary Five student: participate in the event because it isgoing to be their “The graduating classes should have been included farewell contribution to the School. Our seniors will be very even though I understand that the national motivated toset a good example and do their very best examinations are near. It was our last opportunity to in coming up with ideas to raise funds. contribute to our school.” I understand the school’s concern with students handling cash and giving out change to other students. However, I Abdullah, a Secondary One student: think it is a good learning opportunity for some students, “Two hours were hardly enough for my class to clear our especially appointed by our form teacher, to learn how to stocks of specially prepared nyonya cakes and other manage real cash and give out change quickly and delicacies. There were a lot of customers but because accurately so that we can save a lot more time and do more only my form teacher was allowed to deal with the business at the same time. When we cut the waiting time, receiving of money and returning of change, the delays were numerous. Impatient students simply drifted to our customers will be happier and we mayin return, sell our another stall.” stocks faster and raise more money. We may also extend our business hours to let more students visit our booths and buy things from us as well. Kristina, a Secondary Three student:• “I kept away from the games stalls even though I was at first Let us be considerate and mindful of our manners eager to try some of the interesting ones, such as the Dunking Machine. I didn’t want to get wet and muddy and I’ve noticed that at all times. We should look after the interest of the students organising some of these games were quite wild all Hildans. We can still have fun without being and inconsiderate. Why should I patronise their stall only to be rudely treated?” rowdy. Either that, or we do away with games stalls that cause participants to get wet or muddy. We should also consider giving an award to theYOU MUST USE GIVEN INFORMATION most courteous fundraising student or class toTO SHAPE YOUR RECOMMENDATIONS. Yeo Yam Hwee promote good manners. 10/22/2011 prepared by 149
  • 150. Blindly lifting feedback from given information to pass it off as recommendation Joel Teo, a Secondary five student gave a feedback regarding the graduating classes. Although they are having their national exams, they should be included in the fun raising as it would be their last opportunity to contribute to the school. A secondary one student by the name of Abdullah mentioned in the feedback form that times was not enough and…10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 150
  • 151. The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mind MY RECOMMENDATIONS MY PROPOSALSTHESE ARE OTHER STUDENTS’ MY SUGGESTIONSCOMMENTS AND OBSERVATIONS.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 151
  • 152. REMEMBER: YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE MADE USE OF THE OTHER STUDENTS’ FEEDBACK ( In the form of remarks, opinions, observations or even complaints) AND COME UP WITH YOUR VERY OWN RECOMMENDATIONS. YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE REPEATED ANY INFORMATION WHICH IS PREVIOUSLY GIVEN TO YOU IN THE QUESTION.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 152
  • 153. What is the difference between “FEEDBACK” and “RECOMMENDATIONS”? The given pieces Recommendations have “value- of feedback from addedness” in them because you are supposed to have various students considered the feedback of the only provide “the students, think of ways and dissatisfying means to resolve any dissatisfying situations and happenings or offer your proposals to be situations as they shared with anybody who is listening to you. Hopefully, are”. They do not those who are able to do have “value- anything to improve or make a addedness” at all. dissatisfying situation go away would take up your suggestion and act as quickly as they can.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 153
  • 154. Mistaking “Feedback” for “Recommendations” The feedback that were given this year was not very good. Students were complaining about having too little time to sell their food, bad attitude given by some students tending the stall and the Is there any mention of graduating classes not being RECOMMENDATIONS able to be there to enjoy the here? fun together with the rest of the school. We will take this feedback seriously and be sure to see a better change in the fun fair the next year.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 154
  • 155. Mistaking FEEDBACK for RECOMMENDATION Before I end my speech, there was some valuable recommendations to make next year even more successful. The first feedback is that all the secondary four express and secondary fives should be given the final chance to contribute to our school. The next feedback is that students should help the form teacher with the money issue. The last feedback is customer service in the games stall. So next time please be aware of your bad behaviours when mending the games stall.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 155
