HR Circular
Dear STAFF,
Please be advised that these are NEW rules and
regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.

Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to

your salary.
a) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci
bag, we assume you are doing well financially and
therefore do not need a raise.
b)If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore do not need a raise.
c)If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be
and therefore do not need a raise

Annual Leave
Each employee will receive 104 days of

annual leave per year.
They are called Saturdays and Sundays.


Sick Leave
We will no longer accept medical

certificates issued by doctors as proof of
sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are

able to come to work.

SURGERY
As long as you are an employee in our

organization , you need all your organs.
- You should not consider removing
anything. We hired you intact.
- To have something removed constitutes a
breach of employment contract

Toilet Use
Too much time is being spent in the toilets.

a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.
b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet
paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will
be taken.
c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on
the company bulletin board under the \"Chronic Offenders\"
category.
d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to
raise money to pay your salary.

Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to

eat more, so that they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a

balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the

time needed to drink a slim fast.

TRANSPORTATION
It is advised that you come to work driving a car according

to your salary.
a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing
well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public
transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings
therefore you do not need a raise.
c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be
and therefore you do not need a raise

INTERNET USAGE
All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be

deducted from your bonus (if any) .If we decide not to give you any
bonus charges will be deducted from your salary.
Important Note: Charges applicable as $20 per minute as we have

4MB connection.
Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for

next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3
months salary.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company.

We are here to provide a positive employment

experience.
Therefore,all questions, comments, concerns,

complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplations, consternation and input should
be directed elsewhere.
The Management.