  • 156. The recommendations to be made for the following year with the above feedback in mind MY RECOMMENDATIONS MY PROPOSALSTHESE ARE OTHER STUDENTS’ MY SUGGESTIONSCOMMENTS AND OBSERVATIONS. 10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 156
  • 157. Confusing your ROLE by making DECISION instead of RECOMMENDATION – Another student’s entry. In the following year, the graduating classes will be involve in the National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair event as it is their last opportunity to contribute to the school. We will also ask more teachers to deal with the receiving of money and returning the change, this will help the traffic flow to be smoother. We would also manage the people who are rude to the student and they will be severely punish.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 157
  • 158. The recommendations to be made forthe following year with the abovefeedback in mind RECOMMENDATIONS ARE NOT DECISIONS.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 158
  • 159. Failure to make recommendations and generated something else instead – Another student’s entry: We had some feedback on the fun fair. I am sorry for not allowing the Secondary four and five to join in the preparations as their national examinations are around the corner and that was a instruction from my teacher. We are also sorry for the short given time for the funfair. Students gave feedback on games that dirty or wet your clothes but we have given an instruction to bring an extra set of school uniform for games, but we will take note of all the feedback and do a better one for the following year.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 159
  • 160. Failure to make recommendations and generated something else instead – Another student’s entry:10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 160
  • 161. One of the more “reasonable” responses – 3E Jaaishini The fair was enjoyable and beneficial to fully participate in. However, I have some recommendations to be made on how to improve next year’s Food and Fun Fair. Firstly, the graduating classes should have been included, even though the national examinations are near. It would have been their last opportunity to contribute to the school. Secondly, form teachers should not be the only one to deal with the receiving of money and returning of change. It would cause delays and students who are impatient, would drift to other stalls. Thirdly, we should restrain from having wet and muddy games as students don’t have change of clothes and they would find it wild and inconsiderate.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 161
  • 162. WHY IS THIS A RESONABLE (DOES NOT READ: PERFECT) RESPONSE? 1. Does not beat about the bush but gets to the point at once. 2. Lifted appropriately to the writer’s advantage from given information. 3. The writer does not confuse a recommendation with a decision. He or she 4. DOES NOT CONFUSE knows a suggestion “RECOMMENDATIONS” does not amount to from the writer himself, any decision at all. with FEEDBACK provided by other students.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 162
  • 163. CAN THIS REASONABLE RESPONSE BE BETTER?10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 163
  • 164. One of the more “reasonable” responses – 3E Jaaishini The fair was enjoyable and beneficial to fully participate in. However, I have some recommendations to be made on how to improve next year’s Food and Fun Fair. Firstly, the graduating classes should have been included, even though the national examinations are near. It would have been their last opportunity to contribute to the school. Let’s give our seniors the freedom to take part or to opt out. It will give them a lot of leeway to consider. Secondly, let’s be more proactive and responsible. Class treasurers may want to volunteer their services to collect money from customers. Our form teachers should not be the only ones to deal with the receiving of money and returning of change. It would cause delays and students who are impatient, would drift to other stalls. Thirdly, we should restrain from having wet and muddy games as students don’t have change of clothes and they would find it wild and inconsiderate. There are games which are equally fun without having to cause participants to get wet. Also let us be cordial and civil to each other and treat all Hildans with courtesy always.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 164
  • 165. So what does the marker-reader wish to see in our answers? Main Body Paragraph 4: Acknowledgements of Assistance received from various persons How haveWHO DO they helpedYOU THANK? you in this event? Do not brag or tease or mention anybody who is IRRELEVANT to the event. Also think about the customers who have contributed to the purchase of your products or services and THANK them as well.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 165
  • 166. An example taken from a student’s entry: I have words of appreciation for my classmates and teachers. Thank you for supporting me and helping me out when I most needed you, especially my form teacher.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 166
  • 167. Not knowing the name of your form teacher?From Tan Ting Han of 3G Thirdly, we cannot forget how all these is made possible. I would like to offer my appreciation to my classmates, who were able to work cohesively to make the stall a success. I would like to offer my appreciation to my form teacher as well. She provided us with a startup capital, which was needed to buy the essentials. She was also able to get different people to bury their hatchets and work cohesively. Truly, we would not be able to pull this off without their help. If your form teacher was indeed so invaluable to you, I wonder why you did not even bother to mention her name.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 167
  • 168. Dropping names without saying in what ways are you related to them.From Matthew Tan of 3G: Lastly, I would like to thank my classmates. I would like to thank Jack, Tom and Mary and last but not least Mrs. Tan for helping me in mending the fund- raising stall. Without them, I do not think my stall would be such a success. It is only polite to inform the audience in what ways are these people related to you.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 168
  • 169. Another example taken from a student’s entry: I would like to thank all the teachers and student who made this event a good one. I would also like to thank some of you who spent hours and hours making this a good and fun event.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 169
  • 170. A good response came from 3E’s Siti Nadhirah For our success in the fair, I would like to thank my classmates for choosing me at the most outstanding student for coming up with the idea of “Soap Battle”. Thank you, Deborah, the class chairperson of 3E, for helping me to carry out the plan. I would also like to thank Mr. Lim Chin Huat, our form teacher, for supporting our ideas always. Of course, I would like to thank 3E and all Hildans for making that day a meaningful and joyous occasion. (slightly edited by Kuronekosan for classroom discussion)10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 170
  • 171. WHO DO How haveYOU THANK? they helped you in this event?10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 171
  • 172. So what does the marker-reader wish to see in our answers? Conclusion paragraph of my speech It is important to bear in mind the MOST IMPORTANT purpose of your speech: to interest and persuade your audience that this would be an enjoyable and beneficial event to fully participate in. A final thrust To reassure your To keep them To thank to impress on audience that if guessing at everybody in your audience you could do it what your class the assembly the pride and and made yourself would be for listening to the confidence and class proud, coming up next you and that you have so can they. because you are you have gained. going to be enjoyed sharing better next year. your experience with them. WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT for next year’s potential participants.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 172
  • 173. What is the intention of the CONCLUSION? Like it or not, there is a purpose for getting the most outstanding student ( AND NOT FORGETTING THIS: from the class which has raised the most amount of money) of the recently concluded food and fun fair to appear on stage: YOU ARE THERE TO ENCOURAGE OTHERS – THOSE who were with you in the fair and THOSE who were not. Hopefully, after hearing your speech, the following year (or years) more and more Hildans would become enthusiastic in participating as well.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 173
  • 174. BECAUSE OF THE NEED FOR YOU TO SHOW ENCOURAGEMENT TO THE REST OF THE SCHOOL, YOU NEED TO EXPLICITLY PROVIDE PARTING WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT TO INTEREST AND PERSUADE OTHERS TO PARTICIPATE FULLY IN NEXT YEAR’S EVENT BECAUSE IF YOUR FINAL BURST or THRUST of IT HAD BENEFITTED YOU, ENTHUSIASM should rub onto the IT WOULD ALSO members of your target audience: If BE ENJOYABLE you could do it, so can they. AND BENEFICIAL TO THEM.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 174
  • 175. Student’s script: 3H Nicholas Yeo In conclusion, the National Day Fundraising Food and Fun Fair was a success. The challenges faced could be easily solved through careful thinking and the skills learnt in the process could be applicble in life. The recommendations made could be used in next year. I’m sure that this year’s event was enjoyable to everyone. Thank you.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 175
  • 176. HOW NOT TO CRAFT YOUR CONCLUSION PARAGRAPHThis paragraphwascarefully draftedline by line fromthe informationprovidedIn the question.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 176
  • 177. Student’s Script: Calistal Ang 3G Therefore, I would encourage all of you to participate in this event as it will be very beneficial and enjoyable. All of you will always remember it in mind and it would be the most memorable event of your life. Thus, remember to have confidence, determination and teamwork in everything that you do. Thank you and have a great day ahead.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 177
  • 178. CAN THIS CONCLUSION BE FURTHER IMPROVED?10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 178
  • 179. Student’s Script: Calistal Ang 3G Therefore, I would encourage all of you to participate in this event as it will be very beneficial and enjoyable. All of you will always remember it in mind and it would be the most memorable event of your life. It is hard but meaningful work. We will never be able to turn back the clock but just have to keep on going and getting better with the things that we do. Who knows, next year this time, it could be any one of you here, standing on the stage speaking to us. Thus, remember to have confidence, determination and teamwork in everything that you do. I am Calistal from 3G. Thank you and have a great day ahead.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 179
  • 180. Student’s Input: 3J Averyl Lim This event has greatly benefited me, as it has taught me various skills to overcome the challenges and it was an immensely enjoyable event to participate in. I hope that you would cherish your chance when you get to hold a stall again next year. I am positive that you would benefit and enjoy it just as much as I did. Thank you for your kind attention. I wish you the best of luck in making your stall a success next year.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 180
  • 181. CAN THIS CONCLUSION BE FURTHER IMPROVED?10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 181
  • 182. Student’s Input: 3J Averyl Lim This event has greatly benefited me, as it has taught me various skills to overcome the challenges and it was an immensely enjoyable event to participate in. I hope that you would cherish your chance when you get to hold a stall again next year. For those of you who did not participate in selling to raise funds this year, let me invite you to come on board. You will not be disappointed. I am positive that you would benefit and enjoy it just as much as I did. Thank you for your kind attention. I wish you the best of luck in making your stall a success next year.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 182
  • 183. A spontaneous conclusion: 3G Cheryl Tan Before I end my speech, I would like to say that such events are really fun and meaningful, and you should participate in them. Shouldn’t you treasure such times and have fun? Or else, school would just remain as a place to study and have no fun! With an event like this, you can have fun, bond with your fellow classmates, as well as learn skills that are useful to you, so why are you hesitating? Join us next year no matter what. Thank you for listening to my speech and I hope you will have a great day ahead. (slightly edited for classroom discussion by Kuronekosan)10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 183
  • 184. Addressing the Situational Writing Question• Writers’ weakness[1] • For Improvement: Most scripts were Read and unevenly written understand what the and the weakest question really failed to capture the wants you to write essence or the about. writers did not fully Make use of given understand what information to work was required of on the contents of them. your speech.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 184
  • 185. Addressing the Question• Weakness[2] • For Improvement: Strong writers Read and understand structured their the FORM of the speech in paragraphs writing task and think while the weaker ones carefully how to had failed to convince make use of the the marker that their PURPOSES spelt out paragraphing were in the question well-thought-out. The requirements to weakest scripts structure your FORM consisted of between which is your two and three SPEECH. paragraphs. 10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 185
  • 186. Addressing the Situational Writing Question• Writers’ weakness[3] • For Improvement: Weaker writers did not Understand the need to plan introduce themselves your introduction by understanding the ROLE with pride to the you play in the writing task student audience. The weakest did not even introduce themselves. Who am I? Almost the majority did Why am I delivering the not share how they speech? were feeling to be What has my class invited up on stage to achieved? address the assembly. How do I feel?10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 186
  • 187. Addressing the Question• Weakness[4] • For Improvement: Strong writers addressed • Write succinctly and always challenges they faced address the question immediately. Weaker requirements by getting to writers digressed into the points. narrative and the weakest • You have to cover all the ones did not even realise bullet points under that they were supposed PURPOSE and amplify to be speaking to an (elaborate with reasoning audience. Listeners have and examples) each point little patience and short evenly. attention spans. So you • Do not leave out any one of really do need to get to the points. the points. 10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 187
  • 188. Addressing the Question• Weakness(5) • For Improvement: Almost all the Read and understand scripts failed to key words and think address adequately what they mean to you and specifically with before you start. regard to “the skills learned” as a result e.g. of participation in the fundraiser What is a challenge? activity. What is a skill?10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 188
  • 189. Addressing the Question• Weakness (6) • For Improvement: Only a few strong Understand and scripts clearly execute your ROLE included a short but consistently from the adequate paragraph beginning to the end to acknowledge those of your writing task. who had given Acknowledgements assistance to you in should be delivered your fundraiser with sincerity and activity. conviction. 10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 189
  • 190. Addressing the QuestionWeakness (7) • For Improvement: Stronger student writers Remember not to use made their provided BOXED recommendations (based Information without on the feedback) as spelt processing it. Blind lifting out in the question will not be credited. requirements while weaker ones regurgitated The other students’ other students’ pieces of feedback must be feedback and confused PROCESSED into “MY feedback with RECOMMENDATIONS” to recommendations. be written in my speech. 10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 190
  • 191. Addressing the QuestionWeakness (8) • For Improvement: Stronger student writers Remember what the concluded their speeches ULTIMATE PURPOSE OF with words of YOUR ROLE in this encouragement to rally writing task is in relation the rest to join in the fun to the ULTIMATE in the following year. The PURPOSE OF THE weaker ones had clearly WRITING TASK. Why are forgotten about making you speaking to the the final pitch to inspire audience. You are to others. The worst writing make-believe that you are ended with a pathetic THAT role model. Your “thank you”. role is ULTIMATELY to INSPIRE, INTEREST and 10/22/2011 PERSUADE. prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 191
  • 192. Tone & Register: Appropriate to FORM  RAPF• Strengths • For Improvement: Students had no • Get to the points. problems • Don’t retell in detail. recognising the • Be confident in address the assembly. FORM required • Plan the paragraphs for this question. before writing. 10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 192
  • 193. Tone & Register: Appropriate to FORM  RAPF• Strengths • For Improvement: Students had no However, the inclusion of unnecessary rhetorical problem questions and the misuse of understanding the popular terms of type of content to expressions, such as “guys” in the content mars the be input into the delivery and presentation of speech. the speaker’s thoughts. Do not include interjections of the above nature in a short speech, taking into account RAPF. 10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 193
  • 194. Paragraphing: Topic Sentences/Use of Connectors• Strengths • For Improvement:• Paragraphing • Must use given was evident for information to most students structure your speech. except for a small handful. • Must remember to plan before you begin to write.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 194
  • 195. Grammar: Tenses/Expressions/Sentence Structures/Spelling• Strengths • For Improvement:• No much spelling errors except for a small handful of Remember to students. learn up the• Scripts with “serious language issues” correct use of were littered with PAST tense inconsistencies. PARTICIPLE.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 195
  • 196. General Comments: Length of Work/Handwriting/Etc• For Improvement:• There is simply too much excessive writing as some essays can go beyond 600 words.• Most of such writing did not address the question.• All students did not write the number of words at the end of their essays.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 196
  • 197. Recommendations• IMPROVING CONTENT1) Analyse the topics carefully. Address all the key terms.2) Do an essay plan or outline before you start writing. It helps to get your essay organised.3) Read widely, so you can offer ideas which are more interesting.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 197
  • 198. Recommendations• IMPROVING USE OF LANGUAGE1) Be clear in your sentence structures and expressions.2) Watch your tenses, subject-verb agreement and spelling.3) Expand your vocabulary. Read the thesaurus or dictionary to find alternative ways of saying something.10/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 198
  • 199. THANK YOU AND GOODBYE S.H.S.S.201110/22/2011 prepared by Yeo Yam Hwee 199